Aug19

10 Years Ago

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10 years ago, we said “I do.”  He was 25 and I was 23.  We had been together for 4 years and had been living together for 2.  We said “I love you” to each other two months into our relationship and never looked back.  When you know, you know.

Our wedding was beautiful and our reception was an amazing celebration with 198 of our closest friend and family.  We laughed, ate, danced- we had the time of our lives.  It was everything I wanted to my wedding to be and more.  I was lucky enough not to be nervous and I enjoyed every single minute of that day.

Now here we are a decade later.  We’ve moved 3 times, lost 3 pregnancies, gained 3 animals and had 2 kids.  We’ve fought and each spent a night or ten on the couch.  We’ve cried over losses and changes.  But we’ve smiled and laughed a million times more.  We’ve built a life together with hard work, respect and love. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been so, so worth it.

If he asked again, I’d still say “yes.”

 

 

 

 

Aug17

Finally Four Again

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After 7 long weeks, the Hubs is home!  At the end of May he was offered a great job- one he’d wanted for five years and one that would allow us to keep living where we do now.  It is seriously a huge blessings that it came through.  But, there was a catch- he had to be gone from the end of June until yesterday for some hard core training over 900 miles away from home.  But 51 days apart were a small price to pay for a job he’d be happy with, so we kissed him goodbye and the kids and I tried to figure out our new normal for the summer.

I won’t lie- there were a few perks to being a single parent. The biggest was the fact that I set the schedule.  We didn’t have to worry about the Hubs or his work hours (his schedule is always erratic). If we wanted to go to the lake, we went.  If a last minute dinner invitation popped up, we could accept it and go.  My grocery bill was lower and the kids were (until the Bean’s climbing capers) in bed on time every night. I had the TV to myself and could (and did) read until the wee hours of the night with no one nagging me about the vampire garbage I watched or to turn the lights out.

It was awesome! For about a week…then it got old, fast.

We all  missed the Hubs terribly. I thought it was going to be the Bean who missed him most- I figured Scorch was old enough to roll with it. I was so wrong.  Scorch missed his father badly this summer and it showed in a million different ways, most of them not good.  The Bean did pretty well and I honestly think the fact that she’s so young helped out because she has no concept of time.   And I missed him too- his company, his help, his sense of humor and the fact he didn’t mind taking the garbage to the transfer station (something I loathe).

Y’all- being a single parent is hard, hard work. If you notice a thread of desperation in some of my posts these past few weeks it’s because I was doing it all by myself.  My parents, nanny and friends were amazing help- but 90% of the time it was just me at the kids when I wasn’t working.  I was all they had so I had to be Mom, Dad, cook, grocer, goalie, referee, chauffeur, teacher, playmate and everything else in between 24/7.  There was no such thing as me time and a lot of things, like my workouts, really slacked off.  I never realized just how much the Hubs did until he wasn’t here to do them any more.  My hat is off to all single parents- you truly have the hardest job in the world.

The Hubs came home with 2 broken ribs and a concussion and I managed a small flood and the Bean’s bedtime antics while he was gone- but we survived! Let’s just hope we never have to do it again.

At the beach before training.

 

Aug15

Here

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I’m here- but barely.  Today marks Week 2 of working mandatory 12 hour days/ 6 days a week.  What I do isn’t terribly hard either physically or mentally, but I’m wiped out.  Being glued to the computer from 7 am – 7 pm looking as long spreadsheet when you’re not used to it is much more taxing then you’d think.

Because I had to work all day Saturday, my parents offered to take the kids that morning for an overnight (Total. Godsend.)  All was well until I got the call at 10:30 am yesterday saying that the Bean had a stomach bug.  So I wrapped up what I was doing (grocery shopping), took the dog to the kennel and moved myself down to my parents house so I had help with the kids today while I continued to work (I honestly have no idea if I get sick days right now, I don’t think so).

So- to recap. 12 hour work days + 1 sick, cranky, pathetic kid = my head exploding.  Also, I’m nominating my parents for sainthood.

