Category Archives: Scorch

May6

Year 1, Done

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Scorch finishes his freshman year today. Which- how? I mean, I still remember sobbing the night before he went to college like it was yesterday. The gut punch when we got home after dropping him off, and I had to make a meal for 3 instead of 4. The worry those first couple of nights when he had to share a room with a freaking stranger (who is wonderful, and we adore). Checking his location obsessively, wondering if I was texting too much. Or not enough. Did he know we loved him? Were we (me) smothering him? And on and on and on….

And now – he’s home, like a nanosecond later.

I’m sure I’m not sharing anything earth shatter here, but here is what I learned during Scorch’s freshman year:

  1. Everyone will adjust to the change quicker than you can imagine. That checking his location thing? The only time I do it now is when he’s driving to come home or if I need to call him and I’m not sure if he’s class.
  2. Money-management isn’t everyone’s forte no matter how much you think you taught your kid. Technically, your 18+ year old doesn’t have to keep you on his bank account but Scorch did and let me tell you, we talked about money management A LOT this year. I went back and forth between panicking over how much he was spending AND saying f*** it, better he learn now that money doesn’t grow on trees than when he has rent due. Still not sure we did it right – but I was not prepared for that to be our main sticking point, so I’m warning you.
  3. Your reply to allllllll school-related / sports-related questions and concerns from your kid, should always be to talk to their advisor / professor / coach. We had to talk Scorch through advocating for himself a lot at the start of the school year, but within a few weeks, he figured it out. Your answer should never be to reach out to his professor / coach unless it’s an extreme situation.
  4. Kids are always going to need less dining dollars than you think, and want more flex spending dollars than you’d want.
  5. Your kid is going to screw up. They just are. Hopefully it’s a fixable screw up and you can talk them through working to fix it if needed, but ultimately they’ll learn from these screw ups. YOU fixing it for them though? That doesn’t teach them anything.
  6. Sometimes your kid just has to sit through the suck. I was warned that the 6-week mark of the fall semester was the hardest for everyone. For Scorch, that wasn’t the case b/c he was deep in football and loving life. But it was true of the Spring semester and, you know what? He lived. He talked about quitting football, going to a different school, etc- so we talked it out. I don’t want my kid to be miserable, but time went on and he found his groove again. Cutting and running isn’t always the answer.
  7. The biggest lesson for me was letting go of what I can’t control. I can’t control how much sleep he gets, if he takes his meds, if he goes to classes, if he’s giving everything his all, if he’s eating well, and on and on. And pretending I could made us both crazy. I have to trust we raised a good kid who is going to make smart decisions. And if he doesn’t, that he’s mature enough to deal with the consequences, big and small. That doesn’t mean that we don’t try to guide and advise- but the ultimate control of Scorch’s life resides with him. Heaven help us all. 😉
  8. When your kiddo goes away to school, schedule when you’re going to see them next. It’ll help your heart.
  9. Know that when they do come home, you’re not going to be their top priority and make peace with that. Set time over the break to make sure you have a meal, take an outing, whatever- and then let them do their thing. The more you try to hold tight, the more they’re going to wrestle for their freedom after being at school.
  10. Also know, the first couple breaks? They’re going to suck sometimes. You’re going to hear a gazillion versions of “I’m a grown up and you can’t tell me what to do.” It’s fun. So, again, talk before they come home about expectations. Respect and communication. House rules (read: we’re not a dorm). And if you co-parent, try to make sure you and your significant other decide on your rules before your kid comes home. There is nothing like one parent telling the kid to be home by 10:30 and the other not giving a curfew to make things testy in the house (ask me how I know?).










That’s all I got right now. If there is anything else I can share, including the dorm packing list, let me know. 





And Scorch- welcome home, we’re so damn proud of you!

					


	

		


	
Dec2

	

											
Ode to My Kid’s First College Break

					
		

			
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When you have a little baby, you cannot imagine ever sending them off to school, but by the time they’re 5, they’re ready. Same goes with graduating elementary school – your baby can’t possibly be ready for middle school, but they are. The pattern continues when they graduate high school. That milestone is perhaps the hardest on a parent’s heart – but they are ready to move on and conquer something new. 





And you miss them like mad. There is a part of my brain that is always flashing, reminding me that Scorch isn’t home and it feels odd- like a dull ache that never really fades. 





Then your kid comes home for Thanksgiving. And just like all the other milestones you’ve been through with your kiddo, you’re So Ready for it. You are so damn happy to have your family together again. They are home. They are safe. The flashing stops.





