Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Dec5

Sisters

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“Can’t you take her back?”

According to the family stories, that’s the first thing I said when I met Red, my baby sister, after she was born.  I was 2 and a half and it was all down here from there for a long, long time.

I remember fighting with my sister over everything. Toys, dolls, friends, food- everything.

“She’s breathing too loud!”

“She’s looking at me!”

“She’s touching me!”

Doors slamming. Yelling. Even slapping each other. Why my parents didn’t sell us both to the circus when we we’re younger, I’ll never know.  I had one friend tell me that one day, we’d be best friends and I still remember rolling my eyes so far back at the thought that it’s a wonder they didn’t get stuck.

But she was right. I don’t know when it happened, but gradually Red went from being someone I just barely tolerated to my best friend.  Now we talk daily, if not more.  It makes the Hubs nuts sometimes because he knows nine times out of ten when the phone rings, it’s going to be Red (or my mom).

Red and her husband, TBO, went through hell and back to get pregnant. I had my own problems having Scorch and Bean, so my heart hurt for them each cycle they were unsuccessful. Getting the picture of the positive pregnancy test from Red at 4 am one morning a few months back was one of the happiest times ever.

Fast forward 28 short weeks. Red is 350 miles away hospitalized for the rest of her pregnancy.  A pregnancy that could last another day longer or another 12 weeks, it’s something that will be decided daily.  It’s killing me to be this far away from my best friends, my sister, at such a scary time.

Red & TBO- we love you and the baby and know that you all will be fine. Stay strong and call me as many times a day as you need, Hubs can deal with it. 😉

 

Dec3

Absolutes

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A friend was over at our house earlier today and she was talking about the awful behavior some of her friend’s kids were showing at a get together last week. Now, some of the behaviors she listed were absolutely verboten- my kids don’t climb on the back of other people’s couches, walk on their tables or be rude to others. And if they do, we correct them immediately.

Then my friend was talking about how one mom won’t even take her child shopping with her because his behavior was out of control. She looked me dead in the eye and asked if I could ever imagine letting my kids dictate my behavior like that.

I’m still laughing.  See, I flat out refuse to shop with the Bean.  I will do my grocery shopping at 6 am while everyone is asleep at my house to avoid going with her.

It wasn’t always like this. Up until 6 months or so ago, it wasn’t that bad. When she was itty bitty, I plopped her my carrier, put Scorch in the cart and off we went.  When she got older, she would happily sit either in the child seat in the cart or, if we were really lucky, in the race car kid’s cart with her big brother. Then one day, she refused. Either I held her in my arms (not even in the carrier) or she would scream and sob and kick and try to escape where ever you put her. She didn’t want to walk or ride, she wanted to be carried and heaven help you and the rest of the shoppers if I didn’t do so.  After about a half a dozen times of sweating thru my entire grocery shopping trip and leaving the store stressed to the max, I gave up and leave her behind.

Anyhow- this conversation got me thinking of some of the parenting absolutes I had before I had kids.

1) My kids will never, ever watch TV.
With Scorch we stuck with that pretty well.  Then we had Beaner and sometimes I needed to keep Scorch occupied while I attended to her and was too tired to chase him. By the time Scorch was 3 and Bean was 1, they could both sign the theme song to Jack’s Big Music Show. Now we have family movie nights every Friday!

2)   My kids will never wear any clothing with characters on it.
I mostly stick with this one, but we did have about a 6 month phase when Scorch was in love with Elmo. Seriously, who can resist a 2 year old who got no greater joy then wearing an Elmo t-shirt? Not me.

3) Need to train your kids (be it potty training, sleeping, whatever)? Use a sticker chart!
That is a perfect solution if sticker charts motivate your kids. At age 4, a sticker chart for good behavior is still the key to Scorch’s heart.  The Bean couldn’t give a flying frog over ’em.  We still haven’t found what motivates that kid- stickers, food, toys. Doesn’t matter- she’s going to do what she wants and to hell with the rest.

