Category Archives: Me

Jan19

Not Fit For Duty

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Today is one of those days where I wonder who in the world thought I was fit to be a parent? Honestly- when are these kids real adult parents coming to get them because clearly I’m not them.

Scorch had one of those epic bad days at school that only a 4 year old can have. First he was told by a classmate that he was doing things wrong because he was coloring outside the lines (But Mom, I was giving the bunny fur, it had to be outside the lines! Suzy didn’t believe me!). A classmate borrowing a marker and not returning it by the end of the day (*sob*It’s my favorite color! *sob*). But the real kicker was being told by a classmate whom Scorch considers to be one of his BFFs that the classmate was, in fact, not his friend.  That just sent Scorch over the edge.

This is a classmate whom Scorch has had issues on and off with all year and their friendship runs very hot or cold- they are either inseparable or this classmate, according to Scorch, wants nothing to do with him.  Scorch for the life of him cannot understand this.  And I’m at a loss to explain it.

We tell him that sometimes people have bad days and say or do rude things. We tell him that people can pick who they want to be friends with, but this classmate should not ever be mean to Scorch and if he is to tell a teacher.  We tell Scorch to find other friends to play with- there are 24 other kids in the class for goodness sake.  The teachers tell us how well liked Scorch is and how the other kids love playing with him, but Scorch keeps coming back to this kid like a moth to a flame.

I feel like I don’t know how to teach my little boy to stand up for himself and to not to put up with meanness.  Or how to teach Scorch to let things roll right off his back and not take them personally.  All we can keep doing is encouraging other friendships and keep talking to him over and over about what’s right and wrong and how he should expect kindness from others.  Sometimes that feels like enough. Other days, when I have a sobbing 4 year old sitting on my lap, it feels completely inadequate.

Edited: Just wanted to add that I’m not blaming Scorch’s classmate for all this.  That kid is a 4 year old too and 4 year olds have the right to chose their friends just like anyone else.  As long the kid isn’t rude or seeking out Scorch to be mean, I’m fine with them being, or not being, friends.  It’s more just me feeling badly that Scorch doesn’t have the coping skills to handle the on and off-ness of things.

Jan17

How I Met Your Father

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13 years ago yesterday the Hubs and I went on our first date.

We actually met about 12 days prior to our first date- at Victoria’s Secret of all places.  I worked there for 2 year during college- it was a fun gig! I always enjoyed working retail and trust me, we had some interesting customers at Vicky See’s. One day I greeted a customer, the Hubs, waking into the store as I was walking out for my break.  I noticed immediately what a cutie he was- but let’s face it, while Vicky See’s is a great place to work, it’s not a great place to pick up guys. If he’s in there shopping for anyone else other then his significant other, he’s most likely a little too odd for me and if he is shopping for his significant other, then he’s off limits.

I get back from my break and ask one of my co-workers if she saw the cutie who came in as I was leaving.  Turns out the cutie was a friend of hers from college and he dropped by to say hi and I caught his eye.  Well, well, well…

The Hubs came back in the next day to ask me out one night that weekend.  But I had plans every night- I was getting my wisdom teeth out on Monday and it was my last weekend of freedom before college started up again. I did tell him that my friends and I would be at a local bar/dance club on Saturday night if he wanted to join us and didn’t really give him a second thought.

Saturday night arrived and I went out to the bar with my friends. To my surprise, the Hubs showed up as well! We talked for a few, but frankly I was too interested in having fun with my friends to pay him much attention. He was a virtual stranger and it’s really hard to make small talk when the music is so loud.  About an hour into our night, a bar fight broke out (high class place, I know) so my friends and I opted to leave.  I made sure to say goodbye to the The Hubs before I left- telling him to have a good night!

Too bad he thought I told him to have a nice life.

The next day I got a call from our mutual friend asking why I was so stinking rude to the Hubs the night before. She was livid and I was confused.  Once she told me what he thought I said, we cleared things up and I asked her to please give the Hubs my number so I could apologize.  We talked later that night and found out we actually had a lot in common- my interest was definitely starting to peak.

