This morning as I was driving the kiddos to camp, I heard Scorch repeating the words “peanut butter” to himself and cracking up like it was the funniest thing ever. But he wasn’t saying it normally- he was stretching the words out. Pea-nut but-terrrr. Over and over, laughing so hard he got the hiccups. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I asked him what in the world was so stinking funny.
“Mom- sound it out. Pea-nut but-terrrr Like pee comes out of your nuts and your butt makes the turds come out. Pea-nut but-terrrr”
I admit- this is the part of parenting I suck at. Ask me about heaven. Or mental illness. Or presidential policy. But throw immature humor at me with a side of questionable language and I freeze. My brain got stuck on three trains of thought at once.
- Train 1: Bwhahahahahhaha. I never thought of that before- and that shit is funny! Bravo kid!
- Train 2: Correct him- pee doesn’t come out of a boy’s nuts. He shouldn’t be using that word anyhow- but if he is going to use it, he’s going to use it properly, damn it.
- Train 3: Gasp like a Victorian spinster who has never heard such language and foulness before and then lay into him. Yes, it’s funny but also really inappropriate for a 6 year old. Especially in front of his 4 year old.
In the end, I did a combo of all three. First I snorted, then I spoke him in no uncertain terms was he to use the word “nuts” or talk potty talk like that, then I corrected him on his word usage. The funniest / saddest thing that come from the whole discussion is that Scorch is convinced I’m wrong and that nuts = pen!s because that is what the big kids at camp told him and they are right and I’m wrong.
And so it begins. I really thought I had more time up on my pedestal as the beacon of all that was correct and true in this world for my kids. Guess not.