Author Archives: Heather

Unknown's avatar

About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Sep4

Breakdown- Aisle 6

Posted on by
Standard

As I was doing our weekly grocery shopping this evening, I realized that I had to buy food for my kids lunches for when they go to school this week.  Both of them- my 3 year old and my 5 year old.  In school. Full time.

And then I got all teary eyed because holy crap, my kids have never, ever been away from me for a full day before. We’ve always had the amazing Mary around which allowed us to send Scorch to school part time.  But no more- he’s going to Kindergarten and the Bean is starting preschool full time.

So, consider this post fair warning for the week ahead.  Either you won’t hear from me at all because I’ll be completely overwhelmed or you’ll be reading over emotional, hand wringing posts.  Read at your own risk.

Sep1

Love Thursday: One Small Step

Posted on by
Standard

Dear Scorch-

Last night we went to an Ice Cream social at your school a week before classes begin.  We’ve gone every year since you started school there as a 3 year old and every year you’ve clung to us.  You’ve buried your head in my shoulder and refused to shake hands or say hi to your new teacher.  Last year you warmed up about 30 minutes in and went to play with friends, but you kept us in your line of sight the whole time.

This year was a whole new ball game.

You proudly marched in the cafeteria and were so excited to be back.  You pointed everything out to the Bean because you know she’ll be scared when she starts there next week too.  You ran up to all your former teachers and gave them big hugs and filled them in on random facts about your summer break.

I got to pet an alligator!

Daddy has a new job and a new badge and it’s super cool!

I fell on the playground last week and really did a number on my face!

Mommy got stung by a jellyfish- in her hiney!

When it came time to meet your new teachers, you were a little shy.  But as soon as they put their hands out to shake yours, you didn’t hesitate.

Hi, I’m Scorch.

And then- you were off.  You were hugging friends and running around without a backwards glance.  You didn’t care where we were, you just wanted to go. The only time we saw you for the next hour was if we tracked you down to make sure you were still in the building.

And I died a little inside knowing that this was just one more (big) step forward- not the first and surely not the last.

Every day you assert yourself more and more. Last week when I asked you to do something, you said “No. I refuse.” After I shut my mouth (which had hit the floor), I insisted that you do do what was asked of you- but inside I was thrilled with your gumption & your vocabulary.   Just about every day you bring me a new piece of paper with a word or a phrase you’ve tried to sound out yourself- you are bursting to learn how to write and I couldn’t be more excited for you! (Unfortunately it looks like your skills at sounding out words is as good as mine- but don’t worry kiddo, there is a reason we have spell check).

I want so much for you this year- your first year in school full time.  I want you to learn- be a sponge and ask a million questions.  I want you to make a zillion different kinds of friends- a best friend, a play ground buddy, a friend to sit next to at lunch, friends who are boys and friends who are girls.  I want you to have the confidence to ask to play with a stranger. I want you to simply love school- all aspects of it.  And I think you will.

To quote one of your favorite movies-  “You’ve got guts, spunk and moxie, kid!”  And you do! We cannot wait to watch you shine this year!

I love you.

– Mommy

 

 

Aug30

Finding My Passion

Posted on by
Standard

I have a life coach (what doesn’t everyone have one?)-  she’s part dear friend and part therapist and lately she’s been challenging me to identify my passion.

That’s easy, right? My family.  My friends.  They are my passion.

But there is a catch- she wants me to identify a passion that fulfills me- Heather- as a person.  Not as Mom.  Not as a wife. Not as an employee.  Just me.  What am I passionate about?  What, outside my family, fills my cup?

The sad thing is I have no idea.  None.  I love to read.  I am learning to enjoy running.  Those are about the only two things I carve time out for myself to do.   I’m lucky enough to have a girls night out once or twice a month but other then that my life revolves around the kids and the Hubs.  Most of the time, I’m fine with that- but there are times, especially now that the kids are getting older, that I want to figure out what makes me tick.

I also want to find a way to give back and help others.  We live a very, very blessed life.   We have our stress and our struggles, but we don’t want for anything.  We work damn hard for this security & comfort, but it doesn’t mean I’m not lucky, because I am.  So how do I pay it forward? How do I leave my mark on my community outside of raising my kids to be good, upstanding people? My sweet kids will, without a doubt, be my biggest contribution to the world- but they don’t have to be my only contribution.

I have a feeling these two things- finding my passion & giving back- are tied together. I just don’t know how yet.  Do I want to build with Habitat for Humanity? Do I want to serve meals at a local soup kitchen?  Do I want to rock babies at the hospital?  Read to the elderly?  Again, I don’t know.  But I’m bound and determined to figure it out!