But…they are also a little insufferable. They are trying to figure out how to react to answering to their parents again after months of freedom. They are not quite as enthused about spending allllll their time with you as you hoped they’d be. They discover the joy of Thanksgiving Eve.





And you? You’re exhausted wondering when they’ll actually get home each night. Wondering why the hell they can’t answer their texts when you know their phone never leaves their hands. Hoping they remembered to bring home a decent pair of pants for Thanksgiving dinner and that they aren’t hungover. 





Then the time is up and it’s time for them to go back to school. And you’re both ready. Dear lord, are you ready. But you’re also sad and your brain starts its little warning flash again.





But just like the pain that comes with childbirth, you’ll forget over the next 2 weeks how freaking stressful it was having them home, and you’ll be counting the days until they’ll be back for a whole freaking month at Christmas. 








		
	
					


	

		


	
Aug14

	

											
The One Where Scorch Goes to College

					
		

			
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We dropped Scorch off at college yesterday for his freshman year. When I started this blog he was 4 and now he’s off playing college football, studying business and living (hopefully!) his best life.





And…I’m still processing.





I can look back on my kid’s childhood with very few regrets.** There are times I could have handled things better. Times I lost my shit when I shouldn’t have. Times I yelled instead of hugged. But I think – I hope – that these times are so vivid for me because they didn’t happen often. I hope my kids will read this one day and agree with me.





But this whole last year was a wild one. For a lot of reasons, it was the most stressful year ever when it came to parenting. There was a LOT of yelling. A lot of tears. A lot of pushing boundaries and breaking of rules and apologizing. A lot of forgiveness and heart-felt talks and a whole lot of love. A lot of realizing that your kid is their own person and they are going to make decisions that mystify you, but eventually your role is to be there when things explode instead of herding them towards the right decision. Because they know what’s right – but sometimes they are going to do the opposite anyhow. That’s how we all learn.












It was also the year of anticipation. There were so many senior year milestones that I felt like there were a lot of stops and starts. Last first day of high school. First football game. Senior Night. Homecoming. Last football game. Turning 18. First baseball game. Senior Night. College graduation (Scorch graduated with his Associate’s degree). Last baseball game. Prom. Senior trip. Graduation. Graduation Party. Orientation.





And now…college drop off.





This past summer was an odd one because I wanted to hoard my time with Scorch. I wanted alllllll the time with him because I could almost hear the countdown clock. But he wanted to be with his girlfriend and friends. And that’s how it should be, but it didn’t mean it was easy to navigate. The ticking clock got louder and louder these past two weeks and I found myself staying up until he got home at midnight or 1 am just to get a glimpse of him. Going to the gym just a tad bit earlier to have that time with him. Enticing him with favorite foods or little trips.





And then…he left.












And I cried myself to sleep a few nights before he went and made sure we had our tearful goodbye in our kitchen before we started our road trip to his college a few hours away so I wouldn’t lose it at the dorms. There was so much I wanted to say to Scorch before he left, but how the hell do you succinctly condense 18 years of love and laughter and tears and memories into a goodbye? I tried, but it’s impossible. I just hope he knows. I think he does.





And now…he’s there and we’re here.





Oddly enough, it’s good. It’s almost a relief that the waiting is over. We have arrived. We have hit the biggest milestone of all over this crazy year and we’re on the other side of it.





Scorch has only been gone 24 hours now, but the clock? It’s quieter. It still ticks, keeping two countdowns now – one for Bean’s junior year of high school and one for when we see Scorch at his first football scrimmage.





I’m sure there will still be fits of tears- there is a giant hole in my heart, afterall, right now. The house is too quiet, the portions I’m cooking for dinner too small, and all the lights in the house are turned off instead of on 24/7.





But now it’s time to take a deep breath. Hope we raised our baby boy right. Hope he knows that this will always be his home, and that we’ll always love him, and that his future is limitless if he wants it to be.





**One of those regrets? Realizing that Bean turned 16 last month and I haven’t blogged about it yet. #motheroftheyear






					


	

		


	
May14

	

											
17.

					
		

			
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My dearest Scorch-





Happy 17th birthday, my sweet boy. I say this every year and I think I always will- I have no idea how you got to be this old. You were the VERY best Mother’s Day gift ever the day you were born. You were smushed and wrinkled and adorable, comfortably fitting in one arm- and now you tower over me. You drive. You’re looking at colleges. You are almost (but not quite) grown up. And that thrills me and makes me want to cry in equal measures.

















