Category Archives: Me

Sep25

The Big Meanie, That’s Me

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As I type this, Scorch is in his room crying and talking trash about me (calling me a Big Meanie, he thinks he’s being quiet).  He’s mad because he lost one of his stuffed animals for a week.  Why? Because of his behavior.   Ever since our major family blow up a few weeks back, we’ve implemented a new policy.  The rules are set- there are only a 3 really big ones and when you break them you 1) go in time out and 2) lose something.  So Scorch broke one of the rules earlier (he told his sister he hated her), so he immediately lost the dessert we were sitting down to eat.  That went over about as well as you can expect. So he and I had a conversation about learning from our mistakes and making better choices.  Yet 5 minutes later, he told his sister the same thing.  I asked him to please pick one of this stuffed animals off his bed as it was now mine for the next week.

Oh, the humanity.

The funny this is, the boy has at least 20+ animal on his bed and if I had gone in and taking Froggy away without telling him, he’d never know he was gone.  Maybe this time he’ll learn?

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I have no good excuse for not blogging lately- just a lot of minor ones.  A fall cold (thanks, Bean!), busy evenings (including a much needed mid-week girl’s night), spending some time with the Hubs (so nice to have him home most nights), and being in bed by 9:30 every night.  A few weeks back, I started working out back at the gym. I couldn’t go while Pete was gone this summer, but now that he’s home, I’m trying to go to bootcamp class 3x a week and spinning 2x a week- all of which require me to get up before 5 am. I realize a lot of people have to do that every day, but I don’t and holy crap that is the middle of the night. But I’m trying my hardest, so that means early bedtimes so I don’t fall over mid-day.  They damn well better pay off is all I have to say.

 

 

Sep15

Love Thursday: Independence

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At least once a week either the Hubs or I will randomly throw out a name in the middle of conversation.

Jane?

Nah, I don’t like how it goes with our last name.

Neither one of us question what the other is talking about- we know.  These names are possible choices for our hypothetical 3rd child.  We’re not expecting another baby now, nor do we plan on adding to our brood anytime in the next year or so, but the thought is always there in the back of our heads.  Neither one of us know if our family is complete yet.

The hard part is, the longer we wait, the more I’m enjoying having older kids.  I was a wreck most of the past two weeks. Between Mary leaving and the kids starting school full time, I cried at least once a day. My babies- my precious babies going to school and leaving me alone in the house all day for the first time in 5 years! I thought for sure that them being gone was going to kick my baby fever into high gear and was mentally prepping the discussion the Hubs and I would have to have. But you know what? I love having the house to myself for 6 hours a day.  Flat out adore it.

Earlier this week the kids started swim lessons.  Scorch has been in lessons without me for the past 6 months, but I thought I still needed to get in the water with the Bean. Nope- I was able to sit on the side of the pool and just enjoy watching them swim.  It was heaven.

The kids dress themselves every morning. They pick up after themselves. They can tell me what they want, what hurts and why they are crying.  They are wonderful company and make me laugh with their observations and stories. I don’t have to wipe any more behinds and the only diapers in the house are here when Baby Lala is around. I don’t have to pack a diaper bag or bring my breast pump with me when I’m away from home for a long period of time.  And I’m enjoying all of that so much more then I thought I would.

The decision whether or not to have another baby hasn’t been made yet and I’m sure it won’t be for some time, but for now I’m just relishing the independence while hoping my kids don’t grow too fast!

 

Sep4

Breakdown- Aisle 6

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As I was doing our weekly grocery shopping this evening, I realized that I had to buy food for my kids lunches for when they go to school this week.  Both of them- my 3 year old and my 5 year old.  In school. Full time.

And then I got all teary eyed because holy crap, my kids have never, ever been away from me for a full day before. We’ve always had the amazing Mary around which allowed us to send Scorch to school part time.  But no more- he’s going to Kindergarten and the Bean is starting preschool full time.

So, consider this post fair warning for the week ahead.  Either you won’t hear from me at all because I’ll be completely overwhelmed or you’ll be reading over emotional, hand wringing posts.  Read at your own risk.

Aug30

Finding My Passion

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I have a life coach (what doesn’t everyone have one?)-  she’s part dear friend and part therapist and lately she’s been challenging me to identify my passion.

That’s easy, right? My family.  My friends.  They are my passion.

But there is a catch- she wants me to identify a passion that fulfills me- Heather- as a person.  Not as Mom.  Not as a wife. Not as an employee.  Just me.  What am I passionate about?  What, outside my family, fills my cup?

