Category Archives: My crazy life

My Semi-Isolated Life

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I started doing daily dispatches on Facebook when the Corona virus started to really impact our day to day life.  They are just my musing as we adjusted to distance learning, working remotely, the inability to go most places and everything around us shutting down.

Social distancing started in earnest for us on Saturday, 3/14.  The kids were sick with bad colds, schools shut down that following week but distance learning wasn’t up and running yet and we had no idea what was coming.

March 18th.

Alright, Day 5 of our extended stay-cation at home and I woke up without the huge ball of anxiety in my stomach. It was only medium sized (think basketball vs beachball) and the band around my lungs was a little looser.

Denial? Acceptance? A complete breakdown looming? Who knows – any of the above are possible.

The good news is my kids are being rock stars. I never thought I’d be so very thankful for technology- but there you have it. They are keeping in touch via PS4 games, facetime and messaging and I’m not complaining.

I wish I could tell you we have some die-hard color coded schedule, but we don’t. Scorch will have his school work tomorrow and Bean will on Monday. Once we evaluate how much work they have, we’ll set something up – most likely 1.5 hours of work / reading in the morning and 1.5 hours of work / reading in the afternoon once I’m done with work. I’ll be throwing their butts outside as often as possible. Their new basketball hoop gets installed tomorrow, so that will help A LOT.

PurpleFlowers

 

March 19th

Day 6 finds me counting my blessings, which includes the prompt delivery and assembly of a basketball hoop.

This sucker keeps the kids busy, gets them outside and gives us all something to do after dinner- which isn’t something we had time for before this slowdown.

Basketballhoop

 

March 20th

Day 7: Yesterday my teeth ached. I was a bit freaked out- was it a low key sinus infection? Are my teeth rotting out? Do I need to see the dentist? CAN I see the dentist?

Then I realized – nope, I must be grinding the shit out of my teeth at night due to this stress. So, that’s fun…or, you know, the opposite of fun.

Not going to lie- today we started home school with Scorch and I’m a little worried how I can be a full time employee and helpful mom (on top of being the cook, part of the cleaning crew, social coordinator, and sanity saver during the day because the Hubs is still having to report to work).

Bean starts school work on Monday. *sigh* I’m very thankful for having a community of teachers around me who can virtually help, but the stress of needing a schedule, being available and answering questions all day long is daunting af.

So tonight we’re disconnecting and watching Jumanji 2 (we love these movies).

I’m very glad tomorrow is the weekend so we can re-calibrate and figure out how to make this work.

March 21

Day 8: I can’t remember the last Saturday where we didn’t have to wake up 8 am at the latest. Practice, game, gym- whatever, we’re usually up and out. So it was super weird not to *have* to get up for anything. We had no place to go today – just a house to clean, a workout to do….and that was it. So today was the day that the weirdness really hit me.

It was also the day that my kids – who have been *wonderful* thus far- were DONE with each other. Squabbling, arguing, nitpicking – they made each other (and me and the Hubs) NUTS. I made Scorch run my errands with me (Redbox return, book drop off our Little Libraries) just to get her out of the house and get her away from her brother.

On the upside, the house is clean and we watched a super fun family move- Spies in Disguise. Yes, it’s about a spy who turns into a pigeon but it’s adorable and funny- I dare you not to love it!

Here’s hoping tomorrow brings renewed patience, Scorch’s cough to subside and more sunshine.

Emmie_2020

 

March 22

Day 9: Another odd day with *nothing* to rush off to do. Decided I could get behind this whole, do-nothing-on-the-weekends vibe as I was laying in bed at 9 am. Then by 11 the boredom hit and we cleaned the bathroom cabinets out and rearranged Bean’s room, doing some spring cleaning as we went along.

Today was the literal calm before the (snow) storm, so I took advantage of the sunshine to practice some socially responsible socializing with my BFF (a walk with 6 feet between us at all times) and some basketball with the kiddos (who wouldn’t know what social distancing from me meant if you offered them $1M).

After 20 years of living together, we also bought a second TV today to save *all* our sanity when the weather gets too crappy to go outside and the Hubs is eventually told to work from home. Am I ashamed of having an electronic babysitter for my kids? No, no I’m not. #survivalmode

 

March 23

Day 10. Alright folks, shit got real today as home schooling started at Heat Academy of (Maybe) Learning, the Hubs left the house at 4 am to go arrest bad guys and I had to work. Do you want to know how well things went? It was not pretty and I was texting my family group chat by 10 am in ALL CAPS. That’s never a good sign.

Things I learned today: my kids, bless them, are terrible at self-motivators when it comes to school work but not PS4 games, math is something I will never, ever be able to help them with, they could get their work done in half the time if they stopped complaining and their teachers are *amazing* with all the prep work they did to help ease us into this. #godblessteachers

By 11ish, I was feeling pretty good about things and then I heard that VA cancelled school for the rest of the year…so I had a small panic attack thinking that NY may do that. #deargodno

I realize how very, very lucky we are that both the Hubs and I are employed right now when so many are struggling and I know we’ll find our groove. But today the thought of working + ensuring my kids get their work done + helping them with new concepts seems daunting as hell. So, if you need me, Imma going to be hiding in the paper bag with Emmie. #tomorrowisanewday

Emmie_Bag

 

March 24

Day 11. I wallowed in my anxiety and fear yesterday, wrote it out and then got a good night’s sleep and woke up this morning knowing it was time to put my big girl pants on. So, that’s what I did.

