Category Archives: Scorch

May9

Word Games

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I may have mentioned a time or hundred that Scorch is a very verbal kid.  He learned how to talk early and he basically hasn’t stopped since. Frankly, I think that’s awesome 99.9% of the time- he’s got a great vocabulary and you never have to wonder what he’s thinking. Scorch also likes to play word games- rhyming words, asking what words mean the same thing as another word and so on.  Again- awesome!  If our matching eyes weren’t enough, his inability to stay quiet would be proof enough that he’s my son.

But…what do I do about words he “makes” up that are actually bad words?  For example, Scorch had a bug bite the other day and was telling me it was itchy. The he made up a song about his itchy-bitchy bug bite.  We were at home and it was just the 4 of us so I didn’t mention that bitchy was a bad word (although I did snicker to myself all night).  Then today we were listening to “Bust a Move” in the car (don’t judge me) and Scorch changed it to busty.  And instead of saying “Mom, you’re so busted” he started saying, “Mom, you’re so busty.”   Again, he doesn’t have a clue!

However, I’m starting to wonder if I’m doing him a disservice by not telling him about words he shouldn’t say.  I don’t want him to say something that he’s said at home in school and get into trouble because I didn’t explain that words like bitchy aren’t nice to say and that calling a woman busty may be inappropriate.

So help me, wise internet- when did you start explaining the concept of really bad words to your kids?

Apr13

Just So

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There is a lot about raising kids that I love, and there is a lot about raising kids that mystifies me.  The things my kids choose to sleep with is one of those things that I just don’t understand and gave up trying to figure out a long time ago.

The Bean, bless her little soul, still sleeps in a crib.  As far as I’m concerned she can stay there until she’s 7 if she stays small enough.  It keeps her contained and I don’t have to worry about what she’s climbing on, getting into and/or eating for those 12 glorious hours a night she’s sleeping.  She typically goes down to bed very easily at night, but only if things in her crib are just so.

First, she needs to have water and a cup with at least 10 mini-Nilla waffers (don’t judge me people) in it.  Her stuffed animals- her mama polar bear, baby polar bear, kitty and brown bear must be down at the foot of her crib.  She needs to have 2 clean tissues to the right of her head- these tissues need to be straight out of the box. Unused tissues from the night before aren’t good enough because they are rumpled up- new tissues only.  She also needs to sleep with at least 2 pacifiers- one in her mouth and one next to the clean tissues.  And last, but not least, the Bean also needs to be holding on to the a 2nd baby polar bear stuffed animal and needs to be covered up with her special pink blanket. Heaven take pity on you if that blanket is dirty because the Bean sure won’t!

As for Scorch, well he needs to sleep with an assortment of at least 15 different stuffed animals in his twin sized bed with him.  He’s not too particular about their placement except for a few.  His cheetah and gray cat have to be at the foot of his bed to scare off any monsters and he needs to sleep with his lamb and his frog by his head.  He must also sleep with a bunch of other crap- Iron Man figurine, Hot Wheels, and occasionally a rock or three.  All that crap must go next to his head on top of his Pillow Pet covered up by his NY Giants pillow to keep them all warm.  I have no idea why he insists on having all that stuff in his bed- but usually by the time Scorch’s bed time comes around I’m too damn tired to fight him on any of it.  I figure I’ll let his wife deal with it when he gets married. Better her then me because he can be one stubborn little boy!

 

 

Apr11

Wishing & Hoping

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This weekend the Hubs had to work most of Saturday and he had a honey-do list a mile long on Sunday, so I decided to take the kids and head to my mother-in-law’s house for the weekend.  We’ve been wanting to visit for a while now and us getting out of town made the Hubs feel less guilty about working, so off we went.

The weekend wasn’t without it’s share of glitches, like the two new tires I had to purchase on our way out of town Friday night when I ran over something and sliced my tire right up, but we had a great time never the less!  We played hard at the Please Touch Museum in Philly on Saturday, then continued to play hard at my mother-in-law’s Saturday night and Sunday morning thanks to all the sports equipment she keeps stocked at her house!  Prior to the trip, Scorch didn’t sleep for 2 nights because he was so excited about seeing his Mimi & Grandpa.  He slept great while we were gone, but today the lack of sleep caught up with him.

