Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
May16

10.

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Dear Scorch-

You turned 10. TEN. Double digits. Child of mine, how is this possible?!

I read through your birth story last night (something I’ll share with you when you’re older and won’t make you gag) and looked through all the pictures we’ve taken of you on your birthdays to-date and my mind was more than a little blown because these years went by fast. Faster than I would have ever thought possible.

DannyBirth

Sometimes I miss your sweet baby cheeks. I miss looking down at your darling face and eye lashes while you nurse. I miss your squeaky voice and holding your tiny hand in mine. I miss how you fit on my lap and how your face would light up when I walked into the room.

BabyScorch

But most of the time, I don’t miss much because I’m loving the time we’re in right now. You are one of the smartest, wittiest kids I know. You’re sweet and kind hearted and have more energy than a puppy. You’re loud and enthusiastic and without shame (within reason)- all things I adore about you. You manage a crazy schedule better than I do and your joy is infectious.

Earlier tonight, you were watching a video and your laugh resonated through the house. Even though I couldn’t see the video because I was doing laundry, I couldn’t help but start laughing because of how hard you were laughing. That kiddos, is just who are you. People are drawn to you, in part, because of this joy that you have.

I won’t lie to you- the tail end of year 9 has been challenging. Your emotions are close to the surface and I never know which way the wind is going to blow. Thankfully 85% of the time you’re still your normal happy-go-lucky self. But when you’re not? It ain’t pretty for any one. Eye rolling, tears and yelling are more common place then I’d like- but these crazier times have led to some great heart-to-hearts. I promise you that no matter how many times you roll your eyes and stomp around, I’ll always be here to listen. I may get mad and I may do some stomping of my own, but at the end of the day- I’ll *always* be your soft place to land.

As you get older, here is what I want you to promise me. Promise me that you’ll:
> Keep your kind heart, it will never lead your wrong.
> Remember your manners, they’ll get you out of more tight spots than you can imagine.
> Don’t forget to laugh. If you look hard enough, there is always humor (even if it’s dark, gallows humor. Sometimes that the best kind)
> Keep perspective. There are very few things that are worth getting terribly worked up about, so learn to let things go.
> Fight for what’s right. Those very few things that are worth getting worked up about are VERY important, so don’t hesitate to fight hard for them.
> Respect yourself. You’re a smart, passionate kid who has one hell of a future. Respect your mind and your body enough to make the smart decisions to keep yourself safe and healthy, even if that means not going along with the crowd.
> Respect others. Be kind, listen to what others say, respect their feelings and be empathetic. Stand up for those that can’t stand up for themselves, even if that means not going along with the crowd.
> Blame me. As you get older and people start doing things/saying things that make you uncomfortable, blame me. “I can’t because my mom will kill me.” “I can’t because my father can smell a lie a mile away.” I’ll be the bad guy in any story you need me to be because if your heart is telling you something isn’t right, listen to it.

Rainbow_Oct2015

You, my sweet, darling, amazing child, are a complete and total miracle. We couldn’t love you more if we tried and I’ll never tire of reminding you of that. Watching you grow is one of my biggest privileges and I cannot wait to keep seeing who you turn out to be.

I love you,
Mom

May8

Happy Mother’s Day

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MothersDay2016

I’d like to think I’m everything in that saying. Wise, full of strength and dignity, brave and kind. And I am, sometimes. But I’m also full of BS,wearing in yesterday’s clothes, terrified about the future and sometimes not-so-kind to the Hubs, the kids or myself.

And that, right there, is the joy of Motherhood. My kids are the love of my lives and the biggest pains in my butt. They are my every joy and happiness as well as the cause of a lot of my fear and tears. There are days I look around waiting for the real grownup to step in, because clearly, I don’t know what I’m doing.

Motherhood is messy and heartbreaking- but it’s also my biggest joy, triumph and privilege. And I’m beyond thankful to be surrounded by women who feel the same way about their families regardless of if their babies are itty-bitty or if their babies are raising their own kids.

To my Mother, my Mother-in-Law, my sisters and my friends- I’m in awe of each of you and your strength, your determination, you kindness and your grace. I’m also appreciative as heck when you you’re none of those things and keeping it real, raw and honest because I need to see that too.

To my friends and family longing for a family of your own- I feel your pain and hope your dreams are realized, one way or another, soon.