Day 2 of home school at the Heat Academy of (Maybe) Learning went a lot smoother than yesterday. One of my kids was thrilled to Zoom with their class and do the online work….and one bitched and moaned the whole time, but got it done.

I started putting into practice the advice I’ve been giving others. I exercised, set up breaks during my day and then took a nice 30 minute solo drive with my audio book to get out of the house. I managed to find that balance between being an employee and a mom today with some success. Will tomorrow go just as well? Who the hell knows, but I’m taking my victories where I can find them.

March 25

Day 12. We all (except the Hubs, which is weird since he’s the only one leaving the house daily) have colds with coughs. The kids were tested for Corona last week – they came back negative on Sunday (thank GOD). But, my house sounds like a TB ward, so that’s a fun soundtrack to this new normal.

Day 3 of the Heat Academy of (Maybe) Learning went off really well! Scorch is fully my child – he sits down and immediately is distracted. “How can I hook up my airpods to the Mac?” “There are too many tabs open on this computer – what is on each of these?” and on and on. But he buckled down and got the work done between bouts of yelling at the computer, throwing his beanie and randomly breaking out in dance. #13yearoldboysareweird

Yesterday, Bean read my daily FB posts and was *shocked* that I wasn’t happy about being forced to stay home. “Mom, this is pretty much my dream come true” said my sweet little homebody who does her school work everyday with zero complaints. I had to reassure her that no, I was not depressed. Yes, I am worried. Yes, I do miss our old life. But no, I wouldn’t pick anyone else to be stuck at home with – even if she made her 5th batch of brownies in 12 days yesterday. #corona15

Temps above 40 with blue skies meant that PE was at the Nature Center with miles of walking. Does this mean the kids will be tired enough to go to bed without bitching? Most likely not, but a girl can dream. #momjokesfordays

March 26

Day 13.

Patience is the name of the game today as I (still) try to adjust to this new normal. I don’t do well with uncertainty – not just the horrible uncertainty of the spread of the illness and who will get sick (and how sick they’ll get) but when this will end. I realize that none of us are God and no one knows- but I’d be willing to throw good money at an accurate soothsayer right about now.

Day 4 of the Heat School of (Maybe) Learning had both kids on Zoom calls with various class. Emmie, our cat who can’t stand most people, cannot stop showing off and walking on our keyboards during said Zoom calls which leads to both kids hiss-yelling while trying not to move their mouths or show their panic for me to GET THE CAT while I’m in the middle of my own work day.

All in all, today was a good day despite the uncertainty and my cough that makes me worried that I’ll be beaten if I go out in public.

 

March 27

Day 14. We survived 5 days of the Heat Academy of (Maybe) Learning! A huge kudos to all the teachers who have worked so freaking hard to transition to 100% online learning. Nothing about this has been easy – but we lived through the first week and I’m calling that a huge win! I’m so proud of how adaptable the kids have been, they make this look easy.

And now we’re staring down another weekend. Weekends are the weirdest time for me- there is no schedule, there is nothing we have to do – it’s just 2 days of freedom. Not going to lie, it freaks me out. I love having places to go, I love seeing our sports family on Saturdays, I love being able to go out to dinner or to the movies and I take great comfort in the tradition of Mass on Sundays. And now, none of that is possible which is unsettling and odd.

Instead, we’ll be cleaning out bedrooms and researching local hiking trails if the weather is nice enough. If it’s not, I foresee lots of movies, PS4 gaming, reading and game playing. Maybe I’ll learn to like naps?

To ease the weirdness, we ordered a sundae making kit and ice cream from a local restaurant. Ice cream makes everything better.

IceCreamKit

 

March 28

Day 15. I saw someone on FB chastising someone else today for complaining about this self-isolation. You’re healthy, they said. You’re safe, you have a roof over your head, a family to love and savings in the banks. Stop complaining, they said – enjoy the family time, the time to reconnect and play and catch up on TV. This isn’t so bad, they said.

And they are right, this isn’t so bad. I *am* blessed beyond measure and complaining seems petty – it really does.

But I can acknowledge all that and also mourn my normal life. I can be sad and scared and worried while realizing that my worries are so first world, it’s not even funny. But it doesn’t make them invalid and it doesn’t make me not feel them.

I can enjoy the heck out of my family’s company….and still want them to go back to school / work. I can enjoy playing games at home…and still wish we could get out of the house. I can know my worries are insignificant in the grand scheme of things…but still fret nonetheless.

But I can also choose to count my blessing to keep me grounded in the here and now. So today, I’m thankful:

> That the Hubs came home safe and sound this morning after working all night after a local police officer was shot.

> That the officer will recover from him injuries.

> That an dear friend got married last week an ocean away and I was able to virtually share my joy over his news.

