Peanut Butter (Or: How to Make Me Freeze)


This morning as I was driving the kiddos to camp, I heard Scorch repeating the words “peanut butter” to himself and cracking up like it was the funniest thing ever.  But he wasn’t saying it normally- he was stretching the words out.  Pea-nut but-terrrr. Over and over, laughing so hard he got the hiccups.  I couldn’t take it anymore, so I asked him what in the world was so stinking funny.

“Mom- sound it out. Pea-nut but-terrrr Like pee comes out of your nuts and your butt makes the turds come out. Pea-nut but-terrrr

I admit- this is the part of parenting I suck at.  Ask me about heaven. Or mental illness. Or presidential policy. But throw immature humor at me with a side of questionable language and I freeze.  My brain got stuck on three trains of thought at once.

  • Train 1: Bwhahahahahhaha. I never thought of that before- and that shit is funny! Bravo kid!
  • Train 2: Correct him- pee doesn’t come out of a boy’s nuts. He shouldn’t be using that word anyhow- but if he is going to use it, he’s going to use it properly, damn it.
  • Train 3: Gasp like a Victorian spinster who has never heard such language and foulness before and then lay into him. Yes, it’s funny but also really inappropriate for a 6 year old. Especially in front of his 4 year old.

In the end, I did a combo of all three. First I snorted, then I spoke him in no uncertain terms was he to use the word “nuts” or talk potty talk like that, then I corrected him on his word usage.  The funniest / saddest thing that come from the whole discussion is that Scorch is convinced I’m wrong and that nuts = pen!s because that is what the big kids at camp told him and they are right and I’m wrong.

And so it begins. I really thought I had more time up on my pedestal as the beacon of all that was correct and true in this world for my kids. Guess not.


About Heather

I am the lucky mom to two kids. Scorch is my baseball obsessed 9 year old son and Bean is my crazy, loving 7 year old little girl. I'm happily married to the Hubs. We live in the middle of nowhere with two cats and one certifiably crazy dog.

2 responses »

  1. So I have two boys and I’m thinking I’m going to be having a lot of this type of humor in my future. I think its hilarious and I’m probably going to end up joining in. Also – kudos Danny for figuring out that peanut butter play on words. Brilliant and now PB will never be the same.

  2. Oh boy. I am truly terrified about the advent of this “peer education” as P starts kindergarten this fall…

    I don’t think I’d have been able to not laugh. And frankly, I think “nuts” is about the least gross term to describe testicles 😉

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