Scorch has a canker sore. You know- those annoying teeny, tiny little sores you get in your mouth along your gum line? I get them when I eat too much chocolate and for all I know, that’s how Scorch got his too. I keep trying to tell my boy that it’s not a big deal, but to my budding hypochondriac (a delightful bonus that cropped up with his anxiety), it’s a Huge Deal.
Mom- why did I get this?
I don’t know, Bud- too much chocolate? Or maybe not enough sleep.
Is it from too much gum?
What about how I got bopped in the jaw 2 weeks ago at football? Could that have caused it?
I don’t think so.
How about maybe I’m losing a tooth and that is causing this.
Rather doubt it.
And on and on and ON. Finally the Bean turned around, glared at her brother and said “Enough! It doesn’t matter how you got it. Deal with it.” It’s very handy having a kid around who can say exactly what you’re thinking so you don’t have to be the bad guy!
Ever since the kids were little, we’ve had random conversations here and there about good touch/ bad touch and why no one should ever touch your private areas. But we never had a long detailed discussion about the topic until last night. I don’t even remember how we got on the subject, but one minute we’re saying our prayers before bed and the next the kids and I are discussing how adults can go to jail for touching children inappropriately.
Fun times, those discussions.
When we were wrapping things up, we were talking about various body parts and I said the word “nipple.” Evidently, Bean had never heard this word before and she thought it was hilarious. The child laughed so hard she cried as she repeated it to herself over and over- it was the kind of laugh that got Scorch and I going right along with her even though we had no idea what was so funny about it.
This morning on the way to school, Scorch was being a turd to Bean- provoking her until she finally snapped and told him she wasn’t going to talk him anymore the rest of the day. Scorch thought about this for a minute, looked right at her and just said “nipples.” Before he could even get the whole word out, Beaner was giggling and all was well again.
Today I’m thankful for kids who know how to push each others buttons- for better or for worse!
The kids went to an awesome summer camp program this year at their school. Any kids from the school from PreK through 6th grade were able to go and it was a God send for us since no other camp in the area took kids the Bean’s age for a full day. The kids absolutely loved it and were known to cry when I showed up to get them at the end of every day. Part of the reason they loved camp was the mix of ages. The older kids were amazing with the little kids and it made my heart happy daily to see them all playing.
But, being around older kids had a few drawbacks. Like the addition of the word “wiener” into our daily vocabulary. I could have lived without that one. But the one thing that kills me is that the older kids taught Scorch how to make fart noises using his arm pits. So, naturally, he does it all. the. time. We had to have an honest-to God, sit-down-on-the-couch-and-look-at-me discussion about where and when it was appropriate to make those noises. Church, the library, the dinner table, Grandparents house- no. Outside, during camp if allowed- ok. I can’t tell you how many shirts the boy has stretched out fine tuning his craft.
But we hit a new low this week as the Bean also mastered this trick. To hear Scorch try to teach her the proper technique and cheer her on when she finally nailed it you would have thought he was training her for an Olympic event. “You can do it! Good try, baby girl! Try moving your hand a little bit that way and try it. Good- now bring your arm down harder.”
I’m giving you all fair warning now, if I die in the next few weeks it’s going to be the arm farts that did me in.
Today Scorch started back at school, but the Bean didn’t. At our school the Pre-K and Kindergarten kids start a day after the big kids and *sob* Scorch is a big kid now. When I was planning for this back- to -school week, I concentrated on what fun things we could do and what stuff we had to get done before the craziness really started. I didn’t give a single thought to how my kids would react to spending a day apart for the first time since last June.
Neither kid mentioned a thing about being apart this morning, but it was crystal clear how much they missed each other after we picked Scorch up from his (very successful!!) first day. When we got home, there was no mention at all from either kid about watching TV or playing the DS- they just wanted to play. They were loud, boisterous, and hysterical as they ran around the house. I was trying out a new recipe tonight, so I wasn’t playing much attention to what they were doing (lord knows my kids will tattle if anything goes wrong). I knew they were playing Star Wars and I knew they were using their “light sabers.” What I didn’t know is that they raided to the laundry to make their own masks.
Well- at least they picked the clean laundry to raid!!
PS- please note the Bean’s toes- I took her for her first pedicure this morning. Her nail polish of choice? Right foot with pink polish and white stripes, left food with yellow polish and white polka dots. Love it!
Growing up, my sister and I loved to joke that my brother turned out as great as he did because he had three mothers- my mom, Red and me. My brother is 7 years younger then me and 5 years younger then my sister so we were always throwing in our two cents when it came to keeping my brother in line, what he should or shouldn’t be able to do and so on. We thought we were being helpful. We were wrong.
How do I know we were wrong? Because all of a sudden, I have a Monday morning quarter back analyzing all my parenting decisions and it’s flat out maddening.
