May21

Giving to Moore

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The kids both had baseball games tonight in two different places. I took the Bean to her game and the Hubs took Scorch to his. About 20 minutes into the game a siren went off warning us of impending bad weather and we were told to clear the fields immediately and to head to our  cars.  Now, living in NY, our severe weather is nothing like we’ve seen out of the mid-west but after seeing the footage out of OK from yesterday, my first reaction was to scoop up the Bean and run for our car as fast as I could.  It was this immediate, irrational panic- and even that was only a fraction of what those in Moore must have felt.  I’m both horrified and drawn to all the news coverage out of OK- my hearts and prayers are with all those family affected.

I’m sure you know about all the ways to help those affected by the recent storms, but if not, here’s a great list of ways you can make a difference.

May14

Birthday Wishes

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Dear Scorch-

Happy, happy birthday! I say this every year, but it boggles my mind that you’re turning 7.  7 is half way to 14 and a third of the way to 21 and that right there makes my head explode. Those ages seem so far away, but look how fast the past 7 years have gone! Sometimes I worry that if I blink, I’m going to miss something.

I’m sure I told you this before, but when I was pregnant with you I was convinced I was having a girl.  I don’t know why- but I was sure. And then you were born. And when the doctor told me it was a boy, I was disappointed- there was a pang in my heart and a lifetime of pink and bows and girl talk flashed before my eyes.  But then I saw you and in an instant all that disappointment was gone. I wouldn’t have cared if you were half donkey at that point- you were mine and I was yours and that was all that mattered.  And that is all that has mattered these past 7 years.

When you were younger, your Dad and I thought for sure we had you pegged. When you grew up, you were going to be a sports announcer. Or a paleontologist. Or a fireman. Now, we don’t have a clue. And that’s awesome. While I do miss the baby you were, I’m so stinking excited to see where life takes you. You’re curious about everything and you read book about everything from Star Wars to bird watching. You want to know more and more about what you hear in the news or read on the magazine covers in the check out line of the grocery store.  You want to know how to spell everything and I saw your eyes light up last night when I explained to you that “quesadillas” starts with a “q” and not a “c” like it sounds. Who knows- maybe you’ll be a teacher or a linguist.

Six was an awesome year for you. You finished kindergarten and started 1st grade and you continued to thrive in school. You played Little League and football and discovered that you’re absolutely crazy about basketball. You fought Darth Maul and kicked his butt.  You battled your anxiety every damn day to keep moving forward and, even when it was hard and scary, you didn’t stop. You still wanted to hold my hand, but you worried about what your friends would think if they saw you still holding a stuffed animal.  You realized that you don’t need one best friend in the world and that you can be friends with everyone- so you are.  Walking through the school hallways with you is like walking with the Mayor as you’re greeted by everyone from the 3 year olds to 6th graders.  And all of that makes me so proud some days that I just want to burst.

But as much as I’d like to freeze time, I can’t and now you’re 7. And I can’t wait to see what 7 brings for you. Here is what I wish for you-
- I wish that you keep your kind heart. Right now you’re nice to everyone and I don’t ever want that to stop. I want you to have compassion and goodness and to hold on to those traits until you take your last breath.
- I wish that you find that fine line between being a rule follower and an a dare devil. I hope you realize what rules must be followed and which rules you can break and I hope you learn to embrace your adventurous side. As your mom, I always want to keep you safe and within the boundaries, but as a woman who’s lived almost 35 years, I know some of the most fun you’ll ever have is when you say “screw it” and hop off the beaten path.
- I wish you the strength to keep battling your anxiety so you can live life with as little fear as possible.
- I wish you the continued knowledge of your self.  To know that you’re a good, kind, smart boy who doesn’t need validation from your peers to love yourself. You. Are. Awesome.
- I wish that your relationship with your sister continues to be so close. I tell you guys this all the time, but you’re stuck with each other forever and that is one of the best gifts we could have ever given you. Trust me on that- even when she’s calling you a butt head and throwing your things in the back of the van just to piss you off- you’re lucky.
- I wish that you know that you’ll always have your father and my love. No matter what the reason- a failed test, a lost game, a friend hurt, a relationship lost- we’ll always love you, support you and be by your side. Promise.
- I wish that you keep using your manners with everyone. There is nothing that will serve you better in this life than your manners and your kindness. Be respectful to your elders and your friends. Pay attention when we talk to you about how to treat people and always, always tip well for good service. You will never, ever regret doing any of those things but you may regret it if you don’t.

