Dec11

An Act of Defiance

Posted on by
Standard

I’m not sure who’s 5 year old was living with us today, but I don’t think it was Scorch.

This little boy was rude, argumentative and defiant.  My Scorch isn’t a perfect child, but he’s always been a pleaser. When he acts out, my Scorch wants to make it better and really doesn’t want to be in trouble. This Scorch? He basically begged to be put in time out multiple times today.

It all started with a plethora of potty words this morning.  Every other word in the Christmas carols he was singing were replaced with “poop” and it was making me crazy. After the 3rd warning, I told him that each and every time I heard a potty word come out of his mouth, he’d sit in timeout.  He was walking down the stairs at the time and I swear to you, that child turned around, looked right at me and said “Poop” as distinctly as he could.

Well then.  Welcome to time out, Scorch.

Things improved moderately during the day but when it was time for bed, the other Scorch appeared again.  This child, when told he must go brush his teeth, looked right at his father and said “I don’t have to listen to you.”

The best (?) part was the minute he said this, Scorches eyes got huge because he knew he just crossed a major line and he had no idea what would come next.  But, very similar to his father, once he committed, he just went with it and dug himself in that hole that much further. “You are not the boss of me and I do not have to do what you tell me to.”  I give him credit for not giving into his common sense and self preservation and just running with his sassiness.

After a suitable punishment, some tears, and a 5 minute long teeth brushing session, Scorch finally went to bed. I’m really hoping this changling child who woke up in Scorch’s bed is gone tomorrow and my sweet boy is back. Other wise it’s going to be  a long, long day.

 

Dec8

I’m Not a Freak

Posted on by
Standard

Every year I promise myself it won’t happen. I think about it all January – this year will be different. I’ll be prepared. I’ll have lists. I’ll be organized. I will plan ahead.

And every year, I fail.

I’m talking, of course, about Christmas shopping. I read about these people who are done in August- or even in November- and I wonder who these freaks of nature are?  Who are these people who think that far ahead, who know what people want before they give a list or circle 100 things in a catalog?

I am not one of those people.  I one of the take-two-days-off-from-work, color-coded spreadsheet people.  I’m the one who leaves the house at 8 am and doesn’t come back till my checklist is checked off and my trunk is overflowing. I have friends that shop with me, bless them, but they know on these shopping days, it’s all about me. They are those already-done-shopping freaks anyhow, so I think they go just to watch me sweat, squirm and panic.  And for the meal we get because even shopping maniacs have to fuel up and I’m not one to pass up the joy of eating in a restaurant without children.

The best part is I normally have fun doing this. I like having one or two days to dedicate to the craziness of shopping.  I love the company of my friends and I enjoy the excuse to take a day for me (and everyone else that will benefit from my day).  I thrive on the stress and the need to get it done NOW.  Otherwise, it doesn’t get done. After 13+ years of shopping for Christmas I know that- it’s never going to change, so I might as well embrace it.

Now, the wrapping that I also need to get done under the gun? I’ll always loathe that part.

 

Dec6

AKA My Baby

Posted on by
Standard

The other day I was giving Scorch a piggy back ride up stairs and when it was time for him to let go, I didn’t have to bend down.  He simply didn’t have that far to fall.

When I realized that, I curled up on the ground and cried.

Well- not really, but I wanted to.  Where in the world has my baby gone? My bald Buddha baby? My sweet cuddly toddler? Heck, I’d even take my chubby cheeked pre-schooler.  Wasn’t he just born yesterday? I still vividly remember the Hubs and I driving the 40 minutes up the hospital after my water broke- so excited, so nervous, so completely overwhelmed with what was happening and so unprepared for parenthood.

But as much as I miss my first baby,  5 year old Scorch is pretty damn awesome.  He wants to write all the time- he’s constantly penning notes (“Mom- how do you spell….?”) for anyone and everyone.  He wants to learn how to read and he’s beyond ticked that we haven’t taught him to tie his shoes yet.   He’s smart as can be and throws in random words like “A.K.A.” into our conversations.   He’s a good friend and a sweet boy who still loves hugs and kisses and snuggles.  His laugh still lights up his room and I swear his eye lashes will always be the envy of every woman he meets.

I just want him to slow down- just a little bit. Not because he’s not ready to get older and grow bigger, but because I’m not.  I hear awful stories of bullying, I read terrible stories of crimes, I see pictures of horrifying car wrecks and I just want to keep him little. I want to have him home with me all the time- I’m not ready to let go and share him with the world.