 

 

Apr26

DC in a Day

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It’s been over a month since we road tripped it down to FL, so (because we’re crazy) we decided to road trip ~7 hours down to Washington, DC this past weekend. Clearly, we cannot get enough of our van. We picked the kids up right after school on Friday, pointed the car south and arrived to my sister’s well past bedtime, fueled on Twizzlers and gas station snacks.

We were coming back home on Sunday, which meant we had 1 day and 1 day only to squeeze in the highlights of Washington. We left my sister’s in the pouring rain at 9 am with Lala in tow and made the 45 minute drive into the city.  I love Washington. It’s my favorite city so when Scorch started fan-girling in the back seat the minute he got his first glimpse of the Washington Monument, I got a little teary. The kid was soooo excited and I was beside myself getting to show the kids the city where the Hubs and I worked for 3 years.

There are a lot of things to see in Washington- enough that you could easily fill 5 days of sight seeing. Since we only had one day and were visiting with a 9, 7 and 5 year old, we decided to hit the highlights. One day, I’d love to go back and do it all, but for this weekend, here’s how we made it work:

  1. National Museum of Natural History: it was pouring in the morning, so starting off inside just made sense. We got to the museum about 5 minutes after it opened, waited in line to go through security and went upstairs first. The main dinosaur exhibit was closed, so we hit up the smaller fossil area, the mummies and the insect zoo. Then we migrated down to the Mammals and Ocean exhibits with what seemed like thousands of our closest friends. I would have loved to have seen the geology section (including the Hope Diamond), but the crowds were bad, so after an hour and a half we moved on.
  2. National Archives: Scorch is a huge history buff like his father, so the guys wanted to see the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and the Constitution so we moved over to the National Archives. The girls could not have cared less so after we saw the line to view the documents, I took them to the Family Center area (which was open for play Saturday) to work off some energy while the guys geeked out. Worked out perfectly! As a side note, the Museum Store there was our fav of all of them.
  3. Air and Space Museum: We walked over to the Air and Space to meet up with my parents and sister for lunch. This was ideal because there was a McDonalds and Boston Market in the museum which worked perfectly when dealing with 4 kids 9 and younger who were starving. After eating, we just did a quick walk through- we had been to the Air and Space Museum by Dulles Airport a few years back, so none of us had enough interest to brave the crowds and stick around.
    WWII
  4. The Mall & Monuments: the rain finally stopped, so we moved our party outside to check out all the monuments! Walking from the Museums, we did a roughly 4.5 miles loop that let us hit:
    • The Washington Monument (we didn’t go up it, just played around it)
    • WWII Memorial: there was something going on that day, so there was a few dozen WWII vets there when we were. It was very touching to see them and to get to say thanks.
    • Lincoln Memorial: if this place doesn’t give you goose bumps, you have no soul. (Same goes if you don’t get the urge to yell “JENNNNNNY” and wade through the reflecting pool).
    • Vietnam War Memorial: this one gets me every time- it’s amazing how a place filled with so many people can be so quiet.
    • White House: So much has changed since the Hubs worked there that it’s hard to get a good glimpse of the House any more (the giant tent in the yard didn’t help either), but it was still so cool to show the kids where Daddy used to work and to reminisce!
      WhiteHouse
  5. Thomas Jefferson Memorial: after walking back to the car, we bribed the kids with ice cream and drove over to the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. Such a gorgeous place on the river- it’s my personal favorite.

And then we were done. The kids were amazing, the sights were gorgeous and everyone had such a great day. We missed a lot- the Korean War Memorial, the MLK Jr. Memorial, Arlington, and the Zoo just to name a few. But that’s Ok- that just means we have to go back again soon!

WashingtonMonument

Apr21

Sibling Thoughts

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A few weeks ago I posted a picture of the kids on Instagram with a quiet plea that they are always as close of friends as they are now. 90% of the time, they are two peas in a pod. I don’t know if that’s due to their personalities or the fact that we don’t live in a neighborhood so they are each others only option, but they really are great friends.  The other 10% of the time, they are feral animals who can’t be in the same room as each other, but that’s normal right?

FL_Siblings

When the Hubs and I thought about having a 3rd child – something we debated for a long time – the driving factor for me is that I wanted one of my kids to have a same-gender sibling. In my mind, the Bean having a sister or Scorch having a brother meant they would always have a best friend for life. I know it’s not that simple, but in my head, that’s the way it works. But neither one of us was ever on the 3rd child train at the same time and then time passed and we realized, quite frankly, that we had no desire to add a newborn/toddler back to a relatively peaceful life with big kids. So, these two are it.

