Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Aug28

Armchair Parenting- From a 6 Year Old

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Growing up, my sister and I loved to joke that my brother turned out as great as he did because he had three mothers- my mom, Red and me.  My brother is 7 years younger then me and 5 years younger then my sister so we were always throwing in our two cents when it came to keeping my brother in line, what he should or shouldn’t be able to do and so on.  We thought we were being helpful.  We were wrong.

How do I know we were wrong? Because all of a sudden, I have a Monday morning quarter back analyzing all my parenting decisions and it’s flat out maddening.

Scorch is trying to add on additional punishments for the Bean, telling on her constantly, reminding me that “No, Mom- her time out should be 4 minutes, not 2 because she’s 4.”  It doesn’t stop. My favorite is when he tells me “last time Bean did that, you did X. This time you did Y. I think X worked better.”  Oh you do, do you?!  I swear the phrase, “I’m am the parent, not you.” has come out of my mouth at least a million times over the past few weeks.

I love that kid, but I told him he’s not allowed to give me parenting advice until he stops finding his ability to make farting noises with him arms so hilarious. Until then, he can stuff it.

Aug27

If Wishes Were Horses…

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In the car after camp today, the Bean lost her mind. We got back late last night from a long weekend in Boston (more on that soon- it was awesome) and the child was just done. Exhausted, cranky and flat out miserable- she was over it. And she let us know it repeatedly and at maximum volume. After I denied one of her crazy requests, she said to me ‘Fine- then I’m going to scream until I can’t scream any more and I lose my voice.”

Without missing a beat, Scorch said “We can only wish, Bean- we can only wish.”

Unfortunately our laughter only ticked her off more (and she never did lose her voice), but Scorch’s sarcasm made the rest of the ride home a lot more bearable!

Aug21

Feed me, Seymour!

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Last week our gas grill ran out of propane and it took us 3 day to replace the tank.  Do you know what a calamity that was? My whole evening routine was completely off because for the first time in roughly 3 months, I had to cook.  Cook!! As soon as the weather is warm enough (and even sometimes before then), we grill. Chicken, burgers, steaks, veggies, heck we’ve even tried grilling fruit!  Our house is usually too hot in the summer to cook using the oven, so the grill is our mainstay and when it was gone I was thrown for a loop.

Once we got the tank replaced, life was back to normal and meals were good again. I had my footing and all was well- until the Hubs made an off hand remark about how we won’t be able to grill for much longer once the cold weather moves in.

*gasp*

People, I about had a panic attack.  You see, I don’t really like to cook. I do cook at least 5 days a week because we’re not wealthy enough to 1) hire a chef or 2) eat out all the time but clearly my brain needs a jump start when it comes to cooking inside again.  After going over a schedule of the the kid’s extra curricular actives, it became even more apparent I have to get my act together soon because 3 nights out of the 5 week nights, we won’t be getting home until 6ish.

So this is where you come in. I’m looking for recipes that are either 1) quick or 2) meant for the crock pot. While healthy recipes are the gold standard, I’m not necessarily only looking for healthy ones as I don’t mind cooking up one meal a week drenched in butter. I’m looking for something my kids will want to eat and that I can’t really screw up.  So if you have any that meet that criteria, please feel free to share!

In the interest of fairness here are some of my family favorites. The Riggies recipe isn’t really quick and certainly isn’t  healthy (heavy cream, anyone?!), but it is really good and it freezes well!

Beef with Beer (Crockpot)
> get a Beef Round Bottom Round Roast in the size you need
> 2 beef bullion cubes OR 1 packet of dry onion soup mix
> Beer (any kind will do- the alcohol will burn off)

You can cook this in the crock pot, stove top or oven.  Just put the beef in the pot you’re cooking it in and cover 3/4th of the way with beer and add in in the bullion cubes or soup mix.  Cook until you can easily shred the meat.  Serve on a roll as a sandwich.  It’s great when cooking for a lot of people!  I make it in the crock pot- but it does take all day to cook, so give yourself time.

