Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Jun11

A Banner Day..

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It seems like every time I sit down to write, life gets busy. We’re dealing with everything from the end of school craziness, to Little League, to simply enjoying the gorgeous weather. We spent 4 hours in my parents pool yesterday- I think my kids are part fish! Tonight we had a baseball game where Scorch caught a pop fly and threw it to the 2nd baseman who turned it into a double play. Not bad for a bunch of 6 year olds! I have to admit I kinda dreaded becoming a sports mom, but seeing the joy on my kid’s faces when they play and do something right is the best.

We also had the Bean’s first experience with puppy love today.  There is always this quiet little boy that comes up to the Bean every day when I drop her off. He isn’t nearly as loud or demanding as some of the other kids- he just stands there and smiles at her.   This morning when I was helping her put things in her cubby he walked over with the Teacher’s Assistant (TA) and handed Beaner a penny.  The TA then took the kiddos into the coat room and had Beaner put her “extra special penny” in her backpack and asked me to wait as she walked the kids into the classroom.  All this between the kids was done without either one saying a word- they just smiled at each other and the little boy blushed to high heaven.

The TA came back out and told me that this little boy came into school that morning with the penny. When the TA told him that coins aren’t allowed in the classroom he got every upset and he said he had to hold on to it because it was a present for the Bean. When she asked him why he had to give her the penny, he simply replied that he loved her.  I almost melted right then and there. 3 year olds can be the biggest pains in the butt, but when they are cute, they are really cute.

So glad I decided to have these kids- I can’t imagine how much I’d miss out on without them around!

Jun6

Soundbites: Kiddos, Book, Camps & Activies

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For some reason I don’t seem to have a whole coherent post in my head this week and instead of forcing it, y’all can just get my brain dump:

> After  a week of crazy, my kids are charming the pants off me. What ever was clogging up their hearing has come out, they are using manners and getting along (more or less). So glad I don’t have to give them to the circus.

> We had the Bean’s pre-school end-of-year concert today.  Her class sang 3 songs and they were as cute as can be (as were the other classes).  The kids were so very excited to be the center of attention up there on stage with all their families watching- some kids couldn’t stop waving long enough to actually sing.  What surprised me was that for as crazy as my kid is, she was very reserved up on stage. I’m guessing American Idol isn’t in her future.

> We’ve read a bunch of great new (to us) kids books lately:
– Doggone Dogs by Karen Beaumont: A counting book with rhymes about a man who can’t keep up with his 10 crazy dogs.
– I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More! by Karen Beaumont: A book about a kid who just can’t help painting- everywhere! Fun rhymes dealing with body parts- my kids loved guessing                        what was getting painted on next. And the pictures? Gorgeous!
– Knuffle Bunny Free by Mo Willems. Honestly, there isn’t a book by Willems that we don’t like and when he brings tears to my eyes, they’re usually tears of laughter. Not this one,
this story about Trixie growing up made me choke up for a whole new reason.  Absolutely perfect ending to this charming series (read: Knuffle Bunny & Knuffle Bunny Too if you
haven’t.)

> I’m trying to figure out the fun that is summer camps for my kids. My life was much stinking easier when we had Mary in it. The kid’s school offers full day summer camp, which is fantastic because the Bean is too young for most other full day camps around here. But Scorch wants to do Baseball camp as well, so I’m trying to figure out how to juggle it all.

> I’m feeling, in general, that its hard to figure out what the kids should be doing. Even in a small town, at any given my time my kids have the options of dancing, doing gymnastics, playing various sports, swim lessons, karate, music and on and on and on.  They are too young to really really know what they want to do, so I want to offer them everything- and that’s just not logistically possible. I know I’m over thinking this and it’s making me crazy.

That’s all I got- So You Think You Can Dance is calling my name.