Let’s face it, buddy- I wish you the world and I love you more than chocolate milk.  Have a happy, happy birthday!

May13

Acknowledging the Mundane

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I had this big long post written about Mother’s Day yesterday. Long paragraphs that I didn’t know how to wrap up, where to end. Mother’s Day has always been such a mixed bag for me- on one hand you have the Mother’s Day where I turned into a sobbing mess in the mall because we just had our 2nd miscarriage and I never, ever knew if I was going to be a mom.  Then you have the Mother’s Day 2 year later where Scorch was born.  Yes, on Mother’s Day. The irony wasn’t lost on me.  That Mother’s Day was simply the most amazing day ever- and it’s hard for any Mother’s Day after that to live up to that day.

I think we, as mothers, put this huge expectation on the day.  That we’ll sleep in, get breakfast in bed, that our kids will get along all day long and not a thing will ever go wrong as we spend a whole day focused on us.  But let’s face it, the reality never lives up. Babies need to be nursed, butts need to be wiped, food needs to get made, balls need to be caught, fights need to be broken up and nothing ever goes nearly as well as you hoped.

But you know that? That’s OK. That’s life- that is exactly the life I literally cried for in the food court that Mother’s Day 9 years go, warts and all.  Yup, the burgers were too well done and I did have to pull the Mother’s Day card on my kids yesterday as they fought in the car on the way to church (exact quote: “It is MOTHER’S DAY and you two will knock this off and not ruin the day for me, so help me God.” awesome.) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My family did a wonderful job making me feel special and even when things slid back towards the mundane- it was *my* mundane and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.

 

 

 

 

May9

Saying Screw It & Soaking It Up

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Good lord, I love me some spring time. After a long, cold winter, I love seeing the green pop up, the temperatures rise and everything coming back to life.  Everything- including our schedule.  On any given week between now and the end of school we have 4 baseball games a week and a concert/therapy session/swim lessons/whatever. So basically we’ve moving and shaking 3-4 weeknights every week which is fun. But exhausting.  In order to work, pick up the kids, cook, eat, clean up, attend said event and get my kids to bed at a reasonable hour, our nights are scheduled down to the minute. Like, if I’m off by 5 minute from when I should have started dinner, instead of eating a home cooked meal, we’re getting McDonald’s drive through on the way to a game.  That’s fine every once in a while, but that’s not the way I want my kids to eat daily.

So what I’m saying is we’re busy.  Which makes it all that much sweeter when we say screw it (or, I say screw it, the kids don’t say that), throw the schedule out the window and just enjoy a beautiful day. Which is what we did today.  First, we made friends.  Well, the kids made friends. I stood 5 feet behind my kids and screamed at them not to put their fingers inside the fence because that swan was going to chomp them off (I loathe birds).

New_Friend

Then I let the kids play in the stream. Love, love, love that they are old enough that I don’t have to shadow their every move.  They are smart enough to not try to actively drown themselves and the worst thing that will happen is they get wet.

Streaming

The rain is supposed to start tomorrow and after 2+ weeks without it, we do need it. Knowing that it’s coming made soaking up the sunshine today all that more sweet.

treeoflife

May8

Dirty Girls Make for Filthy Women

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This past weekend, I had the time of my life when 5 friends and I drove about 2 hours to take part in a Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I had heard about this run last summer when some friends did it and it looked like a blast. Add in the fact that part of the money raised goes to breast cancer and basically you had the perfect excuse for a girl’s weekend.

So after months of planning everything from when we were going, where we were staying and what we were going to wear, we were off- dressed in our finest ’80-inspired fashions!  Our wave was at 11:30 in the morning so when we arrived the fun was in full swing. 2 DJs, a band and 8,000 runners alone on Saturday- it was a mad house in the best possible way.  Women of every age and shape were walking around sporting some awesome team t-shirts- Save 2nd Base, The Dirty DD’s, Mud, Sweat & Cheers- tutus, crazy socks and wacky headbands.  It was really, really impressive.

