Category Archives: parenting

Feb22

Finding the Carrot

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Scorch is an uncomplicated guy. If you want him to do something, all you really have to do is whip up a sticker chart, tell him he has to get so many stickers for doing whatever you’d like him to do and then give him a present when he does.  It really doesn’t matter what you give him- a gumball, a bouncy ball or a football.  All he cares about is that it’s new and it’s his.  This technique worked when he was 18 months old and it still works now at almost 5 years old- the carrot of more stickers leading to a toy will almost always guarantee his cooperation.

I have yet to figure out what Bean’s carrot is  which is a giant pain in the rear when trying to potty train her.

She really doesn’t get excited about things- stickers, toys- like Scorch does.  While she loves chocolate as much as the next girl, she doesn’t love it enough to do something she doesn’t want to.  Outings to an exciting place- bounce house, science museum, Applebees- are a lot of fun but still not enough.

I cannot for the life of me figure out what makes this child tick. While I don’t do this while trying to potty training her, I have resorted to time-outs or threats of taking toys away to force her into helping me or picking up a mess she made.  Nada. She really doesn’t care.  She just digs in her heels and will not budge until she’s good and ready- there is simply no combination to her.

Her teenage years should be a blast!

Feb21

Potty Mouth

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There are a lot of words that adults say that I don’t blink an eye at – butt,  fart, crap. But when they come out of the month of my kids, they just don’t sound right.

Ever since the kids were little, we’ve substituted in more kid friendly terms.  Farts becomes toots.  Butt becomes hiney. Potty words, like poop & pee, were only allowed in the bathroom.  The Hubs and I laid the groundwork for this when the kids were little and I never really gave it a second thought.

But now the universe is conspiring against us. First, we’re potty training the Bean, so potty talk (at least the words pee and poop) has become just about every other word out of our mouth as we try to get this child out of diapers. There is a kid’s potty chair in my dining room for crying out loud!  Add in the fact that Scorch is a normal almost-5 year old who thinks the word “butt” is the funniest term in the English language and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.

Do I  start to seriously crack down and put my kids in timeout every time an offensive term comes out of their mouth? Or do I loosen up a bit and chalk it up to growing up? Am I making the words more appealing to the kids because I don’t like them and they get a reaction out of me each time they say them?

I realize in the grand scheme, this is small potatoes. But I feel like if I don’t figure out now how far I can be pushed, I’m really screwed when the kiddos get older.

Feb15

Sick Bed

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Last night at dinner, the Bean didn’t eat her bread.  This alarmed me greatly as this child would live on bread and butter if you let her.  Then she turned down her Valentine’s Day cupcake.  I knew right then and there she was sick.  When she asked to go to bed and wanted me to put her down instead of the Hubs, I figured the world was ending.

I kept the baby monitor right by me all evening and night waiting for the blow I knew was coming.  But all I heard was silence. So I got up and out of the house by 5:15 to head to the gym and didn’t give the Bean’s health a second thought.

When I got home, the Hubs was rinsing out the bath tub- the Bean had gotten sick.  I asked where she was and he told me she was laying in my bed.  I have to admit- I had conflicting thoughts about this.  My first thought was naturally hoping she feels better. But my second was fervently praying she didn’t get sick in my bed or worse yet on me.

After draping myself with a towel or four, I climbed into my bed with the Beaner for some cuddling. I noticed there was a towel already laid down under her and I mentally gave the Hubs props for thinking ahead.  While Beaner clearly didn’t feel well, it seems like getting sick was a one and done deal so I slowly peeled off my layers of protective towels as the morning went on (the puke bucket, however, stayed within arms reach all day long).

The Hubs called to check in shortly after I put Beaner down for her nap. After I gave him the status update, I thanked him for putting the towel down on our bed just in case.

The Hubs: “Just in case what?”

Me: “Just in case the Bean got sick in our bed after you cleaned her up.”

The Hubs: “Heather- how do you think I knew she was sick? She threw up in our bed.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. She puked, you cleaned her up, changed her- then you put a towel over the mess on our bed and laid her back down in it?!”

The Hubs: “It was only a little bit of puke- what’s the big deal?”

