Category Archives: The Hubs

May17

Home Again

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After a whirlwind trip down to VA, I’m home again! It’s always fun for me to travel for work, especially now that I’m working with folks that I haven’t met before.  I love seeing if my mental picture lines up with what people look like in person. On this particular case, I was only close with one out of the five people I met. Clearly I’m losing my edge.

From the plane on the way home…

I got home yesterday around 9:30, so it was perfect timing. The kids were sound asleep, but I still had enough time to before I had to hit the sack to catch up with the Hubs.  The Hubs did a wonderful job while I was gone, but I have to admit to being more then a little pleased when he copped to how frazzled he was yesterday morning.  It’s not easy trying to get yourself and two little people out the door in the morning between breakfast and getting dressed and teeth and vitamins and making lunches. Throw in a dog who needs two different kinds of medicine, to be fed and to be let out twice and it’s easy to go from frazzled to crazy in no time.  After he was done telling me about his morning, I told him how nice it was to sleep 9 hours straight and to shower in peace and quiet for as long as I wanted.  He didn’t find it as funny as I did.

Flying into some cloud cover over Philly.

But now that I’m back, the real craziness begins. On top of my page long to-do list from my meeting, we’re gearing up for a weekend full of birthday parties for Scorch.  Saturday we’re hosting 25 family members at our house and on Sunday we’re heading to a party location so Scorch can celebrate with 32 of his closest buddies. It’ll be a mad house- so say a prayer for us!

May8

Brain Dump

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I really hate those nights when I sit here and just stare at my blank screen, wondering what to write about. I know I had a million ideas pop into my head during the day today but by 8 pm, they are gone. So tonight, I’m taking the easy way out and scatter shooting my thoughts. Here I go…

Scorch’s has his very first loose tooth! The boy swears and declares he’s the last one in his class to have one and he can’t wait for it to fall out. I think he thought that we’d find a loose tooth one day and it would fall out the next. He wiggles it all the damn day trying so hard to hurry the process along. I try not to gag when he does.

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We’re almost two full weeks into Little League and it’s awesome. I had a lot of worries about this. While this league doesn’t follow strict baseball rules, it’s closer then Scorch has ever played before with outs and actual plays and a 3 strikes rule.  So far he, and the rest of his team of 6- 8 year olds, have handled the transition from t-ball beautifully! The games are fun, the parents are all supportive and the kids are having a blast. We were all actually disappointed when his game was rained out tonight.

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I started meeting a friend at 5 am to run. It only gets me up 15 minutes earlier then normal, but I’m exhausted. The good news is that knowing a coyote is in the area is damn good incentive to pick up my pace.

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I was just thinking the other day how nice it is that the Bean is watching such gentle shows like Blues Clues and Wonder Pets. Annoying, but sweet shows where there are no bad guys or fighting.  Then she discovered Power Rangers thanks to Daddy and now that’s all she wants to watch.  I don’t get it.

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We decided to do a Big Party for Scorch’s birthday.  I think there are something like 29 kids invited.  To keep it as stress free as possible, I’m doing everything at a play place for kids- so all I have to bring is the cake and decorations.  I also solved my gift / goodie bag worries by requesting in the invites that everyone bring a wrapped book suitable for kids ages 5 – 8 so we can do a book exchange. Every kid will go home with a new book, including the birthday boy, instead of a goodie bag.  Win/win (I hope).

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The Hub’s grandfather’s health is very quickly declining.  He’s a wonderful, sweet, smart, funny, vibrant man who’s slowly been stripped of his health for the past 4 years and it’s been the saddest thing to see.  His health and the health of those taking care of him, including his wife and daughters (including my mother-in-law) weigh on the Hubs and I a lot.   I’m open to any suggestion you all my have on discussing death with kids.

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We met with a financial adviser today for the first time! Over all it was a great experience until he told us we’d need to save almost $667,000 over the next 11 years to finance 4 years of a state college for both kids.  I sure hope they like Boot Camp when the time comes to ship them off!

