Sep30

Love Thursday: Imperfections

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I’ve always considered myself an optimist and have very little time for negative people. I always look on the bright side- life is so much more fun when you see the good instead of the bad. So it’s no surprise I adore Karen Walrond’s blog– she’s got an amazing outlook on life and her photography skills turn me green with envy. Weekly she does a Love Thursday post and offers an invitation to her readers to share something- or someone- that they love. This week she takes it a step further and asks that we share our imperfections- with a reminder that because of, not in spite of, these imperfections we’re worthy of love.

So here goes mine.

I’m incredibly laid back (some may say lazy) about decorating our home. Curtains, matching kitchen towels, even holiday decorations- who needs them? I’d much rather decorate with framed photos, Pre-school art projects, books and use Easter themed dish towels in September. I’m envious of friend’s perfectly pulled together homes, but taking the time (and money) to buy all those little things just isn’t a priority for me. 99% of the accessories in my house are a result of gifts or The Hubs nagging.

But I’m still worthy of love.

Sep29

Danger is Her Middle Name

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The Hubs and I often joke that Bean will be responsible for every gray hair on our heads.  Only we’re not really joking.

Today I found her standing on top of the kitchen counters trying to climb up the cupboards.

In the past I’ve found her on the kitchen table trying to jump up so she could dangle from the hanging light. Standing on the back of the couch. Trying to jump down from three steps high.  Heading straight for the tallest slide at the playground.

She walks into Scorch’s classroom daily like she belongs there. When we drop him off at school she settles right in to color with the rest of the kids.  When it’s time to pick him up, she’s crawling into the middle of Circle Time signing and singing away with the kids. When we’re at the playground, she picks out the most daring kid there and tries to copy their every move never mind that they’re 5 times older then she is.

The Bean does it all gleefully and without a second thought.  When you tell her no she doesn’t throw a fit, she just ignores you. She knows what she wants to do and to hell with us and our worries.

Anyone know where to buy a full sized suit made out of bubble wrap? Etsy? Ebay? We’re desperate!

Sep27

Touched Out

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When I was pregnant with Scorch I read about new mom’s being “touched out.” Essentially they spent all their time carrying, rocking, feeding and being used as a pillow by their newborn so they got to the point where they didn’t want to be touched anymore, by anyone.

I never felt that way with either kids when they were little- but I do now.

I adore Scorch, that should go without saying. But the boy wants to be touching me All The Time.  Sitting on my lap. Hugging me. Kissing me a gazillion times over and over and OVER.  If I sit down, he’s crawling over me. If I’m standing up, he wants to be held. If we’re reading on the couch together, he’s kissing my cheek or my hand or draped over me. If I’m trying to help him with something, he’s putting his hands on my face, my head, my shoulders, my arms- poking, prodding, pulling, pushing, constantly touching.

He’s making me nuts.

I never, ever, EVER want to tell my kid to stop with the affection. My extended family hugs and kisses when we say hello and goodbye and we touch each others arms when we’re deep in conversation- physical affection is key in my life. But this is more then just affection- Scorch knows it can be too much and does it now just to make me crazy; giggling the whole time as I’m dodging his octopus arms while I’m helping him tie his shoes.  He even started with the “I’m not touching” you as his little hands hovered around my face.

I may lose my ever-lovin’ mind here soon.

Sep24

The Bean

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I feel like poor Beany is getting the shaft here lately. There is good reason for that.

Right now, she’s in a sweet spot. She’s mostly out grown the temper tantrums because she can communicate with us so well.  She’s (mostly) a joy to be around- giving freely of her hugs and smiles and jokes.  She sleeps 12 hours a night and naps for 2.5 hours during the day.  She loves to be cuddled when she’s not trying to do everything herself.

Of course she says hysterical things on an hourly basis. But let’s face it, it’s really only hysterical to those of us who interact with her all the time. Beaner is in the midst of potty training, but really do you care about each time she successfully uses the toilet? Given the fact that I could care less about your kids potty training adventures (unless it’s really disgusting ;)), I’m sure you don’t care about mine.

Let’s face it, perfection is boring!

Sep23

5 Years Ago

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It was 5 years ago this week I found out I was pregnant with Scorch.

We started out trying to build our family feeling excited and nervous and oh so very confident that a pregnancy would just happen. We’re married and in love and have always gotten what we wanted by working hard and following the rules and that is whats supposed to happen. Only sometimes, it doesn’t.

6 months into trying, my very awesome doctor ran some tests on the Hubs and I. He was fine- all systems go. I had PCOS- I didn’t ovulate on my own which is must have when trying to get pregnant.

Enter the fertility drugs. One to manage the PCOS. One to stimulate egg growth. One to force me to ovulate. It took three cycles on Clomid- three months of hot flashes, mood swings and pure nerves to finally get pregnant a year and 3 months after we started trying.  You have never, ever met two more excited people! We were bursting with the news and picked out a gazillion different ways to tell our families each one more fun and creative then the next.

We told everyone right away never thinking things could go wrong. We’re married and in love and have always gotten what we wanted by working hard and following the rules and bad things aren’t supposed to happen. Only sometimes, they do.

After our 2nd miscarriage, we pulled out the big guns. We saw a specialist and got tested to see why we were experiencing repeat pregnancy loss. Again, the Hubs was perfect. I, on the other hand, have a blood clotting issue as well as a problem with my anti-bodies which made carrying a pregnancy to term next to impossible without some serious medical intervention.

