Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Oct3

Simplification: Part 2

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A year ago, I shared that we made the decision to close our small business.  What I didn’t get into is how very, very hard that decision was.

We bought that business when Scorch was 5 months old. It was a huge leap of faith and one we made convinced that doing so would only improve our lives.  I remember the three of us driving around after we signed all the papers looking at some of the fanciest homes in town wondering how long it would take us to make enough money to afford one. Surely not more then 4 or 5 years until the only job the Hubs had to work was one that he loved, one where he set his own hours, that one that was his true passion.

And for the first 2 years, life was great.  Our business wasn’t making us rich, but it was doing well and we loved running it. Every dime we made, we put back into it upgrading equipment and making cosmetic repairs. We’d spend weekends there cleaning or making improvements with Scorch, and then the Bean, in the pack n play watching us dance around as we painted the walls or steam cleaned the carpets.  It wasn’t fancy- but it was ours and we were determined to make it work.

But then things got hard. The economy crashed and our clientele dried up as most people didn’t have $100+ per week to spend on our services any more. Local businesses who sent their employees to us went bankrupt.  With two little kids at home, I didn’t have the time to devote to the business, so the Hubs was picking up all the slack.  The hours there weren’t fun any more- they were desperate as we tried to keep things going.  We had 2 full time and 3 part time people working there that depended on us- we couldn’t fail.

The stress invaded every single aspect of our lives.  Weekends that used to include family time now included the kids and I at home alone while the Hubs worked his butt off coming up with new ideas, new programs, new anything to keep clients coming in our door so we could make payroll and pay our rent.  We didn’t feel like we could make family trips or even enjoy any time away from home because we were so consumed with how we could make things work.  We were so afraid that if we stepped away for even a moment, that is when disaster would strike. I really thought we were heading for divorce as all we could think about, talk about, surround ourselves with were issues related to the business.

It was a miserable way to live.

Finally a year ago, things came to a head and after trying to make a few last minute desperate changes we came to the realization that our  business wasn’t working any more. After weeks of sleepless night, more tears then I could count and more stress then I ever want to feel again, we closed our doors. I can’t even describe to you the sick feeling in the pits of our stomach when we made that decision. We could barely look at each other- all our hopes and dreams were shattered and all we were left with was the balance of our small business loans and each other.  I didn’t know how we’d pick up the pieces- that time was almost as dark as the hours we spent trying to make it all work.

But here we are- a year later and we’re still standing. I still can’t think of the business without feeling sad and disappointed. But I also feel free.  I feel like our life is ours again. I have a husband who’s home and involved and so very present in our lives- and it’s the biggest blessing.  We’re not walking around on egg shells with each other anymore in fear of setting the other person- a person who’s already on edge- completely off.   There is no feeling of dread and physical sickness when we have to pay our bills wondering how in the hell we’re going to make ends meet.  Yes, we’ve had to tighten our belt over this past year to pay down our loans, but I’ll take that over the way we were living last year any day of the week.

I don’t know why I’m sharing all this now, but I guess with the year anniversary of the closing it’s on my mind a lot. I look around and marvel how much life has changed for the better in this past year and I’m so very, very thankful we decided to simplify.

Oct1

Bean-isms

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Oh this child of mine.  She’s the light of my life and the cause of every gray hair on my head.

> The Bean has recently discovered the song/book “The Farmer in the Dell” only she’s convinced it’s called “The Farmer and the Hen” and there is no convincing her else wise.
> She had gymnastics after school today- unfortunately she seemed

to have lost her ability to listen at school.  She was a complete and total stinker all class long.  At one point, the kids were lining up to get on the big balance beam. When they line up, they have to sit/stand on their rubber dot so they always know where their space is.  Bean decided waiting in lines was for suckers, so she walked over to the big mat that they jump on.  The teacher was busy with other kids, so I told her to go back on her dot pronto. So she went over, picked up her dot, picked it up and carried it back to the mat and sat on it there. Then she looked at me and said “There, now I’m sitting on my dot.”

> When we got home, Bean decided to play school.  She pretends to call out her classmates names and said “Landon, Sammy, Owen- whatever your name is. I’m too tired to remember. Come over here anyhow.”  Bwhahahahahaha- I really hope she didn’t pick that from her teacher.

Good lord, I love that kid.

