Category Archives: Me

Jun6

Battle Ready

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Every time I’ve completely freaked out when my kids have vomited, I’ve always told myself that I would redeem myself as a mother and a caretakers when there was blood and/or broken bones.  I’d keep a calm head, I wouldn’t panic and I’d absolutely, positively not hide in my laundry room for 15 minutes at a time like I do now when someone pukes.

The only problem is that my self soothing was all theoretical as I had never had to test my theory with anything other then minor scrapes and bumps so far.  Until this weekend.

Saturday morning, I ran my first 5K (yeah!) and even made it back home in time for the last inning of Scorch’s t-ball game.  I was thrilled, the kids were thrilled and the Hubs was thrilled because he didn’t have to deal with Hurricane Bean all the while trying to help coach.  I watched Scorch and his team bat and then got pulled away when they were in the field because Bean and her buddies wanted to play their own toddler t-ball game and I was the star pitcher.  All was well until I heard Scorch cry out and one of the moms grabbed me and told me he got hit in the nose with the ball.  I turned in time to see the the Hubs scoop Scorch, with his bleeding face, up and run him to the bathroom.

It’s go time.  I’m ready. I have my water bottle to clean away the blood and a pack of tissues one of the other moms thrust at me as I ran by.  I’m very concerned, but I’m not panicked and best of all- I’m running towards my kid and his bodily fluids, not away from him.  Clearly, I am Super Mom.

Only problem is, I’m married to a former EMT and general do-gooder- just the kind of man who you want around when bad things happen, except during times you’re trying to redeem yourself.  The Hubs took charge and basically wouldn’t let me near Scorch until he assessed his wounds, cleaned him up and calmed him down.  And Scorch, bless his little heart, was totally and completely fine with that as Daddy had already proven himself in battle time and again.

Thankfully, Scorch is totally fine. The ball hit him in the lips, not the nose.  While his lips were swollen and cut, he didn’t need any stitches and kept all his teeth.  As for me, I’ll wait as long as it takes (hopefully a really really long time- like never) to prove myself again.

Jun2

Love Thursday: Matters of the Heart

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We were gone for 14 hours last Saturday, spending a full day with family celebrating Baby Lala’s baptism. It was a fantastic day, but a long one and I was bound and determined to spend my Sunday at home catching up on the multitude of things I had to do.  We all got up bright and early on Sunday and the Hubs soon left to go pick up the dog from the kennel.  The kids were doing great playing, so I decided to take a quick shower while they were busy.

While I was in the shower, the Bean had managed to dump out every drawer in her room as well as our coat closest.  She told me she packing her things to go to Church.  Now, while I appreciated her initiative, I didn’t appreciate the extra work she just laid at my feet.  So when a friend called to see if we wanted to go to a nearby lake for the rest of the morning to go swimming, I jumped at the chance because clearly my kids were not in the cleaning mood.

When we got to the lake, another family was pulling in with kids right around Scorch’s age.  A while later at the water’s edge, the other mom and I started making small talk like two strangers do when their kids are playing.  In the course of the conversation, this mom told me that her child, who is 5 like Scorch, had his 6th heart attack just two weeks prior.  I had to ask her to repeat herself because I was sure I mis-heard her.  5 years don’t have heart attacks- let alone a multitude of them.  Sadly, I had heard her correctly- her child was born with a congenital heart defect and had his first attack when he was 2.

Later that night I was laying in bed telling the Hubs about the family we met and I couldn’t stop thinking of how freaking lucky my family is.  I spent a lot of time over the past month complaining about the Virus from Hell and the Bean’s demonic possession, but the fact of the matter is, my family is healthy and I love them with everything I have. I can’t imagine how this other family goes through life making the most of everything, all the while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

While I can’t promise to get less frustrated or not to yell because as much as I love my little people, they make me crazy- I can promise you that I’ll be that much more appreciative of them now. I can promise to try to find the humor in watching the Bean try to stuff a pile of clothes as big as her into a teeny-tiny backpack.  I can promise I won’t tell my kids that I’ll play with them later because I have to pick up/do laundry/put the dishes away.  I can promise to tell my kids each and every day how much I love them and how lucky I am to have them.