You are the very best of your father and I – all brash confidence and kindness with a killer sense of humor. You’re dedicated and hard working (on things you want to work hard at) and passionate and simply amazing. I marvel at you daily wondering how we managed to make such an astounding person – I truly don’t know how we got so lucky.

















16 was a *year,* wasn’t it? It wasn’t always easy – I think we fought more this year than we ever have. Teaching you to drive was a total nightmare for the both of us- I was a freaking terrible teacher and you weren’t exactly the best student. But we got through it with only a couple blown stop signs and one fender bender. There were a lot of growing pains as you continue to work toward becoming the man you’re growing to be- even though we have to continue to remind you that you weren’t quite as grown up as you think you were. But this year was also a lot of fun…





You got your first job. You were one of the captains of the football team. You’re in the middle of your first varsity baseball season. You decided to play football (FOOTBALLLLLLLL) in college. We’ve road tripped to at least 7 colleges trying to figure out where you’ll call home in a year and some change. You get up at 4 am most days to work out because you have more energy than a coked-up puppy. We’ve worked hard to learn how to manage all that energy so it can be focused where it needs to be. You’ve excelled in all your AP classes while continuing to make math your sworn enemy. You convinced us to get a kitten that was DYING and we (I) had to nurse back to health.

















You know that I’m not the most sentimental mom. This yearly blog posts are usually about as mushy as I get, but kiddo- this year, prepare yourself. 17 seems HUGE and 17 is going to have some of your last firsts and I’m most likely going to be a basketcase the majority of the time. I’m going to try to pull you closer as you’re trying to pull away. And that’s normal and to be expected- but have patience with me, ok? Let me hug you a little bit more, for a little bit longer. Smile at all the pictures for me and don’t roll your eyes too loudly when I ask for a selfie. Because, kiddo? This is it. Next birthday will be your 18th and you’ll have made a college decision and whoooboy- that’s all A. LOT.

















As always, I have a ton of hopes for your this year:





– I hope you enjoy the hell out of this next year. I hope you take part in everything you can, make alllllll the memories and leave high school next year knowing that you wrung out every possible experience from your time here.





– I hope you continue to keep your friend groups- you have a few of them and that’s awesome. You have the kiddos you grew up with, whose parents helped to raise you. You have the friends you picked yourself through sports. You have your baseball friend flung all over the state. Hold on to those connections, kiddos- friends are essential to a well lived life.





– I hope you keep making your sister be your friend. Tackle her. Tickle her. Let her beat you up- keep cultivating that relationship because she’s your best friend for life. You both will be celebrating every holiday and milestone together forever- so be good to each other.





– I hope you listen to me and your dad, and know that we’ll always be in your corner. We want the best for you, no matter what that looks like and we’ll always support you. End of story.





– I hope that you know that you’re never stuck. Pick a college and hate it? You can transfer. Pick a major and detest it? You can find a new one. It’s SUPER easy at this age to feel like all your choices are Big Ones that are set in stone- but that’s bullshit. Life is yours to make of what you want, and sometimes that involves detours. They may seem like huge roadblocks at the time, but there is literally nothing in your life you can’t change if that’s what you want.





– I hope you know that there is no mistake that can’t be fixed. It may be ugly and hard and miserable- but if you screw up, own it, make amends and move forward. Don’t ever mistake something temporary for something permanent.





– I hope you never lose your drive to work hard. Put in the effort. Focus on your goal and go get it. There is nothing you can’t do if you want it badly enough.





– I hope you always, always remain kind. Never punch down, always lend a helping hand, and give people (yourself included) grace. Using your manners and being kind will serve you better than just about anything else in life.





– I hope you don’t limit yourself. Dream big kiddo- figure out what brings you joy and pursue that without fail. Life is yours for the taking.





Remember that you are worth *everything* – don’t compromise all the amazing things that make you you to make yourself fit anywhere. You are worthy of love and joy and acceptance exactly as you are.





So, kiddo- get after it and know that we’ll be here cheering you on! Have the very best birthday – I cannot wait to see where this year takes us!





All my love,





Mom

					


	

		


	
May16

	

											
16.

					
		

			
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Dear Scorch-





You’ve turned 16. SIX-FREAKING-TEEN and I’m not sure how that’s possible. This is a big one, bud. It feels huge in my heart. And in my throat as I panic a little over you – and your friends- driving.





