Category Archives: Me

Mar24

Home Sweet Home

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So, my 36 hour trip to NYC turned into a 52 hour one thanks to Mother Nature and the never ending snow.  And honestly, I’m so glad that it did.

I woke up Wednesday morning with the news of school closing and weather reports telling me that my hometown was getting anywhere from 12-16 inches of snow.  I hemmed and hawed about what to do.  Do I keep my original flight and hope for the best? Do I rearrange my trip to stay another night and fly home when the weather clears? The one thing I didn’t want to do was get stuck in the airport for hours a time, so after a few quick conversations with the Hubs I decided to play it safe and stay one more night.

Best. Decision Ever.

One of my coworkers, a gentleman I’ve had the privilege of working with for many years, was staying as well so we decided after work on Wednesday to make the most of our grownup time in the city. He’s got three kids of his own, so I think we were a little giddy at the thought of doing things that we could never dream of doing with our little ones.  Like making a last minute decision to see a Broadway play.  We somehow got 5th row tickets to Jersey Boys . I really had no idea what to expect from a play about Frankie Valli and the Four Season- the music was before my time although I obviously knew some of it.  My expectations were exceeded 10 fold.  I was blown away by how great the play was- it was impossible to leave without smiling ear to ear (and yes, I knew every single song- thanks, Dad!).

Later that night we went out to dinner to The Red Cat with some colleagues and had a superb meal.  I was so thrilled to have a meal in a restaurant that doesn’t hand out crayons when you walk in.  A meal that didn’t include any Mac & Cheese or chocolate milk.  A meal where all the adults could talk about grown up things and where I didn’t have to take anyone to the bathroom 5 times and end up eating cold food.  Quite honestly, the food could have sucked (it didn’t), and I wouldn’t have cared a bit thanks to the atmosphere and company.

This morning, I caught the first flight home which happened to be at 10:30 am.  I got to the airport early enough to be able to have a hot breakfast while reading my book; enjoying my last few hours of peace and quiet.  Don’t get me wrong- I missed the Hubs and the kids, but I relished every minute of my time away.

As I was pulling in the driveway, the Hubs called.  “By the way, I forgot to tell you that Beaner has a touch of a stomach bug. Oh, and the dog seems to as well.  She barely made it out the door this morning before letting loose. And I think I heard the cat throwing up in the family room as I was walking out the door.”  He’s a smart man, the Hubs. Had he delivered all that news while I was still in NYC, I might not have come home.

 

Mar21

Mixed Feelings

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I’m leaving tomorrow for a quick business trip.  I fly out at 6 am tomorrow morning and land back home at 6 pm Wednesday night- so I’m gone a grand total of 36 hours total.

Part of me wants to do my best Braveheart impression and scream “Freeeeeeedom!!” as I pack my bag.  I get to meet with an old friend for breakfast tomorrow, travel with two of my favorite coworkers and attend meetings with some interesting companies doing some great things.  Add in at least one or two great meals out and a night in a hotel and I am one happy girl.

That is, until my 2 year old asks me when I’m coming home.  I tell her I’m going on a quick trip and I’ll be back when she wakes up in 2 days.  “You promise, Mommy?”  And that, right then, is when the arrow goes right through my heart.  I realize in the grand scheme of things a quick 36 hour business trip is not the end of the world, but it’s a big thing when you’re little.  For better or worse, my kids are used to the Hubs traveling for work, but they aren’t used to me being gone.  I keep telling myself it’ll be good for all three of them- the Hubs, Scorch and Bean- to figure out things without me for a few days. The Hubs can try his hand at getting the kids ready to go to school on his own, deal with the fun that is swimming lessons solo and wrestle the kids to bed two nights by himself and the kids will be thrilled with all this attention.

Me? I’ll be loving life in the Big City all the while counting down the hours till I’m home.

Mar17

Love Thursday: Little Reminders

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I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up (I still don’t, honestly).  The only thing I did know is that my future involved kids. When we were dealing with the 3 years of infertility and miscarriages, I dreamed about all the things I knew I’d love when I finally become a mom.  Long cuddles. The smell of a baby’s head. Days at the park.  The list was endless and it was the only thing that kept me going at times.