Sep30

Exhaustion, Thy Name is Heather

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There were a string of summers about 10 or so years ago where we had a wedding to attend every single weekend.  It wasn’t unheard of to have 8 or 9 weddings a summer- it was fun, crazy and expensive. Now that 95% of our friends are married, those summers are a thing of the past and we only have 1-3 weddings a year. This year we had 3 weddings to go to and, as luck would have it, 2 out of the 3 were this weekend. We had one wedding Friday night 2.5 hours northwest of here and 1 wedding an hour south of us on Saturday.  So, thanks to my mother-in-law and her extraordinary babysitting skill, the Hubs and I were able to party like it was 2002 for 2 days.  Some random thoughts:

1) We are too old and tired to party like it’s 2002 for 2 nights. 1 night, yes. 2 nights, no. We all showered today, but no one got out of their PJs all day.
2) Weddings make me cry- even weddings where I don’t know the bride or groom well like the beautiful wedding we attended Friday night.
3) I love, love, love getting dressed up but I hate wearing heels.  I whimpered when I had to put back on my (gorgeous) heels on Saturday.
4) A day spent with some of my oldest friends is time wonderfully well spent.  It boggles my mind that I have know such wonderful women since I was in 3rd grade.
5) Having friends who date/marry equally great guys makes going to wedding so much more fun since I don’t have to twist the Hubs arms.  He has just as much fun as I do!
6) Some people should not make speeches at weddings. Period.
7) Always eat before you go to a wedding reception- because you may not get fed dinner until hours after the reception starts (see #6 above)

T-minus 29 days until wedding #3 of 2012. I’m going to sleep straight through until then. *yawn*

Sep23

Not a Good Sign

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After last school year, the one things I wished for this year more then anything was health. Last year, the Bean got her butt kicked by colds, strep throat, 3 stomach bugs and everything else in between. Thankfully nothing she had last year was serious- but it was constant from September though March.  I was hoping and praying this year would be different- that after one year of school under her belt she built up enough immunities to stay healthy.

Turns out I was concentrating on the wrong kid.

Scorch started coughing about 10 days ago and he complained a few times that his throat hurt. I didn’t think much of it- figured the hurt was from the cough- until I heard there were two kids in a his class with strep.  Friday I took him to the doctor to find out he doesn’t have strep (good!), but he does have pneumonia.

Excuse me?

Thankfully it’s a very mild case of it and presents itself now only as a cough. We have the poor kid on medicine and we’re forcing clear liquids on him like it’s our job- but this was not the start to the school year I was hoping for.   Fingers crossed that Scorch is better soon and that this is the worst of it for the rest of the year.

Sep19

Death By Arm Farts

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The kids went to an awesome summer camp program this year at their school.  Any kids from the school from PreK through 6th grade were able to go and it was a God send for us since no other camp in the area took kids the Bean’s age for a full day.  The kids absolutely loved it and were known to cry when I showed up to get them at the end of every day.  Part of the reason they loved camp was the mix of ages. The older kids were amazing with the little kids and it made my heart happy daily to see them all playing.

But, being around older kids had a few drawbacks.  Like the addition of the word “wiener” into our daily vocabulary. I could have lived without that one.  But the one thing that kills me is that the older kids taught Scorch how to make fart noises using his arm pits.  So, naturally, he does it all. the. time.  We had to have an honest-to God, sit-down-on-the-couch-and-look-at-me discussion about where and when it was appropriate to make those noises.  Church, the library, the dinner table, Grandparents house- no. Outside, during camp if allowed- ok.   I can’t tell you how many shirts the boy has stretched out fine tuning his craft.

But we hit a new low this week as the Bean also mastered this trick.  To hear Scorch try to teach her the proper technique and cheer her on when she finally nailed it you would have thought he was training her for an Olympic event. “You can do it! Good try, baby girl! Try moving your hand a little bit that way and try it. Good- now bring your arm down harder.”

I’m giving you all fair warning now, if I die in the next few weeks it’s going to be the arm farts that did me in.

Sep18

Pod People

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A few weeks ago I got so disgusted at the state of our living room/dining room/kitchen (all essentially one big room) that I started a 5 minute clean up period before the kids went to sleep. I set the timer on the oven and we work our butts off to clean up what we can in 5 minutes. This means picking up all the toys, cleaning the table, and making sure backpacks are emptied every night before they go to sleep.  I expected a lot of resistance on this on when we started and really thought it would be like pulling teeth.

Nope. If anything, the kids love 5 Minute Clean Up too much.  We weren’t home last night and we weren’t home much of tonight either, so when it was time for bed there wasn’t a need to clean up- things were still tidy from Sunday.  Both kids cried. Flat out cried when I told them there was no need to pick up tonight.

I have no idea when my kids were taken over by Pod People, but I’m not complaining!

