Is That a Ribbon?!


There are a ton of awesome things that happen when you’re a pet owner. But you want to know what’s not awesome? Realizing at 9:30 pm, after finally getting home after a day of work, an evening of soccer practice, dinner out, Family Reading Night for your kindergartener and putting the kids to bed (only 1 successfully thus far) that you haven’t seen one of your very social cats in over 10 hours. Boo, the cat in question, loves people and loves being fed so when I poured her food in her bowl that night and she didn’t come running, I got nervous. She was acting a little funny- hyper and jumpy- earlier in the day but I didn’t pay that much attention.

I pulled out the big guns and opened a can of tuna.  She still didn’t come. Normally Boo would cut you for tuna, so I was more then a little freaked so I got the Hubs.   We then tear about the house (all the while trying to get the Bean to go to sleep already!), trying to find said cat. We finally located her under Scorch’s bed- the one bed that the one sleeping kid in our house in it. Because where else would she be?? I’m shining a very weak flashlight under the bed (because there is no way I’m turning on the lights and chance waking up Scorch) and I couldn’t tell if she was breathing so I panicked a little bit and worked frantically to get the crap out from under the bed to see the cat better all while not waking my kid.  I finally saw that Boo was breathing, but she’s wasn’t coming out. Thankfully I’m married to man with freakishly long arms and the stealth of a ninja and he was able to pull the damn cat out by the scruff of her neck to see what’s going on.

We carried Boo to the kitchen only to see that she has a big old piece of poop with a ribbon from a balloon in it is hanging out of her butt. I don’t know much about cat health, but I do know you’re NOT supposed to pull the ribbon- so we call the emergency vet to figure out what the heck to do. Boo is eating the tuna, but not letting us hold her or pet her and the Hubs is started to flip out a little. After much discussion with the emergency vets, they say to bring the cat in. At 10 pm. Keep in mind, Boo 1) hasn’t ridden in car in NINE YEARS because she’s such a freak show and 2) has to be sedated to be seen by our vet that comes to our house because she won’t let the vet examine her otherwise. It’s been so long since she’s ridden in a car that we don’t even own a cat carrier. So the poor Hubs has to run to Wal-mart to get one all while I sob because I CLEARLY suck as a cat mom.

The Hubs got home within 20 minutes with this cheap-o made-of-recycled plastic carrier that doesn’t shut right that we slap together and throw the cat in. Boo doesn’t even make a SOUND, so I know she’s dying. I gave her a kiss while trying not to smell her stinky ass and sent her on her way with the Hubs.

I can’t sleep, but I got into bed anyhow and stared at my cell phone willing it to ring with an update. 15 minutes after the Hubs left (not enough time to get to the vets), I get a text message that simply says “Am covered with mud, coursing with adrenaline.” I freak out, wondering what the holy heck is happening, trying to figure out what’s going on. The only thing I could imagine was that the cat got sick in the carrier and escaped into the night while the Hubs was trying to clean her up.

Nope…cat was fine. Turned out, a car traveling opposite the Hubs flipped over 3 times in front of the Hubs and landed in a ditch. The Hubs immediately stopped to help. After getting the driver (who was thankfully largely unhurt) out of his totaled car, calling 911 and talking to the Sheriff, the Hubs was a muddy, wet mess who still had to take his sick cat to the vet. 

By the time they got to the vets, it was after 11 and no one else was in the emergency room.  The Vets rushed Boo right back in to be looked at, but not 5 minutes after they left, an elderly gentleman came running into the vet ER screaming for a gurney. One of the vets helped the guy get a gurney and went out to help him get his animal inside. The Hubs assumed the guy had to have a big animal with him- otherwise why wouldn’t he carry the animal in himself? Nope- the gentleman had a cat he was bringing in, only the cat was in an oxygen tent. The poor man was babbling about how the cat arrested twice on the 2.5 hour ride to the animal hospital but he was able to get him going again (how? the Hubs didn’t ask). The cat was 18 and lived in an oxygen tank but the man wanted the vets to do whatever they could to keep the kitty going. Never underestimate the love of a cat owner, people.

Finally, almost an hour after the Hubs got there, Boo was finally seen. I’ll skip over the gross parts- Boo was ultimately fine and got home with the Hubs around 2 am that morning.  We were supposed to be checking on her every 30 minutes the following day, but that cat was pissed at all the indignities from night before- the car ride, the carrier, being seen by a vet, being sedated- that she hid from us for the next 24 hours.  Thankfully she managed to get over herself long enough to come out when tuna was offered, so I know she’s on the mend.

The moral of the story: 1) balloons are the devil’s toy and 2) don’t forget about your cat for 10 hours, nothing good will come of it.



About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at

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