Mother Nature heard my pleas and Spring seems to finally have arrived so we capitalized on it and hit the park the minute I got out of work. All was well until Scorch saw a group of older kids (10 and older) playing a fun kickball/dodge ball game and wanted to join in the fun. The kids were nice enough, but they basically told him that he couldn’t play- he was too little.  As I was trying to steer him away from the older kids, it started to rain.  The kids telling him no, plus my insistence that was time to go before the heavens really opened up was just too much for Scorch and he started sobbing. I understood his disappointment and sympathized with him a bit, but he was just primed and ready for a full meltdown, so that is what he did.

> First it was over the kids not letting him play and it was so NOT FAIR that he wasn’t older. Why didn’t I have him sooner?

> Then it was NOT FAIR that it was raining and why did it always rain?!

> It was NOT FAIR that I wouldn’t let him pet a strange dog at the park.

> It was really NOT FAIR that I wouldn’t let him have a puppy. Why wouldn’t I let him have a puppy? He really wants a pupppppppppppy!

All I could think about is a puppy?? Seriously- you want a puppy, kid?!  The dog we do have is home drugged to the gills because we have thunderstorms in the forecast and knowing my luck, I’ll be up with her all night to ensure she doesn’t eat her way through our door to get out and you want a PUPPY!?  I would honestly rather give myself a root canal at home then get another dog at this point.

Next time when he melts down, he might as well ask for a unicorn that vomits out rainbows because that is as likely to happen as a new puppy.

 

Mar28

Oh Boy, Oh Boy!

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Scorch turns 5 in a few months.  The first four years of his life seemed to melt together- the slide from infant to toddler to little boy was very gradual to me.  So this sudden change to all boy has completely caught me by surprise!

It seems like overnight Scorch”s gone from baby fat to long, slender limbs and knobby knees.  There are times I look at him and have to do a double take because I can’t believe that kid is mine!  For over 2 years, Scorch was fixated on dinosaurs.  Now- BAM- we’re on to Superheros!  I just learned how to pronounce Parasaurolophus and now he wants me to debate the merits of The Torch vs. Wolverine? I don’t even know who the Torch is!

Scorch has always had a great vocabulary and is very talkative, but now we can talk about so much more. He understands thing- good & bad- that he never could process before.  And while potty talk is still all the rage, he’s getting funnier (in his opinion) about it.  Like today he asked me to spell the word “up,” so me, being the dummy, did.  The kid laughed for a good five minutes after I said “You Pee” to him.

Every year I think to myself that this- this year- is the best.  I have a feeling I’ll be saying the same thing about 5 soon!

Mar10

Love Thursday: The Crazy Hoarder

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Scorch and I were wrestling last night and he lunged at me pretending to be a scary deinonychus trying to slash me. (Wholesome family fun!)  He didn’t actually get me, but his nails left a fun little gash on my hand.  When I examined his fingers nails, I realized that they were scary long and had to be cut.

That night before bed, Operation DeClawing began.  Scorch was a rock star until I manged to clip one particularly long nail off in one piece (mad skills, I know!).  He was enthralled with this nail, said it was the coolest thing ever and that it actually looked like a miniature dinosaur claw!  Then he said he wanted to keep his nail and sleep with it.

Uh-huh.

When I calmly explained why that wasn’t going to happen, Scorch was NOT happy.

“But Mom- I love it, it’s awesome!”

“Yup, I get that buddy, I do. But still, it’s going in the garbage.”

“Mom- don’t you love me? This nail- it’s a part of me, so you have to love it, too!”

“You know I love you very much, but it doesn’t change the fact that that is garbage.”

And on and on we went. Seriously- why aren’t conversations like this in any of the child rearing books I read?

