Category Archives: parenting

Jan13

Hope Springs Enternal

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Mornings in our house have been a little rough lately. We’re two weeks out and my kids are still on their Christmas vacation schedule I guess.

This morning, The Hubs was up and out at 6 am so I was flying solo getting the kids ready to take Scorch to school.  He woke up at 6:10, so I let him watch a TV show to ease into things (and to give me a chance to get showered).  When the TV show was over, Scorch came to get me and the first words out of his mouth was “Can I watch a video?”  He loves to watch dinosaur documentaries on my computer whenever he can.

My answer was the same as it always is.  If he can eat, get dressed, brush his teeth & hair and get his boots on quickly enough then he can watch a video.  If he can’t, too bad so sad.  Scorch immediately bursts into tears.

“That’s not fair, you always let me watch one!” Ummm…no, I don’t, but thanks for trying.

He finally gets done eating and it’s time to get dressed.  “But I don’t want to get dressed right now!”  I tell him fine, but if he doesn’t want to get dressed he won’t have time to watch a video.  He chooses to play for 5 minutes instead of getting dressed.

Finally, we get him dressed, teeth brushed & hair combed.  Beaners is more or less presentable, so we put on our jackets and gather up our stuff. We have to leave a little bit early today because the roads are iffy so I’m trying to hustle them along.

“Wait- I didn’t get to watch a video yet!” Sorry dude- you didn’t get ready in time. You choose to play instead of getting dressed when you were supposed to and you ran out of time.

You would have thought I shot his dog.  The sobs. The tears. The runny nose.  Then…the threats.  “If you don’t let me watch a video right now, I’m never going to stop crying!” Buddy, I don’t negotiate with terrorists. Keep crying all you want as long we are out the door in 2 minutes.

At this point, Scorch yells at me “Put on a video right this second!!” You could see the look in his eye the minute he said it- he knew he had gone too far.  Thankfully all I had to do was give him the stink eye and he got his sobbing, snotty faced body outside to the car.  I told him I was sorry he couldn’t watch a video and that maybe tomorrow he could make better decisions. Then we had a quick talk about how his behavior- the crying, the threats, the yelling- was completely unacceptable.  Because his behavior was so unacceptable, there would be no videos on the computer the whole rest of the day.  He’s not at all happy but after a minute or two, he pulls himself together.

Wonderful- finally, blessed silence.

Then Scorch pipes up from the backseat of the car, “Since you didn’t let us watch a video, can we watch a movie in the car?”

Head thunk.

 

 

 

 

Jan12

Potty Mouth

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“Crap.”

Not a word I was expecting to hear out of Scorch’s mouth on the way to school today.  Not a word I expect to hear out of his mouth any day.

I asked him what he said and he repeated the word.  I told him that wasn’t a word we say and where did he hear it.

“School.”

I’m not surprised- Scorch goes to a great school but you can’t put him in a classroom with 25 other kids and expect them all to be angels.  So we talked about what the word means and how that word is unacceptable in our house.  He got it, so we moved right along.

******
As Scorch gets older, I’m starting to see more and more of the peer influence on him.  Wanting the Spiderman lunch box even though he has no idea who Spiderman is. Begging to watch Ironman at night- again, even though he doesn’t know who Ironman is or what he does.  Asking me if his hair looks cool in the morning on the way to school.  Wanting to see the movie the rest of the kids in his class are talking about.

At times, this peer pressure is terrifying to me. Other times, it’s hysterical. I mean, there is nothing funnier then when your 4.5 year old asks you in all seriousness if his hair looks cool as he’s preening in front of the mirror. First, it’s the same hair cut he’s had since he was 9 months old. Second, it’s hard to look cool in sneakers that light up ever time you take a step.

*******
The Hubs and I were talking earlier today about Scorch’s new vocabulary word. We’re both in agreement that “crap” is not appropriate for a 4 year old to say.  Too bad we weren’t smart enough not to discuss this in front of Beaner because guess who has a new favorite word?

 

Jan11

One Small Step

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We hit a minor milestone in our house today. Two of them actually!

First, the Bean started gymnastics today! This is the first thing she’s done that’s just hers- the first activity where she hasn’t been simply tagging after Scorch.  There aren’t many structured activities out there for 2 year olds in our little town so when I heard about a gymnastics class that basically fit into our schedule, I was signed her right up. She seemed to have loved the first class and it’s so much fun for me to see her explore and make new friends!

Secondly, because of the timing of Beaner’s class today, Scorch has to stay for lunch at school for the first time ever. He goes to preschool 5 half days a week and has been adamant that he does not want to stay for lunch- no way, no how. We have an amazing nanny that typically picks up him before lunch so he can eat at home with his sister and he likes that.  Any previous mentions of staying for lunch has ended up with him in tears, so I was a little nervous about this.  Yesterday I went out and got him a very cool Spiderman lunch bag and the Hubs and I talked up staying for lunch for a good week- how much fun it is! How he gets to talk to his friends! The chocolate milk  he can buy!

