Author Archives: Heather

Unknown's avatar

About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Feb1

Run Forest, Run!

Posted on by
Standard

Today I put on a swimsuit for the first time since Aug.  I dread the first time I have to put on my suit each year.  The silent praying that it still fits. The yanking, tugging, pulling & swearing as I maneuver myself into it. The not-so-silent sigh of relief when I see it still fits as I selectively ignore the too-pale skin that hasn’t seen warm sunshine in way too long.

The thought of having to put on a suit has been hanging over my head since yesterday when I realized the day of the kid’s first swim lessons of the year was upon us.  Scorch goes in solo, but the parents still get in the water with the kiddos the Bean’s age, so there was no avoiding it if I wanted my kids to get comfy in the water. I even got out of bed after being up all night with a cold, braved sub-freezing temperatures and crappy snow covered roads to go to 5:30 am Spin class  just so I could feel somewhat better about my body before trying on my suit before lessons. (Don’t ask me what I would have done if it hadn’t fit).

I never used to be this self conscience about my body. But 2 kids and 15 lbs later, I am.  I know what I need to do to remedy the situation- I just need to find the willpower to commit to carrot sticks and salads instead of hot chocolate and PB&J. I also know I need to get a more committed workout routine- 2 Spin classes a week aren’t cutting it. Spinning more often isn’t possible due to the class schedule so I’m toying with the idea of taking up running. Again.

See, I tried to take up running last Spring**.  I really like the idea of running.  The thought of being able to do it anywhere is awesome. I have these visions of running on the beach during vacations or around the school grounds when the kids get older and have sports practice.  But the truth of the matter is, I hate running. Loathe it. Detest it.  I got up to running 2 miles (HUGE FEAT for me) and then I hurt my knee and just never picked it up again.  I have so many friends that love running- they run 3, 4, 5 times a week- and I just shake my head and wonder what I’m missing (and what they are smoking).

So tell me- what am I missing? I’ve got good shoes (I went out and bought them last year from a running store), I have an iPod full of great tunes- hell, I even have a dog to keep me company.  How do I ease back into this and at least get to the point where I don’t hate running?

**I tried the Couch to 5K program last year and wasn’t at all a fan of the stopping/starting aspect of it.

Jan31

Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

Posted on by
Standard

The Hubs and I have been getting tired of spending our evening either working or watching TV after the kids go to bed, so the other day I bought us Monopoly. The Hubs had mentioned that he enjoyed it and I figured I’d give a shot.

Scorch’s eyes lit up when he saw me walk into the house with a New! Game!

“Can we play it now?”  “When can we play it?” “Why can’t we play it now?”

Last night, after dinner, I ran out of excuses so we broke out the game.  Have you ever played Monopoly with a 4 and a 2 year old?  If you haven’t, may I suggest you don’t.  Ever.

I had to pry the dice out of the Bean’s mouth.  We had to explain to Scorch about 5 times why just because you have the smallest number of bills, that doesn’t mean you have the least amount of money. We had to explain to him why I didn’t pay him money each time I landed on a square- any square.  And then there was his irrational fear of ending up in Jail.  He asked at one point if we would really put handcuffs on him if he had to there.

After about 7 minutes into the game, the Hubs and I were ready to poke our eyes out with forks (which, honestly, is how I always feel when playing Monopoly) so we tell the kids it’s time for bed.  But Scorch doesn’t want to go to bed without winning first.

While the Hubs & I tried to communicate in code with each other on how we can end this, Scorchedvthe dice one on top of the other.  When he called my attention to it, I gasped out loud and lied through my teeth saying “How did you know to do that? That means you WIN!!”  The boy was thrilled!

Yes, I’m a terrible parent. But I’m a terrible parent who got out of playing a torturous game and who’s kids got to bed on time. I win!

 

Jan30

I’ll Keep Him

Posted on by
Standard

Yesterday was what we call a Rough Day.

Scorch woke up thinking he suddenly had the power to make us do exactly what he wanted us to do. And what he wanted us to do was to go to the store and buy him a huge Nerf gun. Immediately. At 7 am.  And when- surprise, surprise- this didn’t work. He threw a fit- he cried, he pleaded, he threatened, he yelled.  He sat in time out.

Lather, rinse and repeat 5 times yesterday.