Chicken Riggies.
(these are spicy. I’d recommend this for a Sunday dinner as they do take some time to make, but they are great to make and eat a few days later. Also, the sauce freezes very well)
1 lb of pasta
~1.5 lbs of chicken tenders
1 stick of butter
garlic, basil, oregano
1 12 oz jar of sliced pepperocinis
2 12 oz jars of marinated peppers (look for “pepper salad” by Cora in the pasta/sauce aisle)***
1 can of medium pitted olives (optional — you can also add mushrooms or onions)
1 pint heavy cream
1 cup grated parm
1 1/4 cup marinara/spaghetti sauce (any kind will do as long as it does not have meat in it)

  • boil the pasta, drain, set aside
  • boil the chicken until thoroughly cooked, drain, and shred or cube
  • in a large pot, melt the stick of butter.
  • add chicken. add a few dashes of garlic, basil, & oregano. saute & stir for just a few minutes.
  • drain ~1/2* of the liquid from the jar of pepperocinis. add remaining contents to pot.
  • add peppers to pot. do not drain.
  • drain liquid from olives. add to the pot.
  • saute & stir for a few minutes
  • add parm, heavy cream, & spaghetti sauce
  • stir well, until the sauce is a light pink color.
  • add pasta, stir, serve & enjoy

*** I didn’t read the recipe correctly and only used one 12 oz jar of this and the riggies were plenty spicy enough!

Parmesan Ranch Chicken
2 lbs boneless chicken breasts or tenderloins**
1 package dry ranch dressing
1 C Parmesan cheese
1/2 C crushed corn flakes or bread crumbs
1/2 C butter, melted***

Preheat oven to 400
In medium-sized bowl, mix together ranch dressing, Parmesan cheese and corn flakes/bread crumbs.
Dip chicken in melted butter, then in the mixture from above.
Place in greased pan, drizzle left over butter over top and add in left over coating mixture as desired
bake for 40-50 minutes (or until chicken is done.)

** I used chicken cutlets or tenders so this cooks in under 20 minutes.
*** To make this some what better for you, I’ve dipped my chicken in egg whites. While I’d much rather use the butter, it still tastes just fine that way!

 

Aug15

Let’s Talk…

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About what, I don’t know. There is so much going on in our little world- big and small- that I’m stuck as to where to start.  So here goes my brain dump:
> The end of summer sneaks up on us every year- kinda like Christmas. And every year we try to jam in a lot of things in a very short period of time. This past weekend it was a Renaissance Festival a few hours away and swimming at a nearby waterfall even though the water was 68 degrees.

> The kids and I loved the Ren Festival- they had a blast with the archery, horse back riding, dart throwing, jousting and rides. I just wish I had more time to shop. I thought the people dressed in costume (both the actors and visitors) were a ton of fun, but I could not get behind all the bare foot folks wandering around. I don’t care how authentic it is or isn’t, I couldn’t stop thinking about what they were stepping in and how likely they were to get hurt.

> We had Scorch tested for allergies yesterday. We knew he didn’t have any food allergies thanks to testing we did when he was 2, but it was clear he had environmental allergies (by clear, I mean the poor boy has been miserable all spring/summer).  Basically my poor kid is allergic to the great outdoors (all of it) and he still have hives on his back from the test yesterday. So we start experimenting with meds and see if we can make next year a bit more bearable for him.

> I’m re-reading one of my favorite books (Outlander by Diana Gabaldon). *sigh* It’s like visiting old friends- I love that book.

> I bought a few tickets to tonight’s Powerball drawing. I don’t need to win the grand prize- even getting 5 numbers is good enough for me. That’s roughly $1M. On our drive home from a fantastic family picnic tonight, I mentally figured out how we’d spend every dime of that money after taxes. Am I the only one that does that?

Here’s hoping next time I write, I’ll be writing as millionaire!

 

Aug7

Peanut Butter (Or: How to Make Me Freeze)

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This morning as I was driving the kiddos to camp, I heard Scorch repeating the words “peanut butter” to himself and cracking up like it was the funniest thing ever.  But he wasn’t saying it normally- he was stretching the words out.  Pea-nut but-terrrr. Over and over, laughing so hard he got the hiccups.  I couldn’t take it anymore, so I asked him what in the world was so stinking funny.