4) I will never, ever let my kid throw a fit in a store. If s/he acts up, out the door we go. That behavior won’t be accepted or put up with.
Great idea in theory, but what happens when you have a week’s worth of groceries in the cart and your husband is out of town for 5 days? I’ll tell you what happens- you bribe your kid with whatever it takes to shut them up and hustle them out there as fast as you can after you finish your shopping.

5) No child of mine will leave the house looking like s/he was dressed by a blind drunk clown.
*snort* Yeah- you come over to my house and try to tackle, then wrestle my kid into clothes they refuse to wear. I’ll stand my ground if we’re going to church or some place special, but the rest of the time as long as it fits and it’s clean, have at it. Mismatched clothes never hurt a soul.

I know I have more- what’s yours?

 

 

Dec2

Love Thursday: I’m Beautiful

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One of my favorite bloggers recently wrote a post a about accepting to yourself. About realizing that you’re beautiful for a variety of reasons- that beauty shouldn’t be defined only by the super models of the world.  Her post in and of itself is amazing and in it she asks people to share why they are beautiful.  I dare you  not to read the comments and smile.  Here are a few that were shared:

> I’m beautiful because I survived a crazy, anxious childhood; a long slow drop into alcoholism, drug addiction and street life; and now, at 55, I think everything is funny. Because for such a long time, nothing was.

> I am beautiful because somehow I manage to get up one more time than I have fallen down.

> I am beautiful because I have my mother’s strong hands, my grandmother’s hips and my father’s feet. I have the same blue eyes as my sister and the same mole on my third finger as my daughter. I am beautiful because I am parts of all those that I love.

Seriously- how great is that??

But it’s hard- really hard- for me to say what makes me beautiful. When I look in the mirror most of the time, all I see are the flaws. The 12 pounds that I’ve been trying to lose since having the Bean. The random gray hairs. The eyes that need a stronger prescription every year. The various scars all over my body- from my car accident, from being pregnant, from being the least graceful person in NY state.

But that body, as imperfect as it is, finally after 3 long, hard years carried and birthed two healthy, perfect babies.  That baby weight doesn’t reflect as much time at the gym as I’d like, but it does reflect time that was better spent with my family and friends living life.  The outside may not be conventionally beautiful, but my sense of self, my innate optimism and my fierce love of my family and friends make me beautiful.

What makes YOU beautiful?

Dec1

Selective Memory

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Earlier today the kiddos were downstairs playing while I was making dinner. I was running back and forth to keep an eye on them, but my attention wasn’t 100%  focused on the Bean.

Mistake #1.

During one of my trips down the stairs, I started to smell a not-so pleasant odor.  I wasn’t too worried until I rounded the corner to see Beaner standing there with no pants on, her onesie half off and no diaper.

Oh dear God- it’s finally happened. She’s pooped and taken off her diaper. I contained my panic, assessed the situation and started with clean up. I’ll spare you the details- you’re welcome.

After cleaning her (and the basement) up, I got back to cooking- this time keeping both kids on the same floor of the house as me.  The Bean wanted to wash her hands, which 1) was a really good idea anyhow and 2) something she does a lot so I told her to have at it, but I didn’t stay in the bathroom with her.

Mistake #2.

It got really quiet in the bathroom so I sent Scorch in there to check on her.  When he started laughing like a loon as soon as he walked in, I knew there was trouble.  There was the Bean standing in my sink about to open up a bottle of nail polish.  Thankfully, I got there early enough to prevent disaster.

I got the Bean down, had a stern talking to her and then went back to my cooking trying to get dinner on the table early so we could spend the night putting up the Christmas tree.  The kids wanted to play in their rooms- something they do all the freaking time, so I wasn’t too worried.

Mistake #3 (I swear I’m not normally this dumb.)

I heard the dreaded words come out of her mouth: “Yook at me, Mom!”  Into her room I go to find her standing on her dresser. That, right then? That is when my head exploded.

Well, not really, but damned if it wasn’t close.  You guys- this all happened within a 15 min span!!!!

Yet later that night after dinner was finally served, the tree was put up and fully decorated (only one ornament broken!) and I was getting Bean to bed, I actually said to my daughter: “You’ve been such a good girl today!”

That, my friends, is selective memory at its finest.  Either that or good old fashion repression!