*sigh*

***********

Thankfully the Bean is feeling better as of this evening. Not nearly as clingy- which is a blessing for us all. Scorch, on the other hand, left the house for an hour this evening looking completely normal and came back home with a raging case of pink eye.  So I’ve traded in the fun of wrestling my daughter to get medicine in her last week to wrestling my son to get eye drops in him.   The fun never stops ’round these parts!

Feb13

Epic

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When Scorch was 2 years old I begged my mother-in-law to reassure me that kids got easier after the terrible two’s.

She laughed and I got scared.   Sadly, she was was right- the 2’s have nothing on the 4’s.

The testing and the daily battle of wills that happened when Scorch was 2 isn’t an issue with him any more.  Now the tantrums only happen once or twice a month at the most but when they do, they are epic.

Tonight Scorch wanted to play basketball in the house- something we allow.  But he wanted to play with a very specific basketball and the Hubs told him no. The ball was too big, too hard and not appropriate for inside play.  9 times out of 10, Scorch deals with this info and moves on without an issue.  But not tonight- for whatever reason, Scorch decided that that ball was the only one he could play with and he let us know it.

There was yelling. There were threats. There was foot stomping and tears and finger pointing.  There was absolutely no reasoning with the kid.  He was too far gone thanks to a combo of too much fun earlier in the day and too little sleep last night.

These tantrums are mortifying when we’re out in public, but when we’re home they are funny as hell.  But because we can’t let Scorch see how amused we are (like when he stomped his foot and yelled “Give me that ball right now, Mister!” with all the fury and indignation a 4 year old can muster), the Hubs and I have to take turns dealing with him while the other one leaves the room with their shoulders shaking (hopefully Scorch thinks it’s out of anger).

Scorch ran out of steam pretty quickly and apologies were made and feelings were soothed.  Then we put him to bed a full 45 minutes early so we could mock our son and laugh out loud freely.

 

 

Feb8

Best & Worst

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Every night at dinner we play a game. Each person has to go around the table and say what the best and worst part of their day was.

Scorch loves this part of dinner and if one of us forgets, he’ll get the conversation rolling.  The Hubs & I love it because it gives us great insight into the daily life of a pre-schooler and all the drama it involves.

The best part of the day for Scorch is usually one of two things- recess time at school or our family dinner time.  I agree with both things- I mean, what’s better then getting to run around the school gym with all your friends or to eat a good dinner with your family? Now, if it were me, I’d add bedtime in there too but at 4 the lure of 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep just isn’t that great.

Talking about the worst part of his day is where things really get interesting.  Sometimes it’s mundane- Peter wanted to play fireman & Scorch wanted to play dinosaurs, but Peter got his way and that made Scorch so sad.  Sometimes it’s funny- like when Scorch is still ticked at us because we wouldn’t rush right out to the store to get him what ever toy he has his heart set on.  This is usual told with pouting, tears and pleading. Sometimes it’s scary- like when he told us how his friends (being 4 years old & not knowing any better) tried to tie a jump rope around his neck and drag him to jail while playing Cops & Robbers.  Regardless, the answer is always enlightening and we get so much more out of him that way as opposed to simply asking how school was.

The Bean is still too little to play along with us, but I hope we keep having these conversations forever.  They are typically the best part of my day!

Jan31

Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

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The Hubs and I have been getting tired of spending our evening either working or watching TV after the kids go to bed, so the other day I bought us Monopoly. The Hubs had mentioned that he enjoyed it and I figured I’d give a shot.

Scorch’s eyes lit up when he saw me walk into the house with a New! Game!

“Can we play it now?”  “When can we play it?” “Why can’t we play it now?”

Last night, after dinner, I ran out of excuses so we broke out the game.  Have you ever played Monopoly with a 4 and a 2 year old?  If you haven’t, may I suggest you don’t.  Ever.

I had to pry the dice out of the Bean’s mouth.  We had to explain to Scorch about 5 times why just because you have the smallest number of bills, that doesn’t mean you have the least amount of money. We had to explain to him why I didn’t pay him money each time I landed on a square- any square.  And then there was his irrational fear of ending up in Jail.  He asked at one point if we would really put handcuffs on him if he had to there.

After about 7 minutes into the game, the Hubs and I were ready to poke our eyes out with forks (which, honestly, is how I always feel when playing Monopoly) so we tell the kids it’s time for bed.  But Scorch doesn’t want to go to bed without winning first.