CaronoCation

How to Work from Home Successfully

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Well, it’s been a week, huh? I live in NY and while my particular community has yet to be hit by the Coronovirus, our government has issued guidelines and rules for handling (and hopefully slowing) the spread of the virus. As of about an hour ago, my kids schools are closed through mid-April, as are our local colleges and universities. The impact this is having on our economy both locally, nationally and internationally is staggering.

If your job allows, there is a good chance you’ve been asked to work from home if not out right ordered to do so. I’ve been working from home for almost 18 years now, basically for all but 2 of my professional years. Working from home can be a dream come true – but it can also be a nightmare. You have to set yourself up for success and that means discipline, utilizing the tools and resources you have and communicating with your employer, coworkers and family about your needs.

Here are a few things I’ve learned to be successful over the years:

1) Set a schedule. Get up at the same time every day- whether it’s 5:30 am or 8 am, pick a wake up time and stick with it. Once you’re up, set your new routine. When life is normal, I feed the kids and make lunches while Scorch is in the shower, then I shower and we’re all out the door within an hour. I drop the kids off and have roughly an hour until I have to go to work. I either hit up the gym or I run errands, but once 8:30 comes around, my day starts. Now, I’m guessing I’ll be up by 6:30, exercise, shower and get dressed before the kids roll out of bed at 8. Then I’ll help them with breakfast and try to start my normal day at 8:30 am.

2) Get dressed. When I started working from home, the Hubs made me promise to get dressed every day. I thought he was silly – but he was spot on. Even pre-kids when I didn’t have to actually leave the house every morning, I would still get up, eat, shower and get dressed. I don’t put on dress clothes, but I damn well get out of my PJs and put on clothes I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen in on a video call. Jeans or legging, bra, decent shirt. I do my hair and throw on a bit of makeup in the winter. I’m on 1-4 hours of video calls a day, sometimes with a minutes notice, so looking like a professional keeps me in that mindset.

Chris Farley meme - Chris is wearing a suit and tie with his hair all messed up.

3) Have an office.  Or something akin to it. I don’t have an office- I haven’t had a separate space just for me since the Bean was born. But I do have my corner of the couch and the kitchen table. During the day, that’s my domain. God willing, when our addition is done, I’ll have my own space but until then, my mind knows when I sit down at either of those designated spaces, it’s time to work. When I work with my headphones on in the common areas, my kids know they can get my attention and chat with me. When I move into my bedroom and close they door, they know I’m in a meeting / working on something important and it’s time to leave me alone. It’s not ideal, but it’s what we’ve got for now.

4) Be transparent. If you’re going to step away from your desk longer than it takes to make lunch, run to the bathroom or change out the laundry, put a notice up and/or tell your boss. I have a weekly chiropractor appointment- that’s on my calendar for all to see. If I need to run to the store or take a kid to a last minute appointment, I ping my boss. Last Thursday, the Bean got sick and I had to take her to the doctor’s at 9 am, then I had to pick Scorch up at school at 11:30 because he had a half day. All those things happened before my coworkers, most of whom are on the west coast, started their day so chances are, they’d never know. But I know working from home is, most of the time, a privilege and I’m not going to abuse that.

5) Be in contact. Use allllllll the tools at your fingertips, especially if you’re used to being in an office. Slack, Zoom, Hangouts, Jabber – there are a ton of tools that allow you to stay in contact through chats and video meetings. If you’re used to seeing your coworker for a 5 minute debrief every morning over coffee, schedule that meeting to catch up! Set up a Slack channel to share what you’ve been working on so your team knows what you’re doing- then set up a channel to share funny memes to help keep you sane.

 

6) Cut out the distractions. As awesome as all those chat tools can be and as awesome as the freedom of working from home brings – sometimes it’s too much and it cuts into your productivity. You’ll find you can most likely get more work done at home once you’re in the groove- but you have to find that groove first. For me, that means making sure my living / work area is neat, and any chores (like putting food in the crock pot, starting laundry) are done. It’s putting up a 2 hour block per day (if I can) to just work- which means silencing my notifications and, in some cases, turning off the wifi.

 

7) Set limits. Just because you can work at all hours of the day, doesn’t mean you should. Your work hours may have to change (more on that next), but that doesn’t mean that you should regularly be putting in 12+ hour days if you normally don’t. If your usual hours were 8 – 5:30 in the office, that’s still your work day. Unless your job requires it, there is no need to be answering emails at 1 am or responding to chats. Set limits so you can still have a work day and a personal life – when the two bleed too closely together, your house can feel suffocating.
Maurey Povich meme that states: You said that working at home will give you lots of free time. The face that I haven't got up from this chair in 7 hours determined that it was a lie.
 

8) Ask for flexibility. So all these tips and tricks are AWESOME – but there is a big wrinkle if you’re a parent. Honestly y’all, I don’t know what in the world to tell you if your kids are little. I know we’re practicing social distancing, but for the sake of your employment you may need to reach out to another family and see about trading childcare. I’m not talking about a gaggle of kids and families- I’m talking 2 – 3 families max when everyone is healthy and precautions are taken. My kids are older, so they don’t need someone to watch them, but they still need meals made, time outdoors and some nudging to do their school work. I’ll be working with my boss (who is home with her kids in CO) and her boss (also home with her kids in CA) to figure this out. My work day may go an hour longer so I can take small breaks during the day to check in on the kids. Or on days Spring is really shining here, I may knock off early and then work in the evening to take advantage of the sunshine.  We’re all in this together, so ask your employer, see what you can work out and be frank about your needs.

