Split Personality


Homework time is never the happiest time in my house, but it’s far from the worst. The kids are usually good and pound the work out quickly so they can move on to the fun stuff. Tonight, Scorch had spelling. He did his homework by singing opera-style each word loudly (oh, so loudly) as he wrote it out. The longer the word, the longer he held that off-key note.  Bean finally retreated to her room and I gave up asking him to shush because there was no point. His terrible singing beat me into submission.

After he was done, he proceeded to yell loudly (always loudly) that he was DONE, YO! As he danced over to his backpack to put his homework away, he kept yelling. Who the hell knows what he was saying- I was deaf in one ear by that point. Loud yelling in joy, anger, happiness, sadness has been a theme with Scorch lately and it’s madding.


When the homework was put away securely, I called him over to me and told him that he had to knock it off. We’re taking a short road trip soon and there is nothing the Hubs hates more than yelling from the kids while he’s driving. Seriously, he loathes it. So I told Scorch that if he yells like this in the car, “Daddy is going to pull over and leave you on the side of the road.”

Without missing a beat, Scorch replied: “Mom, come on. We all know Dad’s a police man. He’d not a law breaker, he’s a law abider.”

And that, my friends, is the split personality of a 9 year old boy.

9 year olds can gag and giggle through an explanation of menstruation, but can turn around 10 minutes later and have a serious, intelligent conversation about politics. They can shovel food in their mouths like feral dogs but show perfect manners when running into the parish priest at the grocery store. 9 year olds can devour huge books with ease but still pee their pants with laughter over a well told poop pun.

Scorch is awesome and maddening and frustrating and delightful – and I’m really hoping things aren’t quite as crazy when he’s 10.*

*hahahahhahaha. His insanity may come from me.



About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/

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