Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Mar8

Scorch vs. The Toilet

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Ah, Tuesday– you strike again.

After the typical craziness of swim lessons and dinner, it was bath time.  This time we smartened up and bathed the kids separately.  Bean went first without a fuss, then it was Scorch’s turn. The boy didn’t want to get out, so when the time came he was not happy. He stepped out of the tub and decided he would show his displeasure by going limp and letting his body fall to the ground. On the way down, his cheek bone smacked right into the side of the toilet.

*Thunk*

Immediately, the poor kid started crying. I thought he bonked his eye, so I  checked that out quickly. Upon seeing his eyeball was still in place, I started to reassure him that he was OK.  Then he moved his towel and I saw his cheekbone. I couldn’t help it- I started to crack up. I mean- come on, he gave himself a black eye on the toilet! He had a huge purple bruise starting to form and I know darn well it’s not going to look good tomorrow.

Scorch was not happy with my laughter and started to cry again. I stifled myself and said something along the lines of how he got himself good. Wrong thing to say.

“Mommy..don’t look at my cheek! I don’t want anyone to see my eye!”

I said not to worry about it, bruises always make for good stories.

“I can’t tell people I hit it on the toilet!!”

Hmmm…ok, I told him he could tell people that dinosaurs broke into our house and he had to fight them off.

“Mom- everyone knows dinosaurs are extinct! That won’t work.”

He had a point- his classmates are smart little buggers.  So I suggested we tell everyone he wrestled with a honey badger.**

“Mooo-ooom- honey badgers don’t have thumbs. They can’t break in to a house, duh!”

Also a good point. We never did settle on what he’s going to tell his friends tomorrow, but at least he started laughing and settled down.

As for me, I’m going to get a kick of telling this story for quite some time.

 

**That video has lots of swearing, but it’s hysterical!

 

 

Mar7

Bean’s Proclimations

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About 2 weeks ago, we decided it was time to potty train the Bean.  She’ll be three this summer and had been showing all the signs of being ready for quite some time.  So we bit the bullet, put her in some big girl undies and gave it a whirl. Thankfully, within 2 days she was pretty much trained- we were all shocked at how quickly little Ms. Stubborn took to things.

Today, after being snowed in all day, I decided to throw caution to the wind and take her out of the house to a local bounce house and restaurant without a diaper on. Thankfully she didn’t have any accidents- but she did insist on going to the bathroom in the restaurant 5 times within the hour we were there. Five. Times.  Since she’s still newly trained, I didn’t want to take the chance that she didn’t have to go, so off we went each and every time.

Each time we’d leave the bathroom, I’d remind her that we were at a restaurant and that it’s not polite to talk about potty things at the table.  And each time as we’d approach our table, she’s happily yell out to the Hubs what exactly she did in the bathroom. “Daddy- I went pee-pee on the potty!!” she’d proclaim, bursting with pride over how big she was now.

Thank goodness the snow scared off most people tonight so we didn’t really have any neighboring dinners to worry about.  I can’t imagine hearing about my daughters bathroom exploits would be good for anyone’s appetite!

Mar3

Love Thursday: Homecoming (Part 2)

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I always knew without a doubt that I was loved as a kid.  Hugs, kisses, “I love you’s” and praise were doled out liberally  in my house.  Mom and Dad attended all our school functions, supported us in our decisions – big & small, and always were there for us.  Love in my family was like air- it was just there.

But it wasn’t until Scorch was born and I felt for the first time that all consuming love for my child that I realized just how very much my parents loved me.

******

Up until this year, the longest I had ever gone between seeing at least one of my parents was 6 weeks. But this year, my parents became snow birds and migrated south to FL for Jan and Feb.  Yes, I’m in my 30’s and I cried the night we said goodbye to them before they left.  While they were gone, we talked daily and Skyped a few times a week but it wasn’t the same for me or the kiddos- not when we were used to seeing them at least once a week.

That is why Scorch and Bean were practically vibrating with anticipation as we drove to meet my Dad for dinner tonight. The grins and shrieks when they saw their Papa were stinking priceless- even the people at the tables around us said it was the sweetest thing!  Papa holds a special place in my kids lives and we are all so happy he’s home!