And you know what? He was a rock star today. Not a tear or a worry- off he went and he a blast.

I should be happy- and I am for the most part. I’m thrilled with Scorch’s bravery and independence. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad. Each time Scorch becomes more independent he’s that much closer to not needing us quite as much. To wanting to spend times with friends instead of parents. My baby is growing up- one small step at a time.

 

Jan4

Reentry

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We are now two days back into real life after 12 days off.  12 days where we could sleep in as late as we wanted, where we didn’t have to rush anywhere in the morning, where naps could happen at whatever time they needed to to suit the Bean.

They were a great 12 days.

Day 1 of real life went smoother then I hoped for. Scorch was excited to get back to school and the Bean wasn’t any more difficult then normal.  Last night was super low-key and things rolled along well. This morning was down right pleasant! Smiling kids, enough time in our schedule, clear roads- the Gods were smiling on us.

Then came tonight.

The earlier wake ups and the stricter schedule caught up with both kids and there were meltdowns galore. The best was Beaners absolute freakout out over what piece of bread she wanted with her pasta. No, not that one. Nope, not that one either. Sorry, try again. And so on until we got to the last piece in the loaf and that was the one she wanted. Until it wasn’t and she threw it on the ground.

Then there was Scorch’s uber meltdown because I wouldn’t let him watch an Ironman cartoon. I have never, ever let him watch an Ironman cartoon- why 1) does he think I would let him tonight and 2) is it such a stinking big deal when he’s never seen it before? Obviously he can’t love it nearly as much as he professes to given that he has absolutely no idea what Ironman is about. He just knows the kids in his class like it so it must be cool.

Needless to say, everyone went to bed early tonight. But Beaner didn’t go down without a fight. Instead of singing our typically songs before bed (You are my Sunshine & Twinkle, Twinkle) she insisted I sing a song called “Pee-pee Poopy.”  Where in the world did that come from?? I haven’t a clue, but she was royally pissed off that I wouldn’t oblige her and made sure I, and the whole neighborhood, knew it.

Thankfully everyone is asleep now and I have 10 hours and 50 minutes until the fun starts all over again.

Dec20

Being Santa

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There are a lot of things that no one tells you about being a parent.  Like the need to always, always carry a roll of paper towels in your car just in case. Or to pad in an extra 15 minutes when trying to figure out when to leave for an event in case of blow outs or a toddler insisting on doing everything herself.  Or how funny you’ll find your kid even when they are being completely inappropriate (Bean’s new nickname for me? Mrs. Poopyhead.  Not at all acceptable, but freaking hysterical. The Hubs has to excuse himself after she calls me that so she doesn’t see him laugh).

I was also never told how hard it is to be Santa.

When we were little, my parents rocked at being Santa. I can’t remember 99.9% of the gift I received, but I can tell you about the letters we got from Santa every year.  Each of us kids got one- they were always hidden at the very end of our present pile to prolong the suspense.  They were typically a long poem with a few stanzas about what we did that year- accomplishments, goals reached, milestones- a discussion on how proud Santa was of us and then a stanza with a riddle to answer. The answer to the riddle would lead us to our Big Gift of the year.  These letters from Santa, always written in my father’s very distinctive handwriting, continued long after we stopped believing and were the highlight of our mornings.

Since the kids were born, we’ve been able to keep the holidays pretty low key.  Last year was the first year Scorch started to catch on to the excitement so we ramped thing up a bit. But this year? Holy monkey, the boy’s head may explode.  Beaner is just super excited because Scorch is.  She has no idea what’s going on and Santa still freaks her out, but darn it- if Scorch is that excited, it’s gotta be good so she’s just as bouncy as he is.

Given that, I decided to try to write a poem for each kid this year.  Can’t be hard, right? I mean, I write for a living. I have a blog. I can totally write a short poem for each kid leading them to a gift, right?  Yeah.

So far, for Scorch I’ve got-

This year, you’re in a new class in school!
Isn’t that cool?

I wonder if I can get my father to write this for me?

Dec15

One of Those Nights

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We try to take the kids out for dinner a few times a month. It’s a nice change of pace, it gives everyone a break from my cooking and it gives us a chance to teach our monsters how to behave in public. Most of the time, dinner out is a great way to spend the evening together without being distracting by the phone, the dishes or the dog.

And then you have nights like tonight.

The kids and I arrived to Friendly’s first- the Hubs was meeting us after working out.  Scorch had had a meltdown in the car on the way over, but had pulled it together before we got inside.  The kids were doing fine- coloring, drinking their milk and generally behaving themselves.  And then the Hubs showed up.