And I was right- I do (did- there are no more baby heads to sniff anymore!) love those things. But I find myself loving the oddest things.  Like opening my eyes in the morning and spotting a Disney Princess cup on my dresser.  Or reaching into my purse and pulling out an Iron Man toy instead of my wallet.  The fact that when I shower there are more soaps and bubbles for the little people in my house then there are for the big people.

In my darkest days, I wondered if I’d ever get to have kids running around my house, so these small little reminders of the kiddos make me smile much more often then they make me nuts.

Mar16

Missing Them

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From day 1, I knew I wasn’t stay at home mom material.  Quite frankly, staying home with my kids full time is much harder then my day job!

I have had the luxury of working from my home for a Big Company for the past 8+ years. Pre-kids I had a nice little office set up in one of our spare bedrooms- big L-shaped desk, bookshelves, awards.  Now each of those spare bedrooms is filled with a kid so I work out of a small hutch in our family room.  It’s not glamorous, but it allows me to get my job done each day.

When I was pregnant with Scorch, we researched a variety of day care options. After looking at a few places, we realized how silly it was to send Scorch out of the house while I was here so we hired Mary, our nanny. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure (most of the time) of being able to work with my kids one floor up from me. I can love on them any time I want. I give them kisses when they leave the house and I greet them at the door when they get home. In the summer I can take my lunch outside with them or take a break between meetings to stick my feet in the kiddie pool while they play.  In short, it’s the perfect set up!

Today I took the day off from work and was out of the house all day long.  On my drive home, I realized just how much I missed those little buggers.  Then I realized how much more I was going to miss them next year when they are both in school full time.

Anyone know of a way to freeze time? Because today, I’m all for that!

Mar15

2 am Conversations

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The Bean is a force to be reckoned with- that’s an undisputed fact.  She came into this world in hurry, she cried for the first 3 hours of her life and she basically turned our lives upside down from minute one is a million different ways.  For the first six months of her life, Beaner was a crappy sleeper.  The only way to get any sleep at all was to have her in bed with me.  I say me because by the time she was 3 months old she was too big and too wiggly for the Hubs to feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with her and I.

For almost every night for 3 months, the Hubs opted to sleep on the couch just so he could get some uninterrupted sleep. You see, Bean didn’t sleep well with us- it wasn’t like cuddling with me made her sleep better or longer. She just didn’t sleep at all and having her in bed with me just allowed me to soothe her before she woke up Scorch (who is also a really terrible sleeper).

We took Bean in for her 6 month well baby visit on her 6 months birthday and her doctor told me that I could let her cry it out if I wanted.  6 months was the earliest I would even consider it regardless of how badly we were all sleeping and the doctor confirmed that she was finally big enough to give it a try.

So that night, I sent the Hubs out with his friends to watch a basketball game (the man cannot be around a crying baby without comforting them) and I gave it ago.  She cried for 37 mins (I checked on her every 10 minutes) and then she fell asleep. She didn’t sleep through the night because she was still nursing, but within 3 nights she happily put herself to sleep every single night.  By the time she was a year old, she slept 12-13 hours straight every. single. night.

It was heaven.

We potty trained Bean about 3 weeks ago- it went so much easier then I thought it would. Except for one little thing.  Her sleep- her precious, glorious sleep- has gone to hell because now instead of wetting her diaper, she wants to get up and use the potty at least twice a night.  I know that’s a good thing, but it’s killing me.

It wouldn’t be so bad if she was up and then back to bed quickly, but she wants to talk to me while she’s up.

“What you doing, Mommy?”

“Where Daddy?”

“I all done sleeping now?”

“I yike (like) laughing. Do you like laughing?”

Or she’ll tell me about a conversation she had earlier in the day.  They are mundane conversations- like when our nanny, Mary, wanted her to put a pair of pants on and the Bean didn’t want to- but she has different voices and facial expressions for each person she imitating, so then I start laughing, and she starts laughing and pretty soon we’re cracking up like a pair of loons at 2 am in the bathroom.