Scorch is trying to add on additional punishments for the Bean, telling on her constantly, reminding me that “No, Mom- her time out should be 4 minutes, not 2 because she’s 4.” It doesn’t stop. My favorite is when he tells me “last time Bean did that, you did X. This time you did Y. I think X worked better.” Oh you do, do you?! I swear the phrase, “I’m am the parent, not you.” has come out of my mouth at least a million times over the past few weeks.
I love that kid, but I told him he’s not allowed to give me parenting advice until he stops finding his ability to make farting noises with him arms so hilarious. Until then, he can stuff it.
In the car after camp today, the Bean lost her mind. We got back late last night from a long weekend in Boston (more on that soon- it was awesome) and the child was just done. Exhausted, cranky and flat out miserable- she was over it. And she let us know it repeatedly and at maximum volume. After I denied one of her crazy requests, she said to me ‘Fine- then I’m going to scream until I can’t scream any more and I lose my voice.”
Without missing a beat, Scorch said “We can only wish, Bean- we can only wish.”
Unfortunately our laughter only ticked her off more (and she never did lose her voice), but Scorch’s sarcasm made the rest of the ride home a lot more bearable!
Scorch had a really long day today- his class had a field trip to the local park for 4 hours of fun on the playground, scavenger hunts, games and more. Which means he was a holy mess after school because he was so wiped out. He was melting down abut something on the drive home, making both the Bean and I nuts.
“Scorch- you’re being ridiculous. Stop crying and chill out.”
“Bean, you’re annoying all the time but you’re really annoying when you act like a grown up. You’re 3, act like it!”
“Only if you stop acting like you’re 2!”
I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids.
That was my mantra today because I do- I adore my kids. I think they are hysterically funny, whip smart and beyond adorable. However, there are also days I would happily trade them in for a half gallon of ice cream.
Guess what kind of day today was?
On top of being sassy and rude to me and the Hubs, they are picking at each other. Name calling, sticking out their tongues at each other, annoying each other when one is playing quietly, swiping away toys the other is playing with. It. Is. Maddening. This was a conversation they had in the car last night while driving home from the playground. To get to our house, you have to drive by a pond where two family of geese live. Each family has a set of goslings.
Bean: I saw all the babies!
Scorch: I did too!
Bean: No you did not!
Scorch: Yes I did- I saw all of them.
Bean: You did not! I know you didn’t see the babies because only I saw all the babies.
Scorch: Yes I did- I saw them all by the side of the pond!
Bean: You’re stupid, you did not. Stop lying.
Scorch: MO-OM, Bean called me stupid and said I didn’t see the geese!
I kid you not, you could switch the names around and substitute in some other ridiculous topic and I’m pretty sure my kids have fought about it this week. I try to be patient, I try to reason with them, I threaten to take away things, I put them in time out after time out. Today I just gave up and told them they weren’t allowed to speak to each other anymore when we’re in the car. They thought that was hysterical- too bad I wasn’t joking.
I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids.
We had one of those nights where I felt more like a referee then a parent. I didn’t talk to my kids about their day or enjoy funny conversations over dinner. Instead, I listened to tattletaling and bickering. I broke up arguments and fights- sending each kid to their room at least once. I mopped up tears, yelled loudly to be heard over their yelling and counted down the minutes until bedtime.
When the blessed time finally arrived, I asked to the kids to get out the books they wanted to read before bed. Scorch quickly grabbed the Star Wars book he got from the library at school, eager to see what Anakin was up to. We didn’t have time to read the whole book, so Scorch gave me the bookmark he made to hold our place.
Scorch’s bookmarks are usually decorated with dinosaurs and super heroes- so I was surprised to see Tinkerbell gracing this week’s place holder. When I asked him why he picked Tink this week, he simply told me he knew it would make the Bean happy.
Now I remember why I wanted two of them.
Scorch has been a little off this week- nothing major, but just not completely himself. And when Scorch is off, whether he’s tired or sick or frustrated or mad, his default reaction is to cry. He keeps it together pretty well when we’re out in public, but when we’re home the tears fly. Annoying as all get out, but it could be worse.
Unfortunately for Scorch, the Bean is his sister.
That means when he cries, she has two modes. She either gets all lovely and wants to make him feel better or she mocks him. Mercilessly.
Earlier today we’re in the car and my poor boy is tired and hungry and really disappointed because bad weather messed with our plans today. On top of that, we have to run some errands instead of going home and that was simply too much for Scorch and the tears started to roll. He pulled himself together pretty quickly for about 5 minutes until he realized that he wasn’t getting something that he wanted. He started to lose it when the Bean pipped up, mimicking her brother’s tone/inability to talk clearly and cry at the same time perfectly.
It’s not fa-fa-fa-fair! You’re so-so-so-so meee-aaaannn!! I’m gonnnaaa cr-cr-cry!
Scorch was not amused. The Bean and I are still giggling over this 3 hours later.