And that’s what’s on my brain. Perhaps I’ll be more coherent tomorrow….

Apr23

Don’t Ignore: The Scars Still Show

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Yesterday marked the start of National Infertility Awareness Week. NIAW was started by an amazing organization, RESOLVE, back in 1989 to help educate people about infertility and to help erase the stigma of the disease. I mark this week each year looking at my kids and marveling at how very lucky the Hubs and I are to have them at all.

It’s been a little over 9 years since the Hubs and I started trying to have a family. Back then, I knew a grand total of 1 person in my life who had trouble having kids. While I had a great outlet online to talk women in similar situation, the vast majority of people in our day-to-day lives didn’t have a clue what we were going through. It was isolating and frustrating and scary as hell when everyone around us kept saying things like “All he had to do what look at me and I got pregnant.” or “We weren’t even trying- this pregnancy just happened.”  or “Just relax, you’ll get knocked up in no time.”

People didn’t mean to be hurtful, they didn’t mean to be cruel- they just didn’t understand.  “Relaxing” doesn’t fix medical issues.

For some, babies don’t just happen. For some, having a baby requires thousands and thousand of dollars in expenses even with great insurance (which we had).  Having a baby requires daily shots for years and medicine that makes you moody and crabby and hot and fat.  Having a baby requires prayers and tears and raging at God wondering why the druggie on the street corner has a baby every year that ends up in the foster system while you- an employed, stable, married, willing woman- can’t have even one.  Having a baby means having sex with your husband only when you’re told to and only in certain positions to try to maximize the changes of making that coveted baby- it’s not about love or lust any more. Having a baby means living and dying by the calendar as  you wait and test and pray that you ovulate and then wait and test and pray that you conceived.  Having a baby means analyzing every single thing your body does during that 2 week wait wondering if that twinge or that cramp means you’ll finally see those two lines on the pregnancy test.

Trying- and failing- to have a baby starts to color everything.  I started to turn into an ugly person, one who wouldn’t- couldn’t- be happy at a friend’s pregnancy announcement. There simply wasn’t any room for happiness when I was so jealous I couldn’t see straight. After we finally got pregnant and I started to have the miscarriages, I’d find myself wishing that someone- anyone- around me would have a miscarriage so that someone could finally know how I felt. I’m not proud of those thoughts- they are hard to even write about now- but that was my reality.  Infertility robbed me of my ability to feel joy at a friend’s pregnancy.

But the the Hubs and I were lucky- we made it to the other side and we have two amazing, gorgeous kids to show for it.

But others aren’t so lucky and are still fighting this battle. So please, be mindful and be kind. Don’t assume that babies are always the next natural steps in someone’s lives.  If someone does tell you that they are dealing with infertility, tell them you’re sorry and offer to listen. Don’t share the story about your cousin’s best friend’s sister who adopted and then- BAM- ended up pregnant. Don’t judge a couple for going through the infertility treatments and not adopting- or vice versa. You have no idea why they picked the path they did.  If you know someone who is dealing with infertility, be mindful of how you share the news of your pregnancy.  I promise they will be happy for you and rejoice with you- but it may not be right away and if it’s not, remember that’s not a reflection on you or your friendship.

Today I know of at least 8 people in my day to day life that have struggled or are struggling to start their families. Infertility isn’t going anywhere and having a baby isn’t always as simple as you think. Please, don’t ignore infertility and all it’s victims. Educate yourself about the basics of infertility and the importance of NIAW.

 

 

Apr1

No Good Deed…

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The Hubs and are I very lucky that, thanks to a great babysitter and family nearby, that we get to go out without kids at least once a month.  Typically these dates are very fluid- if we have to cancel our sitter due to any sort of emergency, it’s not a big deal. Very rarely do we have an engagement on a specific date that we really can’t miss.