Jun4

Dating- Old Folks Style

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My parents, bless their hearts, took the kids Saturday afternoon for the weekend. It was like a gift from heaven. I love those buggers more then life, but sometimes it’s nice to not have to be a parent for 26 hours.  So how does a couple who’ve been together 14.5 years spend that much time without their kids? Read on…

After wasting time at home for a few hours doing nothing more taxing then reading my Nook, the Hubs and I went to see Battleship. It was exactly how you’d think it would be- a fun, shoot ’em up alien movie with a hot cast. It didn’t make much sense, but we both really enjoyed it for the mental floss it was.

On our way out of the mall, we walked by the Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) gym to get to get to our car. There were a ton of people coming in and out (odd for 9:30 pm) and lot of noise. After being nosy and peeking through the windows we figured out they were having a MMA tournament. The bouncer saw our interest and asked if wanted to come in. Since the matches were 75% of the way complete, they let us both in for the price of 1 and we figured what the hell.

So that is how I ended up spending the end of our first date night in forever watching grown men beat the snot out of each other instead of over drinks and dinner.

It’s hard to tell, but we were in the Family/ Staff area and on the other side of the ring there were about 200+ people watching the matches. I admit to being fascinated with MMA / UFC since seeing Warrior (if you haven’t seen it, rent it. Now. Hand’s down the best movie we saw in 2011) but I was surprised how into it we got. I mean- it’s brutal. One guy got a compound fracture in his foot- it was gross. And, again, fascinating.

We hung out for about an hour before heading home because we’re old. And because we had to get up at 6:45 the next morning to go work out. The Hubs teaches a bootcamp style class with another trainer and typically I can’t go due to those pesky kids of ours. But there was no way he was letting me sleep in on Sunday while he went to teach, so off to class I went.  Now- the Hubs and I haven’t worked out together since 2001. The Hubs is hardcore into fitness and takes his workouts very seriously. I work out so I don’t gain too much weight and get diabetes.  Last time we worked out together in 2001, the Hubs stormed out of the gym because I rolled my eyes at him and refused to do another rep of something or another. Not our finest hour- so much so its taken us 11 years to try it again. I honestly don’t know who was more nervous heading in!

But, we did fine! The class was great- so great in fact that it currently hurts to laugh, bend over, raise my arms above my head, sneeze, cough and sit down.  After that 1 class, I’m frankly glad the kids force me to stay home and miss out- my muscles can’t handle much more of that!

 

 

May30

Fair Trade

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I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids.

That was my mantra today because I do- I adore my kids. I think they are hysterically funny, whip smart and beyond adorable. However, there are also days I would happily trade them in for a half gallon of ice cream.

Guess what kind of day today was?

On top of being sassy and rude to me and the Hubs, they are picking at each other. Name calling, sticking out their tongues at each other, annoying each other when one is playing quietly, swiping away toys the other is playing with. It. Is. Maddening.  This was a conversation they had in the car last night while driving home from the playground. To get to our house, you have to drive by a pond where two family of geese live. Each family has a set of goslings.

Bean: I saw all the babies!

Scorch: I did too!

Bean: No you did not!

Scorch: Yes I did- I saw all of them.

Bean: You did not! I know you didn’t see the babies because only I saw all the babies.

Scorch: Yes I did- I saw them all by the side of the pond!

Bean: You’re stupid, you did not. Stop lying.

Scorch: MO-OM, Bean called me stupid and said I didn’t see the geese!

I kid you not, you could switch the names around and substitute in some other ridiculous topic and I’m pretty sure my kids have fought about it this week.  I try to be patient, I try to reason with them, I threaten to take away things, I put them in time out after time out. Today I just gave up and told them they weren’t allowed to speak to each other anymore when we’re in the car.  They thought that was hysterical- too bad I wasn’t joking.

I love my kids. I love my kids. I love my kids.

May29

Is That a Ribbon?!

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There are a ton of awesome things that happen when you’re a pet owner. But you want to know what’s not awesome? Realizing at 9:30 pm, after finally getting home after a day of work, an evening of soccer practice, dinner out, Family Reading Night for your kindergartener and putting the kids to bed (only 1 successfully thus far) that you haven’t seen one of your very social cats in over 10 hours. Boo, the cat in question, loves people and loves being fed so when I poured her food in her bowl that night and she didn’t come running, I got nervous. She was acting a little funny- hyper and jumpy- earlier in the day but I didn’t pay that much attention.