But the next day, Monday, I got my wisdom teeth removed surgically.  I’ll spare you all the details, but suffice to say I couldn’t really talk until Wednesday even though the Hubs called every day to check on me.  When we finally did talk he asked me out for that Saturday and I agreed- warning him I still looked like a chipmunk and had bruises up my cheeks from surgery.  He said he didn’t care so we agreed to meet at a minor league hockey game.

On the way to the game I found out that the couple we were supposed to be double dating with canceled on us, so it was just the two of us.  I called my best friend and made her promise to call me half way through the game so I could bail if things weren’t going well (forgive me, I was 19!).  However, the date went wonderfully and I forgot to keep my cell phone handy so my very inventive friend called the Arena to have me paged.  Smooth, right?

After the game was over, we decided to grab a late dinner so we went to Applebees.  There we ran into the Hubs cousin, SuperCop, who – surprise!- was also a guy I dated for a while four years prior. That was both awkward and awesome because no one can break the ice better then SuperCop. We ended up having a great time out despite the fact that I completely forgot that salt + open wounds in your mouth = me crying terribly halfway through dinner.

Writing this all out now- my lukewarm reaction to him, “Have a nice life!”, my bruised & swollen face, his cousin who is my ex and my crying spell because I’m a dumbass, it’s astounding that the Hubs asked me out again.  But he did and I said yes and 13 year later we took the kiddos back to see the same AHL hockey team we saw on our first date.  I love it when life comes full circle!

Jan14

Mary Poppins, Practically Perfect in Every Way.

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Did you know my kids have a second mom?

Well, they do.

We’ll call her Mary (after Mary Poppins, of course) because my kid’s second mom is their nanny.  I work out of my home full time for a Big Company- which is awesome. But it’s a busy job with  lots of phone calls, so I needed childcare.  It seemed silly to send my kids to a day care since I was home, so hiring a nanny seemed like the perfect idea. Mary has been with our family as a live-out nanny since Scorch was 15 weeks old- so a tad over 4 years now.  It took us forever to narrow down who to interview for the job, but as soon as we met Mary we knew she was The One.

I was so stinking nervous when she started to work for us.  A complete stranger was going to be coming into my house for 42.5 hours a week- wouldn’t that freak you about a little bit?  She was going to see my mess house. Overhear conversations between the Hubs and I.  Drive my baby around.  Tend to him when he cried and play with him when he was happy.  There was the BIG worry that kept me up at night.

What if he loved her more then he loved me?

Then- BANG- my maternity leave was over and Mary showed up at my house to start work. We bumbled over each other for the first few months- each of us trying not to step on toes, trying to figure out Scorch’s ever evolving needs, learning how to talk to each other about the baby, her likes/dislikes, discipline methods, tummy time, schedules and salary.

Once we found our groove, it was awesome (and has been ever since).  We learned to love Mary just as much as Scorch did.  And love her he did- he lit up when she showed up in the morning.  And yes, sometimes he did call her Mommy. And sometimes he called me Mary.  But it was fine- I understood. I never once doubted that he knew I was his mom and I was so extraordinarily thankful that Scorch had such a great day care provider.  Then we had the Bean and she was lucky enough to have Mary watching her too!

My kids are so lucky because Mary can totally kick my butt in more then a few ways.  Yesterday, Scorch said he wanted to build a ramp for his Hot Wheels.  He wanted the ramp to dip down, then go up, then do a loop.  I stood there staring at him, shrugging my shoulders saying, “I dunno how to do that.”  Mary looked pensive for a sec, then said, “I got it”. Next thing I know she’s got scissors, duct tape, two cardboard boxes from the recycling and string out building him the ramp he wanted.  The woman is freaking McGuyver!

Then this morning she says to me, “You know, the pile of coloring books and markers is making me nuts, I think I’m going to weed out the toy shelf and make room there for them.”  I hooted with laughter and told her to have at it.  And she did.  You don’t even want me to tell how she organized my linen closet a few months ago because she was bored.  Or how she takes a million awesome pictures of my kids- she even started her own photography business. (Local folks- let me know if you want the URL.)  Or how she organizes the kids drawers.  Or how she comes up with amazing arts and crafts on snowy days.

In the fall, Mary won’t work for our family any more.  Both kids will be in school full time and while The Hubs and I hope to have another baby, it certainly won’t be by then.  I get teary eyed every time I think too hard about our family without her daily presence in it.  I keep asking her to marry me so we don’t have to lose her, but given the fact that we’re both straight and it’s illegal in NY anyhow- she turns me down.