The sad thing is I have no idea.  None.  I love to read.  I am learning to enjoy running.  Those are about the only two things I carve time out for myself to do.   I’m lucky enough to have a girls night out once or twice a month but other then that my life revolves around the kids and the Hubs.  Most of the time, I’m fine with that- but there are times, especially now that the kids are getting older, that I want to figure out what makes me tick.

I also want to find a way to give back and help others.  We live a very, very blessed life.   We have our stress and our struggles, but we don’t want for anything.  We work damn hard for this security & comfort, but it doesn’t mean I’m not lucky, because I am.  So how do I pay it forward? How do I leave my mark on my community outside of raising my kids to be good, upstanding people? My sweet kids will, without a doubt, be my biggest contribution to the world- but they don’t have to be my only contribution.

I have a feeling these two things- finding my passion & giving back- are tied together. I just don’t know how yet.  Do I want to build with Habitat for Humanity? Do I want to serve meals at a local soup kitchen?  Do I want to rock babies at the hospital?  Read to the elderly?  Again, I don’t know.  But I’m bound and determined to figure it out!

So tell me, what’s your passion? How do you give back? I’m open to your suggestions, so please- share!

Aug19

10 Years Ago

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10 years ago, we said “I do.”  He was 25 and I was 23.  We had been together for 4 years and had been living together for 2.  We said “I love you” to each other two months into our relationship and never looked back.  When you know, you know.

Our wedding was beautiful and our reception was an amazing celebration with 198 of our closest friend and family.  We laughed, ate, danced- we had the time of our lives.  It was everything I wanted to my wedding to be and more.  I was lucky enough not to be nervous and I enjoyed every single minute of that day.

Now here we are a decade later.  We’ve moved 3 times, lost 3 pregnancies, gained 3 animals and had 2 kids.  We’ve fought and each spent a night or ten on the couch.  We’ve cried over losses and changes.  But we’ve smiled and laughed a million times more.  We’ve built a life together with hard work, respect and love. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been so, so worth it.

If he asked again, I’d still say “yes.”

 

 

 

 

Aug17

Finally Four Again

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After 7 long weeks, the Hubs is home!  At the end of May he was offered a great job- one he’d wanted for five years and one that would allow us to keep living where we do now.  It is seriously a huge blessings that it came through.  But, there was a catch- he had to be gone from the end of June until yesterday for some hard core training over 900 miles away from home.  But 51 days apart were a small price to pay for a job he’d be happy with, so we kissed him goodbye and the kids and I tried to figure out our new normal for the summer.

I won’t lie- there were a few perks to being a single parent. The biggest was the fact that I set the schedule.  We didn’t have to worry about the Hubs or his work hours (his schedule is always erratic). If we wanted to go to the lake, we went.  If a last minute dinner invitation popped up, we could accept it and go.  My grocery bill was lower and the kids were (until the Bean’s climbing capers) in bed on time every night. I had the TV to myself and could (and did) read until the wee hours of the night with no one nagging me about the vampire garbage I watched or to turn the lights out.

It was awesome! For about a week…then it got old, fast.

We all  missed the Hubs terribly. I thought it was going to be the Bean who missed him most- I figured Scorch was old enough to roll with it. I was so wrong.  Scorch missed his father badly this summer and it showed in a million different ways, most of them not good.  The Bean did pretty well and I honestly think the fact that she’s so young helped out because she has no concept of time.   And I missed him too- his company, his help, his sense of humor and the fact he didn’t mind taking the garbage to the transfer station (something I loathe).

Y’all- being a single parent is hard, hard work. If you notice a thread of desperation in some of my posts these past few weeks it’s because I was doing it all by myself.  My parents, nanny and friends were amazing help- but 90% of the time it was just me at the kids when I wasn’t working.  I was all they had so I had to be Mom, Dad, cook, grocer, goalie, referee, chauffeur, teacher, playmate and everything else in between 24/7.  There was no such thing as me time and a lot of things, like my workouts, really slacked off.  I never realized just how much the Hubs did until he wasn’t here to do them any more.  My hat is off to all single parents- you truly have the hardest job in the world.

The Hubs came home with 2 broken ribs and a concussion and I managed a small flood and the Bean’s bedtime antics while he was gone- but we survived! Let’s just hope we never have to do it again.

At the beach before training.

 

Aug15

Here

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I’m here- but barely.  Today marks Week 2 of working mandatory 12 hour days/ 6 days a week.  What I do isn’t terribly hard either physically or mentally, but I’m wiped out.  Being glued to the computer from 7 am – 7 pm looking as long spreadsheet when you’re not used to it is much more taxing then you’d think.