The Hubs and I were at a loss. We may pick up something small for the kids when we’re at the store (like a gum ball) but we’re not prone to buying the kids big things when it’s not a holiday or their birthday.  This was completely out of left field and there was no reasoning with him. I wanted to cry by the time we put him to bed last night.

This morning when we all got up and moving around, Scorch says to me “Mom- you know I had a really rough day yesterday.”

I agreed.

“I don’t want to have another rough day today, okay, Mom?  So if you can just go to the store right now to get me the Nerf Gun, I’ll have a good day. You may want to do that now.”

After I picked my jaw off the floor and stifled my laughter, we had a long long talk about how this was NOT going to be a rough day even though he was not getting what he wanted. And we didn’t- over all it was a good day.

I was reminded of why I didn’t sell Scorch to the circus last night when right before dinner he gathered his Dad and little sister around him and whispers loud enough for the neighbors to hear “Let’s surprise Mom. Let’s do what she asks the first time she asks it. That’ll make her so happy!”

I guess I won’t sell him yet.

Jan28

Peter Pan

Posted on by
Standard

Every Friday night we have family movie night.  I make a pizza, we watch a kid-friendly movie and the little people are in bed by 7:30.  Perfect, right?

It’s honestly one of our favorite nights of the week- a night that we are all home together, snuggled on the couch, laughing over whatever it is we’re watching.  We’ve watched some great movies- Up, Surf’s Up (that one is the kids favorite), Babe, Spirit & all the Toy Stories. We’ve also seen some not so great ones- Marmaduke, G-Force, to name a few.  Tonight we watched Peter Pan– the original.

I never realized just how PC I’ve become. There were sword fights! Man-eating crocodiles! Some not so pleasant descriptions of women (wenches & shrews)! Stereotypical  Indians! Threats to kill little kids!  The Hubs and I kept looking at each other with wide eyes.

All that said, the kids loved it!  The crocodile made them laugh and Scorch thought the sword fights were the coolest thing ever.  So we all just enjoyed it- the lessons on political correctness will come tomorrow.

 

Jan27

Just Like Her Mom

Posted on by
Standard

One of my dearest friends is someone I’ve never seen in person, or even talked to on the phone.

Heather and I met 8+ years ago on a message board when we realized our husbands shared similar, rather unique, jobs.  At first we just corresponded through the message board but soon started talking via Instant Messaging. Pretty soon we started talking at once a day during the week even if it’s just for a few minutes to say hi.

Over the years we’ve been each others sounding boards as we’ve bought homes, dealt with infertility, our husband’s job hazards, family drama, illnesses, car accidents, job upheavals, and now finally, kids.  I’ve made it no secret about how we built our family, and Heather’s made it no secret how their daughter, K, came into their life.

Long story very short (seriously- go read the details, it’s so well worth it!) Heather and her husband adopted K when she was 11 years old out of the foster care system.  K is a gorgeous almost-12 year old now that looks so much like her parents it’s eerie.  She had a rough upbringing- from a very premature birth which has caused a few long term health issues, to the lack of stability in her life and never having a family, until now, to call her own.

Raising a little girl in today’s world scare me- a lot. Which is why I’m so very glad Heather gets to go first on this one. And right now they have entered a small rough patch where K is starting to care -a lot – about what other people think of her.  Instead of celebrating her uniqueness, K is starting to want to just fit in.

I will have all of Beaner’s life to work on sculpting her self-esteem and confidence.  Heather’s had a little over a year to prepare for this.  She’s wrestling with that big time now and I was hoping some of my very wise readers may have some thoughts. Just how can you foster confidence and ambition on a tween? How do you teach them to laugh off their insecurities and to realize just how great they are?  Because K is more then great- she’s awesome. Just like her Mom.

 

Jan26

Apples & Oranges

Posted on by
Standard

When I was pregnant with Scorch, we’d always sit behind the same family at Mass on Sunday.  Mom, little boy and baby sister. Baby sister was a stinker. Loud,  active and  never able to sit still.

One Sunday, baby sister was around 2 and she was acting up- she kept wanting to go into the aisle.  Finally the mom had enough and she got right down to the little girls level and hissed at her “Don’t you dare put one toe outside of this pew, young lady!”  She meant business- heck, she scared me.