Nov30

A Sickness

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I’ve shared a time or seven how I am not Suzy Homemaker. Heck, I’m not even her second cousin, Semi-Suzy Homemaker. Among other things, I don’t like to:

> cook
> decorate
> clean
> do crafts
> keep a scrapbook / baby books

Don’t get me wrong, I do them all (at least the top 3).  I mean- I have to. Have you seen Horders? I so don’t want a house like that. And I don’t want my kids main sources of veggies be McDonald’s fries.  But I don’t have a passion for some of the more wifely/motherly pursuits. I’d much rather be drinking hot chocolate and reading a good book, you know?

I do have one weakness- a sickness, if you will.

Christmas cards.

I love to design them using some of the 2000+ pics I’ve taken through out the year. I love to compare different versions. I love to solicit the opinion of anyone who cares enough to offer them on which one I should choose.  When the cards finally arrive at the house, it’s like my version of Christmas morning. The opening of the package, the great unveiling, the butterflies in my stomach as I hope I love them as much in person as I did online.

And this year I totally did. These cards- all 90 of them- are gorgeous!  And yes, the fact that I send out 90 of them is all part of my illness because I don’t feel right just sending out picture cards. Oh no- I have to write a personal message in each and every card otherwise the guilt eats at me. Why? I don’t know- it’s the Catholic in me.

All I do know is I better get started soon if they have a prayer of arriving before Dec. 25th!

Nov29

I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree!*

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The Hubs is a huge Christmas nut and loves to channel his inner Clark Griswold. As such, getting our Christmas tree is Big Business here.  Growing up, the Hubs only had artificial trees so when we moved in together almost 11 years ago, switching to a real tree was a huge change.  We’ve gotten our tree from all sorts of places over the years and we always seem to pick the worst day of the year to get it- rain, snow, sleet, sub-zero temps. You name it and we’ve picked out our tree during it.

This year the kids are old enough to understand what’s going on, so we decided to try our hand at cutting down a tree.  Yesterday was the big day- it was a balmy 41 degrees out and not spitting snow or rain so off we went.  Never mind that it was  the kids nap time, Scorch was crying at the drop of a hat and that we had just made them sit through an hour of church. This was going to be fun, damn it!

And, surprisingly enough, it was!  The only problem was that we found our Perfect Tree in the pre-cut section of trees when we first got there. Scorch was not pleased at the thought of not using the saw the Hubs was lugging around, so we took a hike through the woods to see what we could find.  We did find another beautiful tree- that was 9 feet tall.  As much as I love the Griswold family Christmas tree, I didn’t want an identical one in my living room so we settled on the first tree we saw after tiring the kids out with our walk.

So a new tradition has started for our family. Maybe next year we’ll even let the Hubs use that saw.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Not the quote I wanted to use, but I couldn’t bring myself to name this post “Shitters full!” even though it makes me laugh every time I think of it!

Nov26

Needing Undivided Attention

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The Hubs had to work today, so I was scrambling this morning to figure out what to do with the kids. Typically we hit the local bounce house to work off some energy, but the bounce house is located within the mall and I wasn’t going near there with the kiddos in tow on Black Friday.  Most of the friends and family we usually pester when we’re bored were either traveling or shopping so the day was shaping up to be a long one.

I suggested we go to the local kid’s science museum to Scorch. He quickly countered with our local Earth Museum filled with fossils and all things dinosaur related. I thought about it and while going to a museum like that with a 4 and a 2 year old is a little ambitious since I was flying solo, I was desperate so off we went.

We got there within 5 minutes of it opening and there were only about a half a dozen other families there, all with small children. I breathed a quick sigh of relief and we got on our way. Scorch was, as always, enthralled. When an honest-to-God Paleontologist came up to us and offered to show us what he was working on in the museum’s lab, I thought Scorch’s little head was going to pop off from the excitement. When the good Doctor let Scorch hold a real Triceratops leg bone, it did. He hasn’t stopped talking about it yet!