Happy Love Thursday, all! I hope your day was filled with as much laughter as mine was thanks to my crazy hoarder!

Mar8

Scorch vs. The Toilet

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Ah, Tuesday– you strike again.

After the typical craziness of swim lessons and dinner, it was bath time.  This time we smartened up and bathed the kids separately.  Bean went first without a fuss, then it was Scorch’s turn. The boy didn’t want to get out, so when the time came he was not happy. He stepped out of the tub and decided he would show his displeasure by going limp and letting his body fall to the ground. On the way down, his cheek bone smacked right into the side of the toilet.

*Thunk*

Immediately, the poor kid started crying. I thought he bonked his eye, so I  checked that out quickly. Upon seeing his eyeball was still in place, I started to reassure him that he was OK.  Then he moved his towel and I saw his cheekbone. I couldn’t help it- I started to crack up. I mean- come on, he gave himself a black eye on the toilet! He had a huge purple bruise starting to form and I know darn well it’s not going to look good tomorrow.

Scorch was not happy with my laughter and started to cry again. I stifled myself and said something along the lines of how he got himself good. Wrong thing to say.

“Mommy..don’t look at my cheek! I don’t want anyone to see my eye!”

I said not to worry about it, bruises always make for good stories.

“I can’t tell people I hit it on the toilet!!”

Hmmm…ok, I told him he could tell people that dinosaurs broke into our house and he had to fight them off.

“Mom- everyone knows dinosaurs are extinct! That won’t work.”

He had a point- his classmates are smart little buggers.  So I suggested we tell everyone he wrestled with a honey badger.**

“Mooo-ooom- honey badgers don’t have thumbs. They can’t break in to a house, duh!”

Also a good point. We never did settle on what he’s going to tell his friends tomorrow, but at least he started laughing and settled down.

As for me, I’m going to get a kick of telling this story for quite some time.

 

**That video has lots of swearing, but it’s hysterical!

 

 

Feb28

You’re Not the Boss of Me!

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On Sunday morning, Scorch had a meltdown.

The reason? Bean wanted to have her usual for breakfast- waffles- and Scorch wanted her to have cereal.

When Bean was little (well, littler) she would basically go along with just about anything Scorch wanted- music, food, movies, books. Whatever- if Scorch was happy, Bean was happy.   Those days are clearly behind us.  At 2.5 years old, Bean knows what she wants and that is that.

And Sunday morning, Bean wanted waffles.

Scorched carried on like she ran over his dog. “But…she’s hurting my feelings! Why won’t she eat what I want her to eat? She always eats the same things and it’s boring!”

Then he resorted to bribery. “Bean- if you’ll have cereal with Big Brother, then I’ll let you play with my basketball!”

He then moved on to bargaining. “Beany- if you eat cereal today, then I’ll eat waffles with you tomorrow!” (all said in a very sing-song voice).

But she wouldn’t budge.  Finally the poor boy came to realize- 25 minutes later- that he’s simply not the boss of his little sister any more.

 

Feb17

Love Thursday: Nuts!

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Happy Love Thursday, all!  One of the things I love most about having kids is never, ever knowing what’s going to come out of their mouth next. The kiddos crack us up every day, but there is one time about a year ago Scorch left us speechless.  I never want to forget it, so I thought I’d share it here…

After a long day, the Hubs, Scorch and I were in the bathroom while the Hubs was giving Scorch a bath.  In the middle of  chit chatting about our day, The Hubs asks Scorch to stand up so he could wash his belly.

“And my nuts?” Scorch asks.

“Whaaat?” the Hubs asks as I stand there with my mouth on the floor.

“Are you going to wash my nuts?”

The Hubs immediately loses his mind, hides his face in his arm and turns beat red trying not to laugh out loud.

I reganed my composure & asked Scorch to repeat himself one more time. Mind you, Scorch was only 3 years old at the time so I didn’t think he knew what nuts was slang for (hell, he’s almost 5 and still doesn’t know!), but he was going to school and lord only knows what he may have overheard. 