You, my darling boy, are a marvel. A wonder. A jaw-dropping miracle that I still can’t believe is mine all these years later. This is the year that I realized that you’re not going to be just mine much longer – you’re making your way towards adulthood and our time with you living full time under our roof can only be measured in years for a short while longer. So forgive me if I hold a little too tight sometimes, ok?












15 has been one hell of an interesting year for you. After almost two years, life is 99% back to normal. You started your sophomore year and it’s been…a challenge.  Things we learned from school this year:





  • You like Global Studies and English and Spanish – and you do well in those classes. When you want to.
  • You shouldn’t pick 600+ page books written in Russia in the 1880’s as your book report book, no matter how interesting it sounds.
  • Geometry and you are NOT friends.
  • You think Earth Science is stupid
  • If you feel anything is “stupid” you will refuse to put the work in and we’ll fight. A lot.
  • I don’t know how to do geometry and it makes me cry too.





Please, just pass the Geometry Regents so we can burn all your course materials and never speak of it again. I beg you.





Despite the challenges, school has been overall super positive for you. You’ve been challenged, you’ve had to learn to get shit done even if you don’t want to and you’ve kept up with your student council responsibilities.












Outside of academics, you’ve navigated a super interesting year. As you’ve gotten older, friendships have shifted. Some shrunk, some grew, some are brand new. You’ve also got a girlfriend. A GIRLFRIEND – and you’ve kept her for over 6 months. You seem to be really good to and for each other and I can’t ask for more than that. You played varsity football and JV basketball and baseball. You’ve put yourself out there at college camps and are starting to make decisions about your future.





As your parent, it’s scary and sad to see you go through uncertain times, to trust that you’re making the right decisions and surrounding yourself with people that push you to be your best self. Honestly, I’d be happy if you were younger and I was still making all your playdates for you. But you’re not and I can’t- so I have to have faith in you, and the foundation we’ve given you, that you’re making good choices and being kind and full of grace. Because, kiddo, you’re not the only one figuring things out- all your friends are in the same boat. You’re all growing and maturing at a different pace, but you’ll all get there. In the meantime, make sure to give each other a break, don’t be a dick and have a sense of humor. That’s prettttttty much the best advice I can give you for life too.












So, 16. SIX-FREAKING-TEEN. Here’s are my hopes for you this year:





  • I hope you don’t do anything too stupid, but I hope you do some stupid stuff and learn from it. By too stupid, I mean anything dangerous, including: sex, drugs, driving unsafely and breaking the law. Things you can’t come back from. But I do hope you fail spectacularly at something you care about so you have to learn grit and perseverance. I hope you feel what it’s like to really hurt someone’s feelings – so you can learn how to apologize with feeling and sincerity and know how shitty hurting someone feels so you don’t do it again. I hope you get your feelings crushed too so you can learn how crappy that is and see why words matter.
  • I hope you continue to be comfortable in your own skin. You are a wonderful person and I admire your drive and dedication more than you know. Knowing who you are is such a gift and I’m so glad you have it. But I hope you realize that others may not be there yet and you have to show grace and patience. That doesn’t mean you have to let them treat you badly, but it does mean learning not to let every little thing bother you.
  • I hope you realize that you can always change your mind. As we start talking more about your future- college, careers, etc- know that you’re never stuck. As long as you don’t do those truly stupid things I mentioned above, you can always change course. Your dad and I are going to love you and support you no matter what your path -all we ask is that you think things through and move with intention.
  • I hope you continue to value yourself. Your body, your feelings, your emotions. If you don’t prioritize yourself and demand to be treated well, no one else will advocate for you. Know that you are a good person, treat people accordingly and expect the same back.
  • I hope you *always* ask for consent. A.L.W.A.Y.S. Never take advantage, never assume and when “No” is said in any context, at any time, stop. That advice isn’t limited to your romantic partners or hook ups- it goes for alllll your relationships. 
  • I hope you’re mindful of what you consume- what you eat, what you watch and what you listen to. Know that life is very rarely ever black and white. People can have different opinions and thoughts and not be your enemy. Listen, learn and grow- that’s one of the true marks of maturity.
  • I hope you value your health. Don’t put things in your body that would threaten that. For the love of god, never take something if you don’t know what it is and if you DO know what it is and it’s not something you should take, don’t. Who gives a shit what others say or think? Your body, your rules.
  • I hope you know that you’re always loved. Always valued. Always needed. Always wanted.