And these two are getting so big so damn fast. So. Damn. Fast. One is turning 10 soon and one is turning 8. I read other mommy blogs and I realize that I can’t relate anymore. I don’t really  have picky eaters. I sleep most nights. My boobs have been my own for the past 6 years. I haven’t changed a diaper except by choice in over 5.5 years. There are still issues- and some of them are biggies as the kids get older- but no one really talks about this stage/age.

CreekWalk

Regardless of how old they get, my overwhelming urge to cement  the friendship between these two hasn’t. But no matter what I want, small changes are happening- a week ago the Bean decided that she wasn’t sleeping in Scorch’s room anymore. Girlfriend had been sleeping on his floor for 2 years every single night without fail. And then- BOOM- not any more. Which is fine- I mean, who wouldn’t rather sleep in a bed? But it still makes me sad.

Then this morning I found them both curled up on the Bean’s bed with their books and a cat a piece. I have to have faith that as they get older, they’ll figure out their relationship. It won’t always be as simple as it is now, but I have faith in them. So here’s to siblings that only have each other. Here’s to siblings that are soon going to have start figuring out stupid boy /girl stuff with each other and their friends. And here’s to parents praying they navigate the tween/teen years with enough finesse to keep their kid’s friendship growing.

 

 

Apr7

Book Recs for 10 Year Olds Needed

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Ah, Scorch. He’s thisclose to turning 10, assuming we let him. As in- let him survive that long. I have a feeling we’re officially starting to move out of our parenting sweet spot and starting to enter a land full of mood swings, hormones and pure batshit craziness. My sweet, easy going boy has cried more, fought more and come this close to being grounded for life more in the past few weeks then he has since he was 3.

Let’s all say a prayer for the mothers of soon-to-be tweens everywhere, shall we?

~*~*~

A few months back, we banned all electronics in the morning before school which has been amazing. Not to sound all preachy – but really, it’s made our morning so much easier as I don’t have to wrestle the kids away from a show or game. Scorch normally gets up a lot earlier than the Bean, so he’s been reading like a mad man.  Given what a complete and unabashed bookworm I am, this makes me happier than I can tell you.

read-all-the-books-meme

The issue is we’re starting to hit a really odd stage where Scorch’s reading ability (roughly 6th-7th grade level) is butting up against his maturity level. He wants to read bigger, better books- but we’re having a hard time finding books that hold his attention while still being age appropriate (no sexual related themes, no crazy violence, no mature topics).

He’s all over the place in what he likes to read. Here are some of Scorch’s recent favorites- if they spark any other ideas about what he may like to read, please let me know!

  • I Survived Series: 99% sure he’s devoured all these book and loved each one
  • Who Was I/ What Am I? Series: both he and the Bean love these books!
  • Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Scorch could not read these books fast enough- begging to stay up late/ getting up early to read them.
  • Amulet series: Scorch went through a time when he loved graphic novels and these, hands down, were his favorites.
  • Diary of a Wimpy Kid: (ugh) I hate these books, but he laughs so hard, I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself.

Together, we’ve read the first 3.5 books of Harry Potter– midway through Book 4, he started to lose interest as the books just got too old for him. We also read aloud Wonder, which was a big hit. He just finished the first Lemony Snicket book and was not a fan at all.

Any other suggestions? I’m all ears and we’re willing to try just about anything!

Mar30

Road Trippin’ in Florida

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We did it! For the 5th year in a row we made the road trip to FL. Two 11+ hours in the car in a row (and then again on the way back!) to go 1200 miles with more movie, snacks and pitstops than I can count. And you know what? I love it. My kids are *amazing* travelers and I actually like road tripping with them. The Hubs is a horrible passenger, so he drives the whole way, so I get to read, sightsee and chitchat with the family. What’s not to love?

This year we started out in Orlando. We stayed at our favorite hotel and got to visit with some of my favorite in-laws for a few days…

CaribbeanBeachResort

…spent 1 day at Hollywood studios and saw the Star Wars fireworks display…

StarWarsFireworks

…and then spent a day at Discovery Cove, an all-inclusive one-day resort where you get to swim with dolphins, snorkel and float in a lazy river all day long. Breakfast, lunch and all the snacks and drinks you could want are included in the price. Our weather was crummy, but it was still the most incredible day. I really, really wish I could break my rule and show a picture of the kid’s faces while they were hugging a dolphin because it’s everything. Truly, a magical experience for all of us. Here the kiddos are looking into Dolphin Lagoon.

