The other day I was giving Scorch a piggy back ride up stairs and when it was time for him to let go, I didn’t have to bend down.  He simply didn’t have that far to fall.

When I realized that, I curled up on the ground and cried.

Well- not really, but I wanted to.  Where in the world has my baby gone? My bald Buddha baby? My sweet cuddly toddler? Heck, I’d even take my chubby cheeked pre-schooler.  Wasn’t he just born yesterday? I still vividly remember the Hubs and I driving the 40 minutes up the hospital after my water broke- so excited, so nervous, so completely overwhelmed with what was happening and so unprepared for parenthood.

But as much as I miss my first baby,  5 year old Scorch is pretty damn awesome.  He wants to write all the time- he’s constantly penning notes (“Mom- how do you spell….?”) for anyone and everyone.  He wants to learn how to read and he’s beyond ticked that we haven’t taught him to tie his shoes yet.   He’s smart as can be and throws in random words like “A.K.A.” into our conversations.   He’s a good friend and a sweet boy who still loves hugs and kisses and snuggles.  His laugh still lights up his room and I swear his eye lashes will always be the envy of every woman he meets.

I just want him to slow down- just a little bit. Not because he’s not ready to get older and grow bigger, but because I’m not.  I hear awful stories of bullying, I read terrible stories of crimes, I see pictures of horrifying car wrecks and I just want to keep him little. I want to have him home with me all the time- I’m not ready to let go and share him with the world.

But- that’s the price of parenthood. That’s the goal of parenthood- to raise your kids to be smart, independent kids who can take care of themselves. And I’m beyond thankful that the Hubs and I get that privilege of raising him and the Bean, I just wish that occasionally life had a pause button.