Category Archives: parenting

Aug11

Love Thursday: More then 453 Pieces of Chocolate

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Dear Kiddos-

This week has been more then a little challenging.  I’ve been working 12 hours every day. You, Bean, have been perfecting your independence and fighting me every night at bed time.  And you, Scorch, are dealing with all the craziness by pulling out some crappy behaviors that have been getting you in all sorts of trouble.  We’ve all yelled at each other and we’ve all cried.

But we’ve also laughed. Played baseball.  Make impromptu ice cream runs.  Cuddled on the couch watching funny movies. Told each other that we love each other more then 13 cups of chocolate milk or 129 pieces of pizza.  Read some books. Colored. Swam. Helped each other.  Been kind to each other. Loved each other.

I pray when you think back to your childhood you remember all that good. I hope you don’t remember the fights and clashes because even though they seem to have dominated our lives this week, our family is so much more than that.   Bean-  your independence infuriates me, but it thrills me as well. You have no limits and I can’t wait to see where your self assurance takes you.  Scorch- I detest the fact that you screamed “I Hate You!” at me last night, but damned if I wasn’t proud of you for using your words and telling me exactly how you felt. I may not have liked it, but that passion of yours is one of your biggest assets.

Even when I’m flat out furious at you both, I love you-  there is absolutely nothing you can do that will change that.  I will always, always love you- even more then 453 pieces of chocolate.

– Mommy

Aug9

It’s all Relative…

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Part of my job is to monitor a 24 hour news site to ensure it’s up to date and accurate. I also get to tweet some of the top headlines.  Most days, I love this job.  I get to share amazing stories- like about Diana Nyad trying to swim from FL to Cuba at age 61.  Or about the last space shuttle mission.  Or about a couple recently married a year after the bride was paralyzed in a freak accident at her bachelorette party.

But some weeks, like this one, I have to tweet about an astounding, sickening, heart shattering famine in Somalia.  About a mom in MD who killed herself and her 13 year old autistic son over money woes. About a man who killed 8 people in Ohio for seemingly no reason at all.

After reading and sharing stories like that, I can’t help but feel grateful.  Grateful that my kid is well enough to climb out of her crib and wreck havoc on the house.  Grateful that Scorch is smart enough to lecture me about the meaning of the word “unfair” with lungs healthy enough to carry on loud enough for the neighbors to hear.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint. We all know that these things make me crazy a hell of a lot more often then they make me thankful. But even when I am complaining, I still know that I’m lucky to have the problems that I do.

Aug8

Seriously, Go To Bed

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I know I’ve complained about bedtime woes before and I hate to be redundant but dude, bedtime is killing me.

Last Thursday night, the Bean figured out how to not only climb out of her crib, but also how to manipulate the baby proof door knob covers.  That was really annoying, but she went to bed and stayed there after about 20 minutes so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  Then we shipped the kids to my parents Friday and Saturday night where Beaner was a perfect angel and slept in her crib there all night without an issue.  After I picked the kids up yesterday, we talked in the car on the way home about the sticker chart I made her and how she has to stay in bed to show us she’s ready for a Big Girl Bed.  Beaner happily agreed with me on all points so I went into last night with relatively high expectations.

I am clearly an idiot.

It took 57 minutes, countless returns to her bed, some yelling (both of us), lots of tears (both of us), some hitting (all done by her to me), and two time outs (one for both of us) before she finally, finally went to bed.  When it was all over, Scorch was still wide awake so he came over to me, gave me a hug and said “Wow- she was really rotten, wasn’t she?”

Tonight I had a new battle plan.  First, I started bed time an hour earlier.  The Bean is getting up at 6:15 now (vs 7:30 before she learned how to climb out of bed), so she’s exhausted which is making things a lot worse for everyone.  Secondly, I gave her clear cut rules- she was allowed 2 trips to the potty and one time to say goodnight to Scorch and that was that.  Third, I talked up the sticker chart to high heaven and we looked at Big Girl Beds on the computer so she could see what could be hers if she went to bed properly.  I knew this was going to work- I mean, it couldn’t be as bad as last night, right?

Again, I’m an idiot.

53 minutes tonight.  I stopped counting how many times I put her back to bed after 12.  I did, however, adopt Nanny Jo’s (from Supernanny) philosophy of silent returns- meaning, I didn’t talk to her, I just put her back to bed and that did help a lot. The Bean didn’t get out of bed any less often, but I refused to engage her so that did seem to cut down on some of the tension at least on my end.

Needless to say, my frustration level was sky high tonight.  When I finally lost my cool and raised my voice to the Bean, I felt badly about it and told Scorch as much as he was brushing his teeth.  I told him that yelling at them makes me feel like a jerk and that I really don’t like doing it.  So then Scorch asked me why I didn’t just shut the Bean’s door to make her stay put? I told him it didn’t matter if I did or not, she can just open the door up so the only way to keep her in her room was if I locked her in.  About 5 minutes later, Scorch was on the phone with the Hubs (who had to work tonight and missed all this fun) and I hear him say: “Mommy says the Bean is a jerk and she’s going to lock her in her room tonight.”