DiscoveryCove

The next day we went to Sea World- which, yes, I know I’m supposed to be morally opposed to. But going to Discovery Cove gets you free admission to Sea World and I’m cheap, so off we went! And it was a great day. We rode some rides, saw some shows, petted the string rays and marveled over more dolphins.

SeaWorld

We spent the latter half of the week in the Tampa area visiting my parents, along with my sister, her husband and their 2 kids. For those keeping track at home it was 6 adults and 4 kids in my parents 2 bedroom, 2 bath doublewide. And it worked out beautifully primarily because these 4 kids were amazing. (See the little one on the right in the pink shirt? That’s Lala! She and her little brother were the best company!)

Cousins

Mother Nature didn’t cooperate for beach days our first few days, but a cooler evening made for perfect Spring Training weather. We got to see the Yankees and the Mets play at the Yankee’s stadium and it was amazing! The stadium is about as big as a minor league field, so you’re up close and personal. The players and visiting past players often sign autographs before the game- in fact, Scorch got Reggie Jackson’s autograph this year. The games are fun, the crowds are friendly and there is plenty of food to keep those not as interested in the game (*cough*Bean*cough*) happy. I cannot recommend these games enough for baseball lovers.

FLYankees

This year we tried out a few new beaches. Normally we hit up Clearwater Beach (which is lovely) but this year we went to Anna Maria Island and Fort De Soto. I’m a sucker for any beach, but these beaches were breathtaking.

Another heart shell for the collection.

AnnaMariaIsland

The view from Fort De Soto.

FortDeSotoLookout

We all came home with some sort of cold/flu- but who cares. Escaping the cold, seeing the beautiful sights, spending time with family and making life-long memories was worth it!

 

Mar10

Split Personality

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Homework time is never the happiest time in my house, but it’s far from the worst. The kids are usually good and pound the work out quickly so they can move on to the fun stuff. Tonight, Scorch had spelling. He did his homework by singing opera-style each word loudly (oh, so loudly) as he wrote it out. The longer the word, the longer he held that off-key note.  Bean finally retreated to her room and I gave up asking him to shush because there was no point. His terrible singing beat me into submission.

After he was done, he proceeded to yell loudly (always loudly) that he was DONE, YO! As he danced over to his backpack to put his homework away, he kept yelling. Who the hell knows what he was saying- I was deaf in one ear by that point. Loud yelling in joy, anger, happiness, sadness has been a theme with Scorch lately and it’s madding.

loud-noises

When the homework was put away securely, I called him over to me and told him that he had to knock it off. We’re taking a short road trip soon and there is nothing the Hubs hates more than yelling from the kids while he’s driving. Seriously, he loathes it. So I told Scorch that if he yells like this in the car, “Daddy is going to pull over and leave you on the side of the road.”

Without missing a beat, Scorch replied: “Mom, come on. We all know Dad’s a police man. He’d not a law breaker, he’s a law abider.”

And that, my friends, is the split personality of a 9 year old boy.

9 year olds can gag and giggle through an explanation of menstruation, but can turn around 10 minutes later and have a serious, intelligent conversation about politics. They can shovel food in their mouths like feral dogs but show perfect manners when running into the parish priest at the grocery store. 9 year olds can devour huge books with ease but still pee their pants with laughter over a well told poop pun.

Scorch is awesome and maddening and frustrating and delightful – and I’m really hoping things aren’t quite as crazy when he’s 10.*

*hahahahhahaha. His insanity may come from me.

 

Mar2

Award Winning

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I survived another round of a stomach bug in my house. This makes 3 times in the past 5 weeks and I didn’t even hide from my kids in the garage once. I’m clearly aiming for Mother of the Year.

Or at least I was until yesterday when Scorch yelled at me that I’m the Worst Mom EVVVVVERRRR!

WorstMom

My crimes were plentiful:

  1. I Don’t Listen, Part 1: When my son prattled on and on for over 2 hours about how he wants to celebrate his birthday in 2 months complete with Googling and a full list of pros and cons of seeing a PG-13 movie that not everyone can go see and a PG movie everyone can, I’m supposed to hang on every word. (spoiler alert: I did not)
  2. I Don’t Listen, Part 2: When Scorch is told no to something (say, his request to start a new board game he doesn’t know how to play literally 5 minutes before bed), I’m supposed to stand there and listen to him try to convince me otherwise for as long as he feels like arguing. (spoiler alert: I did not)
  3. I Hurt Him: When play-dragging my son under his arms to his bed, he went limp on purpose, which caused me to trip over his sudden dead-weight and drop him from a distance of roughly 1 foot onto the ground onto his butt. According to Scorch, I’m the worst person ever because I “threw” him to the ground and hurt him.