But- that’s the price of parenthood. That’s the goal of parenthood- to raise your kids to be smart, independent kids who can take care of themselves. And I’m beyond thankful that the Hubs and I get that privilege of raising him and the Bean, I just wish that occasionally life had a pause button.

Dec5

Need Help Getting my Martha On…

Posted on by
Standard

It’s well documented that I really don’t have a domestic bone in my body.  Things like curtains and pictures on the wall don’t concern me at all.  We can all thank the Hubs for his constant nagging that we have any of those little touches that tie our house together*.  I’m not crafty- I stand in awe of my friends who are.  My grandmother is a beautiful artist and singer, but that gene seems to have skipped me altogether.

And most of the time, I’m OK with that. I have my talents and 99.9% of the time I like myself just fine, so I don’t beat myself up over what I can’t do.  But occasionally I want to do it up right.  I want to make something personal and heartfelt and I’m  trying to figure out just how to do that, so that is where you come in.  In need help with two things:

1) Teacher’s Gifts
While I don’t think there is a bad teacher in my kid’s school, every year I’m convinced my kids have the best teachers in town. I try to use the holidays to express just how appreciative and thankful we are for them- lord knows I couldn’t do their job and half the time I wonder how they are as sane as they are.    I would really like a holiday gift to give them that shows this.  Whether it’s a homemade gift card holder or an ornament or anything- just hit me with your best teacher gift idea!

2) Holiday Snack
The Bean is scheduled to bring in snack for her class on the last day before break.  This is a lot of pressure and I’m already trying to figure out what to bring in.  Snack time is around 10:30 in the morning so it’s got to be healthy (please don’t get me started on Oreos as a morning snack- it’s my personal pet peeve).  I normally bring in a big fruit salad, but I’d like to make something a bit more festive. Melon balls stuck together like snowmen? Mini-bagel wreathes?  Somebody please, help me!

I’m bound and determined not to screw these things up and I’ll take all the help I can get!

*Please note, he doesn’t buy these things either, but he does nag me until I do.

Dec4

Logic Wins Again

Posted on by
Standard

It’s 8:50 pm and the kids should have been asleep an hour ago. My patience is running thin and I really just want to go unwind after a really fun, but really busy day.

When the Bean comes out of her room for the gazillionth time with some fabricated excuse, I finally pulled the Buddy card. I got right down on her level and spoke to her really seriously-

“Bean, Buddy is really upset with you now. If you don’t go to bed right this second and not get out again, he’s not going to move and he’s going to tell Santa you’ve been naughty.”

The Bean glances up at Buddy and without missing a beat says to me:

“Actually Mom, Buddy is smiling at me. He thinks I’m funny.”

Clearly the inventor of Elf on the Shelf didn’t have any little kids because if s/he did, the Elf would have two facial expressions.  Trying to scare my kid into submission with an Elf who won’t wipe that grin off his face isn’t working at all.

Dec2

Funny at Any Age

Posted on by
Standard

It’s bedtime and just as I tuck Scorch under the covers, he sits straight up.

“Mom- I have a story to tell you!”

“Scorch- it’s bed time, it better be short.”

“It’s short- and soooo funny, Mom. So funny.   Today, at lunch, we were all sitting around talking. And do you know what we were talking about Mom? It was so funny.”

“No idea, Buddy- what were you talking about?

“Boogers!!  We were talking about boogers. Adam asked that everyone at the table who picked their boogers to raise their hand. So all of us raised our hands and then we had to go around the table and say who in our house picked their boogers too. So I told everyone that Bean picked her nose too and when she was little she ATE them!!!!  We laughed so hard that Frank almost snorted out his milk out of his nose.  It was hysterical.”

Tonight I’m thankful for a table full of absolutely gross 5 year olds and the fact that boogers are never not funny.

Nov30

The Elf: Part 2

Posted on by
Standard

The kids went to bed about an hour later then normal tonight because we spent the evening decorating our Christmas tree.  After we got the kids in bed, the Hubs (taking a leap of faith) moved Buddy the Shelf Elf without checking first to make sure the kids were asleep.  I didn’t notice the move until Scorch came out to the kitchen with some fabricated excuse for being awake and immediately noticed that Buddy wasn’t in the same place he had been 15 minutes earlier.