So tell me, what’s your passion? How do you give back? I’m open to your suggestions, so please- share!

Aug29

Just a Normal Night

Posted on by
Standard

It’s 8:30 and the kids have been in bed for the past 10 minutes.  I’m in our family room getting ready to turn on the TV when Scorch comes tearing down the stairs in full freak out mode.

“Mom, Mom! I have to show you something.  It’s really weird and I don’t know what it is and you need to get rid of it right now!”

“Whoa- slow down.  What’s right where?”  I figured there was a bug somewhere in his room – we always have a moth or 5 in the house thanks to letting the dog in and out in the evening & they like Scorch’s night light.

“It’s on my fingers and I have no idea what it is and you need to take it off right now!”

I examine his finger closely for .005 seconds.

“Seriously, bud?!  It’s a booger- go get a tissue and get back to bed!”

So…how is your night going?

Aug25

A Full Cup

Posted on by
Standard

I read a blog post earlier this week that’s been nagging at me.  I encourage you to read it for yourself, but a very simplified summary is that the authors son’s (who is a little younger then Scorch) was having some behavioral issues.  He wasn’t being bad, he was just acting out and just simply not himself.  His mom tried to figure out what in the world was causing his behavior- especially his need to constantly have a cup of milk- but she was stumped until a friend pointed out that these behaviors were all just little cries for his mom’s attention. Every time he was asking for more milk, he was really asking for more of his mom’s time.

That hit home for me.

This summer has been a challenging one with the Hubs gone for most of it.  That was a huge transition for us all.  But now the Hubs is home and while that’s great, it’s another transition getting use to being a family of 4 again.  The kids know that when they start school in 2 short weeks, our wonderful nanny is going to another job and that is another major upheaval in their lives.  And all these changes are wearing on my kids and showing in their behavior.

They are quicker to snap at each other. Quicker to taunt one another.  Faster to lose their tempers or start to cry. Scorch especially doesn’t hesitate to say something out of the blue that he knows will get him in trouble and it’s been making me batty.

The answer is obvious- my kids need more attention, more stability and a stronger parental presence during this crazy time. But instead of giving them that, I’ve been doing my best to keep the peace with too much electronic entertainment so I can get a minute of quiet and a break from the arguing.  And by doing that, all I’m doing is making things worse.  So this week I’m trying to make a conscience effort to put my book down more often, to engage my kids in what ever I’m doing and to simply be more present when we have down time.  My kids deserve a full cup and it’s up to the Hubs and I give one to them.

Aug23

Hands Are Not For Hitting (Maybe)

Posted on by
Standard

Talk to me about how you feel about your kids being physical with each other because we’re dealing with that a lot round these parts lately.

I fall into the camp that as long as no one is hitting/kicking/shoving/whatever out of anger or malice, I’m going to let the kids play.  I keep an eye on them and I intervene before I think things are going to get out of hand, but pushing/shoving/accidental hitting is, in my opinion, just part of having a sibling.  As long as the potential for serious injury isn’t likely and neither of the kids are objecting, I’m OK with wrestling or jumping next to each other.

The Hubs feels that the kids need to keep their hands to themselves and likes to keep rough housing to a minimum because he worries (rightly so) that things can go from fun playing to an injury in no time flat.  I may see that as a hazard of having a sibling, but he sees that as completely avoidable.

I certainly don’t want to see my kids get hurt and unsolicited hitting (*ahem* Beam) and being way too rough because you’re angry (*ahem* Scorch) isn’t tolerated and both kids know that.  But roughhousing? Have at it and don’t bother me unless you’re bleeding or your eye is hanging out.

So where do you fall on the spectrum?

Aug22

We Don’t Negotiate With Terrorists

Posted on by
Standard

The Hubs and I took the kids to the park after dinner tonight.  We had to take two cars so the Hubs drove the kids there and I drove them home.  Evidently on the way there, the Hubs told them they could drive a special way home.  Too bad no one shared this piece of information with me, so I drove right past that “special” way.

You would have thought I ran over our dog with the way Scorch reacted.

He demanded I turn around immediately to go back the way he wanted to.  The problem is that the way he wanted to go wouldn’t take us home, so I told him I’d go another way that’s even more fun because it’s right by his best friend’s house.

He didn’t buy it- cue the waterworks and the demands.

“If you don’t turn around right now, then you have to give me two marshmallows when we get home!”

“If you don’t turn around right now, then we have to go to the store first thing tomorrow to buy me a toy.”

“If you don’t turn around right now, then I’m going to need 3 books tonight to make this up to me.”