Do you know how hard it is to go back to bed after something like that?

 

Feb24

Love Thursday: Lucky Me

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At dinner time, Scorch told me that I was the best cook ever because I made him French toast.  While putting the Bean to bed, she told me I was beautiful and too funny when I let her brush my hair.

My first thought was that I hope I always remain a rock star in my kid’s eyes. My second was how very lucky I was to be here having these conversation with my kids at all.

2 years ago today I got into a car accident.  I was so very lucky it wasn’t worse then it was- I walked away with cracked ribs, bad bruising and a damaged knee, but no lasting damage.  If the car that I collided with had hit me 2 feet to the left of where it did, the damage would have been much more significant.  If I had had the kids with me in the car, I’m not sure Scorch would be here any more (a thought that gave me nightmares for months).

 

I have a lot to be thankful every day- but today,  I’m especially thankful I’m here to play with my kids and to relax with my husband at all.  Happy Love Thursday, all!

Feb15

Sick Bed

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Last night at dinner, the Bean didn’t eat her bread.  This alarmed me greatly as this child would live on bread and butter if you let her.  Then she turned down her Valentine’s Day cupcake.  I knew right then and there she was sick.  When she asked to go to bed and wanted me to put her down instead of the Hubs, I figured the world was ending.

I kept the baby monitor right by me all evening and night waiting for the blow I knew was coming.  But all I heard was silence. So I got up and out of the house by 5:15 to head to the gym and didn’t give the Bean’s health a second thought.

When I got home, the Hubs was rinsing out the bath tub- the Bean had gotten sick.  I asked where she was and he told me she was laying in my bed.  I have to admit- I had conflicting thoughts about this.  My first thought was naturally hoping she feels better. But my second was fervently praying she didn’t get sick in my bed or worse yet on me.

After draping myself with a towel or four, I climbed into my bed with the Beaner for some cuddling. I noticed there was a towel already laid down under her and I mentally gave the Hubs props for thinking ahead.  While Beaner clearly didn’t feel well, it seems like getting sick was a one and done deal so I slowly peeled off my layers of protective towels as the morning went on (the puke bucket, however, stayed within arms reach all day long).

The Hubs called to check in shortly after I put Beaner down for her nap. After I gave him the status update, I thanked him for putting the towel down on our bed just in case.

The Hubs: “Just in case what?”

Me: “Just in case the Bean got sick in our bed after you cleaned her up.”

The Hubs: “Heather- how do you think I knew she was sick? She threw up in our bed.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. She puked, you cleaned her up, changed her- then you put a towel over the mess on our bed and laid her back down in it?!”

The Hubs: “It was only a little bit of puke- what’s the big deal?”

*sigh*

***********

Thankfully the Bean is feeling better as of this evening. Not nearly as clingy- which is a blessing for us all. Scorch, on the other hand, left the house for an hour this evening looking completely normal and came back home with a raging case of pink eye.  So I’ve traded in the fun of wrestling my daughter to get medicine in her last week to wrestling my son to get eye drops in him.   The fun never stops ’round these parts!

Feb10

Love Thursday: Grateful

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My pregnancy with the Bean wasn’t at all expected.  We fought long and hard to get pregnant with Scorch, so I never thought we’d be the couple to have a whoops baby.  I still remember the nagging feeling in the back of my head before I confirmed my pregnancy- the suspicion and nerves that I never shared with the Hubs.  The day I tested and got that bright pink second line, I came as close as I ever have to having  a panic attack.

You see- I didn’t know if I wanted a second child at that point. Scorch was- is– perfect in just about every way. He was sweet and gorgeous and good natured and funny and bright.  How in the world were we going to be able to do better than that?