I thought the kid’s eyes were going to bug out of his head.

“Where’s Buddy? Where did he go? Why isn’t he where he was? Did he leave? Is he coming back? OhMyGosh- where is Buddy?”

Never one to miss an opportunity to freak my kids out, I immediately told Scorch that Buddy must already be on his way to the North Pole to report into Santa (all the while praying Scorch didn’t see Buddy in his new perch on top of the cupboards) and that if he, Scorch, didn’t get into bed right this second and not get out again, Buddy may not come back.  Ever.

Off he ran without a peep.

Two minutes later Bean comes out telling me she needs to go potty for the umpteenth time. The minute she got in the kitchen, her eyes immediately went to where Buddy was when she went to bed.  She stops in mid-sentence and asks me where Buddy was. I gave her the same song and dance about the trip to the North Pole all the while ushering her to her bedroom.  I haven’t heard her say a single word since getting back into bed.

So tonight I’m thankful for a freaky looking elf with a fishy backstory and how easy he makes it to scare my kids into compliance!

Nov29

Suspicious Minds

Posted on by
Standard

Upon returning from our Thanksgiving travels, the first thing I did was get out our Elf on the Shelf, Buddy.  This is Buddy’s third Christmas with us. Buddy has been with us for the past 3 Christmases and even though the kids still don’t know what to make of him, they wanted to know when he was coming back.  The first year we had him, he scared the life out of Scorch- in fact, Buddy never moved because Scorch would freak out if he did.  So Buddy spent all holiday season watching us from the top of our china cabinet while Scorch adjusted to having him around.  Last year was more successful as Buddy was allowed to move around our house- but he was NOT allowed in the kid’s room.  Scorch wasn’t having that.  Bean all but ignored the Elf- until this year.

She’s oddly fascinated by him and will not stop asking questions-

“When Buddy goes to the North Pole do his legs work?”

“Why doesn’t his head move?”

“Why is he always smiling even when we’re being bad?”

“If I stand here or here or here or here can Buddy still see me?”

And on and on and on.  You can tell she doesn’t quite believe but she’s scared not to believe too.  Right now I’m trying to sell Buddy as best I can to the Bean in the hopes that he keeps my little tornado in line for the next month!

Nov27

Thanksgiving 2011

Posted on by
Standard

I really enjoyed having a thankful theme to my posts these past few weeks. I may cheat and keep it going through Christmas because I feel like I have so many more things/people to be thankful for that never got mentioned here.

Our Thanksgiving weekend officially started last Wednesday and since then we’ve traveled 400+ miles, visited 3 homes, attended one 6th birthday party and two 1st birthday parties, went swimming, ate some amazing meals (none of which I prepared), visited with more family members and friends then I could count, saw the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in the wild, watched my kids play with each of their cousins (no mean feat considering 2 of them live in Missouri!), put out all our Christmas lights and cut down our Christmas tree.

All in all, our weekend was just about perfect. Many, many thanks to all our friends and family who helped make it that way- we are so blessed to have you in our lives!

 

Nov22

The Blessing of Friends

Posted on by
Standard

This afternoon was a typical one- the craziness of school pick up, the fun of trying to juggle work and the kids until 5 pm, the dinner rush and the bath time antics. All normal, but I couldn’t stop staring at my watch. My patience wasn’t what it should have been and I just wanted to get out of the house.

Tonight was Girls Night.

I have been so lucky over this past year to carve out a great group of girl friends.  Making friends as an adult is hard and it doesn’t come easy.  The bar was set really high because of the wonderful friends I still have from elementary school- it was really hard to find women that measured up.  Which makes it that much sweeter when things finally did click into place.

We started doing monthly girls nights back in September and now they are as essential to me as date nights with the Hubs.  I need a group of supportive, funny, smart, compassionate women around me- just like every other woman does.  I need shoulders to not only cry on, but woman to laugh with over the craziness that is life.  Women with advice on everything from relationships to books to child raising to vacation tips.  I can share everything with the Hubs but sometimes he just doesn’t get it- and that’s fine.  Sometimes a woman just needs a girl friend and I’m so very glad I’ve found a new group to call my own.

So tonight I’m thankful for laughing so hard my sides hurt.  I’m thankful for honest advice and friends who like to eat as much as I do.  I’m thankful for the joy, the richness and the fun that all my friends bless me with.