Tag Archives: The Hubs

20 Years Down.


A few months ago, we were out of town for a baseball tournament. The Hubs and I were tired, hot, hungry, sweaty, stressed over an ever changing schedule that day, and pretty much completely over everything.

Including each other.

Something really dumb happened and he yelled at me and I yelled right back at him for raising his voice at me. (I know…the logic astounds.) Then we just yelled at each other over stupid shit like who was right to be angry and who was wrong for like 5 minutes. We’re not typically yellers – especially with both kids in the car – but we were D.O.N.E.  Shortly thereafter, I dropped the Hubs and Scorch off at the hotel and the Bean and I went to grab our lunches.

As we pulled away from the hotel, Bean says, “I don’t know why you both just don’t get a divorce. Allllll this yelling, come on.”

Wedding Kiss

I started to giggle a little because while we were both being asshats that day, we aren’t on the brink of divorce. When I asked her why she thought we should get a dirvorce, she told me that NONE of the couples fight on the TV shows she watches- The Outer Banks, The Vampire Diaries, etc.

I started to laugh even harder because…yeah. Real life, those shows are not.


The Hubs and I celebrated our 20th anniversary a short while ago- a few days after my 25th high school reunion, as a matter of fact. (Any time I still feel hip and cool, I’m going to reread that sentence a few times.) I hate to say that our 20th felt anticlimactic, but it 100% did. This past year and a half was insane between Covid, remote learning, a huge home addition, summer travels, work stress and on and on and on. The fact that we survived this one year is more impressive than the past 19, to be honest.

I’ve been trying to figure out something profound that I can say about 20 years of marriage…and I’ve got nothing. It IS a milestone and it should be celebrated – and we did by going away for a night with friends to see James Taylor in concert (10/10 would highly recommend). But there are no magic words of wisdom or secrets I can tell you.

Here is what I have learned:

  • No one has a perfect marriage and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Anyone who tries to showcase theirs as such is lying to you and themselves.
  • Maintaining my marriage is, at the same time, the easiest and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Some days I kill it, other days I fail miserably.
  • Staying married is a choice the Hubs and I make daily. We choose to put each other and our vows first even when it’s hard.
  • Some days we suck at it – we barely speak and just go through the motions.
  • Other days I look at that man and my heart swells because I have no idea how I got so freaking lucky.

Over the course of 20 years, the days I thank my lucky stars far outnumber the days I wonder what the hell I was thinking. My husband makes me laugh every day, always has my back and is a wonderful father to our kids. I have no idea what the next 20 years will hold but I’m praying hard I walk them with the Hubs by my side.


A Duel At Dawn


Ever since Scorch was a baby, he has woken up at the same time just about every day. He has never been one of those kids who will sleep in late to make up for going to bed late. 7:30 pm or 11 pm, it really doesn’t matter what time he goes to bed- with the rare exception, the kid is up between 6 and 6:30 every day. I’m always fascinated when I share a room with Scorch at how consistent his body clock is. Right around 5 am he’ll turn from a deep sleeper to one who starts tossing and turning and by 6 am he’s up. That’s just how he’s wired. When he was a baby, he would get up even earlier then 6, so we made a rule in the house that he cannot call for us or get out of bed before 6 am and that’s been our routine for the past 3 years.

I’ll admit that that has made us a pretty schedule driven family. We may deviate from the bedtime by 30 minutes, but I’m not a fan of getting the kids to bed super late because there will be hell to pay in the shape of one over tired, uber-whiny kid the next day.

Which is exactly what happened a few weekends ago. The kiddos got to bed late one night for whatever reason and, like clockwork, Scorch was calling for us to get out of bed at 6 am. So I set him up with his favorite (long) movie and I went back to bed where the Hubs, Beaner and I all slept until 8 am. Scorch won’t nap any more so by 5 pm he was a crying, crazy mess because he was so stinking tired. By bedtime, the Hubs informed Scorch that under no circumstances is he allowed out of bed before 7 am any more the weekends. Period. That’s it. Don’t even bother arguing.

The Hubs was darn proud of himself for laying down the law and also a little giddy at the thought of not getting out of bed until 7. Too bad his vision of how things would go the next morning didn’t exactly line up to reality. 6 am dawned at Scorch was wide awake in his bed. So even though he didn’t get out of his room as instructed, he proceeded to:

> Call for us every 10 minutes for this or that.
> Go to the bathroom 3 times- trips that included turing on the hallway light and the bathroom light, banging around and generally being as loud as possible.
> Singing to himself in his room
> Whistling when told he had to stop singing
> Setting up an elaborate play with all his stuffed animals complete with 3 different voices.

We get more sleep when we just let him get up at 6 am and chill in front of a movie! But the Hubs is convinced we can train Scorch into sleeping longer if we keep this up. I’m of the mind we’re fighting a losing war- his body is just made to get up early. What say you?