At least one of my kids is keeping me amused!

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better evening. In the meantime, I’m all ears for tips on keeping your kids in bed.

 

Jul27

The Dreaded Question

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Before I had kids, I knew exactly how I was going to raise them. When they asked me hard questions about death, drugs or sex, I wasn’t going to duck, I was going to answer my kids truthfully and directly.  All my kids confusion would be cleared up and I’d stay in the running for Mother of the Year.

Yeah- then the first hard question was thrown at me when Scorch was 3 and I realized that at heart, I’m a coward.  When it comes to the hard questions I either deflect with at “What do you think?” or I give my kids so much info that their little heads explode. I don’t seem to have an in-between.

I’m starting to panic a little because I know one of the biggest questions of all- Where Do Babies Come From?– is looming on the horizon.  It seems like we’re inundated with babies and pregnancies around us lately- Baby Lala, my best friends baby, and now the kid’s awesome nanny, Mary, is pregnant.  My kids have already told me point blank that I need to have another baby and asked when can they get another brother or sister, so I know the question is coming.

Somebody please help me!  How should I handle this question with a 5 year old (and a 3 year old, if the Bean decides to listen in)?  Do I keep it vague with the old standby a “When a man and a woman love each other, then give each other a special hug…” spiel?  Should I get a book to read to him? Should a 5 year old be told what sex is?  I shouldn’t think so, but lord knows kids now know a heck of a lot more then I did.  So please- I beg of you.  Tell me how you handled this question with your kids. Share with me your book recommendations.  Please- help the Hubs & me not screw this up and scar our kids for life!

Jul25

Go to Sleep

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Tonight was one of those nights I felt like the father in the book Go the F* to Sleep.  Have you guys seen this book? Or better yet, have you heard Samuel L Jackson narrating the book? Warning: the language is obscene and you’ll most likely hurt yourself from laughing so hard.

Instead of putting the kids to bed at different times, we’re putting them to bed at the same time this summer.  Scorch is going to bed a tad earlier, the Bean a tad later, so we can do fun things in the evening- picnics, concerts, play date, BBQs.  Most of the times this works out fine- it’s chaotic, but it’s fine.  Then I have nights like tonight.  Nights when:

> I leave the kids unattended in the bathroom (Bean getting read to use the toilet and Scorch brushing his teeth) for 2 minutes and come back to find a spilled cup of water in my magazine rack and the Bean with her foot in the (clean) toilet water.

> Scorch and Bean jump on Scorch’s bed together (something not typically allowed) and I let it slide because clearly these two have to work their sillies out somehow. We may or may not have said our nightly prayers while they were jumping- I’ll never tell.

> the Bean wants her covers just so, but she can’t explain what just so is so we both end up red faced and frustrated because neither one of us get what the other one is saying.

> Scorch and the Bean need band-aides for various reasons (bug bites, scratches, imaginary boo-boos) but can’t leave the band-aides alone so they need another one. Then another one.

> 2 ice cubes in the Beans water is simply not enough, she wants 3.  And she wants to get the water and the ice herself and put the top on her cup herself, resulting in more spilled water.

I handled most of this with grace (I swear), all the while thinking about the book.  I would never, ever swear at my kids- I don’t never like to say “butt” in front of them. But I will surely think bad words at them.  A lot.

Jul20

Nights Like These

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Some nights I lay in bed wondering why I ever thought having 1 kid, let alone 2, was a smart idea.  It usually happens on one of those nights where I feel like I spent the 3 hours I have with the kids after work but before bed correcting them. Nights where they can’t stop touching, hitting, pushing, pulling, prodding, snarking and just being mean to each other for 2 minutes.  Nights when my mantra is “pick your battles”- but there are no battles to pick because hitting your sister in the throat is dangerous and calling your brother stupid is unacceptable.  Night when I wonder if I’m raising crazy people. Nights where I feel like I’ve spent my whole evening yelling, threading and generally being the bad guy.

And I don’t like being the bad guy. I love being a mom and I adore my kids, so sometimes I make sure we have nights like we had today.

A night where we hop in the car 10 mins after I’m done working (just enough time to stuff dinner in a cooler & put on our swim suits) and head to our local beach.  A night when PB&J, pretzels and watermelon is considered a gourmet dinner because it’s eaten on a picnic table over looking the lake. A night when I encourage the kids to chase each other and to get each other as we play Shark in the water for an hour.  A night when the times we laugh far, far outweigh the times we annoy each other or the time I have reprimand a kid.  A night where we simply enjoy each others company and concentrate on having fun, not on making dinner, doing dishes and folding the laundry.  A night we have to repeat as many times as possible this summer.

 

Jul18

Worst Mom EVER

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Last week I had the great idea to take two tired kids to an outdoor concert that started right at the Bean’s bedtime.  They held it together great at the concert and we had a great time dancing and play. The trouble started when it was time to go home.

Somewhere between the park and our car (about a quarter of a block), Scorch decided that we just had to stop by the store on our way home to buy him a toy.  I tried explaining to him that no, we don’t just buy toys for the heck of it- he gets them for birthdays, Christmas & when he earns them.  He was not happy.  Turns out he thought since the Bean was having a birthday, he too should get toys because otherwise it simply wasn’t right. And when Scorch thinks things aren’t right, he tells me loudly, with tears.