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I had no idea what to expect from the actual run- was it going to be too hard? Too easy? How dirty were we going to get? Turns out, I worried for nothing.  There wasn’t much running at all- you simply couldn’t run over the terrain with that many people on our course. We ran when we could, but we walked about 95% of the 5K.  The obstacles were absolutely do-able- although I though 2 of them were difficult. I was very, very glad I had on leggings as your legs take a beating between all the climbing and crawling.

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But we did them all. Even the most girl-y of us crawled in the mud pit and “swam” through the mud bath.

MudBath

As for getting dirty? Yeah- even if you skipped all the obstacles, you were still getting wet and muddy because our course had us walking thru a creek at least 4 times.  And if you chose to play, splash and throw the mud around? Well, you ended up looking like this:

MuddyShoes

When the fun was over, there were food and beer vendors, places to buy Dirty Girl merchandise and plenty of places to sit and relax. I seriously can’t recommend this enough- we’ve already signed up for 2014!

Muddyface

(that’s me- it took 3 showers to get all the dirt off!)

May1

Well, She Told Us!

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Scorch started talking early- and once he did, he took off. The boy was a whiz at talking in complete, clear sentences long before he should have been. The Bean, on the other hand, took a little bit longer to talk. And why shouldn’t she- she had Scorch to do all her talking for her. She still has this funny inflection (accent?) when she talks- “girls,” for example, is “gurls.” And “yellow” is “lellow.”  It’s freaking adorable and I never, ever want her to learn to say the words properly.

That said, I’m kinda thinking we should have never taught her to talk, period. Because girlfriend has mastered the fine art of ripping you a new one.  I’ll give you an example.

Two week ago, Bean got it in her head that she wanted to sleep in our bed. Now, we don’t let the kids sleep in our bed for a variety of reason- it’s reserved for illness and emergencies only. She knows this full well, but she got the idea in her stubborn little head that the only place she’d fall asleep that night was our bed and she wasn’t budging.  It was the Hub’s night to monitor bedtime, so I was in the other room eating a late dinner, eavesdropping on what was going on.

Hubs: I said, you’re sleeping in your own room. That’s nonnegotiable.

Bean: Oh yes it is! I said* I wanted to sleep in your room, so I’m going to sleep in your room. Period**.
(*you gotta really emphasis the “said” in your best “you’re-an-idiot-Dad” tone. **I may say “period” for emphasis a lot. She may have gotten that for me.)

Hubs: No, you’re not. In your room. Now. Goodnight! (he starts to walk out of the room)

Bean: Get back in here. We are not done talking! I told you what I wanted to do, so that is what I’m going to do.

Hubs: Excuse me? I said get into your room now and I wasn’t kidding.

Bean: Fine. But we are not done discussing this and we will talk tomorrow.

 

At this point, I’m laughing so hard in the other room that I’m crying.  But honestly, I don’t know if they really were tears of laughter or fear because we are royally, royally screwed when that child gets older.

Pray for us.

 

PS- wouldn’t change that sass pot for a million dollars. She may make us crazy, but man oh man- she is going to set the world on fire when she’s older!

Apr29

Home Again

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And it’s like I never left. Except that I did leave. And it was awesome. The conference was fantastic- I got to meet some of my long time colleagues, eat some truly wonderful food, dance to a band I’ve never heard of but were evidently famous in the 70s/80s, sleep in a gorgeous hotel room with huge ceilings, take a 2 hour tour of an incredible city, watch too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on NetFlix, read some very good books and meet some cool people on the plane. I came home energized and so enthused about what I do for a living.

GoldenGateBridge

And it was all really, really amazing and I’m so glad I went.  And when I got home, I was picked up at the airport and whisked off to baseball practice and just like that- BAM- I was back in my life. Except today, the Hubs made the kids lunches while I showered. And I was told numerous times by everyone how much they missed me.  And all that makes me think that I need to go away for a week a bit more often just to keep my family on their toes.