Baby sister kept her eyes right on her mom and very carefully, very deliberately took her right foot and stomped it in the aisle.

The Hubs and I never laughed so hard in church- all the while praying that the baby we were having wasn’t a thing like that little girl.

And Scorch isn’t.  He listens. He stays where you tell him to. He doesn’t poke around into things he shouldn’t. And he typically asks for permission before doing anything. When he does step out of line, a stern talking to does the trick with him. He may not like it, he may cry his little eyes out, but he’ll behave himself.

The Bean? Not so much.

I never had to tell Scorch not to eat the snow off the bottom of his boots when we’re driving someplace.

Scorch never shimmed under the baby gate to get into the cat’s room, opened a bag of dirty cat litter and ran his hands all through it. (still gagging over that one)

Scorch never ran faster away from us when we yelled STOP in Target.

It’s a damn good thing that Scorch was born first otherwise there may not have been a second kid.

 

 

Jan24

Save Your Drama for Your Mama

Posted on by
Standard

Some one evidently shared the saying in the title with Scorch the minute he exited the womb because he’s been doing just that from day 1.  My sweet little boy isn’t prone to temper tantrums or angry outbursts when he’s upset.  Nope, he channels all his feelings of anger and frustration into tears. Copious amounts of them.  I have to admit after his first bazillion tears were shed, they’ve pretty much lost their potency and I’ve become immune.

So Scorch pulled out a new weapon in his arsenal this past weekend.

You are the meanest Mom ever!
(this was after I wouldn’t let him watch a TV show because he had just finished watching a 90 minute movie. I think that’s enough TV time, right?)

This is the worst day ever. Of my whole entire life.
(This was after I  insisted he take a nap after he yawned his way through lunch. He proceeded to nap for 1.5 hours.)

You don’t love me. If you did, you would buy me a new Iron Man toy when you go to the grocery store!
(1. I never buy toys at the grocery store. and 2. When did it start becoming a rule that I had to bring him home a toy every time I left the house without him. Don’t think so, kiddo)

I have to say, the words hurt at first.  I panicked- holy cow, my kid thought I didn’t love him! But I do- I adore him, everything about him! Doesn’t he know that? What can I do to prove it?

But as the verbal onslaught continued I started to get really peeved. Seriously kid? This- this- is the worst day of your life? The day we visited friends, went to the library, had dinosaur shaped sandwiches and watched your favorite movie is your worst day ever all because I made you take a nap?!  I would have cried tears of gratitude if someone insisted I nap!

As for his insistence that I didn’t love him because I didn’t buy him a toy superhero? Let’s just say he’s damn lucky I didn’t share his birth story with him and flash him my stretch marks!  That would’ve shown him love.

*~*~*~

Thankfully Baby Lala is still too young to cause Red & TBO any grief like this.  The Peanut is 7 weeks old today- she would have been 35 weeks gestation had she stayed put. She’s up to a whopping 3 lbs 7 oz (almost 2 lbs over her birth weight)!  She’s off all breathing assistance- no CPAP, no nasal cannula, nada- and doing beautifully.

They are working on compressing her feeds.  Itty bitty preemies like her are fed 24/7 when they are first born, so the doctors are now trying to get her to a more normal newborn feeding schedule of only getting milk ever 2-3 hours.  She’s working really hard at taking 5 oz of breastmilk twice a day from a bottle instead of through her feeding tube. That still exhausts her- it’s hard working figuring out how to eat and breath at the same time!  Her brain bleeds are staying stable which is what the doctor’s expect- they won’t start going away for another week or so.

It’s amazing to get all this good news about Lala- hopefully she’ll be home within the next 5 weeks!

Jan20

My First Love

Posted on by
Standard

Well, wasn’t that a lovely self-pitying post yesterday?  On to brighter things today…books.

I’ve been reading voraciously ever since I joined the library this past summer.  I read anywhere from 8 to 10 books a month.  My problem is that I find an author and then read everything I can by them.  While this usually gives me a lot to read, it also keeps me pretty limited in what I read. I know I’m missing out on some gems.