“Mom- sound it out. Pea-nut but-terrrr Like pee comes out of your nuts and your butt makes the turds come out. Pea-nut but-terrrr”

I admit- this is the part of parenting I suck at.  Ask me about heaven. Or mental illness. Or presidential policy. But throw immature humor at me with a side of questionable language and I freeze.  My brain got stuck on three trains of thought at once.

  • Train 1: Bwhahahahahhaha. I never thought of that before- and that shit is funny! Bravo kid!
  • Train 2: Correct him- pee doesn’t come out of a boy’s nuts. He shouldn’t be using that word anyhow- but if he is going to use it, he’s going to use it properly, damn it.
  • Train 3: Gasp like a Victorian spinster who has never heard such language and foulness before and then lay into him. Yes, it’s funny but also really inappropriate for a 6 year old. Especially in front of his 4 year old.

In the end, I did a combo of all three. First I snorted, then I spoke him in no uncertain terms was he to use the word “nuts” or talk potty talk like that, then I corrected him on his word usage.  The funniest / saddest thing that come from the whole discussion is that Scorch is convinced I’m wrong and that nuts = pen!s because that is what the big kids at camp told him and they are right and I’m wrong.

And so it begins. I really thought I had more time up on my pedestal as the beacon of all that was correct and true in this world for my kids. Guess not.

Aug6

Scorch’s New House

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If I had to pick out two personality traits of Scorch’s that make us crazy, it would be:

1) He gets attached to crazy things- rocks, a leaf, a piece of paper, a stuffed animal- and he can’t let go. He may be a hoarder in the making.
2). He talks.all.the.time.  Now, he comes by that honestly- he is my son, after all. But he doesn’t stop and there have been many a time that either the Hubs or I have nodded or mumbled “Ok” just to get him to be quiet, for the love of all that is holy.

The fact that we managed to ignore both flaws last month is currently biting us in the butt….

We are very casually looking for a new house. I say very casually because our requirements are pretty restricting and, frankly, there haven’t been that many homes that fit the bill that have been worth looking at.  So when a new house popped up on the market last month, we jumped at the chance to check it out.  The only issue was that we had to bring the kids- which is not my idea of fun. At all.

But we sucked it up and took them. The house had a showing prior to ours and that real estate agent locked the house up tight- locking us right out. So we had to kill 30 minutes while someone drove up with a key to let us and our agent in.  The only saving grace was this house sat on a beautiful piece of property that included a pond that was fully stocked with fish. It’s amazing how water, mud and fish can keep a kid occupied forever.

After 5 minutes, Scorch was in love with this house and we hadn’t even been inside. (see Flaw #1, above. This was our first mistake.)

The house was gorgeous- but it wasn’t for us. But it was clearly for Scorch.  The finished basement was done up in over-the-top NY Giant’s decorations, one bedroom was done up completely in a Syracuse theme and another one was done in a Yankees theme. And when I say done up, I mean painted in team colors, huge logos on the wall, lamps, bedspreads- the whole 9 yards.  In other words, every 6 year old boy’s dream come true.  Scorch couldn’t stop debating with himself over which room would be his.

When I tried to tell him that the house was awesome, but it wasn’t our house, he wasn’t having it. He kept telling me how Daddy promised him that he and the Bean could be the ones who picked out the house.  Say what?! Then I remembered that Scorch had spent a good chunk of our 30 minute wait with the Hubs and the real estate agent- presumably talking their ears off as they tried to discuss the particulars of the house.   Sure enough, when asked about his little promise to Scorch, the Hubs fessed up to agreeing with anything the kid said to get a moment of peace.

That is why I have a kid who is hell bent on moving us to a new house as soon as humanly possible and who cries each and every time I tell him that we’re not moving and that, no, he doesn’t get to pick out our new house all by himself. Which is at least once a day. It’s fun.

Or not.

Aug5

Make It or Break It

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“Mama- race me to my room. But make sure you let me win, ok?”

It is wrong that I beat her just because I knew it would make her crazy? Maybe this will be that watershed moment she shares on NBC when she’s running in the Olympics- that one moment in time when she knew she wanted to be an athlete.

Or maybe I just crushed her spirit. Either way, it was fun!

~*~*~~*

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this time. They mean more then you’ll know.