9) Talk to your family. A lot of the time, when you’re home, your kids think it’s free time. It’s not. This is still your work day and you are expected to get your job done. Have age-appropriate talks with your kids about what you expect from them and how you’re all going to have to pitch in to make this work.  Set up a sign, have a signal- something that tells your kids when it’s time for them to leave you alone and when you’re open to breaks. I try to talk to my kids every morning to give them an idea of what my day looks like – for example, if there is time for outdoor play, it’s got to happen before 11 am or that I’m in meetings from 1-3, so if they need help cooking, it has to be before or after that time.

That’s what I have so far. Working from home can be more than doable- but make sure you put the parameters in place to help you be successful. Be flexible, be kind to yourself and your family and settle in- we’ll get through this.

Please reach out if you have any other great tips – I’m happy to add them to this list!

Not Me

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The Bean found my blog.

I mean, I knew the day would come- my kids are the reason I started this blog, after all. My kiddos don’t have baby books and most of their childhood pictures are stored in Shutterfly, not in physical albums. I didn’t keep many of their childhood mementos outside of a few blankets, some books and a few stuffed animals. But I have been chronicling their childhood for almost 10 years now- since the kids were 4 and 2.

Since she’s been going back and reading my old entries, I got nostalgic and started to do the same.  One of the things I used to on Monday’s was “Not Me Monday” back when widely used blog themes were a thing.  “Not Me Monday” was a way to confess your sins and since the old entries made me laugh, I figured I’d share a few of my gems lately:

  • While in Mexico, the Bean got M&Ms and immediately told Scorch he couldn’t have any. He didn’t want any – but he *always* wants to torment her, so for 30 minutes straight, he followed her around making comments like “Yummm…those M&Ms look amazing!” or “You know what I’m craving, M&Ms!” or “Mom, the minute Bean puts those M&Ms down, Imma going to snagging them.”  I was not too busy laughing hysterically at him to make him knock it off when the Bean pleaded with me to do so.
  • Later that same day, I was blessedly at the pool sans any kids, reading my Kindle. 4 chairs down from me was a mom, trying in vain to read her magazine while her son and daughter squabbled in the pool over things just as dumb as M&Ms. The mom finally LOSES it and goes “This is supposed to be FUN. We are flipping on vacation in MEXICO and you’re making me crazy.”
    I did not want to high-five her in solidarity or at least find some of the Bean’s M&Ms to share with her.
  • Earlier this week, Scorch was in class and accidentally drew on his face with his pencil. When one of his friends told him they could see the mark, my son absolutely did not proceed to draw a penis on his forehead and then have to walk around alllll day with his bangs pulled down to hide it when he couldn’t erase it. (“Mom- it was the only thing I could think of to draw!” #teens)
  • I did not laugh stupidly hard at a “69” reference in an Instagram video because Scorch and his buddies are obsessed with certain numbers (69, 420, etc) which evidently has dropped my sense of humor down to a middle-school level.* I also certainly did not save the video to show him when he got home from school.
  • Within seconds of picking the Bean up from school, it was clear she was in a mood. After 2 minutes of grumpiness and a snotty tone, I told her she wasn’t allowed to speak to me again until she could do so with a civil tongue. We did not not speak for over an hour. #tweens

Hot Mess Express graphic with a purple background and pink words

So, spill – what haven’t YOU done lately?!

 

*Please note: I DID (and do, frequently) absolutely talk to my kid about these numbers, what they mean, how they are not appropriate in a lot of places/context, etc – but he’s 13 and he’s in middle school and kids laugh about dumb stuff no matter how mature and enlightened you try to make them. I can either freak out over it every time or embrace my inner 13 year when something is legitimately funny. This video was NOT sexual in any way shape or form, it was just simply a bunch of idiot teens freaking out when that number was called out in public – and it was really, really funny.

 

Life’s a Beach

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We are a family that loves our vacations. But we are, usually, a family who road trips (with mixed results, tbh). We drive to the NC beaches or Florida or up to one of the Great Lakes. In fact, the kids have only flown once prior to this month only because 1) I got a great deal on airfare and 2) I pretty much bribed the Hubs – he hates to fly.  But 2 years ago, I was out with my girlfriends – my friends whose husbands are the Hub’s friends and whose kids are my kid’s friends – and we decided that February 2020 was the year we were all going on vacation. 10 adults, 11 kids – we were going on vacation together, damn it.

And that sounded all well and good until it actually came time to plan said vacation. Then things got a little dicey as we tried to figure out where to go and I tried to figure out how in the hell to get the Hubs to agree to this vacation. My Hubs is a creature of habit and, as mentioned before, hates to fly – let’s not even mention the cost of this.  All of our vacation options would require us to fly outside of the US and I knew this was going to be a hard sell.