“Mom- it’s unfair that I don’t get a toy too.  Do you know what unfair means? It means that it’s not fair. If the Bean gets toys on her birthday, then I get toys then too otherwise it’s unfair.”  (I love it when my kids give me vocabulary lessons!)

I tried explaining to Scorch that no,  each of them have a birthday once a year and on his birthday, the Bean didn’t get any toys, so he doesn’t on her birthday.  He wasn’t having it, so he kept up his rant/crying/pleading/threatening tirade the entire 15 minute ride home.   When we got home, he seemed to have realized that his words weren’t making a dent, so he grabbed some chalk and drew me a picture on the driveway as I was getting the Bean out of the car.  Behold:

When I asked Scorch what he drew, he told me it was a picture of Sad Scorch crying because he had the worst mom ever. The picture is still on our driveway and I laugh every time I see it- it’s a wonder that boy has the will to get out of bed in the mornings with me as his mother.

****

Quick side note- my niece, the incredible Baby Lala, now weighs over 10 lbs!!  Not to shabby for a kid who started out life at less then 2 lbs big!

Jul12

Lesson Learned

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My kids are smart.  So smart, in fact, that sometimes I forget that there are simple basic things that they don’t know, nor can they be expected to know, unless I tell them.  I was reminded of that fact yesterday.

Scorch has always had a thing for drawing with his fingers in the dirt that coats our car.  Last year when he started parochial school he started replacing his scribbles with crosses. Those crosses were drawn on to all the sides of the car any chance he got- we joked that we were driving around in the red-neck version of the Popemobile.  This year, as Scorch learned how to write all his letters the crosses got phased out and instead we started driving around the Alphabetmobile.  Scorch also has a thing for rocks. The boy is an avid fossil hunter, so he’ll pick up rocks any place he can.  Park, playgrounds, parking lots- he very rarely leaves a place without a rock or five to take with him.

Never had the two obsessions met- until yesterday.

It honestly never dawned on the Hubs or I to tell Scorch to never use a rock to drawn letters on our car.  I just (wrongly) assumed he knew that was a Bad Idea.  But, really- how could he know? A 5 year old has no concept that a rock could scratch the paint on a car.

The second Scorch said to me yesterday in the parking lot, “Mom- look what I made with this awesome rock!” I knew what he did.  I inwardly screamed, but I didn’t freak out on him even though there is now a nice small (thank goodness) “X” carved in my door.  I wanted to lose my temper and just yell- I had already dealt with a flat tire and a screaming 3 year old in the past hour and this? This was just the icing on the cake.  But we never taught Scorch this, we never told him explicitly that using a rock on the car’s paint is wrong- how was he to know.  So instead of yelling at the kid, I explained to him why he could never do that again and took the kids home and put them to bed.

Then I had a big bowl of ice cream and prayed for a better day today.

Jul4

Letting Them Grow Up

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I admit that I may have a problem letting my kids grow up.

It never dawned on me to let Scorch learn how to buckle and unbuckle his car seat until my Mom asked me why he wasn’t doing it. Surely he isn’t old enough, right?

What about walking by himself on the sidewalk without holding someone’s hand. He’s only 5, surely he still needs to hold my hand all the time while we’re in public, right?

How about doing something with a friend without me or the Hubs right there. Last year he didn’t want any part of going anywhere without us, so this year can’t be any different, right?

Wrong. Wrong. And wrong. My sweet boy is getting older and more mature, so really, he can do more himself, by himself. Sadly, I don’t have to be his constant companion in everything as much as I’d like to.  It’s a joy watching Scorch grown up and seeing what he can do for himself- I just need to let him.

Jun29

Money, Money

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Somebody please talk to me about kids & money, I’m begging you!

Scorch wants things. A lot of things.  He wants little plastic animal figurines when we stop at the pet store. He wants a Hot Wheels car when we go to the grocery store.  He wants Iron Man/Green Lateran/Bat Man/Whatever when we go to Target.  He just asks and asks and asks regardless of the fact that the answer is no- I’m not forking my money over for junk.

His typical response for that is “I’ll pay with my own money.”   Sometimes I’ll let him (with a $5 limit), but most of the time I don’t let him do that either.  The limited amount of money he has on hand is from birthday presents or generous family members, so it’s not like he’s got a huge supply of it.

But the thing is, I don’t know what to do.  I realize Scorch is only 5, so I don’t know what kind of concept of money he’s supposed to have. He knows things cost money and he knows that some things are more expensive then others- but he doesn’t truly know the different between $5 and $500.  Do we implement an allowance at this age? I’ve heard conflicting theories on whether allowances should be chore based or not.  Scorch has certain things he has to do daily now that I don’t feel he should be paid for- they are just part of being a functional family.  Do I give him more chores that he can do (or not) if wants to earn money?  How much money does a 5 year old get?

I’m lost- someone please school me please so I don’t have to listen to my 5 year old throw another fit about this!