Jan11

One Small Step

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We hit a minor milestone in our house today. Two of them actually!

First, the Bean started gymnastics today! This is the first thing she’s done that’s just hers- the first activity where she hasn’t been simply tagging after Scorch.  There aren’t many structured activities out there for 2 year olds in our little town so when I heard about a gymnastics class that basically fit into our schedule, I was signed her right up. She seemed to have loved the first class and it’s so much fun for me to see her explore and make new friends!

Secondly, because of the timing of Beaner’s class today, Scorch has to stay for lunch at school for the first time ever. He goes to preschool 5 half days a week and has been adamant that he does not want to stay for lunch- no way, no how. We have an amazing nanny that typically picks up him before lunch so he can eat at home with his sister and he likes that.  Any previous mentions of staying for lunch has ended up with him in tears, so I was a little nervous about this.  Yesterday I went out and got him a very cool Spiderman lunch bag and the Hubs and I talked up staying for lunch for a good week- how much fun it is! How he gets to talk to his friends! The chocolate milk  he can buy!

And you know what? He was a rock star today. Not a tear or a worry- off he went and he a blast.

I should be happy- and I am for the most part. I’m thrilled with Scorch’s bravery and independence. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad. Each time Scorch becomes more independent he’s that much closer to not needing us quite as much. To wanting to spend times with friends instead of parents. My baby is growing up- one small step at a time.

 

Jan10

The Simple Things

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I’ve shared a time or two how I’m basically the Un-Martha Stewart.  So today when I went out and got matching bedding (including quilt, shams & a bedskirt) for the Hubs & I’s room- that was a Big Deal. We haven’t had matching bedding in about 3 years due to a certain 4 year old who shall remain nameless.

On normal days, I get out of work at 5, cook dinner, we eat at 6 and we start bedtimes around 7. But today the Hubs had to go back to work, so we ate at 5 which left the kids and I a long stretch of time to fill before bed.  The kids are still young enough that they can be tricked into thinking that doing chores is fun, so I suggested we make up my bed with the new bedding.

You would have thought I had shown them a magical toy that pooped out rainbows and unicorns- they were that excited!

We rolled around on the new bedding, wrestling and tickling and flying up on my feet for over an hour!  The kids did relay races from the kitchen to my bedroom as I made up the bed, we covered each other up with the new quilt, we bopped each other with pillows and they dived bombed me trying to knock me over. At one point, the Bean jumped on me and her mouth hit my head. I asked her if she was OK and she said she was fine and kept playing. It wasn’t until she stopped for a second that we saw the blood coming out of her mouth.  Trooper that she is, she’s says “I having too much fun to stop- keep going!”  And we most likely would have had not Scorch freaked out over the sight of blood and insisted that we clean his sister up before we started playing again. I don’t think he’s going to grow up to be a doctor.

Who knew new bedding could be so much fun? Here’s hoping a new set a dish towels tomorrow is just as amusing!

************

Baby Lala had a quick head scan today and the brain bleeds are the same size as they were last week. That’s really good news and we’re hoping that the next scan shows them going away! 🙂

Jan6

Love Thursday: Favorites

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Scorch has started to play the copying game- you know, the one where he repeats back everything I say. When it starts to get annoying, I purposely say things to make him laugh – things that may or may not involve potty words not typically allowed in our house. Or I say things that I know he won’t want to repeat- like “Mommy thinks Bean is the best kiddo in the whole wide world.”

This morning when I was teasing him about how Beaner is the greatest and Scorch has stinky toes, he said to me “Mommy I know you’re just joking because I’m your favorite, right?”

I gave him the pat parental answer of how they were both my favorite and how I love them both the same and all was right in the world again. But it got me thinking- do I have a favorite kid? I think I do.

Scorch is my favorite kid because he’s typically the calm in the eye of Hurrican Bean. He’s my favorite because he corrects me when I pronounce a dinosaur’s name wrong. He’s my favorite when he’s fresh out of the bath and all squirmy and giggly when we’re putting on his eczema cream. He’s my favorite at night when we’re curled up in his bed reading a funny book. He’s my favorite when he goes up to other kids at the playground- kids he doesn’t know- to see if they want to play without a second thought. He’s my favorite when he comes up just asking for a random hug during the middle of the day. He’s my favorite because he’s my first born- the first baby I held and bathed and nursed and rocked to sleep. He’s my favorite because no matter how old he gets, I can still see that baby underneath.