May31

Pickin’ My Ride

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Since the Hubs and I have been together, we have purchased a total of 4 cars and been gifted one (in a complicated family swap).   Each of the previous 4 car buying decisions have been easy.  The first two we bought while we were dating, so really the other person didn’t have much say in the matter.  I ended up with a brand new Neon right after college and he got a used Ford Thunderbird.  Neither were the prettiest of cars, but both served us really well when we moved to Maryland and were as cheap as cars could be (combined car payment was $300 a month!).

When we moved back to NY, we quickly realized that his rear-wheel drive car and my tiny tin can weren’t going to cut it during the long winters- especially given we live in an area called the Snow Belt.  So we went looking for 4-wheel drive SUVs back in 2004.  We had grand expectations until we saw the price tag that came with the really huge SUVs and eventually settled on a Jeep Cherokee.  Really, the car buying process was easy as we both knew and agreed upon what we wanted.  And we loved the car- it drove great, looked sporty and was safe.  Best of all, it was  big enough to accommodate Scorch when he came along in 2006 and the Bean when she was born in 2008.

Too bad I got into a major accident in 2009 and totaled the thing (something the Hubs still like to remind me of).  For 13 months after that, we were a one car family- driving the 2001 van we were gifted from my family.  The family roadster was a great vehicle, but it had seen better days even before we got it.  But it served us well until it died one morning in March of 2010 and the reality of having 1 car when you lived in the middle of nowhere and  had to get a kid to school and one person to work really sunk in.  Thankfully the van was revived, but we knew we had to get a new car ASAP.  Again, the decision was pretty easy- with two growing kids, we couldn’t deny the ease of having a van, so we bought another van- just a  newer model with a lot less miles.

The Hubs manhood took a severe beating that day.

Fast forward 14 months and our old van is really dying this time and we’re in the market for a new car.  The Hubs was adamant that this car not be another van, so we went looking at SUVs.  I thought we had decided on what we wanted, but I was clearly wrong given how our shopping went today.

I was stressing safety and passenger room- how having a 3rd row would really be great when we were driving around the kids and their friends.  I looked at the all the extra’s- some of these cars were loaded with remote starters and heated seats- niceties we’ve never had before.  The Hubs couldn’t have cared less. He looked at the SUVs I liked and told me they were chick cars- really not what he had in mind.  So after excusing ourselves from our sales guy, we had to walk away to actually have an argument about what exactly we were looking for.

Turns out the Hubs wanted a pick up truck.

Given how silly I thought the idea was when you take into account our lifestyle, I was damn proud of myself for agreeing to check out a few.  Thankfully after looking at a few and realizing that no, not even with a extended cab, a pick up truck doesn’t make sense we came to some sort of compromise and narrowed things down.

I think.

Our next shopping trip will tell us that for sure.  In the mean time, I’m going to be looking online lusting after all the extra’s I won’t get so my husband can feeling tough and manly while driving our two kids around.

 

May26

Love Thursday: Lots to Love

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You’ll have to forgive me for not being able to come up with coherent post tonight.  It stormed last night, which meant I was up with Crazy, our dog, for 2 hours.  I’m tired- so let’s talk about the random things I’m loving right now:

1) The fact that So You Think You Can Dance starts back up today! That show is my guilty pleasure for summer!

2) The book Little Princes: One Man’s Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal   I started reading this last night and can’t put it down- really well written and an amazingly compelling story.

3) This hot weather (which I will love even more when the Hubs puts in our air conditioning).

4) Shopping for a new-to-us car. I love car shopping- the research, the negotiating, the fun of figuring out what to get!  We are looking for mid-sized SUVs with a 3rd row if anyone has any suggestions!  The key- needs to be around or under $20K to stay within our budget.

5) That fact that I get to see Red, TBO & Baby Lala this weekend for Baby L’s baptism!  We’re spending all day Saturday with family, I have a pretty dress and my kids will get to have a ball with their cousins.

6) We’re finally thisclose to getting resolution on the Hub’s job situation- cannot wait for that!

7) The Hubs went back to work after being so sick today. Love that man, but it was time for him to get out of the house.

What are you loving today?

May25

Running. Again.