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I wrote that post this morning and after a nice evening at my parents I was going to scrap it and write something sincere and full of gratitude for the great people in our lives. And I still may do that. But not tonight as I just took me 1.5 hours to get the Bean to bed. *sigh* I feel so badly for that little girl, but I really, really wish she’d stay in bed.

Aug11

Love Thursday: More then 453 Pieces of Chocolate

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Dear Kiddos-

This week has been more then a little challenging.  I’ve been working 12 hours every day. You, Bean, have been perfecting your independence and fighting me every night at bed time.  And you, Scorch, are dealing with all the craziness by pulling out some crappy behaviors that have been getting you in all sorts of trouble.  We’ve all yelled at each other and we’ve all cried.

But we’ve also laughed. Played baseball.  Make impromptu ice cream runs.  Cuddled on the couch watching funny movies. Told each other that we love each other more then 13 cups of chocolate milk or 129 pieces of pizza.  Read some books. Colored. Swam. Helped each other.  Been kind to each other. Loved each other.

I pray when you think back to your childhood you remember all that good. I hope you don’t remember the fights and clashes because even though they seem to have dominated our lives this week, our family is so much more than that.   Bean-  your independence infuriates me, but it thrills me as well. You have no limits and I can’t wait to see where your self assurance takes you.  Scorch- I detest the fact that you screamed “I Hate You!” at me last night, but damned if I wasn’t proud of you for using your words and telling me exactly how you felt. I may not have liked it, but that passion of yours is one of your biggest assets.

Even when I’m flat out furious at you both, I love you-  there is absolutely nothing you can do that will change that.  I will always, always love you- even more then 453 pieces of chocolate.

– Mommy

Aug10

Déjà Vu

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Thanks to the way our house is set up, our kids bedrooms are right next to each other.  They share a wall and their doorways are no more then 6 inches apart.  Even though they each have a sound machine  and we keep a fan running in the hallway during the summer to push the cold air from our window a/c unit into their rooms, they can still very easily hear each other.

Last night I was shocked when bedtime magically went off without much of a fuss.  I put both kids to bed at the same time and the Bean stayed in bed and didn’t start her usual hysterics.  I was almost giddy with relief- maybe, just maybe, the worst was behind us.  I camped out in the living room after getting them down just to make sure the Bean was staying put and started to read my book.  5 minutes pass and all is still quiet until I hear Scorch yell for me.

I ran/glided down the hallway past the Bean’s room into Scorch’s trying so very hard not to make too much noise thinking for sure he must be bleeding or the house must be fire because why else would he yell for me after I explicitly told him not to?  Nope- no life threatening emergencies, he just wanted to know if he could sleep with his shirt off.  I calmly told him he could do whatever he needed to to be comfy, but he could not yell for me again because he may wake his sister up.  I kissed him goodnight again and tried to silently sneak back out past the Bean’s room.

Yeah- no such luck, I was busted.  Thankfully it only took me a few minutes to get her back down so it wasn’t too bad.

Fast forward to tonight. Again, I’m putting the kids to bed at the same time and all is going relatively well.  Before kissing Scorch goodnight, I asked him if he needed to ask me anything because I didn’t want him yelling for me and waking his sister up.  He assures me he’s fine, so I head into the kitchen again to wait the Bean out and see if she’s going to stay in bed.

I kid you not- 5 minutes later, Scorch yelled for me.  Thinking that he damn well have better lost a limb, I tried to quietly get into his room. His limbs were all intact, he just wanted to know if he woke the Bean up last night when he yelled for me.  If he did, he was really sorry and he wouldn’t do it again.

I wanted to bang my head on the wall.  I greatly appreciated his apology and his sweet sentiment, but it would have meant so much more if he hadn’t done the same exact thing again in order to apologize.  For a smart kid, sometimes I wonder about him!