Apr24

I Left My Heart…

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Many, many months ago I signed up to come to a conference for work in San Francisco. Many, many months ago when I signed up, the conference seemed forever away- so long away, in fact, it didn’t seem real. But time did its thing and before I knew it, that conference that seemed so very far into the future was here.  And I, being the wuss that I am, started to get a little nervous. Not about the conference- I’m a conference geek. Small talk, learning new things, meeting new people- all of it makes me happy. No, I was nervous about that whole spending-5-days-across-the-country thing.

I mean- 5 days is a long time. I’ve never left my kids for 5 days and I’ve never been this far away.  Then you throw in the events of last week in Boston and all the news stories about the FAA furloughs that will result in major flight delays and my little bit of nerves turned into a whole bundle of nerves really quick.  But, I didn’t have a choice. I was committed.  So yesterday I made the trek cross country to San Francisco.

And I’m so very, very glad I did.  It’s a tough life having to sleep in a huge bed by myself with no children waking me up at 4 am.  It’s a hardship to eat meals while they’re hot and not have to share a bit.  And it’s horrible to have this gorgeous view from my window.

 

Today I spent the day taking a fascinating class, filling up 4 pages of paper with notes on things to do at my job when I get home.  Then I got to have dinner with wonderful people that I’ve got to work with for the past 2 years but have never met while looking out at this view:

Yup, I miss my family. And I’ll be dying to get home to them on Friday.  But for now, I’m just going to enjoy every second of this gorgeous city, my nerves be damned.

Apr14

The Fall

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So today we woke up and it was snowing.

And I cried.

The end.

Well, not really. I mean, I wanted to cry, but I didn’t because I kept repeating to myself “It won’t last. It won’t last.” And it didn’t- by late this afternoon the sun was out and the temps were almost in the 50s. So the kids and I went for a walk. We have this gorgeous little creek that borders our property that’s completely inaccessible in the summer and fall due to all the bushes and prickers. In years past, Bean was always too little to walk it, so this is our first year truly exploring it and we’re down there as much as possible since we know the window of time to enjoy  it is closing.

And we have a ball! The kids love seeing the fossils, playing in the water and hunting for signs of wildlife. Today, for example, we saw a snake. I didn’t scream and run away, abandoning my children, so clearly I win! That is, until I broke our favorite part about the whole thing.

See that cute little bridge, made out of the small tree trunks? Yeah- my kids love that damn thing. Scorch goes across it by himself and the Bean inches carefully across it, holding my hand.  The fall to the water isn’t that far- a foot, maybe 2- nor is the water deep, but the bridge offers up a fun thrill.  We crisscrossed it a few times today and, on our last time on the way home, one of the logs broke and the Bean and I took a dive into the water.  Thankfully she fell on me and while she got wet from the water splashing up on her, I got the brunt of it.  Neither one of us were hurt- just muddy and wet and laughing so hard we cried. Scorch didn’t think it was nearly as funny and he was downright ticked I wouldn’t let him get in the water with us.  I had to explain to him a few times that freezing night time temps + snow this morning + water= FREEZING.

Thankfully clothes wash, bodies warm up and hot chocolate fixes most everything- including the fact that I broke the stream.

Apr10

Dirty Magazines

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Now that Scorch has learned to read- and has become quite proficient at it- he’s reading everything. *Everything.*  Do you know how annoying that is?

We (I) subscribe to one magazine- Redbook.  It’s not a dirty magazine by any stretch, but now that I know my 6 year old reads it, it sure feels like it. Before, I used to read the magazine and see absolutely nothing that jumped out at me- it’s a great mix of fashion, makeup, advice, real life stories and recipes. But when I read it knowing there is a good chance Scorch is going to see it, all I see are the words  “sex” and “orgasm” and “tampons” jumping out on me from every stinking line*.  Every single ad seems like its got mostly naked people in it hawking everything from perfume to dish washing detergent.**  I honestly feel like I have to hide the magazine on the top shelf of the bathroom closest just to keep him from reading it.

Ah parenthood- that special time when you realize you really are a closet prude.

 

*They aren’t on every line.

**They aren’t.