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A little under a week ago, a friend asked me to run in a 5K taking place on June 4th.  She’s part of Girls On the Run– an organization I’ve heard wonderful things about, so I jumped at the opportunity to help out as a running buddy.

The problem? I haven’t run in almost a year.

I’ve talked about my love/hate relationship with running before- I love the idea of it, but lordy, I hate the reality of it.  But I committed myself to this 5K.  These girls need a running buddy and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders down. I was very honest with my friend about my skill level- I very well may not be able to run the full 5K with only 2 weeks of training, but I’d do what I could get myself ready and I’d give it my all.

Given how much I dislike running, I’m trying to set myself up for success.  For me, that means I need someone to buddy with to keep me accountable.  My dear friend Amy was kind enough to volunteer to meet me 3x a week at 5 am to run (note: the time choice was hers, not mine) so today we started.  It was 46 degrees and dark outside when we got to the running trail and frankly, I was marveling over how crazy 2 30-somethings could be. Shouldn’t we know better? But you know what, it was great! Amy ran with me for as long as I could even though she could have easily lapped me a few times over in the time it took me to run that mile.

When it was all over, I felt awesome. I feel like I’m finally trying to climb this huge mountain I never thought I could get over. I may never, ever like running and I may not be able to run the full 5K in less then two weeks- but hopefully by setting these goals and having someone hold me accountable, I’ll finally keep at it.  I want to be a good role model for my kids- I want them to two see healthy, active parents who do what they can to live a long life.  I want them to see us moving our bodies every day and to mimic that behavior. I want exercise to be the norm, not the exception in our house hold.  Hopefully today was the first step in making those wishes a reality.

May19

Love Thursday: The Random Edition

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I’ve been sitting here for the past 30 minutes trying to figure out what to write about tonight.  The fact of the matter is, I’m exhausted.

The kids, thank God, are finally healthy enough for Mary to come back full time.  But the Bean- oh, the Bean- is wearing me down.  I forgot just how batshit crazy almost 3 year old;s can be.  The most difficult phase with Scorch was this age too, so I know it’ll pass- but difficult for Scorch meant a grand total of a half a dozen crazy meltdowns.  Bean averages 4 of those a day.  I love so very very much, but she’s making me crazy.  She’s fighting us over everything, screaming the house down and  hitting her brother.  The Hubs and I haven’t lost it yet with her, but she is going to bed a good 30 minutes early every night for the sake of our sanity.

So, that’s the long way of saying I don’t have it in me to come up with a gushy, funny post today.  I love my kids and I’m thankful for them, but I’m just as thankful for bed time and ice cream tonight!  But, there are a few random things I’m loving right now:

1) I got invited to a Post-Rapture Looting Party- where we’re invited to take all the good stuff left behind by those called up to Heaven.  I laughed for 5 minutes over this.

2) I am taking 3 hours of me time tomorrow to shop for Baby Lala’s Baptism! Sweet baby girl is doing wonderfully- growing fast, smiling & laughing. I can’t wait to get to hold her again in a few weeks!

3) Between my travels and the kids being sick, I’ve been able to read a lot lately:

  • I read the first two books in the Millennium Trilogy- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo & The Girl Who Played with Fire.  I liked them both, although the first one had a lot of financial crime info that I had to slog my way through. The second one was a much faster read!
  • The Scorch Trials– This is the 2nd book in a series that started with The Maze Runner.  Again, I liked this book better then the first and am looking forward to reading how this all gets tied up!
  • The Brave– I normally like this author (Nicholas Evans) very much.  But this one wasn’t as good as most of his works- the characters weren’t nearly fleshed out enough and the plot harped upon in the summary (Iraq veteran accused of horrible war crimes) was barely touched upon.
  • Past Perfect by Susan Isaacs- another author I normally love with a book that felt flat. One of my biggest annoyances in books/TV shows/movies is when the main character doesn’t tell the people around him/her what they are doing for no good reason and then get stuck in horrible situations because they didn’t speak up. That happened a lot in this book, so I spent most of my time reading this yelling at the main character in my head.
  • The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons.  I have no idea why I got this book about WWII in Russia, but I generally liked it. But lordy, it was depressing!  Not something I’ll be in a hurry to read again, but it kept my attention.
  • Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver.  This book was recommended to me by the Children’s Librarian at our local library, so I checked it out and I’m glad I did.  It’s a YA novel about a 17 year old girl who gets to re-live the last day of her life 7 times to get it right.  At first I didn’t like it- the main characters were harsh and the look at high school was pretty unflinching- but then I got sucked right in. Yeah- the kids were mean, but they were honest and the book didn’t pull any punches.