 

Aug9

It’s all Relative…

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Part of my job is to monitor a 24 hour news site to ensure it’s up to date and accurate. I also get to tweet some of the top headlines.  Most days, I love this job.  I get to share amazing stories- like about Diana Nyad trying to swim from FL to Cuba at age 61.  Or about the last space shuttle mission.  Or about a couple recently married a year after the bride was paralyzed in a freak accident at her bachelorette party.

But some weeks, like this one, I have to tweet about an astounding, sickening, heart shattering famine in Somalia.  About a mom in MD who killed herself and her 13 year old autistic son over money woes. About a man who killed 8 people in Ohio for seemingly no reason at all.

After reading and sharing stories like that, I can’t help but feel grateful.  Grateful that my kid is well enough to climb out of her crib and wreck havoc on the house.  Grateful that Scorch is smart enough to lecture me about the meaning of the word “unfair” with lungs healthy enough to carry on loud enough for the neighbors to hear.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint. We all know that these things make me crazy a hell of a lot more often then they make me thankful. But even when I am complaining, I still know that I’m lucky to have the problems that I do.

Aug8

Seriously, Go To Bed

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I know I’ve complained about bedtime woes before and I hate to be redundant but dude, bedtime is killing me.

Last Thursday night, the Bean figured out how to not only climb out of her crib, but also how to manipulate the baby proof door knob covers.  That was really annoying, but she went to bed and stayed there after about 20 minutes so it wasn’t that big of a deal.  Then we shipped the kids to my parents Friday and Saturday night where Beaner was a perfect angel and slept in her crib there all night without an issue.  After I picked the kids up yesterday, we talked in the car on the way home about the sticker chart I made her and how she has to stay in bed to show us she’s ready for a Big Girl Bed.  Beaner happily agreed with me on all points so I went into last night with relatively high expectations.

I am clearly an idiot.

It took 57 minutes, countless returns to her bed, some yelling (both of us), lots of tears (both of us), some hitting (all done by her to me), and two time outs (one for both of us) before she finally, finally went to bed.  When it was all over, Scorch was still wide awake so he came over to me, gave me a hug and said “Wow- she was really rotten, wasn’t she?”

Tonight I had a new battle plan.  First, I started bed time an hour earlier.  The Bean is getting up at 6:15 now (vs 7:30 before she learned how to climb out of bed), so she’s exhausted which is making things a lot worse for everyone.  Secondly, I gave her clear cut rules- she was allowed 2 trips to the potty and one time to say goodnight to Scorch and that was that.  Third, I talked up the sticker chart to high heaven and we looked at Big Girl Beds on the computer so she could see what could be hers if she went to bed properly.  I knew this was going to work- I mean, it couldn’t be as bad as last night, right?

Again, I’m an idiot.

53 minutes tonight.  I stopped counting how many times I put her back to bed after 12.  I did, however, adopt Nanny Jo’s (from Supernanny) philosophy of silent returns- meaning, I didn’t talk to her, I just put her back to bed and that did help a lot. The Bean didn’t get out of bed any less often, but I refused to engage her so that did seem to cut down on some of the tension at least on my end.

Needless to say, my frustration level was sky high tonight.  When I finally lost my cool and raised my voice to the Bean, I felt badly about it and told Scorch as much as he was brushing his teeth.  I told him that yelling at them makes me feel like a jerk and that I really don’t like doing it.  So then Scorch asked me why I didn’t just shut the Bean’s door to make her stay put? I told him it didn’t matter if I did or not, she can just open the door up so the only way to keep her in her room was if I locked her in.  About 5 minutes later, Scorch was on the phone with the Hubs (who had to work tonight and missed all this fun) and I hear him say: “Mommy says the Bean is a jerk and she’s going to lock her in her room tonight.”

At least one of my kids is keeping me amused!

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better evening. In the meantime, I’m all ears for tips on keeping your kids in bed.

 

Aug7

Happy Campers

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This poor neglected blog.  I hate going this long between posts, but at least this time I have a legitimate excuse- we were on vacation!  And not just any vacation, but the vacation I look forward to more then any other all year long.  We were camping.