But Beaner’s also my favorite. She’s my favorite because of her munchable cheeks that I frequently kiss. She’s my favorite for her sassy “I do it myself” personality. She’s my favorite because she insists she does not need your help until she tries things a few times herself and then comes right up and asks  to”help please!”  She’s my favorite because she always remembers her manners and always reminds Scorch of his.  She’s my favorite because she sleeps through the night.  She’s my favorite because she’s still laughing a day later about how the dog at playgroup tooted so loudly it scared her.  She’s my favorite because she’s my baby and she still fits so perfectly in my lap when we read a night.

Yup, clearly they are my favorite!

Jan5

Dragon Lady

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I consider myself a pretty even keel person. Generally happy and easy going, willing to roll with what ever life throws at me.  I try to keep my home a happy one even if that means reminding myself over and over that my kids are still little and to cut them some slack.  And most of the time, that works.

Except between 5 and 6 am.  During those hours, I’m less mommy and more Dragon Lady.

The Bean sleeps through the night unless she’s sick- 12 to 13 beautiful, restful hours of sleep.  Scorch? Not so much. He’s up at least once, sometimes twice, a night.  He needs a drink or to use the bathroom or just to tell me about a dream/nightmare he’s had.  Most of the time I do fine with this- help him to the bathroom, get him the drink and smile and nod.  Then he goes right back to bed and all is well with the world.

But if he gets up after 5 am for any of those reasons there is a damn good chance he won’t go back to bed. Instead he’ll lay in bed yelling for me every 10 minutes or so asking if it’s time to get up. Never mind that he can tell time, never mind that he knows very well he’s not allowed out of bed until at least 6 am.  And it makes me crazy.

So crazy, in fact, that I turn into a hissing, raging mess.

Go to bed!

Close your eyes right now!

If you yell for me one time, I will take away every one of your dinosaurs for a week!

You, sir, will be NAPPING today because you are up way too early!

You may watch TV, but if you come upstairs before Special Agent Oso is over I will NOT BE HAPPY.

Yes, I’m very proud of that last one. Threatening my kid to watch TV or else so I can get an extra 30 to 60 minutes of sleep.  See, that is why I turn into such a lunatic.  When it’s the middle of the night, I know I can go back to bed and get a good chuck of sleep. But at 5 am I know I’ll be lucky to get another full 60 minutes of sleep- 60 precious minutes that are interrupted too many times to count as sleep at all.

I keep reminding myself that the time will come soon enough when I have to drag Scorch out of bed at 11 am on the weekends, but that is cold comfort in the early morning dark. *yawn*

Jan3

Happy 2011!

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Dear Kiddos-

Happy New Year! Yes, I realize it’s 3 days into the new year and I’m late.  As you get older, this will not surprise you at all.

2010 was a good year for us! Our extended family weathered some health scares, but everyone is still here in 2011. Our immediate family had 3 fun bouts with a stomach bug (I blame you, Scorch, and your germy classmates for that) but that was the worst of it.

There were a lot of first this year. Scorch going to school 5 days a week. Our amazing trip to the OBX. Renting a camper for our trip to Lake Ontario. Scorch’s first trip the ER. Bean’s first conversations. T-ball. Your first new baby cousin- Beaner isn’t the youngest any more!  Your first Yankee’s game and show at Madison Square Garden. Looking back on it, we had a lot of fun in 2010!

Moving forward, I have a lot of high hopes for 2011.  There will most likely be a lot of changes this year. One way or another, The Hubs is getting a new job.  One of the job possibilities- the one we’re praying for- will keep us here. The other will love us 350 miles away.  Either way, I’m ready to be out of this limbo.  A move would be really, really hard on all of us- but I have a feeling it would turn out just fine.