So this past summer, our friends booked their vacation. The February 2020 trip that was dreamed about in 2018 turned into a trip to Cancun and everyone was committed – except for us. The Hubs was still holding out for some very legit reasons (the cost) and some more interesting ones (not wanting to fly, being convinced we’d be kidnapped in Mexico).  Turns out, going to a friend’s 40th birthday party with all our friends taking the trip, getting a few beers in him and begging worked – I got a very begrudging “I’ll leave it up to you – if you want to go, we’ll go” from him.

For those of you who haven’t been in a relationship long enough, that was his passive-aggressive way of agreeing to go on vacation while making sure I knew that if things went badly, it wasn’t his fault, it was allllll mine.  Was it an enthusiastic yes? Not even close! Did I care? Not at all- I booked that trip the minute the travel agency opened Monday (pro tip: traveling with 20+ people? Use a travel agent).

Of course, after we booked the trip everything we read and watched on TV had to focus on terrible things happening in Mexico.  Seal Team on CBS? Multi-episode arch about the horrors in Mexico due to the drug cartels. Hell, even the new <horrible> Rambo movie dealt with Mexico. Every time something came up, I got the side-eye and a quick muttering about how Mexico was a fantastic choice for vacation from the Hubs. It was a fun few months, let me tell you.

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But – miracle of miracles – we still managed to go to Cancun if February with our friends! I’m very happy to report that we all survived the short plane ride (~3.5 hours, direct flight), no one got kidnapped and no one got sick (although two of the travelers- Scorch included – got the flu the day we got home). It was perfect.

Heather holding a heart-shaped shell in front of the ocean.

We stayed at a resort that was a great fit for our 11 kids. There was so much for them to do and the resort was small enough that we could let them roam in packs by themselves all day. Would I recommend it for adults only? Hell no – again, so. many. kids. – but it worked great for us. The food was great, the staff friendly and kind, and the ocean. Oh you guys- the ocean.

IMG_20200217_132318-EFFECTS

We had to put our beloved 18 year old cat, Reese, down two days before we left. I’ve lost two other pets in the past 3 years, but Reese’s death gutted me. She was the last of the animals we adopted before having the kids – she was our constant companion since I was 24 years old. I cried into her fur when Pete was in training for months in Georgia, while we battled infertility and miscarriages, when I felt like a terrible mother, when our marriage hit rough spots. Losing her was horrible enough- but it also felt like saying goodbye to a huge chapter in my life.  I was a zombie in the days leading up to her death and the day we put her down.  By the time we hit Cancun, I needed this vacation – and the ocean didn’t disappoint. It didn’t bring my cat back, but it soothed my soul.

I honestly have no idea if we’ll ever take a trip like this again. Getting everyone’s schedules to align took an act of God, committing to savings for 2 years wasn’t easy and who knows if we can make the magic happen again. But I’m so glad we had this experience- this moment. It was worth all the back and forth, heartache and annoyances to get us there.

 

Time To Give It Up

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A warning: if you have little kids, don’t let them read this, please. Holiday tradition talks ahead.

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Our Christmas tree- covered in multi-colored lights and a mix of homemade and store-bought ornaments.

Ok, true confession time. I am *not* a sentimental mom. I don’t miss the kid’s younger years. Yes, they were adorable. Yes, their squeaky voices were beyond sweet. Yes, things were simpler then.  But, nope, older kids FTW all day, every day.

When the kids were little, they were alllll about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Buddy, our Elf on the Shelf, was the perfect tool to keep my monsters in check in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I loved their excitement over the holidays – their pure joy in seeing that Santa was coming. Christmas morning was 100% magic through the eyes of kids who really believe.

But being Santa? Holy shit, that’s hard work. That’s making sure the kids get equal gifts, that’s making sure Santa has his own wrapping paper (note to new parents: don’t wrap gifts from Santa. Elves don’t have time to wrap. Thank me later), that’s making up a new handwriting for Santa and making sure you leave out cookies and milk.  Is that fun- of course it is? And it’s what a lot of parents do to bring that bit of Christmas magic to their kid.

After roughly 11 years though, I was done. I was tired. I was over it. Scrooge, thy name is Heather.

But I’ll be damned if I’d tell my kids the truth about any of this. Kiddos – want to talk about drugs? I’m your girl. Relationships and sex? Pull up a chair! What’s going on with our government? Let me tell you a story.  The truth about Santa et al? Hard no.

I always thought I’d know when the time was right and I’d take the kids (Scorch first since he’s older, obviously) out for hot chocolate and we’d have a long talk about the magic of Christmas, the spirit of giving and what Santa really means. Then I’d threaten him within an inch of his life to make sure he didn’t tell his sister. But did I do that? No, I did not. Neither did the Hubs. We just literally did nothing. Seemed like a legit parenting choice.

Then last Spring, Scorch and I were home and he told me he needed something and I informed him that the Easter Bunny had brought him that same thing a few weeks earlier for Easter. He promptly yelled back from his room – “do you mean, that *you* bought that for me for Easter?”

Awwwww, shit. The gig is up. I played stupid and told him that the Easter Bunny was the bringer of gifts. (Me- the mom who couldn’t WAIT for the truth to be out!!) Scorch looked at me like I was dumb, and said, “Mom, just give it up. I’ve known since 5th grade. I’m 13, it’s time.”

