That’s kinda where I feel like I live right now. My kids, 17 and almost 15, were 4 and 2 when I started this blog. I was in the thick of things with a toddler and a preschooler. Days of sleeping in and going to bed when I want to and free time seemed like a mirage on the horizon. But, now here we are. Admittedly I’m not much for sleeping in – but these days I go to bed before my kids. My oldest drive himself and his sister to school every day. If we’re not in the middle of a sports season, the Hubs and I have free time. Oodles of it.

I’m still parenting every single day and I’m so thankful for that – but I’m not in the trenches like I was.

So…what do I write about? Who am I? Scorch is going to college in 14 months. The Bean will follow 2 year later. This past weekend we went out on TWO date nights with friends- one of which Scorch and his friends joined us on because…well, they could and we love their company.

I’ve lost my desire to document all the things because all the things aren’t universal like they were when the kids were little. Instead, the kids are teens going through their own shit and I’m a woman in my mid-40s going through my own shit. And instead of being able to share adorable anecdotes and memories, if I’m going to blog, I’m going to have to blog about *me*. And that’s scary.

But it also feels necessary because I feel like we (me??) need to talk about this stuff as much – or maybe even more – than we needed to talk about the hard part of raising little kids. Because in the midst of raising those little kids, we (me??) lose ourselves. We introduce ourselves as “Scorch’s / Bean’s Mom” instead of Heather. We put a lot of our lives on pause to help them live their best lives – and I’m so glad I had the luxury and ability to do so. And I’m even more glad that I don’t buy into that bullshit that parenting stops when your kid turns 18 – raising my kids is the greats privilege and joy in my life and that doesn’t end. Ever.

But- I have a lot more time on my hands now. I’m trying to figure out what the hell my marriage looks like when we’re both not ships passing in the night and as the Hubs is counting down the days till retirement. My body is going through this wild thing called perimenopause and it’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever had to deal with – for a solid week every month, I’m either raging or weeping and NOT ONE DOCTOR CARES.

So, hi. I’m Heather. I turn 45 this summer. I adore my husband and my kids. I read more trashy novels in a year than is probably healthy. I have the best family and friends I could ever ask for. I have a solid patch of grey at my temples that comes back no matter how often I dye it. I’m so excited to see what the next 5-10 years hold but I also want to freeze time so my kids stop growing. I own 3 cats and am trying sooooo hard not to get a dog because I don’t want a dog- but I kinda sorta do. My life is *still* wickedly crazy awesome – it just looks a lot different than it did when I started this blog. So, now’s the time to stop blogging so much about my kids and start blogging about me.

I also swear a lot. So…buckle up.