While I was pregnant with the Bean, I more or less ignored the fact that there was (God willing) going to be real live baby coming at the end of the 9 months.  I had more then enough going on to keep me busy- Scorch, my full time job and our new small business- so it wasn’t too hard until the very end.  But once my due date got really close, I freaked. What were we thinking?! What if Baby #2 cried all the? What is s/he was the complete opposite of Scorch? What if we couldn’t love her/him as much as we loved Scorch? What if Scorch thought we didn’t love him anymore since we were having a new baby?  These worries, along with the Bean using my bladder as her personal trampoline, kept me up many, many nights.

Then the Bean arrive. She came quickly and furiously and she cried for 3  hours straight after she was born. That was our first clue that we did in fact have a baby who was the opposite of Scorch.  Beaner is feisty and head strong.  She’s hysterically funny and never stays where you put her. She views all orders from us as mere suggestions and she really couldn’t give a hoot if you’re not pleased with her.  In short, she’s absolutely, 100% perfect.

*****
For the first time in a long time, I had the Bean all to myself today for bedtime.  She’s been on a huge Daddy kick for weeks now, so he’s been handling bedtime and I’ve just been called in for one final kiss before he lays her down. Tonight’s one-on-one time to read books, get her dressed into her PJs and to rock her before bed was a rare welcome treat.  As we snuggled, singing “Bust a Move” (don’t judge me) in the dark and laughing ourselves silly I was overcome with this huge wave of gratefulness. Grateful that God gave us this child even if we weren’t ready.  Grateful that the Bean is the child we have.  Grateful to be living the life I am with the people I’m sharing it with.

Just plain grateful.

Feb2

Paul

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Paul was a sweet kid I went to school with. He was short with dark hair and amazing eyes not unlike my Scorch. He was a wise-ass and a charmer and he always, always had a big grin for everyone. He was honestly one of the nicest people I ever have met.

Paul died the summer I turned 16.

The day is etched into my brain. I spent the afternoon driving around country hills with my boyfriend- with no particular destination in mind, we just enjoyed the day. When I got home my parents were literally standing in the window watching for me. Paul was in a car crash- he was driving on a windy road and crashed head on into a dump truck. He was killed instantly.

At almost-16, I had never lost anyone close to me before who wasn’t elderly. My friends and I had lived a charmed life up until that point. Paul’s death shook us to the core.  The days after his death are still so clear to me. The crying, the huddling together, the wake, the funeral, spending time at Paul’s mom’s house trying to prop each other up.

About 10 days after Paul died, I spent the evening with two friends. As it often did, our conversation turned to Paul and how we wished we knew that he was at peace.  On the walk back to my house, we sat down on the side of the road and asked Paul to give us a sign that he was OK.  We sat there in silence- waiting, watching for that sign. After a few minutes we realized how silly that was- because anything from the owl hooting to the car honking could have been a sign. So we got specific.  We told Paul if he was OK to please please cancel swim lessons the following day. The three of us taught swim lessons for 4 hours a day and wanted a break.

That next day while I was driving to swim lessons, I saw one of my friends and her mom driving away from the pool. When I got to the pool, the director was sitting outside. She told us that lessons were canceled that day- the pool pump broke in the middle of the night.

I still get chills when I think about that.

Happy birthday, Paul- I’m glad you’re OK.

Jan20

My First Love

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Well, wasn’t that a lovely self-pitying post yesterday?  On to brighter things today…books.

I’ve been reading voraciously ever since I joined the library this past summer.  I read anywhere from 8 to 10 books a month.  My problem is that I find an author and then read everything I can by them.  While this usually gives me a lot to read, it also keeps me pretty limited in what I read. I know I’m missing out on some gems.

Everything I’ve read lately is good (Nora Roberts, Iris Johansen, Jodi Picoult, Jeffrey Deaver, & James Patterson off the top of my bed)- but nothing has sucked me and held me by the throat.  I want to read a book that I can’t put down.  A book that begs me to steal snatches of time to read it- while I should be cooking or sleeping or, yes, even playing with the kids.  The last series of books to do that was The Hunger Games- I read all three books in 5 days.

I’ll read just about any genre- historical, sci-fi, chick lit, dystopian, mystery. So please, hit me with your best recommendations!