And guys- I cried. I legit teared up, standing in his bedroom because this day that 1) I wanted to come and 2) was really well past time had arrived and I was not ready. I was not OK. Scorch, continuing to look at me like I was an idiot, told me he had known since 5th grade and was just waiting for me to say something. *sigh* The only thing that went according to my previous plans was me telling Scorch if he told Bean, I’d castrate him. (don’t hesitate to ask me for parenting advice- I’m KILLING it).

Fast forward to this week when the Bean lost a tooth.  She came into the kitchen and asked me what she should do with it. I told her to put it under her pillow for the Tooth Fairy and it was her time to look at me like I was an idiot. “Mom, the Tooth Fairy isn’t real.” and she THREW her tooth in the garbage.

Ouch.

I did what I do best, and deflected and didn’t say another word because I was NOT READY again.  But the next day in the car, my child confessed that she knew that none of the big 3 were real and hadn’t believed in a long while. Cue the tears again.

So, here we are. A family with kids officially too old to believe. On one hand, I’m not mad about that. On the other, I know I’m still going to get the kids gifts from Santa, pick out a special wrapping paper and sign his name in his special signature. After all, I’ve had 13 years to perfect it.

 

A Grateful Heart

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Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays – a lowkey chance to reconnect with family and friends before the hustle and bustle of December comes crashing in. There are no gifts, no running around- just a good meal, lots of laughs and time to reflect.

So today, and every day, I thankful to all of you.

Thank you to the Hubs and my kids. Hubs- you have walked by my side for almost 22 years now and built a life with me that I’m so proud of. Does it look like we thought it would? Nope- it’s a 1000x better, Can you believe we made these two fantastic people and get to have all these adventures with them?! Kiddos- you makes me laugh, every day. You make me want to be better, every day. You fill my heart and our home with laughter and hugs and so much joy, it’s hard to contain.

Thank you to my family – the one I was born to, the one I married into and the one we’ve made together. You made me into who I am today, lift me up when I’m down and fill my life with love and loyalty.

Thank you to my friends. The old friends that I’ve known since I was a child whom I still hold dear and adore spending time with – the ones who know all my bad hair styles, crappy boyfriends and crazy escapades. I adore you all and I’m still halfway convinced we’ll always be 17 at heart.

A white heart ornament is on a wooden surface. On the heart, it has a small pink heart and the words "I am grateful".

Thank you my new friends- the ones who have helped me raise my babies into the amazing kids they are, talked me through the ups and down of my marriage and have become my chosen family. You are my sanity, my coaches and my favorite people – we are so lucky to be surrounded by your infection spirit, generous hearts and disgusting, immature sense of humor.

Thank you to my friends who, as the Hubs says, live in my computer. 20 years ago, I made my first set of online friends (the Hubs thought you were all 50 year old murders, btw) and my online crew has only grown since then. Thank you for your friendship and your knowledge – for pushing me and expanding my world that much more.

I wish you all joy, friendship and love this Thanksgiving.  Thank you for reading, laughing and loving- I can’t imagine my life without you.

 

 

SHOTGUN!

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So, it’s been a minute! After I shared my fantastic parenting skills, we got sucked back into the routine of school and sports and general insanity. The re-entry back into the school year was a pretty tame one- neither kid made any major transitions so that made back to school pretty damn easy.  Scorch is in 8th grade and the Bean is in 6th and I’m officially old AF.  The biggest drama going back to school was if Scorch should wear black socks or white socks with his navy blue kicks – the boy takes his sock game very seriously.

Scorch, wearing navy blue sneakers, and Bean, wearing white sneakers, on the first day of 8th and 6th grade.

In early October, Scorch broke his wrist playing in a football game about 2 hours from home. Thankfully the Hubs and/or I always go to every away game (my kids getting seriously hurt when we’re not there is one of my biggest nightmares) and were both there that day. We had to drive by the Big City on our way home, so we stopped by the same orthopedic place that did the Hub’s ACL surgery in the Spring and had Scorched x-ray’d and casted within an hour. He’s been a super good sport, but with less than a week to go until the cast is taken off he’s D.O.N.E. with it.

An x-ray of Scorch's left wrist.

The biggest news is that the day I’ve been DREADING finally is upon us. When I took the kids in for their flu shots, the Bean’s height was recorded and she’s finally tall enough to ride in the front seat.

*sigh*

That’s right, I have two kids vying for shotgun for every.single.car ride. Once the kids put the pieces together, they both started coming up with an elaborate way to decide who got to be the shotgun winner. The rules included when you could call shotgun, how even calling shotgun doesn’t mean you actually get to ride in that spot if your sibling can wrestle you out of it and something about headlocks and Scorch using his cast as a club.

Needless to say, that didn’t fly with me, so I quickly instituted an odd/even system – on odd days, it’s Scorch’s turn, on even days, it’s the Beans. They were ticked- I was stripping away ALLLLLLLL the fun out of shotgun- but frankly, I didn’t care. The last thing I needed was those two beating the holy hell out of each other for the privilege of sitting next to me and controlling the radio.