I hope this is the start of your very best year yet. Happy birthday, baby boy. We are so very proud of you and cannot wait to see where the next year takes you.





All my love,





Mom

					


	

		


	
Jan10

	

											
Teenagers are Like Toddlers: Part I

					
		

			
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I love raising teenagers. Except for when I don’t. And today, I don’t.





Story 1 – Yesterday
The scene: Scorch needs to / wants to eat. He is hangry but he’s also lazy. So he doesn’t want to cook or make anything. He just wants food.





Just none of the food in our fridge. We have leftovers, we have cold cuts, we have waffles, we have cereal. We have fruit and veggies and PB&J. We have frozen pizza and chicken strips.





He wants NONE OF THOSE.





Scorch: “Mom, we have NOTHING to eat in this house. It’s all the same food all the time.”





Me: “Well, make a list and tell me what you want and I’ll grab new foods the next time I’m at the store.”





Scorch, as he’s throwing himself on the couch, huffing in indignation: “NO! I don’t want new foods. I just don’t want the foods we have. I’m hungry.”





Cool, cool. That’s helpful, kid- super helpful.










Story 2 – Today
The scene: It’s Monday after school. Scorch’s girlfriend is over. She’s leaving at 5, and Scorch has to leave at 5:10 to go to basketball practice.





Me, at 4:50: “Scorch, come up and get food before you have to go.”





Scorch: “It’s early and The Girlfriend is here, I don’t need to eat yet.”





Me: “Ok, but you have 20 minutes until you have to go. Plan accordingly.” (hahahaha– I say that, but like, no, I know he’s NEVER going to plan accordingly.)





The girlfriend leaves at 5:05 and it’s 5:07. Scorch decides, 3 MINUTES before he has to go, that he wants to make eggs and waffles. EGGGGGSSSS AND WAFFLES- remember when I told him to plan accordingly!?





I calmly tell him that he doesn’t have time for that, he’s got to grab something to go.





Scorch: “This is such crap! I’m starving and now you’re telling me I don’t have time to eat?!”





I love him. I love him with my whole heart. But there are days where I wonder if he has a brain in his head.

					


	

		


	
Jan27

	

											
When Covid Hits Your Home

					
		

			
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Well, 300+ days after the lockdown in NY started, the Heat family got Covid in early January.





The Hub had been battling bronchitis since early December, so when he started coughing again (not a dry cough- a very bronchitis-like cough) on a Sunday night, we didn’t think anything of it because the 5 day pack of antibiotics he was on is never enough and we thought he needed more meds. The next day, Monday, he was tested as part of his pre-surgery workup for an outpatient procedure he was having later in the week. He also met with his PCP that same day to evaluate his cough and everyone agreed his bronchitis was back.





So when his Covid test came back positive the next day, we were all shocked. But then he got sicker. Bronchitis or Covid, I don’t know- but he spiked a temp up to 102 and sequestered himself in our basement.





Wednesday evening, Scorch started coughing just enough for my radar to ping. I started having some congestion at roughly the same time. So Thursday we both went to get tested and BOOM positive for both of us.  *sigh* Somehow, the Bean stayed healthy throughout this whole thing. It would have almost been easier if she got it in terms of the logistics in our house, but she stayed safe.





We were super lucky that overall, we all had a mild case. The Hubs had it the worst of all, but for Scorch and I we never felt like we had anything worse than a cold. We all did lose our senses of taste and smell which is just as odd and disorienting as you’d think it would be. Thankfully within 10 days of losing those senses, we started to regain them. They are still muted for all of us 20+ days since we were first diagnosed, but it’s getting better.





There is a TON of information online about how to manage Covid, but I figured I’d share our experience with 1 sick person, 2 people with mild cold-like symptoms and 1 healthy person in the hopes it helps you plan.





1) Stay away from each other. Even though 3 of us were sick, we still tried to avoid each other because the Hubs was being released from isolation before us and we didn’t want to mess with things and get him sicker. Obviously we all avoided the Bean unless we were masked up. The kids camped out in their rooms, I camped out in my room and the Hubs took over the family room. We all wore masks when we were outside our zones.





2) Have a plan in place to stock up on what you need. I don’t know about y’all, but I did NOT have 2 full weeks worth of food and pet supplies at home. Thanks to Instacart and our friends, I was able to get what I need. Please, please have a plan in place because once you get that call, you’re not going *anywhere*.