4) I was asked today to be a Running Buddy for Girls on the Run at a 5K walk/run in 2 weeks. I’m so excited about this because I’m hoping it’ll be the kick in the butt I need to start running again. Maybe this time I’ll enjoy it!

5) The sunset tonight is gorgeous (pardon the quality, best I could get with my cell phone). I’m so glad we have green trees around again.

May3

5 More Minutes

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Sometimes I worry that when my kids look back on their lives, the only thing they are going to remember is me telling them to hurry up.  That’s partly the Hubs fault and partly their fault*.  I try to be punctual, but I’m married to a man who keeps his own internal clock and that clock? It’s always broken so we’re constantly late to things.  Add in the fact that 2 and 4 year olds aren’t the quickest of individuals (unless they are running away from you in the grocery store) and I’m constantly yelling things like “Get a move on!” or “The bus is leaving- get on or stay home!” or “Pay attention and keep up, please!”

For the most part, I have an internal time table in my head. We need to be out the door by 7:45 for school. We need to leave school by 8:10 to get home and get to work on time. Dinner is at 6.  The Bean’s bedtime starts at 7, Scorch’s at 7:30.  And when those time lines start slipping? That’s when my shoulders start getting more tense and I start in with the hurrying up.

I’m trying to break that habit now as I’m getting sick of hearing myself saying the same things over and over. Some timelines are non-negotiable.  We need to get to school on time so I can get to work on time- period.  But dinner time? Does anyone really care if dinner is on the table 10 minutes late so we can spend more time enjoying the nicer weather? Nope. And bedtime- does a 15 minute slip matter in the grand scheme of things if that slip allows me to get in extra hugs or share another Superhero story with the kids.  Those are the memories I want my kids to keep with them, not the nagging mom ones.

So tonight, I grabbed those extra hugs, I sang another song to Bean and I explained exactly how Anakin became Darth Vader to Scorch.  It was a great night.

*I, of course, am always on time. Except this morning when I decided that instead of setting the alarm, I’d rely on Scorch (my very early riser) to get me out bed. Fool proof- except he slept in and we didn’t get out of bed until 7:27 this morning. Whoops.

Apr21

Sing, Sing a Song…

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This has been one of those busy weeks where life just doesn’t stop.  Tuesday we dealt with a circuit problem in the house which left half my house without power.  Not the end of the world- just annoying and a little worrying when your handymen friends are say things like “I don’t think there is a fire in your walls…”.   Thankfully there were no fires, just a relatively small problem that took us 12 hours to locate.  Our friend who finally figured it out was rewarded with beer and a game (or 12) of Baseball on the Wii until late at night. I felt like I was in college again, only with a bigger TV, better beer and cooler gaming console.

Then last night I had a meeting after work.  I don’t get out often without kids, so I milked this meeting for all it’s worth.  I picked up take out, I went shopping. I stayed out late because I could and I enjoyed every minute of the silence.

My family is many wonderful things- but they aren’t quiet.  Ever. And if they are, I’m scared because that means they are doing something they shouldn’t and don’t want to draw attention.  Like the other night when the Bean went into my room because she wanted to “read” to Mooch, our cat.  After a few minutes when I stopped hearing her talking I went in to check and found her, and the cat’s paws, covered with Vaseline.  The cat was, as you can imagine, thrilled.

I have to admit, I’m just as guilty as the kids of being loud. I talk to myself, sing to myself, talk to the kids or Hubs or the animals all the time.  The only time I’m ever quiet really is when I’m reading- of which I’ve done a lot of this week.* Sometimes the loudness is a good thing.  Like tonight when the Bean was fake sobbing over some injustice before bed (aka: her stalling tactics didn’t work).  As soon as she started in, I started signing loudly to drown her out.  Scorch was with us, so he started singing backup for me as I made up crazier and crazier lyrics until we were all laughing and the Bean was finally ready for bed.