This past Friday was one of those dates.  I had gotten the Hubs tickets to a show for Christmas and the long awaited day finally arrived. We were psyched- we had dinner planned with friends before hand, then the show.

That is why I wasn’t at all surprised when I checked my messages before leaving the gym at 6:30 am Friday to see the Hubs texted me to tell me the Bean threw up.  Of course she did.

Being the planner that I am, I had plans A, B & C formulated in my head before I got home 15 minutes later.  One way or the other, the Hubs was going to this show even if I couldn’t join him.  Thankfully the Bean was feeling fine by 11 am and my Mom, bless her, still offered to come up and babysit for us.  We had a great night- a night so great that it proved to me once again that I’m not 21 any more, nor can I act like it if I expect to get up and be a productive member of society the next day.

Unfortunately for my mom, she also paid for her kindness by spending all last night sick with a stomach bug. I guess it’s true- no good deed does go unpunished.

 

Mar14

IT (or: The Hubs is a Sick Man)

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I hate scary movies. The Scream movies? Yeah- too scary for me to enjoy.

It all started when I was a kid and saw the mini-series It based on the Stephen King novel.  Have you guys ever seen that? It’s about a psychotic clown that comes back to kill a group of adults it fought against 30 years prior. I had no business seeing that movie- I wasn’t even a teenager when it came out.  Scared. Me. To. Death.

The Hubs knows this and if he didn’t know this, it became very apparent after we went to see the movie Signs (the alien one with Mel Gibson by M Night Shyamlan) back in 2002. I don’t know why we went to see this- I think we went with another couple and I was too stupid to speak up.  But anyhow- we saw the movie, had dinner and the Hubs and I went back to our apartment for the night.

I was a nervous wreck going back to the apartment- sure something sinister was waiting there for us.  The Hubs teased me the whole ride home about how I was acting- he thought it was a riot.  A quick check of the place (and the fact that the Hubs carries a gun for a living) helped ease my mind so I went into the bathroom to get changed and wash up for the night.  When I was done, I went to hang up my shirt in the closest.

(Can you see where this is going?)

Standing in the closest, between my clothes was the Hubs, holding a flashlight under his face.  He didn’t say a word- he didn’t have to.

To say I freaked out would be a gross understatement- I think I left my body for a minute. I screamed bloody murder and immediately burst into tears and collapsed on the floor.  Besides dashing any dreams I had about one day being strong enough to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it also drove home the point to the Hubs that 1) scary movies and I don’t mix and that 2) scaring your wife to the point of hysterics is not a good idea.

Fast forward 10 years.  Every morning I’m the first one up. I work out, cool off and shower before anyone else in the house is up- it’s been our routine for months now.  You can imagine my shock when I pulled back the shower curtain this morning to find the words “It” painted on the wall with red bath paint made to look like dripping blood.

image from fanpop.com

The Hubs is damn lucky I didn’t wake the house with my screaming this morning. But don’t worry, he’ll get his when I can’t sleep tonight and keep him all night to keep me company.

 

 

Jan30

Crazy’s All Nighter

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Last night was a horrible night for bedtime at our house. A combination of a lot of things I won’t bore you with resulted in us starting the kid’s bedtime routine at 6:45 last night in the (vain) hope that the kids would go to bed quickly and easily.  Yeah- not so much.  The Bean was wonderful, but Scorch was freaking out over everything.

The Hubs monitored the situation for the first hour, then he tagged me in to take over before he lost his mind.  While he was downstairs, he fed and watered all our animals and (unbeknownst to me)  put Crazy, our dog, out to go to the bathroom one last time. While Crazy was outside, I asked the Hubs to come back up to help me.

After another 45 minutes of fighting with Scorch, he finally fell asleep and the Hubs and I went to bed shortly there after.