I pulled out the big guns and opened a can of tuna.  She still didn’t come. Normally Boo would cut you for tuna, so I was more then a little freaked so I got the Hubs.   We then tear about the house (all the while trying to get the Bean to go to sleep already!), trying to find said cat. We finally located her under Scorch’s bed- the one bed that the one sleeping kid in our house in it. Because where else would she be?? I’m shining a very weak flashlight under the bed (because there is no way I’m turning on the lights and chance waking up Scorch) and I couldn’t tell if she was breathing so I panicked a little bit and worked frantically to get the crap out from under the bed to see the cat better all while not waking my kid.  I finally saw that Boo was breathing, but she’s wasn’t coming out. Thankfully I’m married to man with freakishly long arms and the stealth of a ninja and he was able to pull the damn cat out by the scruff of her neck to see what’s going on.

We carried Boo to the kitchen only to see that she has a big old piece of poop with a ribbon from a balloon in it is hanging out of her butt. I don’t know much about cat health, but I do know you’re NOT supposed to pull the ribbon- so we call the emergency vet to figure out what the heck to do. Boo is eating the tuna, but not letting us hold her or pet her and the Hubs is started to flip out a little. After much discussion with the emergency vets, they say to bring the cat in. At 10 pm. Keep in mind, Boo 1) hasn’t ridden in car in NINE YEARS because she’s such a freak show and 2) has to be sedated to be seen by our vet that comes to our house because she won’t let the vet examine her otherwise. It’s been so long since she’s ridden in a car that we don’t even own a cat carrier. So the poor Hubs has to run to Wal-mart to get one all while I sob because I CLEARLY suck as a cat mom.

The Hubs got home within 20 minutes with this cheap-o made-of-recycled plastic carrier that doesn’t shut right that we slap together and throw the cat in. Boo doesn’t even make a SOUND, so I know she’s dying. I gave her a kiss while trying not to smell her stinky ass and sent her on her way with the Hubs.

I can’t sleep, but I got into bed anyhow and stared at my cell phone willing it to ring with an update. 15 minutes after the Hubs left (not enough time to get to the vets), I get a text message that simply says “Am covered with mud, coursing with adrenaline.” I freak out, wondering what the holy heck is happening, trying to figure out what’s going on. The only thing I could imagine was that the cat got sick in the carrier and escaped into the night while the Hubs was trying to clean her up.

Nope…cat was fine. Turned out, a car traveling opposite the Hubs flipped over 3 times in front of the Hubs and landed in a ditch. The Hubs immediately stopped to help. After getting the driver (who was thankfully largely unhurt) out of his totaled car, calling 911 and talking to the Sheriff, the Hubs was a muddy, wet mess who still had to take his sick cat to the vet. 

By the time they got to the vets, it was after 11 and no one else was in the emergency room.  The Vets rushed Boo right back in to be looked at, but not 5 minutes after they left, an elderly gentleman came running into the vet ER screaming for a gurney. One of the vets helped the guy get a gurney and went out to help him get his animal inside. The Hubs assumed the guy had to have a big animal with him- otherwise why wouldn’t he carry the animal in himself? Nope- the gentleman had a cat he was bringing in, only the cat was in an oxygen tent. The poor man was babbling about how the cat arrested twice on the 2.5 hour ride to the animal hospital but he was able to get him going again (how? the Hubs didn’t ask). The cat was 18 and lived in an oxygen tank but the man wanted the vets to do whatever they could to keep the kitty going. Never underestimate the love of a cat owner, people.

Finally, almost an hour after the Hubs got there, Boo was finally seen. I’ll skip over the gross parts- Boo was ultimately fine and got home with the Hubs around 2 am that morning.  We were supposed to be checking on her every 30 minutes the following day, but that cat was pissed at all the indignities from night before- the car ride, the carrier, being seen by a vet, being sedated- that she hid from us for the next 24 hours.  Thankfully she managed to get over herself long enough to come out when tuna was offered, so I know she’s on the mend.