The moment was capped completely when we were done and Scorch looks at me says “Mom- you have a horrible voice.” And the Bean pipes up and says “yeah- you bad.”  They are right- I do and I am, but I’m still going to keep belting out the tunes anyhow.
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This week I’ve managed to read 4 books:

– Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.  I wanted to like this story, I really did. But it was just blah. A long book about a whole lot of nothing.
– SpyGlass by Maria V. Snyder.  This is the 6th book I’ve read by her and I still don’t understand why I like them so much, but I do! Quick easy reads.
– Matched by Ally Condie. A dystopian YA novel about a world in the future where everything is perfect. All your choices are made for you, including what you eat, who you marry, what job you do, etc.  But what happens when you want to make your own choices?  A little slow, but quite good. I guess this is the first in a trilogy, so I’ll be interested to read the next two when they come out!
– Third Degree by Greg Iles- Eh. It kept my attention and I read it quickly (started it last night and finished it this evening), but there wasn’t a lot of meat to this novel.  Most of his other thrillers are more layered- but they are also part of a series. This was a one off and took place over about 12 hours, so you never really delved into the character deeply.

Apr6

Finding the Happy

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My life is normally a little crazier then most.  The Hubs has a job that is anything but 9-5 and on top of that we own a small business that he works at at least 3 days a week. I work full time and we have two kiddos, 2 cats and a dog running around our house.  Currently we have some huge life altering changes coming up- in June my life is either going to be uprooted and we’re going to move 350 miles away OR the Hubs will get a new job and we get to stay put where we are.  The direction my life goes is out of my hands at this point and I have to try to plan for both.  So I’m simultaneously looking for a new house, new schools and trying to figure out how to sell our house all the while re-enrolling the kiddos in Scorch’s current school, planning vacations that won’t happen if we move and going on with my day-to-day life.

Yes, my head hurts on a daily basis.  I’ve been more stressed then I ever have been in my life. For the first time ever, I’m having trouble sleeping at night because I can’t turn my brain off.  Any discussion of the future is prefaced with a “If XX happens, we’ll…” or ended with “…if we move/don’t move.”  It’s easy- so very easy- to get bogged down in the details and the stress and the worry.

But worrying and stressing and feeling anxious aren’t natural states for me.  I normally err on the side of being too Pollyanna-ish-  if that cloud has a silver lining, then I’m bound and determined to find it because my life is good and amazing and one I’m so thankful to be living.   So in the the spirit of finding my happy, here is what’s bringing a smile to my face today:

> Having good friends over for dinner at the spur of the moment.  The meal was simple, but delicious, and the company couldn’t have been any better!

> Putting my kids to bed early because they are so tired from all the fun things they’ve been doing these past few days- gymnastics, PE class, swim lessons, outside recess, playing with friends, Fire House visits and too much time playing Wii Baseball as a family.

> Spending part of my morning editing pictures of my sweet niece, Lala, and then trying to find the perfect invitation for her Baptism and party with my sister, Red.  I cannot wait for the day we’re all together to celebrate her amazing life!

> Anticipating the return of True Blood by reading the Inside True Blood blog. June can’t come fast enough for a lot of reasons!

> Planning a small weekend trip with my kiddos and another slightly longer one just with my Husband.

> Getting told by my shrink that I am the most interesting of all his clients this week (I do believe I should get a certificate for that)!

> Listening to the baby monitor and hearing Bean say goodnight to all her bears and give them all kisses.

> Having Scorch yell for me after I put him to bed because he wanted one more hug.

> Wearing bright red shoes.

> Angry Birds Rio– taking my frustrations out on those damn monkey’s is very therapeutic!

> Knowing that in a year or two from now, all the craziness going on right now will be a distant memory- a small bump in the road.

 

Mar25

Winning!

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I just got thrown up on by my daughter (poor Bean!).  I didn’t drop her and/or throw her across the room. Nor did I freak out, yell, or launch myself immediately into a scalding hot shower.  I reacted calmly with lots of reassuring back rubs and loving words even though I was gagging on the inside and resisting the unbelievably strong urge to strip down to get the soiled clothes of me.

Who’s Mother of the Year? Oh yeah- ME!