Dearest Scorch-

The day you were born feels like yesterday. We didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl when you were born- but I was secretly convinced that you were a girl. When you were born, and they told me you were a boy, it took me a solid minute to rearrange the life I had imagined for us. Hair bow swapped out for ball caps, blues instead of pinks, and trucks instead of tutus.

What I could have never, ever imagined is how amazing our life would really be and just how quickly time would fly by. Because, bud, it feels like I just held you for the first time. Watched you roll over, crawl and then walk. Heard your first word, saw your first smile, and walked you into your first day of school.

But it wasn’t. It was 18 years ago. 

Happy birthday, my not-so-baby boy! To know you is to love you. You are one of the absolute joys in my life and simply cannot imagine a life without you in it. You are funny, and smart, and dedicated, and determined, and loved beyond measure. You are everything I always wanted in a child and so amazingly uniquely you.

17 was a YEAR, kiddo. A year of emotions and changes and feelings and fights and apologizing and figuring things out. But through it all, we keep talking. We keep trying. We keep working for an amazing future for you. It’s not always easy- there are times I want to throttle you and I’m 99.9% sure you feel the same way. There have been shouting matches and slammed doors and tears and things have seemed like a hot, huge mess. But there has also been laughing till we snort, big hugs, soft words, and moments I hope I never forget. There have been road trips, vacations, tournaments, milestones, and feeling like I may burst from the love I feel for you.

It’s impossible to put into words how unbelievably *proud* I am of you. You don’t always get it right (but then again, neither do I), but you always put the work in. You always are there when people need you. You are an inspiring leader, a good friend, and a fantastic person. If you need to learn anything, it’s how to put yourself, your feelings, and your desires first. It’s OK to take up space and have an opinion on things- being a people pleaser doesn’t mean having to tie yourself up into a pretzel just to make someone else happy.

You graduate from high school next month, bud. You have had a fantastic 12 years in school- you played sports, were on student council, pretended to be an anchorman at basketball games, partook in every damn pep rally in school, made friends out of your teachers and, I hope, enjoyed your last 4 years of school as much as possible. You expanded your friend group, dealt with some bumps in the road, navigated a long-term romantic relationship, were team captain x3, and made a mountain of memories that I hope you cherish. Not like in a “Glory Days” way- but in a “I made the most of time” way.

And now in less than 3 months, you go to college. I can’t even write it without getting a lump in my throat because I am NOT ready for this step. But you are and I’m so proud of you for it. Where to go wasn’t an easy decision, but I’m hopeful that you made the right decision and that you’ll thrive. I cannot wait to see you blossom and grow, to meet your new friends, to watch you play football and to see who you become when you’re living your best life. But like…not too good of a life, you know? 😉

So here is what I hope for you in your 18th year on this planet:

1. I hope you learn that you do not bear the responsibility of the world. You can do what makes you happy- that’s not selfish, that’s human. Your needs and wants are more than valid and it’s OK to put your foot down and voice them. Some things can’t be compromised about and if you don’t learn the art of give and take, you’re not going to be nearly as happy as you deserve to be.

2. I hope you LOVE college. Like- love it. I hope you take advantage of everything at your fingertips in the best, healthiest way. Make new friends, take allllll the classes, find your people, learn how to live in a shared space, develop your leadership skills, and work hard. We cannot wait to see you succeed.

3. And if you don’t succeed, if you mess up or this college / roommate / team isn’t for you, I hope you learn resiliency and how to embrace change. Life isn’t perfect- but outside of death and having babies – there is nothing that can’t be fixed or changed. Learn from what you’ve been through, adjust course and keep going.

4. I hope you always remember that home is your safe space. It’s where you can talk through everything, share your thoughts, hide from the world and be celebrated when you excel. It’s full of people who love you and are always here for you no matter how old you get. That will never change.

5. I hope you enjoy this wild ride called life. It goes by fast, bud- so take advantage of every opportunity presented to you. Travel. Make new friends, but cherish the old ones. Work on your relationships. Don’t hold silly grudges. Keep working on being the healthiest – physically and mentally – that you can be. The ONLY person in this world that can make you happy, is you. So put the time in to becoming a person you’d want to be friends with.

6. I hope you freaking love playing college football. I hope you remain the coachable, driven, determined player you’ve always been. We cannot wait to watch you play, learn and grow as a person and a player.

Most of all, bud, we hope you continue to grow into the amazing person we know you are. You are one of the two biggest blessings in our lives and parenting you for 18 years has been a privilege we don’t take for granted. I’m going to be a mess these next 3 months – I’m going to cling too hard, cry a lot and probably ask for a lot of your time. But that doesn’t take away one iota from how excited I am for you for the life you’re building. You’ve worked hard for every good thing you’ve earned, so enjoy every second, keep your head on straight and know that you are loved beyond words. 

Happy 18th, baby boy. We love you.

– Mom