My pregnancy with the Bean wasn’t at all expected.  We fought long and hard to get pregnant with Scorch, so I never thought we’d be the couple to have a whoops baby.  I still remember the nagging feeling in the back of my head before I confirmed my pregnancy- the suspicion and nerves that I never shared with the Hubs.  The day I tested and got that bright pink second line, I came as close as I ever have to having  a panic attack.

You see- I didn’t know if I wanted a second child at that point. Scorch was- is– perfect in just about every way. He was sweet and gorgeous and good natured and funny and bright.  How in the world were we going to be able to do better than that?

While I was pregnant with the Bean, I more or less ignored the fact that there was (God willing) going to be real live baby coming at the end of the 9 months.  I had more then enough going on to keep me busy- Scorch, my full time job and our new small business- so it wasn’t too hard until the very end.  But once my due date got really close, I freaked. What were we thinking?! What if Baby #2 cried all the? What is s/he was the complete opposite of Scorch? What if we couldn’t love her/him as much as we loved Scorch? What if Scorch thought we didn’t love him anymore since we were having a new baby?  These worries, along with the Bean using my bladder as her personal trampoline, kept me up many, many nights.

Then the Bean arrive. She came quickly and furiously and she cried for 3  hours straight after she was born. That was our first clue that we did in fact have a baby who was the opposite of Scorch.  Beaner is feisty and head strong.  She’s hysterically funny and never stays where you put her. She views all orders from us as mere suggestions and she really couldn’t give a hoot if you’re not pleased with her.  In short, she’s absolutely, 100% perfect.

*****
For the first time in a long time, I had the Bean all to myself today for bedtime.  She’s been on a huge Daddy kick for weeks now, so he’s been handling bedtime and I’ve just been called in for one final kiss before he lays her down. Tonight’s one-on-one time to read books, get her dressed into her PJs and to rock her before bed was a rare welcome treat.  As we snuggled, singing “Bust a Move” (don’t judge me) in the dark and laughing ourselves silly I was overcome with this huge wave of gratefulness. Grateful that God gave us this child even if we weren’t ready.  Grateful that the Bean is the child we have.  Grateful to be living the life I am with the people I’m sharing it with.

Just plain grateful.