Oh the drama, it runs deep and fierce in my son.

~*~*~*

Yesterday, I kept the Bean home from school to make sure she was entirely recovered from her stomach bug. She was at the weird spot where she felt 85% healthy, but wasn’t completely recovered yet. Basically this meant she was into everything because she was bored of laying around.  So she got into my book shelf and found the copy of The Care and Keeping of You that I bought earlier this year. The Care and Keeping Of You is a great book that outlines all the changes a girl will go through during puberty and discusses things like changes to her body, menstruation, dietary needs, personal hygiene, etc. It’s a great, great book (as is the boys version), but I wasn’t ready to show it to her just yet- I had it on hand for someday. I guess “someday” meant March 1.

The first page Beaner turned to was the one discussing the pros and cons of pads vs tampons. Because of course it was.

So that is why my daughter now knows all about what a period is and that some ladies stick things up their vaginas to soak up the blood. You’re welcome, fellow moms in her class!

 

Feb15

Quiet, Part 2

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This week the kids have off from school. The game plan was for them to hang out with me all week which is fine- if not particularly exciting for any of us. So when my mother-in-law, who lives some hours away, offered to take the kids for a few days we all jumped at it. The Hubs and I get to work guilt free and the kids get to do something other than play video games and watch movies while I shush them during the hours I’m trying to be a professional.

We handed the kids off yesterday and I miss them like mad. I constantly feel like I’m forgetting something- this is both the longest they’ve been away from me and the furthest they’ve been without the Hubs and I. My poor mother-in-law has fielded more texts from me in the past 36 hours then she has all year.

But I’m also giddy. Do you know what I did today? I worked and was 1) early to work and 2) didn’t have rush right out to pick up my kids. No one fought in my car today and I didn’t have to threaten to pull over at all. I went to work out AFTER work (which was odd) instead of at 5:30 am. I came home and made a dinner I wanted. I didn’t have to fight with anyone over electronics at the table (the answer is always no- why do they keep asking?!) or what was on the menu. And now at 7:30 pm, I’m freshly showered, in my PJs, getting ready to watch The Walking Dead from last night on TV because there are no children around to be scarred for life about what’s on. I won’t remind my kids 10 times (with increasing volume) to brush their teeth or stay in bed. When I go to bed tonight I don’t have to worry about anyone waking me up due to nightmares or puke.

someecards-Dinner-Every-Night

Yes, I miss my kids like a limb and I cannot wait for them to get home. I miss tucking them in at night and hearing about their days. I miss the hugs and the kisses and incessant chatter. But that’s not going to stop me from loving the short-term silence.

 

Jan29

Quiet

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A friend participates in a weekly Five Minute Friday writing exercise- where you’re given one word and you have five minutes to write about it. No editing, no second glances- just write. And this friend- her words are powerful and raw. She’s so much more poetic then I am and I love reading her thoughts.

So today I’m taking a page from her book and writing on the word “quiet.”

The quiet scares me, it always has. I rush to fill the void, to make the silence loud. When I was younger, quiet people made me nervous. Those people who can sit in a room with people they don’t know very well and not make small talk intimidate me. So I over compensate and talk about the most inane things just so there is something out there.

When the kids were itty bitty the silence made me nervous- were they breathing? In trouble? I’d rush in and put my hand under their nose to feel their sweet breath whoosh quietly in and out. And when they were toddlers? Well, silence meant trouble. Markers on the walls, kids climbing on the counters or eating something they shouldn’t have. Quiet made me start running faster than crashes and screams.

And now? Well, quiet is taking on a new feeling. Quiet means kids reading books for hours in their room. It means a peaceful daughter playing school in her room. It means exhaustion after a hard played game. It means enjoying different things- books, games, electronics- separately but together in a pile on the couch.

Before too awfully long quiet will mean the kids aren’t home any more- they are with friends or at college or on a trip. That quiet worries me too if I think too hard about it. So I don’t. Right now I just relish the quiet of 4 people content in their own space knowing that it won’t belong before someone is yelling, laughing or telling a story breaking that silence with the amazing noise that is family.