The moral of the story: 1) balloons are the devil’s toy and 2) don’t forget about your cat for 10 hours, nothing good will come of it.

 

May23

Six.

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Dearest Scorch-

Happy, happy birthday my sweet boy! You’re 6- an age I can barely wrap my head around. 5 still seems like a little kid to me- a child closer to baby then big kid. But 6? 6 seems so old, so huge. 6 means you can read, you can almost tie your shoes (more our fault then yours that you haven’t figured it out yet), that you can swim by yourself and that you’ll soon be learning to ride your bike without training wheels. You play Little League now – and you have a to wear a cup. Babies don’t need to wear a cup- therefore, you’re not a baby any more. That is a fact you love to remind me of even as you’re still asking to sit in my lap (a request I don’t turn down, ever).

You are one of my favorite people on earth. You’re funny and sweet and friendly and oh-so-very talkative. The biggest problem you’ve had in school this year has been your lack of focus because you’re too darn busy talking. You come by that trait honestly, Bud. 😉 You are a good friend and a sweet soul- always quick to laugh and smile.  Your bad moods and anger pass by quickly and once you’re over it, you’re over it. You don’t hold on to grudges or slights, which is one of your very best traits.

5 has been such a crazy mixed bag for you. Thankfully the good has way outweighed the bad. You *love* kindergarten and you have made some amazing new friends. You’ve learned to read- READ!!- and I can’t even tell you how much I love watching you curl up with a good book. You’ve learned to compromise and take turns and that losing doesn’t mean the world is ending. You learned how to play- and love- football (something that thrills your father!). We’ve also had to deal with your anxieties and fears and it hasn’t been easy for you. But you’re doing it. You square your not-so-little shoulders, take a deep breath and face your fears- whether they are in the shape of a hairless cat or going to school in the morning.

This morning you were way nervous about going to school because during morning prayers the whole school was going to sing you Happy Birthday. I could see you wringing your hands and getting more quiet as the time to leave drew closer. But you didn’t cry and you didn’t fuss- you just put one foot forward and kept going. I held my breath the whole way to school wondering if you were going to melt down, but you didn’t.  And the look on your face when we got to school and you got your crown? It’s worth every single sleepless night and worry we’ve all had.

Dad and I dreamed about having kids long before you came into out life. We talked about what we wanted our future kids to be like- how they’d look and act. Which personality quirks you’d get from each parent- would you be laid back like me or stubborn like your father? A born reader or one who’d pick a book on tape any day. A competitive athlete or the kid on the bus more excited for the dinners out after the game then anything else? Some of the question still remain unanswered, but all we do know is that you’ve exceeded all our wildest dreams. We are the luckiest parents in the world simply because we have the privilege of loving you.

I love you little boy- with my whole heart! Here’s hoping year 6 is just as magical as the past 5 have been!

All my love,
Mommy

May22

Now I Remember

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We had one of those nights where I felt more like a referee then a parent. I didn’t talk to my kids about their day or enjoy funny conversations over dinner. Instead, I listened to tattletaling and bickering. I broke up arguments and fights- sending each kid to their room at least once. I mopped up tears, yelled loudly to be heard over their yelling and counted down the minutes until bedtime.

When the blessed time finally arrived, I asked to the kids to get out the books they wanted to read before bed. Scorch quickly grabbed the Star Wars book he got from the library at school, eager to see what Anakin was up to. We didn’t have time to read the whole book, so Scorch gave me the bookmark he made to hold our place.

Scorch’s bookmarks are usually decorated with dinosaurs and super heroes- so I was surprised to see Tinkerbell gracing this week’s place holder. When I asked him why he picked Tink this week, he simply told me he knew it would make the Bean happy.

Now I remember why I wanted two of them.

May21

How to Give Your Husband a Complex: Part I & II

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Part I

“Heather- come in here. Now, please.”