Our 3rd miscarriage came after a few failed cycles using injectables and IUIs. I had given myself daily shots of Heparin, a blood thinner,  and still I lost that pregnancy.  I. Was. Done.  My life for the past 3 years had revolved around making babies and it had consumed everything- my thoughts, our marriage, my outlook on life. No more.  The Hubs and I had a long talk and sent away for adoption literature because I was not getting on the reproductive roller-coaster again.

God had other plans.

A month after my 3rd miscarriage, a good friend (hi, Cheri!) and I were spending the weekend shopping while our husbands were away on business.  We had big plans that night to go out to a great Italian dinner and split a bottle of wine- I couldn’t wait.  I had been having a few pregnancy symptoms and although I chalked them up to the miscarriage, I thought I should test. Just in case.

I found out I was pregnant with Scorch in the bathroom of Target.  Classy, no?

This time around we switched up the blood thinner I used (thank you, Lovenox!) and tried IVIg therapy to help with my auto-immune issues.  And miracle of miracles, the pregnancy stuck.

Which is a good thing because I cannot imagine life without this kid.

Sep22

Of Boys & Girls

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Earlier today, Bean was playing with her beloved doll- pushing her around in a stroller, giving her a bottle and cuddling her like she was a real baby.

When she got tired of playing that, Scorch quickly commandeered the  stroller, slung Bean’s play purse over his shoulder, and started to walk around the kitchen.

“How sweet!” I thought. Scorch is all boy so to see him playing peacefully with very pink, very girly toys was a welcome change.

“Mom, wanna play a game with me?”

I nod.

“Ok- I’m going to be the dad walking my baby down the street. You’re going to be the bad guy coming to steal my purse. Then I’m going to chase you down the street, tackle you and put you in jail, k?”

Anyone who tells you there is no difference between boys and girls lies.

Sep21

17 Again

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One of my favorite people coaches the varsity girl’s soccer team in town,  so the kids and I decided to check out one of her games out tonight.  Even though it wasn’t my high school, it could’ve been.  It could have been any small town high school around- the crowd of cheering parents, the group of kids watching the game growing larger as the other teams get out of practice, the hoodies and jeans, the jokes and teasing.

I was one of the lucky ones- I loved my high school years and have nothing but great memories. I spent many an afternoon doing the same exact things those kids were doing and remember it like it was yesterday.

Which made the fact that I was there with my *kids* all the more startling.

As I was brushing Scorch’s teeth tonight before bed, all I could think was who the hell thought I was old enough to be in charge of someone’s dental hygiene? Nutrition? Education? Well being? Safety? Entertainment? And not only am I responsible for one kid- I’m responsible for two! Add in a husband of 9 years, a mortgage, a job I’ve had for 10 years, our own business and two mini-vans- I wonder how I got here.

When I look in the mirror, I still expect to see 17 year old me in there.

I wouldn’t change a single thing about my life- not The Hubs, the kids, the job- none of it. But I would love to go back just for a day and be 16 again.

Sep20

Finding His Inner Artist

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Prior to this school year, Scorch hasn’t shown a bit of interest in arts and crafts stuff. Sports, balls of any kind, slides and swings- yes. Crayons, chalk, paints- not so much.

So imagine my surprise when he starts drawing people on our driveway with chalk each morning when I’m loading the Bean in the car. A head, two eyes, hair, arms, hands (with 3 fingers), legs, feet (with 2 toes), nose and a smiling mouth. Perfect! Except that some of the people have also have an extra small line coming down from in-between their legs.

Being the clueless idiot I am, I asked him this morning what that extra line was for.

“It’s a penis- so you know who’s a boy.” he says to me.

“Oh. So the ones without that line are girls then?”

“Yeah- only I need you to teach me how to draw a vagina because I have no idea.”

I’m still laughing 12 hours later. 🙂

Sep17

Sticks & Stones

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Scorch has always been a verbal kid- he talked early and often. There are times I wonder why we even bothered to teach him to talk since he never, ever takes a breath any more.

He told me the other day that since he’s 4 and in school now, he should be able to now say “bad words.” So far his list of bad words includes “stupid,” “dumb” and “holy shoot.” No dice as far as I’m concerned.

Honestly, I don’t have much of a problem with him telling me something is stupid or dumb- but I’m worried he’s not mature enough to get why he can’t use those same words to describe a person. As for “holy shoot,” he draws out the “sh” sound and it sounds alarmingly like he’s going to say “holy shit.” And that I’d have a big, big problem with.

Thankfully now, the worst word that comes out of Bean’s mouth is “no.” I have a feeling that child will be a bit more creative in her choice of language when the time comes. 😉

Sep16

Book Worm

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Forgive my absence. I started reading a new-t0-me series of books on Tuesday night and just came up for air tonight.

I jumped on The Hunger Games bandwagon and am so so glad I did. Yes, I realize these books are classified as Young Adult- but damn, they are *good*.

Book 1, The Hunger Games, sucked me right in. I chose to skip Spin class this morning in order to do an hour on the elliptical instead so I could read more of Book 2, Chasing Fire, in peace.  And I may or may not have spent the vast majority of my work day today finishing Book 2 and Book 3, Mockingjay. It’s been a long, long time since a book has sucked me in like that and it was wonderful! My only regret is that I finished them so fast- I wish I had savored them more.

The Hubs banned me from buying more books, so I’ve joined the library and have been having a blast re-reading old favorites and finding new authors to love. Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander series remains my all time favorite series. I revisit Jamie, Claire, Bree & Rodger at least once a year- it’s almost like catching up with old friends now. While the Bean’s middle name, Claire, is technically after my great-grandmother, Claire Randall was a huge influence on the choice as well. 😉

I’ve got three new books to pick from now- all by authors I haven’t read before. Hoping there is another winner in this pile!