Fast forward to 6:30 this morning when Scorch was up for the day.  I brought him downstairs into our basement so we could watch TV. Normally Crazy greets us as soon as we get down there, but this morning, no Crazy.  She’s almost 10 and losing her hearing, so I figured she was just sleeping.  Nope. The dog isn’t anywhere in our basement. I know she’s not upstairs anywhere, so I proceed to lose my mind and yell bloody murder for the Hubs to get out of bed and downstairs NOW.

He confirms that I’m not nuts and that the dog is, in fact, missing- so I asked him if he brought the dog in last night.  That is when he got the universally recognized “Oh Shit” look on this face and we both ran to the door.  After a few minutes of us yelling (thank goodness we live in the country),  Crazy finally came to the door.

I have no idea where she spent the night, but she came back happy, dry and completely unhurt.  That is a minor miracle considering we got 3 inches of snow last night.  She bounded into the house as frisky as a puppy and wanted to play for another hour before crashing.  My heart rate finally returned to normal around noon today and Crazy spent the day sleeping on the couch.

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In completely unrelated news, I finished Divergent by Veronica Roth.  I really enjoyed it! Parts of it were a little wooden, but I flew through it and had a very hard time putting it down.  I also finished Falling Together by Marisa de los Santos. I loved, loved, loved 90% of this book. The description of friendships had and lost was wonderful. The end felt a little rushed to me, but I’d highly recommend it!

Nov21

Simplification

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The Hubs and I aren’t big on New Years resolutions, but we both agreed that 2011 was going to be our year of simplification. Back in January, the Hubs and I were both working 40+ hour a week jobs and balancing 2 small businesses on top of trying to be hands on, involved parents.  The Hubs job at the time was  crazy one where his life was frequently not his own.  When you’re 22 and don’t have any kids,  being given 18 hours notice before having to leave on a 3 week business trip was annoying. Trying to do the same thing at 34 with 2 kids and 2 businesses to run was next to impossible.  Our primary small business was a labor of love, but as the kids got older the sacrifices being made didn’t seem worth it.

So over the course of this summer and early fall we started making the changes needed to streamline our lives to ensure that our family was our primary focus.

Best. Decision. Ever.

The Hubs is now home every night for dinner. He no longer has to work a second job that is an hour away 3 nights a week and all day Saturday. We have true family time.  Before, we’d try to squeeze in a full weekend worth of activities and task in on a Sunday after Church.  It wasn’t restful or fun and more often then not we ended up more stressed then ever.  Now we have time for family hikes, time at the park, lazy Sunday’s watching football and so much more.

The decisions we made to get us here weren’t easy, but I’m so thankful we made them. I’m thankful to have my husband around every night after 5 years of pure craziness. I’m thankful our kids aren’t surprised any more when Daddy is home for dinner.  Can’t wait to see what 2012 brings!

Sep11

When the World Stopped Turning

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“Hey babe- it’s me.  We just heard that a plane crashed into one of the buildings in NYC. Can you hop online and let me know what’s going on?”

I was irritated that my husband of 3 weeks was calling me the morning of 9/11.  My commute to work from Maryland to Virginia had taken me longer than normal that morning because of an accident and I was running behind.  Chasing down a random rumor that the Hubs, then working at the White House, had heard wasn’t on my to-do list.

But my curiosity got the best of me so I started checking the news sites.  It was still before 9 am ET, so most of the news sites only had a ticker across the top page stating that a plane did hit one of the World Trade Towers with scant details.  I figured some poor pilot of a small plane had a heart attack or something and didn’t think much of it.  I called the Hubs back and reported what little I knew and went about my morning.

Five minutes later, the Hubs called back. This time there was no mistaking the tension in his voice as he told me her heard that another plane hit the WTC.  I still didn’t grasp the magnitude of what was happening.  Terrorism never once crossed my mind until the plane hit the Pentagon.   If a plane hit the Pentagon, what’s to say another one wasn’t heading for the White House?