While the Hubs & I tried to communicate in code with each other on how we can end this, Scorchedvthe dice one on top of the other.  When he called my attention to it, I gasped out loud and lied through my teeth saying “How did you know to do that? That means you WIN!!”  The boy was thrilled!

Yes, I’m a terrible parent. But I’m a terrible parent who got out of playing a torturous game and who’s kids got to bed on time. I win!

 

Jan30

I’ll Keep Him

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Yesterday was what we call a Rough Day.

Scorch woke up thinking he suddenly had the power to make us do exactly what he wanted us to do. And what he wanted us to do was to go to the store and buy him a huge Nerf gun. Immediately. At 7 am.  And when- surprise, surprise- this didn’t work. He threw a fit- he cried, he pleaded, he threatened, he yelled.  He sat in time out.

Lather, rinse and repeat 5 times yesterday.

The Hubs and I were at a loss. We may pick up something small for the kids when we’re at the store (like a gum ball) but we’re not prone to buying the kids big things when it’s not a holiday or their birthday.  This was completely out of left field and there was no reasoning with him. I wanted to cry by the time we put him to bed last night.

This morning when we all got up and moving around, Scorch says to me “Mom- you know I had a really rough day yesterday.”

I agreed.

“I don’t want to have another rough day today, okay, Mom?  So if you can just go to the store right now to get me the Nerf Gun, I’ll have a good day. You may want to do that now.”

After I picked my jaw off the floor and stifled my laughter, we had a long long talk about how this was NOT going to be a rough day even though he was not getting what he wanted. And we didn’t- over all it was a good day.

I was reminded of why I didn’t sell Scorch to the circus last night when right before dinner he gathered his Dad and little sister around him and whispers loud enough for the neighbors to hear “Let’s surprise Mom. Let’s do what she asks the first time she asks it. That’ll make her so happy!”

I guess I won’t sell him yet.

Jan24

Save Your Drama for Your Mama

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Some one evidently shared the saying in the title with Scorch the minute he exited the womb because he’s been doing just that from day 1.  My sweet little boy isn’t prone to temper tantrums or angry outbursts when he’s upset.  Nope, he channels all his feelings of anger and frustration into tears. Copious amounts of them.  I have to admit after his first bazillion tears were shed, they’ve pretty much lost their potency and I’ve become immune.

So Scorch pulled out a new weapon in his arsenal this past weekend.

You are the meanest Mom ever!
(this was after I wouldn’t let him watch a TV show because he had just finished watching a 90 minute movie. I think that’s enough TV time, right?)

This is the worst day ever. Of my whole entire life.
(This was after I  insisted he take a nap after he yawned his way through lunch. He proceeded to nap for 1.5 hours.)

You don’t love me. If you did, you would buy me a new Iron Man toy when you go to the grocery store!
(1. I never buy toys at the grocery store. and 2. When did it start becoming a rule that I had to bring him home a toy every time I left the house without him. Don’t think so, kiddo)

I have to say, the words hurt at first.  I panicked- holy cow, my kid thought I didn’t love him! But I do- I adore him, everything about him! Doesn’t he know that? What can I do to prove it?

But as the verbal onslaught continued I started to get really peeved. Seriously kid? This- this- is the worst day of your life? The day we visited friends, went to the library, had dinosaur shaped sandwiches and watched your favorite movie is your worst day ever all because I made you take a nap?!  I would have cried tears of gratitude if someone insisted I nap!

As for his insistence that I didn’t love him because I didn’t buy him a toy superhero? Let’s just say he’s damn lucky I didn’t share his birth story with him and flash him my stretch marks!  That would’ve shown him love.

*~*~*~

Thankfully Baby Lala is still too young to cause Red & TBO any grief like this.  The Peanut is 7 weeks old today- she would have been 35 weeks gestation had she stayed put. She’s up to a whopping 3 lbs 7 oz (almost 2 lbs over her birth weight)!  She’s off all breathing assistance- no CPAP, no nasal cannula, nada- and doing beautifully.

