In order to go the gym first thing in the morning, I need at least 6 hours of sleep- preferably 7- to be a functioning, polite human being. It doesn’t seem like it would be hard to achieve, right? Last night I went to bed at 10 and set the alarm for 4:55 am. Ahhhh…6 hours and 55 minutes of glorious sleep. Heaven. I happily crawled into bed, spread out and was asleep within minutes.

Until 1:11 am.

Mom- I have a cold and I can’t fall back asleep. Can you come lay with me?

Poor Scorch- he has a nasty cold, so I dosed him up with meds and curled up in a ball at the foot of his bed using my robe as my blanket until he finally, finally fell asleep after waking me up at least 3 times to tell me he was still awake. Let me tell you how much I appreciated that. I finally was able to go to back to my bed at 2:15.

Alright, this isn’t too bad. I got 3 hours of sleep and now I can get 2 hours and 40 more minutes before the alarm is set to go off. Not 6 hours, but close enough that I can fake it for the day. Boom- I’m out again.

Until 3:01.

Mommy- I had a bad dream. Can you come sleep with me?

*sigh* Of course, Beaner is sleeping on Scorch’s floor, so I grab my trusty robe/blanket and head back into their shared room. I find a stray stuffed lion on the ground to use as my pillow and play dead, hoping like hell Bean will go back to sleep.

No dice- she wants the cat. So I get Maddie cat because, damn it, if I’m going to kept awake, so is my poor geriatric 14 year old cat. The three of us settle back on the floor while I pray we don’t wake Scorch back up. I spend the next 20 minutes trying to play dead, get the cat to stop licking my hair and willing the Bean to fall back asleep.  At 3:40, I’m back in my room.

I’m now down to 5 hours of sleep total for the night if no one bothers me until 4:55. I can do this. I’m determined to keep up my good work out routine.

Until 4:13.

Mom- I had the same dream again, you need to come back and sleep with me.

The good news is I was so tired when I went back to bed the last time that I just left my robe on, so I don’t even need to grab it. I do get my pillow though because a stuffed lion does not a comfy pillow make. Maddie cat evidently loves my pillow because she decides to sleep on it with me. Which makes the Bean cry because she wants the cat to sleep with her. Have you ever tried to make a 14 year old cat stay someplace she doesn’t want to in the wee hours of the morning while trying not to wake your sick son AND comforting your crying daughter? Try it, it’s fun.*

Everyone is FINALLY settled down and I get back to bed at 4:54 am. Hell. No. Just no. Screw the gym. I set the alarm for 6:40 and cry when it goes off. But, I dragged myself into the shower to start the day because I’m the freaking-fracking Mom and is that is what we DO. When it’s time to wake the kids for the day and they both whine about how tired they are, I resist the urge to pinch them.

But when the Hubs woke up and told me how well he slept,** I did murder him. He’ll be properly buried when the ground thaws. Say a prayer for his soul.

*This whole time they were awake/trying to fall asleep, I do admit to trying to memorize their perfect little faces. Hormones, PMS, who knows- all I know is that it seems like my kids are growing too big too fast and I know these annoying, horrible, exhausting nights are numbered and I’m going to miss their little selves so damn much.

**I tried to convince both children that they wanted their father to lay with them instead of me but they weren’t having it and I was too damn tired to fight.