The rest of the morning passed in a blur as I tried to reach the Hubs.  I was lucky enough to connect with him a few times during the day, but it was sporadic.  During one of our phone conversations soon after the Pentagon was hit, he told me that intelligence was reporting that a plane was coming for the White House.  We did our best to say what we needed to just in case and then I prayed. There was nothing else I could do.  At 10:03 am ET, the plane that very well may have been heading for my husband and all the rest of the people at the White House went down in Shanksville, PA.

I was lucky- after a 20 hour day at the White House, my husband came home to me that night. Sadly, the families of 2,977 people can’t say the same.

Ten years later, we remember those who lost their lives on that September morning.  They were mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers and sister.  Most were people going about their daily lives who had no idea what was about to happen, but others that lost their lives because they willingly went running into the disaster to try to help.  Each and every one of them were heroes and all of them are missed.

Aug19

10 Years Ago

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10 years ago, we said “I do.”  He was 25 and I was 23.  We had been together for 4 years and had been living together for 2.  We said “I love you” to each other two months into our relationship and never looked back.  When you know, you know.

Our wedding was beautiful and our reception was an amazing celebration with 198 of our closest friend and family.  We laughed, ate, danced- we had the time of our lives.  It was everything I wanted to my wedding to be and more.  I was lucky enough not to be nervous and I enjoyed every single minute of that day.

Now here we are a decade later.  We’ve moved 3 times, lost 3 pregnancies, gained 3 animals and had 2 kids.  We’ve fought and each spent a night or ten on the couch.  We’ve cried over losses and changes.  But we’ve smiled and laughed a million times more.  We’ve built a life together with hard work, respect and love. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been so, so worth it.

If he asked again, I’d still say “yes.”

 

 

 

 

Aug17

Finally Four Again

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After 7 long weeks, the Hubs is home!  At the end of May he was offered a great job- one he’d wanted for five years and one that would allow us to keep living where we do now.  It is seriously a huge blessings that it came through.  But, there was a catch- he had to be gone from the end of June until yesterday for some hard core training over 900 miles away from home.  But 51 days apart were a small price to pay for a job he’d be happy with, so we kissed him goodbye and the kids and I tried to figure out our new normal for the summer.

I won’t lie- there were a few perks to being a single parent. The biggest was the fact that I set the schedule.  We didn’t have to worry about the Hubs or his work hours (his schedule is always erratic). If we wanted to go to the lake, we went.  If a last minute dinner invitation popped up, we could accept it and go.  My grocery bill was lower and the kids were (until the Bean’s climbing capers) in bed on time every night. I had the TV to myself and could (and did) read until the wee hours of the night with no one nagging me about the vampire garbage I watched or to turn the lights out.

It was awesome! For about a week…then it got old, fast.

We all  missed the Hubs terribly. I thought it was going to be the Bean who missed him most- I figured Scorch was old enough to roll with it. I was so wrong.  Scorch missed his father badly this summer and it showed in a million different ways, most of them not good.  The Bean did pretty well and I honestly think the fact that she’s so young helped out because she has no concept of time.   And I missed him too- his company, his help, his sense of humor and the fact he didn’t mind taking the garbage to the transfer station (something I loathe).

Y’all- being a single parent is hard, hard work. If you notice a thread of desperation in some of my posts these past few weeks it’s because I was doing it all by myself.  My parents, nanny and friends were amazing help- but 90% of the time it was just me at the kids when I wasn’t working.  I was all they had so I had to be Mom, Dad, cook, grocer, goalie, referee, chauffeur, teacher, playmate and everything else in between 24/7.  There was no such thing as me time and a lot of things, like my workouts, really slacked off.  I never realized just how much the Hubs did until he wasn’t here to do them any more.  My hat is off to all single parents- you truly have the hardest job in the world.

The Hubs came home with 2 broken ribs and a concussion and I managed a small flood and the Bean’s bedtime antics while he was gone- but we survived! Let’s just hope we never have to do it again.

At the beach before training.