The Bean, on the other hand, was really great for about the first 30 minutes.  There are some interactive parts of the museum, but it’s more of a look-and-see type of place, which isn’t exactly thrilling to a 2 year old. She was holding her own and acting respectable enough so I turned my back on her for 2 seconds to see something Scorch was trying to show me.

Huge mistake. You’d think I was a rookie at this parenting thing.

When I turned back around, Bean had crawled up into an exhibit that had two model dinosaurs side by side and was holding on to each of them swinging from their necks. “Hey Mama- yook at me!”  are words you never want to hear your toddler yell in a museum. Thank God she didn’t break anything and even bigger thanks that no one saw us.

Next time, I’ll take my changes on the Black Friday crowds.

Nov25

Happy Thanksgiving!

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I’ve been trying to think about how to write the post about what I’m most thankful for- the Hubs & the kids.  And I’m struggling.

It’s not that I’m not thankful- quite the opposite. I’m so thankful for The Hubs & the family we have created that I don’t even know where to start.  How do you try to describe something so big and all encompassing?  I really don’t know, so I’ll sure share a few of the little things I’m thankful for:

> The Hub starting my car for me at 5 am before I go workout so the car is warm.

> The Bean’s amazing curls.

> Scorch’s dinosaur obsession- you need to know anything dino-related, ask him!

> Our post-dinner, pre-bedtime time when we play hide-n-seek and the kids go to bed 30 mins late because we’re having so much fun.

> Watching the outfits Bean comes up with when she’s dressing herself (her pants are on backwards right now)

> Scorch’s funny, funny sense of humor. His latest joke? “Why did the chicken cross the playground?” “To get to the other slide!”  It never gets old.

Mostly I’m just so thankful that these are the people I get to spend my life with. That the Hubs & I created not only these two awesome people, but a home for them filled with a lot of love, hugs, kisses and laughter.

We hope your Thanksgiving is a wonderful one!

Nov23

Book Worm

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Tonight I had a date night with Scorch and I couldn’t be more thankful for it.

We both needed new books, so we drove the 25 minutes to small branch of my county’s library system that is truly a hidden gem.  Over the past week I have gotten the latest Alex Cross novel by James Patterson and the latest books by Jeffrey Deaver, Nelson DeMille and Jodi Picoult.  Books in general make me giddy. Brand spanking new books by some of my favorite authors? They make me euphoric!

Best of all, Scorch shares my love of reading.  He was thrilled to get a few new dinosaur books along with a Junie B Jones book he’d never read. We had a ball sitting in the empty library at 6:30 looking thru shelves of books to see what he may like.  When we got home, the Hubs was putting Beaner to bed so we got to dive right in while eating a late dinner together. After dinner, it was time for bed, which meant more time to read together after teeth were brushed and PJs were put on. Did you know that paleontologists think that only 7% of all dinosaur species have been discovered? Me neither- but that fact just about caused Scorch to pass out because he was worried there weren’t going to be any fossils left for him to find when he got older.

Scorch has pretty much learned all his letters, so now he’s learning how they fit together to make words. He told me today that it’s like magic and I couldn’t agree more!

Nov22

I’d choose them…

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Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

You guys obviously know that I agree with that sentiment.  But I also think if you’re lucky the opposite is true- that family are the friends you’re blessed to be related to.

And I’m really lucky.

I was born into a great family- amazing parents and a brother and sister who are two of my most favorite people in the world.  My parents always- always– encouraged and supported us through school, sports, friendships, college, jobs, marriages and now raising our families.  I know that if I need anything, my parents will always have our backs.  As for my siblings- there is nothing like knowing there are two other people in this world that remember the same crazy family trips and traditions as me.  Add in numerous grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousin that I enjoy spending time with- people we choose to vacation with every year- and I couldn’t be luckier.

Then I was doubly lucky to marry into a great family. In-laws who’s company I greatly enjoy, people whom I respect. They raised a great man and all of them have become a happy add-on to my already great family.  My kids are beyond lucky to have 3 sets of loving grandparents, 4 sets of involved aunts & uncles and an ever growing number of cousins.

I realize this all sounds a little too suzy-sunshine, but I can’t help it. It’s true and I couldn’t be more thankful for every single member of my family. Even The Bearded One.