Scorch  repeats the same thing.  By this time, the Hubs has just about burst a blood vessel because he’s silently laughing so hard and had to excuse himself from the room.

So I ask Scorch to show us his nuts just to confirm we were all on the same page. 

The sweet kid points to his stomach and goes “You know- the nuts I had for snack that are in my belly.”
 
OHHHHH..those nuts! Thank GOD!

Feb15

Sick Bed

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Last night at dinner, the Bean didn’t eat her bread.  This alarmed me greatly as this child would live on bread and butter if you let her.  Then she turned down her Valentine’s Day cupcake.  I knew right then and there she was sick.  When she asked to go to bed and wanted me to put her down instead of the Hubs, I figured the world was ending.

I kept the baby monitor right by me all evening and night waiting for the blow I knew was coming.  But all I heard was silence. So I got up and out of the house by 5:15 to head to the gym and didn’t give the Bean’s health a second thought.

When I got home, the Hubs was rinsing out the bath tub- the Bean had gotten sick.  I asked where she was and he told me she was laying in my bed.  I have to admit- I had conflicting thoughts about this.  My first thought was naturally hoping she feels better. But my second was fervently praying she didn’t get sick in my bed or worse yet on me.

After draping myself with a towel or four, I climbed into my bed with the Beaner for some cuddling. I noticed there was a towel already laid down under her and I mentally gave the Hubs props for thinking ahead.  While Beaner clearly didn’t feel well, it seems like getting sick was a one and done deal so I slowly peeled off my layers of protective towels as the morning went on (the puke bucket, however, stayed within arms reach all day long).

The Hubs called to check in shortly after I put Beaner down for her nap. After I gave him the status update, I thanked him for putting the towel down on our bed just in case.

The Hubs: “Just in case what?”

Me: “Just in case the Bean got sick in our bed after you cleaned her up.”

The Hubs: “Heather- how do you think I knew she was sick? She threw up in our bed.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. She puked, you cleaned her up, changed her- then you put a towel over the mess on our bed and laid her back down in it?!”

The Hubs: “It was only a little bit of puke- what’s the big deal?”

*sigh*

***********

Thankfully the Bean is feeling better as of this evening. Not nearly as clingy- which is a blessing for us all. Scorch, on the other hand, left the house for an hour this evening looking completely normal and came back home with a raging case of pink eye.  So I’ve traded in the fun of wrestling my daughter to get medicine in her last week to wrestling my son to get eye drops in him.   The fun never stops ’round these parts!

Feb13

Epic

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When Scorch was 2 years old I begged my mother-in-law to reassure me that kids got easier after the terrible two’s.

She laughed and I got scared.   Sadly, she was was right- the 2’s have nothing on the 4’s.

The testing and the daily battle of wills that happened when Scorch was 2 isn’t an issue with him any more.  Now the tantrums only happen once or twice a month at the most but when they do, they are epic.

Tonight Scorch wanted to play basketball in the house- something we allow.  But he wanted to play with a very specific basketball and the Hubs told him no. The ball was too big, too hard and not appropriate for inside play.  9 times out of 10, Scorch deals with this info and moves on without an issue.  But not tonight- for whatever reason, Scorch decided that that ball was the only one he could play with and he let us know it.

There was yelling. There were threats. There was foot stomping and tears and finger pointing.  There was absolutely no reasoning with the kid.  He was too far gone thanks to a combo of too much fun earlier in the day and too little sleep last night.

These tantrums are mortifying when we’re out in public, but when we’re home they are funny as hell.  But because we can’t let Scorch see how amused we are (like when he stomped his foot and yelled “Give me that ball right now, Mister!” with all the fury and indignation a 4 year old can muster), the Hubs and I have to take turns dealing with him while the other one leaves the room with their shoulders shaking (hopefully Scorch thinks it’s out of anger).

Scorch ran out of steam pretty quickly and apologies were made and feelings were soothed.  Then we put him to bed a full 45 minutes early so we could mock our son and laugh out loud freely.