Last week I had the great idea to take two tired kids to an outdoor concert that started right at the Bean’s bedtime.  They held it together great at the concert and we had a great time dancing and play. The trouble started when it was time to go home.

Somewhere between the park and our car (about a quarter of a block), Scorch decided that we just had to stop by the store on our way home to buy him a toy.  I tried explaining to him that no, we don’t just buy toys for the heck of it- he gets them for birthdays, Christmas & when he earns them.  He was not happy.  Turns out he thought since the Bean was having a birthday, he too should get toys because otherwise it simply wasn’t right. And when Scorch thinks things aren’t right, he tells me loudly, with tears.

“Mom- it’s unfair that I don’t get a toy too.  Do you know what unfair means? It means that it’s not fair. If the Bean gets toys on her birthday, then I get toys then too otherwise it’s unfair.”  (I love it when my kids give me vocabulary lessons!)

I tried explaining to Scorch that no,  each of them have a birthday once a year and on his birthday, the Bean didn’t get any toys, so he doesn’t on her birthday.  He wasn’t having it, so he kept up his rant/crying/pleading/threatening tirade the entire 15 minute ride home.   When we got home, he seemed to have realized that his words weren’t making a dent, so he grabbed some chalk and drew me a picture on the driveway as I was getting the Bean out of the car.  Behold:

When I asked Scorch what he drew, he told me it was a picture of Sad Scorch crying because he had the worst mom ever. The picture is still on our driveway and I laugh every time I see it- it’s a wonder that boy has the will to get out of bed in the mornings with me as his mother.

****

Quick side note- my niece, the incredible Baby Lala, now weighs over 10 lbs!!  Not to shabby for a kid who started out life at less then 2 lbs big!

My kids are smart.  So smart, in fact, that sometimes I forget that there are simple basic things that they don’t know, nor can they be expected to know, unless I tell them.  I was reminded of that fact yesterday.

Scorch has always had a thing for drawing with his fingers in the dirt that coats our car.  Last year when he started parochial school he started replacing his scribbles with crosses. Those crosses were drawn on to all the sides of the car any chance he got- we joked that we were driving around in the red-neck version of the Popemobile.  This year, as Scorch learned how to write all his letters the crosses got phased out and instead we started driving around the Alphabetmobile.  Scorch also has a thing for rocks. The boy is an avid fossil hunter, so he’ll pick up rocks any place he can.  Park, playgrounds, parking lots- he very rarely leaves a place without a rock or five to take with him.

Never had the two obsessions met- until yesterday.

It honestly never dawned on the Hubs or I to tell Scorch to never use a rock to drawn letters on our car.  I just (wrongly) assumed he knew that was a Bad Idea.  But, really- how could he know? A 5 year old has no concept that a rock could scratch the paint on a car.

The second Scorch said to me yesterday in the parking lot, “Mom- look what I made with this awesome rock!” I knew what he did.  I inwardly screamed, but I didn’t freak out on him even though there is now a nice small (thank goodness) “X” carved in my door.  I wanted to lose my temper and just yell- I had already dealt with a flat tire and a screaming 3 year old in the past hour and this? This was just the icing on the cake.  But we never taught Scorch this, we never told him explicitly that using a rock on the car’s paint is wrong- how was he to know.  So instead of yelling at the kid, I explained to him why he could never do that again and took the kids home and put them to bed.

Then I had a big bowl of ice cream and prayed for a better day today.

I admit that I may have a problem letting my kids grow up.

It never dawned on me to let Scorch learn how to buckle and unbuckle his car seat until my Mom asked me why he wasn’t doing it. Surely he isn’t old enough, right?

What about walking by himself on the sidewalk without holding someone’s hand. He’s only 5, surely he still needs to hold my hand all the time while we’re in public, right?

How about doing something with a friend without me or the Hubs right there. Last year he didn’t want any part of going anywhere without us, so this year can’t be any different, right?

Wrong. Wrong. And wrong. My sweet boy is getting older and more mature, so really, he can do more himself, by himself. Sadly, I don’t have to be his constant companion in everything as much as I’d like to.  It’s a joy watching Scorch grown up and seeing what he can do for himself- I just need to let him.

Somebody please talk to me about kids & money, I’m begging you!

Scorch wants things. A lot of things.  He wants little plastic animal figurines when we stop at the pet store. He wants a Hot Wheels car when we go to the grocery store.  He wants Iron Man/Green Lateran/Bat Man/Whatever when we go to Target.  He just asks and asks and asks regardless of the fact that the answer is no- I’m not forking my money over for junk.