And on and on and on.  All I could do was laugh and simply tell Scorch that I don’t negotiate with terrorists.  He didn’t understand, but he didn’t get anything he demanded for either.

Aug19

10 Years Ago

Posted on by
Standard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 years ago, we said “I do.”  He was 25 and I was 23.  We had been together for 4 years and had been living together for 2.  We said “I love you” to each other two months into our relationship and never looked back.  When you know, you know.

Our wedding was beautiful and our reception was an amazing celebration with 198 of our closest friend and family.  We laughed, ate, danced- we had the time of our lives.  It was everything I wanted to my wedding to be and more.  I was lucky enough not to be nervous and I enjoyed every single minute of that day.

Now here we are a decade later.  We’ve moved 3 times, lost 3 pregnancies, gained 3 animals and had 2 kids.  We’ve fought and each spent a night or ten on the couch.  We’ve cried over losses and changes.  But we’ve smiled and laughed a million times more.  We’ve built a life together with hard work, respect and love. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been so, so worth it.

If he asked again, I’d still say “yes.”

 

 

 

 

Aug17

Finally Four Again

Posted on by
Standard

After 7 long weeks, the Hubs is home!  At the end of May he was offered a great job- one he’d wanted for five years and one that would allow us to keep living where we do now.  It is seriously a huge blessings that it came through.  But, there was a catch- he had to be gone from the end of June until yesterday for some hard core training over 900 miles away from home.  But 51 days apart were a small price to pay for a job he’d be happy with, so we kissed him goodbye and the kids and I tried to figure out our new normal for the summer.

I won’t lie- there were a few perks to being a single parent. The biggest was the fact that I set the schedule.  We didn’t have to worry about the Hubs or his work hours (his schedule is always erratic). If we wanted to go to the lake, we went.  If a last minute dinner invitation popped up, we could accept it and go.  My grocery bill was lower and the kids were (until the Bean’s climbing capers) in bed on time every night. I had the TV to myself and could (and did) read until the wee hours of the night with no one nagging me about the vampire garbage I watched or to turn the lights out.

It was awesome! For about a week…then it got old, fast.

We all  missed the Hubs terribly. I thought it was going to be the Bean who missed him most- I figured Scorch was old enough to roll with it. I was so wrong.  Scorch missed his father badly this summer and it showed in a million different ways, most of them not good.  The Bean did pretty well and I honestly think the fact that she’s so young helped out because she has no concept of time.   And I missed him too- his company, his help, his sense of humor and the fact he didn’t mind taking the garbage to the transfer station (something I loathe).

Y’all- being a single parent is hard, hard work. If you notice a thread of desperation in some of my posts these past few weeks it’s because I was doing it all by myself.  My parents, nanny and friends were amazing help- but 90% of the time it was just me at the kids when I wasn’t working.  I was all they had so I had to be Mom, Dad, cook, grocer, goalie, referee, chauffeur, teacher, playmate and everything else in between 24/7.  There was no such thing as me time and a lot of things, like my workouts, really slacked off.  I never realized just how much the Hubs did until he wasn’t here to do them any more.  My hat is off to all single parents- you truly have the hardest job in the world.

The Hubs came home with 2 broken ribs and a concussion and I managed a small flood and the Bean’s bedtime antics while he was gone- but we survived! Let’s just hope we never have to do it again.

At the beach before training.

 

Aug15

Here

Posted on by
Standard

I’m here- but barely.  Today marks Week 2 of working mandatory 12 hour days/ 6 days a week.  What I do isn’t terribly hard either physically or mentally, but I’m wiped out.  Being glued to the computer from 7 am – 7 pm looking as long spreadsheet when you’re not used to it is much more taxing then you’d think.

Because I had to work all day Saturday, my parents offered to take the kids that morning for an overnight (Total. Godsend.)  All was well until I got the call at 10:30 am yesterday saying that the Bean had a stomach bug.  So I wrapped up what I was doing (grocery shopping), took the dog to the kennel and moved myself down to my parents house so I had help with the kids today while I continued to work (I honestly have no idea if I get sick days right now, I don’t think so).

So- to recap. 12 hour work days + 1 sick, cranky, pathetic kid = my head exploding.  Also, I’m nominating my parents for sainthood.

***********

I wrote that post this morning and after a nice evening at my parents I was going to scrap it and write something sincere and full of gratitude for the great people in our lives. And I still may do that. But not tonight as I just took me 1.5 hours to get the Bean to bed. *sigh* I feel so badly for that little girl, but I really, really wish she’d stay in bed.