No idea why, but this caused both kids to just lose it.  Both wanted to sit with me.  Scorch, who ended up sitting next to the Hubs for the meal, sobbed the entire time pleading to come sit on my side.  I felt terrible for the Hubs who just wanted a nice dinner with us and I felt badly for Scorch because this is just not how he normally acts so something was out of wack.  In all the craziness, the Bean managed to knock over my soda onto my lap, so I spent 75% of the meal in wet, sticky pants with my shoes stuck to the floor.

Our poor server had no idea what to do and brought us our to-go cartons about 2 minutes into our meal in the hopes, I would imagine, that we’d get the hell out of there before people started complaining.  We took the hint, packed our food up and left before it got worse.

On the way home, I had a long talk with Scorch about how he hurt the The Hubs feeling by not wanting to sit next to him. This prompted round #2348 of sobbing with Scorch saying we didn’t love him anymore.  The best part though was the Bean. During all the sobbing, Beaner was laughing her head off screaming “I love you, Mommy!! and you love me!!”  Scorch was not amused, although I was.

Thank God for bedtime. And the to-go ice cream we got from Friendlys.

Dec13

Buddy, The Elf

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Last year, my mother-in-law got us our very own Elf on the Shelf.

And last year, Buddy, our elf, scared the ever loving life out of Scorch.  All it took was moving Buddy one time and Scorch was over it. This elf was freaky and Scorch was scared witless over the fact he “moved” when we were all sleeping.  After two nights in a row of Scorch having nightmares about elves sneaking into his room, Buddy went back to the North Pole for the year.

This year, we brought Buddy out with some trepidation and re-introduced him to the kids.  They love that elf**, but he’s making my life a living hell.

According to the story book that came with Buddy, the Elf moves around each night to a new spot in order to observe the kids from a new place each day.  The problem is I keep forgetting to move him.  There is nothing worse then Scorch waking up and wondering first thing why Buddy didn’t move yet.

I’ve fudged my way through this twice by explaining that since we don’t leave any lights on in our house at night, Buddy couldn’t see where he was going so he opted to wait until we all went to school/work.  Scorch seems to be buying it.  As for me, I’m just lucky Scorch can’t read the big “MOVE THE ELF!!!!!” sign I posted up on the mirror in my room.

**Oddly enough, the Bean loves the elf, but is still convinced Santa’s coming to our house next week for the express purpose of blowing on her belly button. She sobbed about just that while we were in line to see Santa this weekend and didn’t want anything to do with him.

Dec3

Absolutes

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A friend was over at our house earlier today and she was talking about the awful behavior some of her friend’s kids were showing at a get together last week. Now, some of the behaviors she listed were absolutely verboten- my kids don’t climb on the back of other people’s couches, walk on their tables or be rude to others. And if they do, we correct them immediately.

Then my friend was talking about how one mom won’t even take her child shopping with her because his behavior was out of control. She looked me dead in the eye and asked if I could ever imagine letting my kids dictate my behavior like that.

I’m still laughing.  See, I flat out refuse to shop with the Bean.  I will do my grocery shopping at 6 am while everyone is asleep at my house to avoid going with her.

It wasn’t always like this. Up until 6 months or so ago, it wasn’t that bad. When she was itty bitty, I plopped her my carrier, put Scorch in the cart and off we went.  When she got older, she would happily sit either in the child seat in the cart or, if we were really lucky, in the race car kid’s cart with her big brother. Then one day, she refused. Either I held her in my arms (not even in the carrier) or she would scream and sob and kick and try to escape where ever you put her. She didn’t want to walk or ride, she wanted to be carried and heaven help you and the rest of the shoppers if I didn’t do so.  After about a half a dozen times of sweating thru my entire grocery shopping trip and leaving the store stressed to the max, I gave up and leave her behind.

Anyhow- this conversation got me thinking of some of the parenting absolutes I had before I had kids.

1) My kids will never, ever watch TV.
With Scorch we stuck with that pretty well.  Then we had Beaner and sometimes I needed to keep Scorch occupied while I attended to her and was too tired to chase him. By the time Scorch was 3 and Bean was 1, they could both sign the theme song to Jack’s Big Music Show. Now we have family movie nights every Friday!

2)   My kids will never wear any clothing with characters on it.
I mostly stick with this one, but we did have about a 6 month phase when Scorch was in love with Elmo. Seriously, who can resist a 2 year old who got no greater joy then wearing an Elmo t-shirt? Not me.