You’ll turn 5 this year, Scorch. Do you know what that means? The whole wide world of sports- everything you’ve wanted to play- is now open up to you.  Football, lacrosse, basketball, martial arts and golf.  You have interest in them all, so I have no idea how we’re going to narrow this down.  That’s a good problem to have!  In the fall, you’ll also start kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN!!!! You may be ready for that, but I promise you I won’t be.  I look at you now and I see a boy- not a baby, not even a toddler. A tall, skinny boy with more imagination in one pinkie then I have in my whole body.

Beaner- you’ll turn 3 this year!  You’ll also start school full time in the fall- a wonderful Pre-K program that we eased Scorch into bit by bit.  But you, sweetpea, you don’t need to be eased into anything. You’ll be jumping in with both feet come September and I have a feeling you’ll love every stinking minute of it.  You’re also going to start gymnastics as we try to figure out what you like to do. Right now it’s simply whatever Scorch does sports-wise, but I have a feeling that will change!

As for me, well- come September I’ll have an empty house for the first time since Scorch was born. Your father and I may have to start having serious discussions on getting you guys a sibling just to make me feel better.

There will be lots of changes this year- some little, some seismic. But all of them- all of them– will be made in the hopes of making your life better.  We love you two so much and would give you the moon if we could. For now though you’ll have to settle for a more stable job for your Dad, maybe a new house and the one thing that will never change no matter what the date- love, and lots of it.

Happy new years, kiddos! Can’t wait to see what’s coming!

Love,

Mommy

Dec21

I don’t do puke

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Some people are really good when their family is sick. They hold it together, they tend to the sick and they solider on.

I am not one of those people.

I’m really good with blood and cuts and bruises and falls but I am not good with puke.  I come by this honestly- my mother also didn’t do puke when we were growing up.  When my kids get sick, the Hubs handles the sick kid and I go down stairs to do the dirty laundry for 15 or 20 mins while the storm passes.  I always conveniently reemerge when the kiddo is cleaned up and ready to go back to bed. If they want to cuddle before going back to bed, I make sure to cover myself in at least 3 or 4 towels just in case.

Last night, the Hubs got sick.  Instead of feeling badly for him, my mind immediately went into crisis mode.  Where to put the kids puke buckets for easy access.  How to avoid getting sick myself.  Ways we could still celebrate Christmas if we’re stuck at home.

So far, the kids and I are still healthy but I’ll be on Red Alert until at least this time tomorrow waiting for the axe to fall.  In the mean time, I’m trying to convince the Hubs to go live in the car until he feels better.  He’ll have heat, fully reclining seats and DVD player- what more does he really need?

 

Dec20

Being Santa

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There are a lot of things that no one tells you about being a parent.  Like the need to always, always carry a roll of paper towels in your car just in case. Or to pad in an extra 15 minutes when trying to figure out when to leave for an event in case of blow outs or a toddler insisting on doing everything herself.  Or how funny you’ll find your kid even when they are being completely inappropriate (Bean’s new nickname for me? Mrs. Poopyhead.  Not at all acceptable, but freaking hysterical. The Hubs has to excuse himself after she calls me that so she doesn’t see him laugh).

I was also never told how hard it is to be Santa.

When we were little, my parents rocked at being Santa. I can’t remember 99.9% of the gift I received, but I can tell you about the letters we got from Santa every year.  Each of us kids got one- they were always hidden at the very end of our present pile to prolong the suspense.  They were typically a long poem with a few stanzas about what we did that year- accomplishments, goals reached, milestones- a discussion on how proud Santa was of us and then a stanza with a riddle to answer. The answer to the riddle would lead us to our Big Gift of the year.  These letters from Santa, always written in my father’s very distinctive handwriting, continued long after we stopped believing and were the highlight of our mornings.

Since the kids were born, we’ve been able to keep the holidays pretty low key.  Last year was the first year Scorch started to catch on to the excitement so we ramped thing up a bit. But this year? Holy monkey, the boy’s head may explode.  Beaner is just super excited because Scorch is.  She has no idea what’s going on and Santa still freaks her out, but darn it- if Scorch is that excited, it’s gotta be good so she’s just as bouncy as he is.

Given that, I decided to try to write a poem for each kid this year.  Can’t be hard, right? I mean, I write for a living. I have a blog. I can totally write a short poem for each kid leading them to a gift, right?  Yeah.

So far, for Scorch I’ve got-

This year, you’re in a new class in school!
Isn’t that cool?

I wonder if I can get my father to write this for me?