His typical response for that is “I’ll pay with my own money.”   Sometimes I’ll let him (with a $5 limit), but most of the time I don’t let him do that either.  The limited amount of money he has on hand is from birthday presents or generous family members, so it’s not like he’s got a huge supply of it.

But the thing is, I don’t know what to do.  I realize Scorch is only 5, so I don’t know what kind of concept of money he’s supposed to have. He knows things cost money and he knows that some things are more expensive then others- but he doesn’t truly know the different between $5 and $500.  Do we implement an allowance at this age? I’ve heard conflicting theories on whether allowances should be chore based or not.  Scorch has certain things he has to do daily now that I don’t feel he should be paid for- they are just part of being a functional family.  Do I give him more chores that he can do (or not) if wants to earn money?  How much money does a 5 year old get?

I’m lost- someone please school me please so I don’t have to listen to my 5 year old throw another fit about this!

Earlier today we were watching a trailer for “Puss in Boots” on YouTube with the kiddos.  When the video ended, YouTube showed a list of other videos we may be interested in.  One of them caught Scorch’s eye and he points to it and asked, “Is that Justin Bieber?”

Choking back a laugh, I tell him that it is and I ask him how in the world he knows who Justin Bieber is.

“School.”

About an hour later, I was in the bathroom with the kids helping Scorch get ready for bed.  He pipes up and says, “Hey, isn’t Hannah Montana another singer?  And Taylor Swift too?”

I tell him they are and he tells me the list of kids in his class who listen to those artists.  I tell him the reason all those kids listen to those musicians is because they have older siblings who like them.  Since Scorch doesn’t have any older brothers and sisters, he’ll have to make due with the music we all like.

“Like who?”

“Like Laurie Berkner or the Imagination Movers.  And Jimmy Buffett and the Zac Brown Band. Dave Matthews and Bruce Springsteen.”

Scorch sighs loudly and says, “I really don’t want to talk to you about this any more. You’re clearly not cool.”

I really thought I had at least another 5 years before the kid figured that out!

One of the biggest joys and one of the biggest challenges to me about raising kids is how the game is always changing. Once I feel like I’ve got something down pat, the kids grow up, the friends change and I’m left wondering what to do.  Here is my latest in the “How in the World do you Handle This?” chronicles.

Scorch had a t-ball game tonight.  The game itself went fine and Scorch had a great time playing and hanging with his friends.  After the game ,we celebrated one of the coaches birthdays with cake and took our time leaving the field.  Scorch wanted to play more ball, so I pitched to him for a while and, like most times, one of the other little boys wanted to play too.  So, after Scorch had a few hits, it was this little boy’s turn.  We are good friends with this little boy’s family and we see them socially at least once a week.  Scorch and this kid have a good relationship- but it’s always been very competitive.

So, this little boy gets up to bat and Scorch says he’s going to be the catcher only he says it rather softly and is standing off to the side- not at all in the normal catcher’s position.  The little boy missed my first pitch and the ball falls by his feet so he picks it up and throws it back to me.  Scorch doesn’t say anything.  Again, I pitch and the little boy misses and he throws it back to me. This time Scorch speaks up and says he wants to be the catcher so to let him get the ball.  The third time the little boy fouls the ball and lands at his feet, so he scoops it right up and throw it back to me.

Scorch lost his ever loving mind.  He starts crying, which is the normal Scorch reaction.  I try to calm him down by telling him that the little boy was just trying to help, it’s not a big deal, he can get the next ball.  That doesn’t work because next Scorch started yelling at the little boy telling his that he was the catcher, the little boys shouldn’t have caught the ball and on and on.  I quickly put the kabosh on the yelling, and tell Scorch to apologize right now because we do not yell at our friends.  Scorch yells out an apology (not at all sincere) and then starts yelling about how this little boy owes him an apology too.

At this point, I don’t know what to do, so we just simple say goodbye and dragging our crying screaming child with us. On the drive home, Scorch keeps it up- telling me over and over how this little boy owed him an apology for not letting him pick up the ball.  I tell Scorch that’s not the way it works, the little boy didn’t do anything wrong, that Scorch shouldn’t yell at his friends- but I could tell I didn’t make a dent in his little head.

So what do you do in that situation? Is there is a different way to deal with it as it was unfolding? Do we have Scorch call this little boy tomorrow and apologize sincerely (I say yes, the Hubs says no as Scorch already did apologize at the field)?  How in the world do you handle a situation when your kid gets so mad at a friend that he just can’t be reasoned with keeping in mind that Scorch has just turned 5?