3) Need to train your kids (be it potty training, sleeping, whatever)? Use a sticker chart!
That is a perfect solution if sticker charts motivate your kids. At age 4, a sticker chart for good behavior is still the key to Scorch’s heart.  The Bean couldn’t give a flying frog over ’em.  We still haven’t found what motivates that kid- stickers, food, toys. Doesn’t matter- she’s going to do what she wants and to hell with the rest.

4) I will never, ever let my kid throw a fit in a store. If s/he acts up, out the door we go. That behavior won’t be accepted or put up with.
Great idea in theory, but what happens when you have a week’s worth of groceries in the cart and your husband is out of town for 5 days? I’ll tell you what happens- you bribe your kid with whatever it takes to shut them up and hustle them out there as fast as you can after you finish your shopping.

5) No child of mine will leave the house looking like s/he was dressed by a blind drunk clown.
*snort* Yeah- you come over to my house and try to tackle, then wrestle my kid into clothes they refuse to wear. I’ll stand my ground if we’re going to church or some place special, but the rest of the time as long as it fits and it’s clean, have at it. Mismatched clothes never hurt a soul.

I know I have more- what’s yours?

 

 

Dec1

Selective Memory

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Earlier today the kiddos were downstairs playing while I was making dinner. I was running back and forth to keep an eye on them, but my attention wasn’t 100%  focused on the Bean.

Mistake #1.

During one of my trips down the stairs, I started to smell a not-so pleasant odor.  I wasn’t too worried until I rounded the corner to see Beaner standing there with no pants on, her onesie half off and no diaper.

Oh dear God- it’s finally happened. She’s pooped and taken off her diaper. I contained my panic, assessed the situation and started with clean up. I’ll spare you the details- you’re welcome.

After cleaning her (and the basement) up, I got back to cooking- this time keeping both kids on the same floor of the house as me.  The Bean wanted to wash her hands, which 1) was a really good idea anyhow and 2) something she does a lot so I told her to have at it, but I didn’t stay in the bathroom with her.

Mistake #2.

It got really quiet in the bathroom so I sent Scorch in there to check on her.  When he started laughing like a loon as soon as he walked in, I knew there was trouble.  There was the Bean standing in my sink about to open up a bottle of nail polish.  Thankfully, I got there early enough to prevent disaster.

I got the Bean down, had a stern talking to her and then went back to my cooking trying to get dinner on the table early so we could spend the night putting up the Christmas tree.  The kids wanted to play in their rooms- something they do all the freaking time, so I wasn’t too worried.

Mistake #3 (I swear I’m not normally this dumb.)

I heard the dreaded words come out of her mouth: “Yook at me, Mom!”  Into her room I go to find her standing on her dresser. That, right then? That is when my head exploded.

Well, not really, but damned if it wasn’t close.  You guys- this all happened within a 15 min span!!!!

Yet later that night after dinner was finally served, the tree was put up and fully decorated (only one ornament broken!) and I was getting Bean to bed, I actually said to my daughter: “You’ve been such a good girl today!”

That, my friends, is selective memory at its finest.  Either that or good old fashion repression!

Nov26

Needing Undivided Attention

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The Hubs had to work today, so I was scrambling this morning to figure out what to do with the kids. Typically we hit the local bounce house to work off some energy, but the bounce house is located within the mall and I wasn’t going near there with the kiddos in tow on Black Friday.  Most of the friends and family we usually pester when we’re bored were either traveling or shopping so the day was shaping up to be a long one.

I suggested we go to the local kid’s science museum to Scorch. He quickly countered with our local Earth Museum filled with fossils and all things dinosaur related. I thought about it and while going to a museum like that with a 4 and a 2 year old is a little ambitious since I was flying solo, I was desperate so off we went.

We got there within 5 minutes of it opening and there were only about a half a dozen other families there, all with small children. I breathed a quick sigh of relief and we got on our way. Scorch was, as always, enthralled. When an honest-to-God Paleontologist came up to us and offered to show us what he was working on in the museum’s lab, I thought Scorch’s little head was going to pop off from the excitement. When the good Doctor let Scorch hold a real Triceratops leg bone, it did. He hasn’t stopped talking about it yet!

The Bean, on the other hand, was really great for about the first 30 minutes.  There are some interactive parts of the museum, but it’s more of a look-and-see type of place, which isn’t exactly thrilling to a 2 year old. She was holding her own and acting respectable enough so I turned my back on her for 2 seconds to see something Scorch was trying to show me.

Huge mistake. You’d think I was a rookie at this parenting thing.

When I turned back around, Bean had crawled up into an exhibit that had two model dinosaurs side by side and was holding on to each of them swinging from their necks. “Hey Mama- yook at me!”  are words you never want to hear your toddler yell in a museum. Thank God she didn’t break anything and even bigger thanks that no one saw us.

Next time, I’ll take my changes on the Black Friday crowds.