 

Mar2

Battle of Wills

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The Hubs is one of the most stubborn people I know. He’s right, you’re wrong and that is all there is to that.  On top of that, The Hub’s job also puts him in a position of authority. He’s very used to people telling people what to do and having them hop to.  Those traits serve him very well both professional and personally. Except for when they are reflected back at him through his kids.

Dinner tonight was a low key affair, so the kids ate sitting on the bar stools in the kitchen while the Hubs sat at the table behind them.  Beaner was sitting on her knees and wasn’t very steady so the Hubs asked her to please sit on her bum so she didn’t fall off the stool.

She ignored him.

He called her name again and repeated his request.  Beaners squared her little jaw and continued to ignore him.

I tried to intervene but  The Hubs asked me to let him take care of it, so I backed off while keeping my eyes on the Bean.  He repeated his request one more time, this time telling her if she doesn’t answer him, she will be going to timeout.

She  lifted her hiney in the air and settled it very carefully and very purposefully back on her feet, sitting on her knees still.

Honest to God, I thought the Hubs head was going to explode as he picked her up and carried her to time out.

I do believe he’s met his match!

Mar1

Tuesday’s Children

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I have a love / hate relationship with Tuesdays.

Living in a small town, our options for activities for the kids are a little bit limited.  As it happens, all the activities we have the kids enrolled in are on Tuesdays.  Bean has a 1 hour gymnastics class in the morning, then a 30 minute swim lesson at night.  Scorch has school in the morning (including PE & 2 recesses), then 60 minutes of swim at night.  In a lot of ways, our Tuesday nights are a blast, especially when we’re at the pool!  The Bean and I attend her lesson for 30 mins while the Hubs and Scorch do free swim before D’s lesson.  It’s a great way to unwind and have some fun with the kiddos.

Getting out of the pool is a whole other ball game.

Tonight there was the fun of the last minute bathroom run for both kids. Ever try to shimmy a wet suit off a kid who is doing the pee-pee dance? Damn near impossible- but we made it, barely.

Then there is trying to get them both dressed as they are jumping around the dressing room singing “I am a Rock Star!” as loudly as they can while playing the air guitar.  (No idea where they got that from!)

On the drive home, Scorch tries (unsuccessfully, I might add) to talk me into stopping at the store to get him a treat (read: toy) because he “was so good at swim!”  Again child, good behavior is not rewarded with toys- when will he realize that?

After dinner, it’s bath time. The kids are clearly showing signs of being tired and it certainly doesn’t help that bath time is happening at what should be bedtime because we get home so late from swim. The Hubs and I made the tactical error of putting the kids in the bath together. This worked great up until a few months ago but now they are both too big, the tub is too small and they bicker over everything- who has the most bubbles, who plays with which toy, who gets cleaned up first, who gets out first.  We solved the last two problems by all cramming into our tiny bathroom and washing both kids at the same time and taking them out at the same time.

Well, I thought that would solve our problems. What that did is cause poor Scorch to completely go off the deep end and have a sobbing fest about how his day at school was so hard and how he’s so tired.  It’s was actually really pathetic- I couldn’t even get frustrated because I felt so sorry for the kid.

Finally, PJs were on, books were read and hugs and kisses were given.  As Scorch was going to bed, he told me that our family night tonight in the pool was the best time ever.  And that right there is why we’ll do this all over again next week.

Feb28

You’re Not the Boss of Me!

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On Sunday morning, Scorch had a meltdown.

The reason? Bean wanted to have her usual for breakfast- waffles- and Scorch wanted her to have cereal.

When Bean was little (well, littler) she would basically go along with just about anything Scorch wanted- music, food, movies, books. Whatever- if Scorch was happy, Bean was happy.   Those days are clearly behind us.  At 2.5 years old, Bean knows what she wants and that is that.

And Sunday morning, Bean wanted waffles.

Scorched carried on like she ran over his dog. “But…she’s hurting my feelings! Why won’t she eat what I want her to eat? She always eats the same things and it’s boring!”