3) Make sure you have the meds and medical supplies you need too- thermometers, pulse oximeter, etc. We were told to up our Zinc, Vitamin D and Vitamin C intake. I can’t say for sure that it helped, but it didn’t hurt!





4) Paper towels and laundry detergent were key too. Essentially we were told that we should not be using our normal hand towels to prevent the spread – we should use paper towels and throw them all away immediately after. We also were told to wash our bath towels daily. That’s A LOT of laundry, y’all.

5) We were told to put our toothbrushes in bags and to keep them away from each other. We obviously threw them out as soon as we were deemed non-contagious.





6) I can’t speak for other states, but here in NY there were a lot of phone calls to field. The day we tested positive, I spent a little over 3 hours total talking to the state and county so they could try to do contact tracing, talk protocols with me, review symptoms, etc. After that first day, there are daily calls to check in. I was super impressed with the resources available and the kindness of each person from the county calling. I would imagine if you’re fighting this by yourself with no close family and friends around these people are literal life savers.





I’m happy to answer any question any one has in the hopes of helping others! I’m hoping this is our one and only brush with Covid and that we avoid any long-term issues. 

					


	

		


	
May14

	

											
14.

					
		

			
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Dear Scorch-


You’re 14. Four-freaking-teen- I’m still shaking my head over this, honestly. I say this every year (I know, I know), but I have no idea how that is possible.


Your feet have been bigger than mine for some time now, and you are officially are taller than me as well. I have to look up at you when I’m forcing you to go to bed every night, or when I’m wrestling you off your sister, or hustling you somewhere…back when we used to have to hustle places. Now we just kind of mosey as all the urgency in our lives has been gone for the last 2 months.


DannyBirth


When you look back at the end of your 13th year and the start of your 14th, I wonder what you’re going to remember. Quarantine life is an odd one and you’ve rolled with it with a ton of grace, good humor and sense of fun. You’ve achieved your life-long goal of getting a TV in your room during this nutty time which has saved our sanity because you can be glued to your PS4, chatting with your friends to your heart’s content (or until 10 pm, which ever comes first, because I’m lame and make you go to bed at a decent hour) while your father and I can watch what we want on TV.


Scorch, you are, hand’s down, one of my favorite people on this earth. One of my greatest joys is that not only do I love you, but I like you. I enjoy your company – you make me laugh, you give the best hugs and you’re one of the nicest people I know.  I’ve seen your amazing sense of kindness this year as you’ve navigated a crush from a sweet girl and spent time on the PS4 with your favorite 7 years old. I am thankful for you every single day.


I adore watching you get older – it’s like a present that I get to keep unwrapping every day. I marvel sometimes over the fact that you weren’t supposed to be here. The month before you were conceived (I know, GROSS), we had our 3rd miscarriage after a long, drawn out IUI cycle. 3 losses in 2.5 years was enough. I was tired. We were broke. But mostly we were heartsore.  We had long conversations on whether or not we wanted to spend more time and money on getting pregnant or building our family in other ways and, ultimately, family won. I was going to be a mom whether or not I gave birth to a child so we were looking into adoption and saying goodbye to Dr. Kiltz and CNY Fertility.


Your dad was working at the UN Summit as he did every September while in the Secret Service and I had a friend staying with me that weekend.  We planned a day of shopping and a night of drinking – but I was having pregnancy symptoms so, while at Target before dinner, I decided to buy and take a test so I could enjoy my wine without worry.  Yes, dear son, it was in the Target restroom that your super classy mom found out about you. I called Dr. Kiltz, crying, and he told me that even though we weren’t undergoing fertility treatments to conceive, things must have just clicked and I better start blood thinners ASAP to help try to prevent another loss. I was scared and nervous and resigned, never thinking you’d stick.


BabyScorch_2006


But you did and 14 years ago today, on Mother’s Day, you came into the world. Billy Joel was giving the commencement speech at Syracuse University across the street from the hospital on the same day, so my doctor couldn’t get to us. Our family was stuck in crazy traffic trying to meet you. You were the first baby born in that county – so we were on the news. It was insane and funny and chaotic and pretty much the perfect representation of what life with you is like.


You are firmly a teen – with a voice that cracks, a strong need to cuddle with your mom and an equally strong need for independence. You can make me absolutely batshit crazy one minute and the next make me marvel at how amazing you are. You are smart and dedicated, but you’re also lazy and easily distracted. You’re warm and forgiving, but you blaze up fast when you feel that we’re not treating you like the “adult” you are. You love nothing more than playing a team sport – you thrive on camaraderie and team dynamics, but you’re also rolling with this lockdown much better than I would have ever thought. In short, you’re AMAZING.