This worked relatively well…except for during school drop offs. I drive both kids to school, dropping Scorch off first, and alllllll Scorch wants to look during drop off is cool. There is a single drop off line – it loops around the parking lot and you can drop your kids off anywhere along the sidewalk. But evidently there is a art to where the perfect drop off location is. Like, he gets concerned if I drop him off too far away (“they’re all waiting for us in line, mom”) or too close (“I don’t want to look like I’m lazy”), the music has to be off just case we’re listening to something that is cringy and the drop off has to be QUICK- there can be no fumbling when you get out.

Which was all doable when he was the always riding shotgun, but now that he’s in the backseat of our van every other day – quick isn’t a thing. First, I have to put the van in park to open the automatic sliding doors -and those doors are slow. Then there is the fumbling for his stuff because he can’t actually wait until the door is all the way  open before jumping out. Don’t even mention the fact his sister is choosing the tunes and Lizzo blasting out of the speakers of our minivan brings down his street cred by like a 1000 points.

Which is why earlier this week, my sweet dumb kid decided that the best course of action was to CLIMB into the front seat – WHILE his sister was sitting in – and going out that way.
Bean, with only her legs showing, is sitting in the passenger seat of the car. Scorch is perched on the leg rest of her chair, trying to climb over her.

Bean’s sitting in the chair, Scorch is trying to climb over her. I’m being the responsible adult and taking pics.

She was super psyched about that idea – he’s lucky she didn’t kick him in the butt and send him sprawling.

So, how’s your fall going?!

The End of Summer

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This summer has been amazing – hands down, one of the best we’ve had. We have traveled to new places, visited with family, caught sharks, hung out with friends, welcomed a new nephew / cousin into the crew and watched more than a few ball games.

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We’ve had quiet nights at home where we’ve all retreated to our own corners and nights we’ve danced in the streets. My house has been, more often than not these past few weeks, filled with at least 2 kids who aren’t mine- usually more. My backyard is littered with wiffleballs and makeshift bases and Gatorade bottles. We’ve heard coyotes chattering in the hills across the street and adopted a new kitten.

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We’ve celebrated birthdays – mine and the Bean’s – as well as our anniversary. We’ve floated in pools in the hot sun and had to bundle up to stay warm on boats. We’ve roasted marshmallows and ate more ice cream than I could measure.

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We’ve worked out 3x a week at 7 am and the Hub’s has rehabbed his knee from ACL surgery. I quit two jobs that I had and loved for over 5 years and started a new one, requiring a trip to CA to meet my new coworkers. We’ve dealt with some stress (ask me how our home addition is going- I dare you) that comes with adulting, but it hasn’t overshadowed the fun.

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All in all, we’ve simply enjoyed the hell out of each other. School starts in a week – the shoes have been purchased, the supplies sorted out and the schedules posted. We’re ready for routine again and all the fun that comes with fall- football, Halloween, the gorgeous leaves and the upcoming holidays. But I can’t lie, I’m going to be more than a little sad to say goodbye to this perfect season.

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Nope, Not the Cool Mom

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Back in the fall, I took Scorch to one of the varsity football games. He was settling into middle school and feeling like the big man on campus wearing his modified football jersey to hang out with all his friends under the lights. Oh, he thought he was hot stuff and he was feeling it…

…until I made him leave before the game was over because he had a 3 hour long practice starting the next day at 7 am.

He wailed, he pleaded, he tried to bargain – he was pissed at me like never before because I was making him leave early.  He was in SEVENTH GRADE and he was NOT A BABY and why was I SO MEAN?!!?  He ended his fit asking me if I wanted to be a COOL MOM because this was, unequivocally, not cool.

I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom

NOOOOOPE

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Fast forward 3+ months and Scorch, the Bean and I have had lots of conversation about the fact that I am not the cool mom, the Hubs isn’t the cool dad and we’re all OK with that.  Because right now, to my kids, being the cool mom means letting them do whatever they wants….and nope, not going to happen.

Here’s what kind of mom I am though:

  • I’ll be the mom that shows up. Games, recitals, plays, concerts – if my kids are in it, I’ll do my damnedest to be there. I might complain because it’s freaking freezing, unbearably hot, or boring as hell, but you’ll still see my ass parked in the stands without fail.
  • I’ll be the consistent mom. The kids might not like my rules, but they’ll know them. Their friends will know them. Heck, our neighbors will most likely know then when I yell them at the kids loudly (hint: I’ll never be the quiet mom). The rules won’t change, ensuring the kids will know what’s expected of them, and they’ll be expected to follow them.
  • That said, I won’t be the dictator mom. Rules will flex as the kids age – we’re all going to have to adjust. I’ll always be willing to hear the kids out in a respectful way – it may not change my mind, but they’ll never be discounted or ignored.
  • I’ll be the mom you can blame. Both kids know that I’m always happy to be thrown under the bus. If there is anything they don’t want to do, or feel uncomfortable with, they’ve been told that saying that their mom / dad will kill them is a very welcome excuse to give. I don’t care if my kid’s friends think we’re nuts, as long as my kids are safe and happy, make me out to be the bad guy as much as needed.
  • I’ll be the mom with the open door. I admit, the Hubs and I like a peaceful home and having a ton of tweens over is the exact opposite. It’s loud, chaotic and expensive as those kids can eat. And that’s 100% fine with me. My door will be open anytime the kids wants to have friends over. I want to be the house that my kid’s friends feel comfortable in because I know as they get older, my kids and their friends will need safe spaces. We’re it. Nope, we will never condone drinking or drugs ever, but need a break from your parents? Had a bad break up? Need a warm meal? My door is open.
  • I’ll be the mom you can talk to. My kids know that they can talk to be about anything and I’m there for it. Question about your body? Hit me with it. Friendship quandary? Let’s talk it through. Mad at a teacher/coach/friend? Unpack that drama. Sex, alcohol, drugs? Get it alllllll on the table. There is literally nothing that they can bring up that will embarrass me or shut us down. If they are willing to talk, I’m willing to listen. I may laugh like a loon with them, I may have to work really hard not to throw out advice – but I’m always here.
  • I’ll be the mom who is a vault. Admittedly, this is a new one for me. Before if my kids shared stuff with me and I repeated it, it wasn’t a big deal but now it is. So the kids and I have agreed that if we pinky swear on it, nothing will go past me unless the information involves someone getting hurt/hurting something else/self harming/doing illegal things. Those things are going to be shared with the appropriate adults, but the other stuff lives and dies with me.
  • I’ll be the mom who laughs – a lot. This age is hysterical, the kids are AMAZING and there is nothing wrong with having fun. I’m going to poke fun at kids, allow them to tease me and call out their friends as needed. It’s way too easy to take life too seriously especially as a teen. I’m here to point out the crazy and to laugh at it all with my kids – otherwise, what’s the point?!

 

Maybe one day I’ll earn some cool points, but I’m not losing any sleep over it if I don’t.

Peace Out 2018!

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Despite what I keep writing every.damn.time I have to write out the date, it’s 2019 and I have high hopes for this year. There is nothing particular special about this year, but I have a good feeling about it. The date rolls off your tongue and it just sounds right.

2018 had it’s ups and downs, but it ended on a high note. A healthy family, a joyous holiday season, time with loved ones and friends.  Lots of laugh, a tad too much wine at times, a few excuses to get dressed up and hours upon hours spent cheering on both kid’s basketball teams.

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2019 hasn’t started on the best foot.  We lost a dear, wonderful man yesterday.  An old family friend who we spent countless hours with growing up as our families vacationed together. You know those friends who you don’t see for years, but you pick right up on without missing a beat when you see each other again? That is Jim’s family. The soundtrack of my childhood would have been a lot less bright and hell of a lot quieter without Jim’s booming laugh and bellowing yell when one of us was in trouble. My heart is breaking for his family as they navigate this much duller world without him.

And then there is the government shut down. The Hubs, a federal employee who has to work during the shutdown, refuses to allow me to freak out until he’s actually missed a paycheck as he knows my inner Chicken Little is thisclose to coming out. So, I won’t freak out- I’ll just continually update my financial spreadsheets preparing for each of the 1 millions ways things can go.

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All this, though, doesn’t mean the whole year is going to suck Right?! I mean, it can’t. I won’t let it. So…here’s what I’m hoping to do this year to help it suck less for me and my little crew:

  • We’re going to keep encouraging the hell out of our kids. School, sports, music and travel- it’s a big, amazing world and I want my kids to sample as much of it as they can.
  • We’re giving back. We’ve been lucky that have been able to give back financially to the causes near to our hearts, but it’s time to find the time to give that as well. The kids are old enough that they can be a help and find what they are passionate about. Animals? Families in need? I don’t know yet- but we’re going to figure it out.
  • I want to find my passion. We’re in that weird parenting stage right now where the kids need us for a lot of logistical things – rides, etc – but the end of that overwhelming time is inching up on us faster and faster. So, when my kids are grown, when my time is marginally more my own, what do I want do? Besides read in bed – because, let’s be honest, I would do that all the time.
  • Find a couple’s hobby. I know, gag-worthy, right? But after almost 21 years together (HOLY SHIT), the Hubs and I will also soon have time for more than once a month date nights. So what does that look like? Are we volunteering? Dancing (hahahaha – I know, I know, just a thought)? Cooking? Traveling? What are we doing together to keep us strong?
  • Make our health a priority. Dude – the kids schedules right now are unrelenting and it’s wrecking havoc on our gym schedules and waist lines. So, one thing we have started laying out is our weekly “who is working out when / what are we having for dinner” schedule in the hopes of getting healthier.  It’ll work great until baseball season shoots it all to hell, but it’s a start.
  • Let’s be real- there will also be lots of reading. Life is too share not to fill up alllllll the minute nooks and crannies with books you adore. And I adore a lot of books.
  • Write more. I’m a happier, more centered person when I write. I just need to make it a priority again – here and on the local mom blog I write for. It’s been much more challenging as the kids get older. Do I very, very, very much want to write about the afternoon I explained to Scorch what male and female orgasms are? YES. Would he kill me if I did? Also YES. (Kids suck the fun out of everything).

So, that’s what I want out of 2019. Here’s hoping the highs outweigh the lows, the laughs out number the tears and the love continues to grow.

peaceout