I know, right? Camping- that is the vacation enjoy the most?  The Hubs and I have been to some amazing places both in the US and abroad and, yes, camping is my favorite in terms of pure relaxation and enjoyment.

Home Sweet Home

It helps that we camp with pros (and that the camp ground has indoor plumbing and hot showers).  We have been going to this particular campground since I was itty bitty. Out of my 33 years on this earth, I think I’ve been on this particular vacation 27 of those years.  My parents started going with my aunt and uncle and other family and friends when I was a year old and they just kept going back every year.  At it’s craziest, the trip would include 7 families, 14 kids and a handful of dogs.  Things are bit more subdued now- my kids and my niece are the only little ones around, but that’s just fine.  Scorch camped for the first time at 8 weeks old and the Bean at 3 weeks old.  Some years we rent a pop up camper and others we stay in a tent.

The most stressful decision of the day is whether we go to the beach before or after the kids naps and how many smores my kids can have before bed and still fall asleep.   Breakfast  (scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage & toast) is eaten in our sweats and hoodies around the fire pit, lunch is had at the beach and dinner (burgers, ribs, steaks, chicken & even shrimp) is eaten around picnic tables when everyone is slightly sunburned and tired out from a day playing in the waves of the lake.

There are no TVs, no video games and no computers.  We bring board games, cards, ladder golf and bocce ball and the kids play basketball, football, baseball and lacrosse.  No one ever says that they are board or argues over which movie to watch.  There are 12 adults to 3 kids- a perfect ratio to ensure that the kids never get into too much trouble and one person isn’t spread too thin keeping an eye on them.  In short, it’s wonderful.

Too bad we have 350-some odd days until we go again!

Aug5

The End of the World

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Well, not really- that may be a slight exaggeration, but that is how things felt last night when the Bean climbed out of her crib for the first time.

*sigh*

I realize that she is 3 and that this was a long time coming but up until last night the crib was the last safe haven in the house.  The Beaner is a force of nature- she’s an awesome kid, but she never sits still and is always getting into something.  It’s not uncommon to find her trying to climb the drawers in the kitchen or sitting in the bathroom sink. The fact that she typically is in bed by 8 pm most nights and stays there until 7:30 in the morning without a single peep was freaking amazing and so appreciated.  Too bad those days are over.

This morning, I was woken up by the Bean at 6:19 poking me with her tiny fingers, giggling like a loon looking so damn proud of herself.  Not only had she gotten out of her crib, she managed to open her door even though it had a child proof cover on it to come into my room.  I was equal parts elated (she’s damn cute when she’s puffed up with pride!) and appalled wondering what in the world she got into before she woke me.  I tried putting her hiney back into bed, but she wasn’t having it so it was easier just to start our day.

I got the kids settled in front of an episode of Wild Kratts so I could get myself ready for the day without them underfoot, when I heard the Bean walking up the stairs.  I knew the baby gate was closed, so I started down the hallway to let her up only to find her standing in front of me. Yeah- she learned how to open the baby gate all by herself this morning.  There literally isn’t a spot in the house she can’t get into now.

Let the fun begin!

Jul28

Love Thursday: Quiet Nights

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Summer 2011 has been an amazing one so far. It’s also been a really, really busy one as we jump from activity to activity.  Our nanny keeps the kids going while I work during the day- play dates, story hours, concerts in the park, plays & swim lessons.  Then I get done working at 5 and most nights we’re out the door by 5:15 going somewhere.  Tonight is the first night we’ve been home since last Wednesday with no place to go and no one to visit.

It was wonderful.

The kids are going to see a local production of Aladdin tomorrow, but they had no idea what the story was about. So I did what any self respecting parent would do- I rented the Disney movie.  Then I kicked the dog outside so we could have a picnic dinner on our family room floor, complete with a table cloth (left over from Bean’s birthday party).  The kids thought it was awesome and frankly, so did I.   We needed this night to recharge our batteries and relax as a family.

I also needed a night for the kids to go to bed right on time so I could catch up on So You Think You Can Dance- but they  don’t need to know that.