I’m a little annoyed at the Hub’s request this morning as I’m in the middle of a battle of wills with the Bean over what shirt she can wear to school. Normally I let her pick- but a fleece long sleeved shirt with a hood is a bit much on an 80 degree day.  So I’m a little huffy as I walk into our bedroom- until I get a look at the Hubs.

He’s standing there wearing his work pants and one of the brand new white t-shirts I bought him to wear under his polos.  I just bought the white shirts yesterday- they are freshly washed and ready to go for a new week.  These are the t-shirts I always gets him in the size he always wears- only this shirt is skin tight and about 2 inches to short.

I can’t help it, I started cracking up.  The Hubs is not amused as he asked me if it’s possible the t-shirts shrunk. Sure- they may have shrunk, but not that much. I suggested that perhaps he needs a bigger size and ran out of the room before I could bear the brunt of his string of curses. He texted me later in the day talking about the strict diet he’s going on and how he’s doubling up his workouts.

This afternoon as we’re getting the garbage ready for trash day, the Hubs found the package from the t-shirts I bought him. Turns out I bought him his size in a boys not in mens!  I have never seen him so relieved in my life.

~*~*~*~*~

Part II

Despite what my teasing may suggest, the Hubs is in great shape because he works out 5-6 days a week.  He came home after tonight’s workout telling me about this annoying kid who was cheering him on during his exercises.

Come on, buddy, you can do it! Way to go, man!

When I asked the Hubs how old the kid was, he told me he was 18.  Without thinking, I said “Oh, so he’s exactly half your age. He really is young!”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Hubs doesn’t speak to me the rest of the night.

 

May17

Home Again

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After a whirlwind trip down to VA, I’m home again! It’s always fun for me to travel for work, especially now that I’m working with folks that I haven’t met before.  I love seeing if my mental picture lines up with what people look like in person. On this particular case, I was only close with one out of the five people I met. Clearly I’m losing my edge.

From the plane on the way home…

I got home yesterday around 9:30, so it was perfect timing. The kids were sound asleep, but I still had enough time to before I had to hit the sack to catch up with the Hubs.  The Hubs did a wonderful job while I was gone, but I have to admit to being more then a little pleased when he copped to how frazzled he was yesterday morning.  It’s not easy trying to get yourself and two little people out the door in the morning between breakfast and getting dressed and teeth and vitamins and making lunches. Throw in a dog who needs two different kinds of medicine, to be fed and to be let out twice and it’s easy to go from frazzled to crazy in no time.  After he was done telling me about his morning, I told him how nice it was to sleep 9 hours straight and to shower in peace and quiet for as long as I wanted.  He didn’t find it as funny as I did.

Flying into some cloud cover over Philly.

But now that I’m back, the real craziness begins. On top of my page long to-do list from my meeting, we’re gearing up for a weekend full of birthday parties for Scorch.  Saturday we’re hosting 25 family members at our house and on Sunday we’re heading to a party location so Scorch can celebrate with 32 of his closest buddies. It’ll be a mad house- so say a prayer for us!

May15

On The Road

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When anyone in our family has a crazy schedule, 9 time out of 10, it’s the Hubs. Early mornings, late nights and the occasional business trips- that life is his domain. I’m the steady parent at home- always there to get the kids  to school, always there to pick them up.

But not today.

My view at 10 am this morning…

 

This morning I got up at my normal time, but instead of going for a run, I got suited up.  Dress pants, a blouse, heels and a full face of make up before I headed to the airport. 4 hours and 1 lay over later, I arrived at an the office. I got to spend the afternoon and evening with adults, talking about grown up things and feeling ridiculously productive.  Then I got to go out to dinner with my boss at a place with cloth napkins- and I didn’t need to wipe anyone’s face once.

After dinner my boss had to take off, so I spend a lovely evening walking around an outdoor shopping center going into places I never go with the kids. Then I got dessert and didn’t have to share a single bit. Best of all, I get to do it all over again tomorrow before heading home tomorrow night.

I love my family like crazy and I can’t wait to see them tomorrow- but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy every stinking minute of this time away!