Because I had to work all day Saturday, my parents offered to take the kids that morning for an overnight (Total. Godsend.)  All was well until I got the call at 10:30 am yesterday saying that the Bean had a stomach bug.  So I wrapped up what I was doing (grocery shopping), took the dog to the kennel and moved myself down to my parents house so I had help with the kids today while I continued to work (I honestly have no idea if I get sick days right now, I don’t think so).

So- to recap. 12 hour work days + 1 sick, cranky, pathetic kid = my head exploding.  Also, I’m nominating my parents for sainthood.

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I wrote that post this morning and after a nice evening at my parents I was going to scrap it and write something sincere and full of gratitude for the great people in our lives. And I still may do that. But not tonight as I just took me 1.5 hours to get the Bean to bed. *sigh* I feel so badly for that little girl, but I really, really wish she’d stay in bed.

Aug9

It’s all Relative…

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Part of my job is to monitor a 24 hour news site to ensure it’s up to date and accurate. I also get to tweet some of the top headlines.  Most days, I love this job.  I get to share amazing stories- like about Diana Nyad trying to swim from FL to Cuba at age 61.  Or about the last space shuttle mission.  Or about a couple recently married a year after the bride was paralyzed in a freak accident at her bachelorette party.

But some weeks, like this one, I have to tweet about an astounding, sickening, heart shattering famine in Somalia.  About a mom in MD who killed herself and her 13 year old autistic son over money woes. About a man who killed 8 people in Ohio for seemingly no reason at all.

After reading and sharing stories like that, I can’t help but feel grateful.  Grateful that my kid is well enough to climb out of her crib and wreck havoc on the house.  Grateful that Scorch is smart enough to lecture me about the meaning of the word “unfair” with lungs healthy enough to carry on loud enough for the neighbors to hear.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint. We all know that these things make me crazy a hell of a lot more often then they make me thankful. But even when I am complaining, I still know that I’m lucky to have the problems that I do.

Jul25

Go to Sleep

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Tonight was one of those nights I felt like the father in the book Go the F* to Sleep.  Have you guys seen this book? Or better yet, have you heard Samuel L Jackson narrating the book? Warning: the language is obscene and you’ll most likely hurt yourself from laughing so hard.

Instead of putting the kids to bed at different times, we’re putting them to bed at the same time this summer.  Scorch is going to bed a tad earlier, the Bean a tad later, so we can do fun things in the evening- picnics, concerts, play date, BBQs.  Most of the times this works out fine- it’s chaotic, but it’s fine.  Then I have nights like tonight.  Nights when:

> I leave the kids unattended in the bathroom (Bean getting read to use the toilet and Scorch brushing his teeth) for 2 minutes and come back to find a spilled cup of water in my magazine rack and the Bean with her foot in the (clean) toilet water.

> Scorch and Bean jump on Scorch’s bed together (something not typically allowed) and I let it slide because clearly these two have to work their sillies out somehow. We may or may not have said our nightly prayers while they were jumping- I’ll never tell.

> the Bean wants her covers just so, but she can’t explain what just so is so we both end up red faced and frustrated because neither one of us get what the other one is saying.

> Scorch and the Bean need band-aides for various reasons (bug bites, scratches, imaginary boo-boos) but can’t leave the band-aides alone so they need another one. Then another one.

> 2 ice cubes in the Beans water is simply not enough, she wants 3.  And she wants to get the water and the ice herself and put the top on her cup herself, resulting in more spilled water.

I handled most of this with grace (I swear), all the while thinking about the book.  I would never, ever swear at my kids- I don’t never like to say “butt” in front of them. But I will surely think bad words at them.  A lot.

Jun22

Iron Man & My Nook

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After we say our nightly prayers, we all take turns sharing 2 things we’re thankful for.  Scorch is giving this long speech about how he’s thankful that tomorrow is the last day of school and how he’s thankful for summer vacation, but that he’s going to miss his teachers and friend so much. Poor kid is just pouring his heart out, getting all upset over all this change (he is his mother’s son) when the Bean interupts.

“Scorch,” she says, “you done now. I thankful for Iron Man and poop.”

I’m still giggling about this 30 minutes later.

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Moving on to a completely unrelated topic- I received a Nook Color as an early birthday gift today.  I am so excited I can’t even stand it!  So talk to me- what do I need? Any cool tips or tricks?  Any public libraries non-residents can join to access their eBook collection?  I can’t wait for that sucker to finish charging so I can start playing!!