Then he resorted to bribery. “Bean- if you’ll have cereal with Big Brother, then I’ll let you play with my basketball!”

He then moved on to bargaining. “Beany- if you eat cereal today, then I’ll eat waffles with you tomorrow!” (all said in a very sing-song voice).

But she wouldn’t budge.  Finally the poor boy came to realize- 25 minutes later- that he’s simply not the boss of his little sister any more.

 

Feb24

Love Thursday: Lucky Me

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At dinner time, Scorch told me that I was the best cook ever because I made him French toast.  While putting the Bean to bed, she told me I was beautiful and too funny when I let her brush my hair.

My first thought was that I hope I always remain a rock star in my kid’s eyes. My second was how very lucky I was to be here having these conversation with my kids at all.

2 years ago today I got into a car accident.  I was so very lucky it wasn’t worse then it was- I walked away with cracked ribs, bad bruising and a damaged knee, but no lasting damage.  If the car that I collided with had hit me 2 feet to the left of where it did, the damage would have been much more significant.  If I had had the kids with me in the car, I’m not sure Scorch would be here any more (a thought that gave me nightmares for months).

 

I have a lot to be thankful every day- but today,  I’m especially thankful I’m here to play with my kids and to relax with my husband at all.  Happy Love Thursday, all!

Feb23

Homecoming

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11 weeks and 2 days after she was born, Baby Lala is home!  Born at 1 lb 14 oz, Lala is now up over 5 lbs- sent home without a single wire or monitor.  Red and TBO are free to pick her up and love on her as much as they want without worrying (too much) about schedules and over stimulation.

It’s a beautiful thing.

 

 

Feb22

Finding the Carrot

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Scorch is an uncomplicated guy. If you want him to do something, all you really have to do is whip up a sticker chart, tell him he has to get so many stickers for doing whatever you’d like him to do and then give him a present when he does.  It really doesn’t matter what you give him- a gumball, a bouncy ball or a football.  All he cares about is that it’s new and it’s his.  This technique worked when he was 18 months old and it still works now at almost 5 years old- the carrot of more stickers leading to a toy will almost always guarantee his cooperation.

I have yet to figure out what Bean’s carrot is  which is a giant pain in the rear when trying to potty train her.

She really doesn’t get excited about things- stickers, toys- like Scorch does.  While she loves chocolate as much as the next girl, she doesn’t love it enough to do something she doesn’t want to.  Outings to an exciting place- bounce house, science museum, Applebees- are a lot of fun but still not enough.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what makes this child tick. While I don’t do this while trying to potty training her, I have resorted to time-outs or threats of taking toys away to force her into helping me or picking up a mess she made.  Nada. She really doesn’t care.  She just digs in her heels and will not budge until she’s good and ready- there is simply no combination to her.

Her teenage years should be a blast!

Feb21

Potty Mouth

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There are a lot of words that adults say that I don’t blink an eye at – butt,  fart, crap. But when they come out of the month of my kids, they just don’t sound right.

Ever since the kids were little, we’ve substituted in more kid friendly terms.  Farts becomes toots.  Butt becomes hiney. Potty words, like poop & pee, were only allowed in the bathroom.  The Hubs and I laid the groundwork for this when the kids were little and I never really gave it a second thought.

But now the universe is conspiring against us. First, we’re potty training the Bean, so potty talk (at least the words pee and poop) has become just about every other word out of our mouth as we try to get this child out of diapers. There is a kid’s potty chair in my dining room for crying out loud!  Add in the fact that Scorch is a normal almost-5 year old who thinks the word “butt” is the funniest term in the English language and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

Do I  start to seriously crack down and put my kids in timeout every time an offensive term comes out of their mouth? Or do I loosen up a bit and chalk it up to growing up? Am I making the words more appealing to the kids because I don’t like them and they get a reaction out of me each time they say them?

I realize in the grand scheme, this is small potatoes. But I feel like if I don’t figure out now how far I can be pushed, I’m really screwed when the kiddos get older.