They are working on compressing her feeds.  Itty bitty preemies like her are fed 24/7 when they are first born, so the doctors are now trying to get her to a more normal newborn feeding schedule of only getting milk ever 2-3 hours.  She’s working really hard at taking 5 oz of breastmilk twice a day from a bottle instead of through her feeding tube. That still exhausts her- it’s hard working figuring out how to eat and breath at the same time!  Her brain bleeds are staying stable which is what the doctor’s expect- they won’t start going away for another week or so.

It’s amazing to get all this good news about Lala- hopefully she’ll be home within the next 5 weeks!

Jan19

Not Fit For Duty

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Today is one of those days where I wonder who in the world thought I was fit to be a parent? Honestly- when are these kids real adult parents coming to get them because clearly I’m not them.

Scorch had one of those epic bad days at school that only a 4 year old can have. First he was told by a classmate that he was doing things wrong because he was coloring outside the lines (But Mom, I was giving the bunny fur, it had to be outside the lines! Suzy didn’t believe me!). A classmate borrowing a marker and not returning it by the end of the day (*sob*It’s my favorite color! *sob*). But the real kicker was being told by a classmate whom Scorch considers to be one of his BFFs that the classmate was, in fact, not his friend.  That just sent Scorch over the edge.

This is a classmate whom Scorch has had issues on and off with all year and their friendship runs very hot or cold- they are either inseparable or this classmate, according to Scorch, wants nothing to do with him.  Scorch for the life of him cannot understand this.  And I’m at a loss to explain it.

We tell him that sometimes people have bad days and say or do rude things. We tell him that people can pick who they want to be friends with, but this classmate should not ever be mean to Scorch and if he is to tell a teacher.  We tell Scorch to find other friends to play with- there are 24 other kids in the class for goodness sake.  The teachers tell us how well liked Scorch is and how the other kids love playing with him, but Scorch keeps coming back to this kid like a moth to a flame.

I feel like I don’t know how to teach my little boy to stand up for himself and to not to put up with meanness.  Or how to teach Scorch to let things roll right off his back and not take them personally.  All we can keep doing is encouraging other friendships and keep talking to him over and over about what’s right and wrong and how he should expect kindness from others.  Sometimes that feels like enough. Other days, when I have a sobbing 4 year old sitting on my lap, it feels completely inadequate.

Edited: Just wanted to add that I’m not blaming Scorch’s classmate for all this.  That kid is a 4 year old too and 4 year olds have the right to chose their friends just like anyone else.  As long the kid isn’t rude or seeking out Scorch to be mean, I’m fine with them being, or not being, friends.  It’s more just me feeling badly that Scorch doesn’t have the coping skills to handle the on and off-ness of things.

Jan18

The Sucker

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After a couple weeks of not being around as much as he’d like due to work, the Hubs has been home this past week for dinner and bedtime for the kids every night.  It’s been great- I’ve been cooking, we’ve been having family meals with all 4 of us and I have a someone with me when I’m putting the kids to bed.

Please note, I didn’t say I had “help” putting the kids to bed.  Help isn’t a word I’d use.  The Hubs isn’t helpful at this particular role at all.  Especially when it comes to the Bean- that little girl has the Hubs wrapped around her finger about 10 times over.

Our routine for both kids typically is a teeny-tiny cup of milk, 2 books, potty/teeth brushing, another short book, prayers, a song and bed. Easy as can be and when I’m flying solo each kid’s bedtime (usually spaced 30 mins apart) takes about 20 minutes total.  But now that the Hubs is home- and feeling guilty for not being around much last few weeks- the Bean’s bedtime is pushed back until Scorch’s and the whole thing takes well over 45 mins.  And it’s all the Bean’s fault.  She knows the power she holds over the Hubs- she knows darn well that her request for one more game/book/story/song is going to be agreed to without a second thought, especially when she adds in that extra sweet “Please, daddy? Please?”

As soon as I hear those words, I know the routine has once again been thrown out the window because the Hubs is a sucker for those cute pleas and more fun with the kids.

So I take a deep breath and put a smile on my face  even if I’m gritting my teeth because you know what? These times are precious and they won’t last long.  Pretty soon all the Hubs and I will get is a peck on our cheeks and a “‘Night!” from the kids as they put themselves to bed.  My schedule and routine may be blown to hell, but the kids are going to bed with a smile on their lips and giggles echoing down the hallway.  At the end of the day, you can’t ask for much more then that!