IMG_20200513_162418


So, 14 is going to be a big year. You start high school. You’re finally allowed – to some degree- to date. I have so many expectations and hopes for you, kiddo.


    

  • I hope you continue to love school. Hell, I hope you can go back to school. You’re not built for this much solitude. Continue to be curious, ask questions and speak your mind.
    • 

  • I hope you continue to be kind. Please keep standing up for the underdog, please keep picking the kid no one wants for your team and please keep making sure that no one takes advantage of those weaker than you.
    • 

  • I hope you continue to not suffer fools – but I also hope you realize that sometimes *you* are the fool and listening to others isn’t always bad. You have a lot to learn about the world, my son.
    • 

  • I hope you continue watch out for your sister. Next year is a big one for her and I hope you respect her enough to let her spread her wings, but are there to catch her if she falls.
    • 

  • I hope that should you date, you choose your partner carefully. Don’t date someone because your friends “ship” you- date them because you like their heart. Date them because they challenge you. Date them because they inspire you to be better. It’s Ok to date someone based on attraction – but I hope you realize pretty quick that beauty is only skin deep and don’t get sucked into petty drama.
    • 

  • I hope you fail spectacularly at something so learn how to dig deep, try harder and pick yourself. We’ll be here to support you- but learning to fail and move on is one of the best lessons you’ll ever learn and I’d love for you to learn it while the stakes are small.
    • 

  • I hope you remember the power of friendship- I hope you keep your BFFs from when you were 3 but don’t cut yourself off from new friends. Befriend everyone – they all have a lot to teach you, and you them.
    • 

  • I hope you know that our home is always your safe space. You can be yourself, talk about what makes you happy, sad or worried. You can ask allll your questions here and you can be damn sure we’ll always be honest with you.
    • 



I love you more than chocolate milk, kid. Being your mom is one my greatest gifts and I’m so glad we have you. Happy birthday, kiddo- enjoy every minute of it!


Love,

Mom

					


	

		


	
Mar9

	

											
Not Me

					
		

			
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The Bean found my blog.


I mean, I knew the day would come- my kids are the reason I started this blog, after all. My kiddos don’t have baby books and most of their childhood pictures are stored in Shutterfly, not in physical albums. I didn’t keep many of their childhood mementos outside of a few blankets, some books and a few stuffed animals. But I have been chronicling their childhood for almost 10 years now- since the kids were 4 and 2.


Since she’s been going back and reading my old entries, I got nostalgic and started to do the same.  One of the things I used to on Monday’s was “Not Me Monday” back when widely used blog themes were a thing.  “Not Me Monday” was a way to confess your sins and since the old entries made me laugh, I figured I’d share a few of my gems lately:


    

  • While in Mexico, the Bean got M&Ms and immediately told Scorch he couldn’t have any. He didn’t want any – but he *always* wants to torment her, so for 30 minutes straight, he followed her around making comments like “Yummm…those M&Ms look amazing!” or “You know what I’m craving, M&Ms!” or “Mom, the minute Bean puts those M&Ms down, Imma going to snagging them.”  I was not too busy laughing hysterically at him to make him knock it off when the Bean pleaded with me to do so.
    • 

  • Later that same day, I was blessedly at the pool sans any kids, reading my Kindle. 4 chairs down from me was a mom, trying in vain to read her magazine while her son and daughter squabbled in the pool over things just as dumb as M&Ms. The mom finally LOSES it and goes “This is supposed to be FUN. We are flipping on vacation in MEXICO and you’re making me crazy.”
    
I did not want to high-five her in solidarity or at least find some of the Bean’s M&Ms to share with her. 
    • 

  • Earlier this week, Scorch was in class and accidentally drew on his face with his pencil. When one of his friends told him they could see the mark, my son absolutely did not proceed to draw a penis on his forehead and then have to walk around alllll day with his bangs pulled down to hide it when he couldn’t erase it. (“Mom- it was the only thing I could think of to draw!” #teens)
    • 

  • I did not laugh stupidly hard at a “69” reference in an Instagram video because Scorch and his buddies are obsessed with certain numbers (69, 420, etc) which evidently has dropped my sense of humor down to a middle-school level.* I also certainly did not save the video to show him when he got home from school.
    • 

  • Within seconds of picking the Bean up from school, it was clear she was in a mood. After 2 minutes of grumpiness and a snotty tone, I told her she wasn’t allowed to speak to me again until she could do so with a civil tongue. We did not not speak for over an hour. #tweens
    • 



Hot Mess Express graphic with a purple background and pink words


So, spill – what haven’t YOU done lately?!