Sep12

Week 1

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We’re a week into school and (knock wood), so far, so good. I admit to being a little nervous at the start of the year. The jump from Kindergarten to 1st grade at the kid’s school is a big one for the little kids and I didn’t know how Scorch was going to react.  At the end of last year, he started exhibiting some anxious behaviors around school (and a few other things), so I was worried they were going to flare up again once we got started this fall. So far I’ve been worried for nothing- the kids slipped right back into school like it was no big thing, thanks goodness.

As for the Bean, she’s doing just fine! Not a single tear out of her yet! My biggest concern so far isn’t for her, it’s for another little girl in her class. This girl has decided that she and the Bean are going to be best friends and she wants to play with Beaner all the time. It’s adorable and the girl is a sweetheart, but Beaner in a tough nut to crack. She’s slow to warm up to people and so far all this little girl’s overtures aren’t being met with much enthusiasm. When we left today, the little girl stood there with her arms open for a hug while the Bean clung to my arm just staring at her.

*~*~*~*~

Completely random topic switch, but this is where the Bean has decided to sleep every night for the past week:

Despite having a very comfortable bed and pillow, the child insists on sleep half in her room and half out- laying on the wood floors using a very small decorative pillow. I don’t understand. But because she sleeps that way, I don’t fight her on it either. Odd, odd, odd.

Sep10

Run- Cops!

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Saturday night we got a sitter and went to friends for an adults-only bonfire. There were six of us outside- eating, drink and laughing probably louder then we should have at 10 at night. We were having a great time- not really worrying too much about bothering anyone because it was chilly out and most people had their windows closed.  About 5 minutes after we moved our party outside,we noticed a light bobbing its way towards us. We had no idea what it was- car backing into a drive way? Someone walking their dog? We didn’t pay it too much attention until we heard, “Excuse me folks, I’m Trooper Smith” and saw a State Trooper standing at the edge of the fire.

Afterwards we talked, and we realized that all our first reactions were to run.  Run like we were in high school, getting busted at an underage drinking party- just scatter because he can’t bust us all, right?! There is one of him and 6 of us- 5 of us were going to make it.  Never mind that we ranged in ages 33 through 36 and the Hubs is a cop- we all had to fight the urge to take off like bats out of hell.

Obviously we didn’t run and the trooper wasn’t there about us- he was checking on a neighbor who was in a car accident earlier in the day.  But we all had a long laugh after he left- I guess some instincts are just ingrained no matter how old you are.  That lead to a conversation about how old we feel. Like, when I think about myself, I don’t picture myself as 34- I picture who I was at 17.  Sometimes it still blows my mind that no one has taken our kids away because the Hubs and I aren’t old/mature enough to raise children.

The next day when we looked at the calendar, the Hubs noticed that we just passed our 10 year anniversary of moving back to NY from the DC area. The 17 year old in me was shocked at this- simply shocked. The 34 year old in me was too busy recovering from the bottle of wine and late bedtime from the night before to care.

Sep6

How To Make Your Daddy Freak

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The Bean started school today and she’s in class with most of the boys from her class last year. This wasn’t by accident. Beaner was originally placed in another class, but for various reasons we requested she be put in this class. The fact that she spent most of her time last year playing with the boys and she was beyond upset not to be with them again did play a (small) part in our request.

Tonight after school the Hubs was asking the Bean about her first day. Did she cry? Was she excited? Did she have fun? What did she learn?

“Well, I learned I don’t want to marry Landon anymore. Or Lucas. I’ve decided to marry Connor when I get older.”

Ok then.

The Hubs is now seriously reconsidering asking the Bean be switched back to the other class now.

 

Sep5

I Guess They Like Each Other

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Today Scorch started back at school, but the Bean didn’t.  At our school the Pre-K and Kindergarten kids start a day after the big kids and *sob* Scorch is a big kid now. When I was planning for this back- to -school week, I concentrated on what fun things we could do and what stuff we had to get done before the craziness really started. I didn’t give a single thought to how my kids would react to spending a day apart for the first time since last June.

Neither kid mentioned a thing about being apart this morning, but it was crystal clear how much they missed each other after we picked Scorch up from his (very successful!!) first day. When we got home, there was no mention at all from either kid about watching TV or playing the DS- they just wanted to play. They were loud, boisterous, and hysterical as they ran around the house. I was trying out a new recipe tonight, so I wasn’t playing much attention to what they were doing (lord knows my kids will tattle if anything goes wrong).  I knew they were playing Star Wars and I knew they were using their “light sabers.” What I didn’t know is that they raided to the laundry to make their own masks.

Well- at least they picked the clean laundry to raid!!
PS- please note the Bean’s toes- I took her for her first pedicure this morning. Her nail polish of choice? Right foot with pink polish and white stripes, left food with yellow polish and white polka dots. Love it!