Aug2

Good News & Sad News

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The good news is that we just got back from another wonderful vacation. This time we spent a week camping with my family on the shores of Lake Ontario. 16 adults, 5 kids, lots of food, drinks, sunshine, time at the beach and campfires. It was absolutely wonderful.

The very sad news is that the Hub’s grandfather passed away the day after we returned. Gramps was more of a grandfather to me then any other man I know- he was kind and sweet and funny and fiercely devoted to his family.  But he wasn’t perfect; he was too darn stubborn and proud to be perfect- a fact that we have all laughed and complained about over the years.

Gramp’s passing wasn’t a surprise- he’s been ill for a very long time. And in many ways, it’s a blessing for him. Gramps believed in God and Heaven and I know that faith gave him peace at the end. So for his sake, I’m happy and relieved that he can finally feel well again in Heaven. But for our sake, I’m beyond sad.  His death is a huge loss to our family that will be felt for a long, long time.

Jul23

Looking My Age

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I swear I had a coherent post in mind last night full of funny things my kids did and said. Like how Scorch learned the word “nuts” in relation to his private area and every.freaking.time he says it after I yell at him, I have to walk away so I can giggle like I’m 10.  Or how when the Bean plays pretend, she’s never a princess or fairy- she’s now a Power Ranger or Princess Leia- something that I think is just a little bit awesome. I don’t know how to deal with girlie girls- they scare me- so I’m happy to see her trying to kick butt instead of waiting for her prince to get her.

But…then last night happened. My girlfriends took me out to celebrate my birthday last night- which was awesome. But it also involved one drink too many (that would be a total of two drinks for those keeping track at home)- which made me a very happy camper who desperately needed her bed last night.  But, instead of my bed, I got to bond with my dog at 12 am, 2 am and 5 am during some thunderstorms (don’t worry- the Hubs pulled his shifts too).  The upside was getting to watch True Blood and Falling Skies, the down side is the zombie like appearance I am sporting today.

Thank goodness for the bounce house we rented for the Bean’s big birthday party celebration this past weekend.  That sucker was worth every penny we paid for the hours of entertainment it brought the kids while I cat napped in the sun.

Jul18

4.

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Dear baby girl-

When I picture you on your birthday, I always picture you dancing in the sand, with your curls blowing and your laugh carrying over the waves.

You’ve celebrated 3 out of your 4 birthdays at the beach- which is just as much fun for us as it is for you. You love that you get to celebrate with your big cousins- two little boys who you’ve wrapped around your fingers from the minute they first met you- and the rest of your daddy’s side of the family.  You get to spend the day racing the waves and the evening being loved by some of your favorite people- what more could a girl want?

3 was such a big year for you! You started preschool full time this past September- something I couldn’t talk about without crying over for the weeks leading up to it.  While I knew you’d do well and I knew you’d love school, dropping you off was probably one of the hardest I’ve ever done. We eased your brother into a full time school schedule over 2 years, but we just threw you right in. I tortured myself wondering if we were doing the right thing, but somehow, it all worked out.  You made friends and learned a lot and were the belle of the ball- just like I knew in my hearts of heart you would.

Your daddy and I laugh when we think about the day you were born. After a whirlwind labor and delivery, you came out- shocking us all that you were a girl- and proceeded to cry for the next 3 hours straight. You made us and everyone else around us perfectly aware that you were Not Happy and if you weren’t happy, no one would be happy.  And so it’s been since Day 1. You have the biggest personality I’ve ever seen and you know your mind better then 99.9% of the adults I know.  On the days I’m cursing you under my breath for this, I remind myself that these traits will be your most valuable assets when you’re older.

You, little girl, are this complicated ball- you’re sweet and cuddly and funny and scary smart. Your kind and loving and considerate and so so sincere. Until you’re not- and then you’re rude and snotty and stubborn and mean. You’re as likely to tell me you love me as you are to tell me you don’t like my shoes- and I never know which way the wind is going to blow with you. You keep us all on our toes and you ensure that we are never, ever bored with your never ending stories, your funny faces, your endless questions and your mercurial moods.

You are, quite simply, perfectly you. And I can’t imagine our lives without you in it. We are so very, very lucky to have you Beaner!

Love,

Mommy