 


*Please note: I DID (and do, frequently) absolutely talk to my kid about these numbers, what they mean, how they are not appropriate in a lot of places/context, etc – but he’s 13 and he’s in middle school and kids laugh about dumb stuff no matter how mature and enlightened you try to make them. I can either freak out over it every time or embrace my inner 13 year when something is legitimately funny. This video was NOT sexual in any way shape or form, it was just simply a bunch of idiot teens freaking out when that number was called out in public – and it was really, really funny.


 

					


	

		


	
Nov7

	

											
SHOTGUN!

					
		

			
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So, it’s been a minute! After I shared my fantastic parenting skills, we got sucked back into the routine of school and sports and general insanity. The re-entry back into the school year was a pretty tame one- neither kid made any major transitions so that made back to school pretty damn easy.  Scorch is in 8th grade and the Bean is in 6th and I’m officially old AF.  The biggest drama going back to school was if Scorch should wear black socks or white socks with his navy blue kicks – the boy takes his sock game very seriously.






Scorch, wearing navy blue sneakers, and Bean, wearing white sneakers, on the first day of 8th and 6th grade.






In early October, Scorch broke his wrist playing in a football game about 2 hours from home. Thankfully the Hubs and/or I always go to every away game (my kids getting seriously hurt when we’re not there is one of my biggest nightmares) and were both there that day. We had to drive by the Big City on our way home, so we stopped by the same orthopedic place that did the Hub’s ACL surgery in the Spring and had Scorched x-ray’d and casted within an hour. He’s been a super good sport, but with less than a week to go until the cast is taken off he’s D.O.N.E. with it.






An x-ray of Scorch's left wrist.






The biggest news is that the day I’ve been DREADING finally is upon us. When I took the kids in for their flu shots, the Bean’s height was recorded and she’s finally tall enough to ride in the front seat.






*sigh*






That’s right, I have two kids vying for shotgun for every.single.car ride. Once the kids put the pieces together, they both started coming up with an elaborate way to decide who got to be the shotgun winner. The rules included when you could call shotgun, how even calling shotgun doesn’t mean you actually get to ride in that spot if your sibling can wrestle you out of it and something about headlocks and Scorch using his cast as a club.






Needless to say, that didn’t fly with me, so I quickly instituted an odd/even system – on odd days, it’s Scorch’s turn, on even days, it’s the Beans. They were ticked- I was stripping away ALLLLLLLL the fun out of shotgun- but frankly, I didn’t care. The last thing I needed was those two beating the holy hell out of each other for the privilege of sitting next to me and controlling the radio.






This worked relatively well…except for during school drop offs. I drive both kids to school, dropping Scorch off first, and alllllll Scorch wants to look during drop off is cool. There is a single drop off line – it loops around the parking lot and you can drop your kids off anywhere along the sidewalk. But evidently there is a art to where the perfect drop off location is. Like, he gets concerned if I drop him off too far away (“they’re all waiting for us in line, mom”) or too close (“I don’t want to look like I’m lazy”), the music has to be off just case we’re listening to something that is cringy and the drop off has to be QUICK- there can be no fumbling when you get out.






Which was all doable when he was the always riding shotgun, but now that he’s in the backseat of our van every other day – quick isn’t a thing. First, I have to put the van in park to open the automatic sliding doors -and those doors are slow. Then there is the fumbling for his stuff because he can’t actually wait until the door is all the way  open before jumping out. Don’t even mention the fact his sister is choosing the tunes and Lizzo blasting out of the speakers of our minivan brings down his street cred by like a 1000 points.






Which is why earlier this week, my sweet dumb kid decided that the best course of action was to CLIMB into the front seat – WHILE his sister was sitting in – and going out that way.






Bean, with only her legs showing, is sitting in the passenger seat of the car. Scorch is perched on the leg rest of her chair, trying to climb over her.
Bean’s sitting in the chair, Scorch is trying to climb over her. I’m being the responsible adult and taking pics.






She was super psyched about that idea – he’s lucky she didn’t kick him in the butt and send him sprawling.






So, how’s your fall going?!