Everything I’ve read lately is good (Nora Roberts, Iris Johansen, Jodi Picoult, Jeffrey Deaver, & James Patterson off the top of my bed)- but nothing has sucked me and held me by the throat.  I want to read a book that I can’t put down.  A book that begs me to steal snatches of time to read it- while I should be cooking or sleeping or, yes, even playing with the kids.  The last series of books to do that was The Hunger Games- I read all three books in 5 days.

I’ll read just about any genre- historical, sci-fi, chick lit, dystopian, mystery. So please, hit me with your best recommendations!

Jan19

Not Fit For Duty

Posted on by
Standard

Today is one of those days where I wonder who in the world thought I was fit to be a parent? Honestly- when are these kids real adult parents coming to get them because clearly I’m not them.

Scorch had one of those epic bad days at school that only a 4 year old can have. First he was told by a classmate that he was doing things wrong because he was coloring outside the lines (But Mom, I was giving the bunny fur, it had to be outside the lines! Suzy didn’t believe me!). A classmate borrowing a marker and not returning it by the end of the day (*sob*It’s my favorite color! *sob*). But the real kicker was being told by a classmate whom Scorch considers to be one of his BFFs that the classmate was, in fact, not his friend.  That just sent Scorch over the edge.

This is a classmate whom Scorch has had issues on and off with all year and their friendship runs very hot or cold- they are either inseparable or this classmate, according to Scorch, wants nothing to do with him.  Scorch for the life of him cannot understand this.  And I’m at a loss to explain it.

We tell him that sometimes people have bad days and say or do rude things. We tell him that people can pick who they want to be friends with, but this classmate should not ever be mean to Scorch and if he is to tell a teacher.  We tell Scorch to find other friends to play with- there are 24 other kids in the class for goodness sake.  The teachers tell us how well liked Scorch is and how the other kids love playing with him, but Scorch keeps coming back to this kid like a moth to a flame.

I feel like I don’t know how to teach my little boy to stand up for himself and to not to put up with meanness.  Or how to teach Scorch to let things roll right off his back and not take them personally.  All we can keep doing is encouraging other friendships and keep talking to him over and over about what’s right and wrong and how he should expect kindness from others.  Sometimes that feels like enough. Other days, when I have a sobbing 4 year old sitting on my lap, it feels completely inadequate.

Edited: Just wanted to add that I’m not blaming Scorch’s classmate for all this.  That kid is a 4 year old too and 4 year olds have the right to chose their friends just like anyone else.  As long the kid isn’t rude or seeking out Scorch to be mean, I’m fine with them being, or not being, friends.  It’s more just me feeling badly that Scorch doesn’t have the coping skills to handle the on and off-ness of things.

Jan18

The Sucker

Posted on by
Standard

After a couple weeks of not being around as much as he’d like due to work, the Hubs has been home this past week for dinner and bedtime for the kids every night.  It’s been great- I’ve been cooking, we’ve been having family meals with all 4 of us and I have a someone with me when I’m putting the kids to bed.

Please note, I didn’t say I had “help” putting the kids to bed.  Help isn’t a word I’d use.  The Hubs isn’t helpful at this particular role at all.  Especially when it comes to the Bean- that little girl has the Hubs wrapped around her finger about 10 times over.

Our routine for both kids typically is a teeny-tiny cup of milk, 2 books, potty/teeth brushing, another short book, prayers, a song and bed. Easy as can be and when I’m flying solo each kid’s bedtime (usually spaced 30 mins apart) takes about 20 minutes total.  But now that the Hubs is home- and feeling guilty for not being around much last few weeks- the Bean’s bedtime is pushed back until Scorch’s and the whole thing takes well over 45 mins.  And it’s all the Bean’s fault.  She knows the power she holds over the Hubs- she knows darn well that her request for one more game/book/story/song is going to be agreed to without a second thought, especially when she adds in that extra sweet “Please, daddy? Please?”

As soon as I hear those words, I know the routine has once again been thrown out the window because the Hubs is a sucker for those cute pleas and more fun with the kids.

So I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face  even if I’m gritting my teeth because you know what? These times are precious and they won’t last long.  Pretty soon all the Hubs and I will get is a peck on our cheeks and a “‘Night!” from the kids as they put themselves to bed.  My schedule and routine may be blown to hell, but the kids are going to bed with a smile on their lips and giggles echoing down the hallway.  At the end of the day, you can’t ask for much more then that!