Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/

Boys and Girls

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Almost a year to the day after Scorch was born, Dancer was born. Dancer is one of my best friends (and neighbor’s) daughter. When Dancer’s mom had to go back to work after she was born, Dancer came to our house every day to be watched by our nanny.  A year and a couple months after Dancer was born, the Bean came along.  For a year, the three of them were watched at my house and were as close as siblings.

Scorch and Dancer were the big kids and Bean the baby.  The two of them were best friends and played everything together.  When Dancer was three she started at a new day care and while the kids don’t see each other daily, they are still good friends.  Up until about 6 months ago, it was still the two of them and then Bean, the baby, tagging along.

But now the Bean is older- she’s closer to 4 than 3 and Dancer, very much a girly girl, gravitates to her instead of Scorch when the kids play. The girls do all the stereotypical things that girls do together- like play dolls and have tea parties.  Scorch is suddenly the odd man out after being the ring leader for so long- something he’s not at all happy about!

None of that was more apparent then when we went out to dinner tonight. My friend and I sat at a table by the kids, but we let Scorch, Bean & Dancer be by themselves. They had some things to play with (cars, coloring stuff, etc) but they obviously couldn’t run around so we told them to make conversation.

Hey Dancer, do you know who the Flash is?

Oh. Well, who’s your favorite super hero?

Have you ever seen Ben 10? You’d like Gwen.

What? No- I don’t like princesses.

Do you want to play cars?

No- this is not the baby car! They are all cars- they shoot each other and crash into each other, they don’t live in a house together.

Mom- why are the girls giggling again?!

And on and on. Too bad poor Scorch didn’t think things were nearly as funny as we did!

 

Funny Bone

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The kids were riding bikes on the driveway after work today and they decided to race. The Big Wheel vs the 2 Wheeler- not really a fair fight but they were having a great time until the Bean decided to cheat.  Scorch got mad and yelled for her to “turn yourself around!”

I couldn’t resist so I asked him if he was going to ask her to do the hokey pokey?

Dumb, dumb joke but Scorch laughed so hard he had tears running down his face.  He had to sit down to catch his breath after the hysterics subsided and he told me I was the funniest person he knows.

That really why I had kids you know. I wanted a captive audience who were good for my ego.

Good Riddence

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I have never been so happy to see the end of the week.

Post-vacation blues + a horrible work week +  a kid who did not adjust well to being back at school + a sick husband + reading one of the most touching books ever = me being a basket case all week long.

But- it’s Friday night. We watched Bolt (I love that movie), the kids are in bed asleep and I have what I hope will be a very funny book to start to counteract all the generally yuckiness this week. The weather is supposed to be picture perfect this weekend and things will turn around, darn it!

Hope y’ll have a great weekend too.

IT (or: The Hubs is a Sick Man)

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I hate scary movies. The Scream movies? Yeah- too scary for me to enjoy.

It all started when I was a kid and saw the mini-series It based on the Stephen King novel.  Have you guys ever seen that? It’s about a psychotic clown that comes back to kill a group of adults it fought against 30 years prior. I had no business seeing that movie- I wasn’t even a teenager when it came out.  Scared. Me. To. Death.

The Hubs knows this and if he didn’t know this, it became very apparent after we went to see the movie Signs (the alien one with Mel Gibson by M Night Shyamlan) back in 2002. I don’t know why we went to see this- I think we went with another couple and I was too stupid to speak up.  But anyhow- we saw the movie, had dinner and the Hubs and I went back to our apartment for the night.

I was a nervous wreck going back to the apartment- sure something sinister was waiting there for us.  The Hubs teased me the whole ride home about how I was acting- he thought it was a riot.  A quick check of the place (and the fact that the Hubs carries a gun for a living) helped ease my mind so I went into the bathroom to get changed and wash up for the night.  When I was done, I went to hang up my shirt in the closest.

(Can you see where this is going?)

Standing in the closest, between my clothes was the Hubs, holding a flashlight under his face.  He didn’t say a word- he didn’t have to.

To say I freaked out would be a gross understatement- I think I left my body for a minute. I screamed bloody murder and immediately burst into tears and collapsed on the floor.  Besides dashing any dreams I had about one day being strong enough to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it also drove home the point to the Hubs that 1) scary movies and I don’t mix and that 2) scaring your wife to the point of hysterics is not a good idea.

Fast forward 10 years.  Every morning I’m the first one up. I work out, cool off and shower before anyone else in the house is up- it’s been our routine for months now.  You can imagine my shock when I pulled back the shower curtain this morning to find the words “It” painted on the wall with red bath paint made to look like dripping blood.

image from fanpop.com

The Hubs is damn lucky I didn’t wake the house with my screaming this morning. But don’t worry, he’ll get his when I can’t sleep tonight and keep him all night to keep me company.

 

 

Aren’t You Glad I Asked?

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Earlier today I found Scorch standing up in the living room with his hand hovering about a half an inch over his rear end. He looked very serious and I couldn’t figure out what he was up to- so I asked.

“I have to toot- so I’m trying to see how far I can push my pants out when I do.”

So glad I asked.

Tips for Surviving the Road & Disney World

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I forgot how much reentry into the real world take out of you!  I had to wake the kids up this morning (unheard of from Scorch), leave a sobbing kid in the arms of their teacher, deal with 500+ emails at work, do 8 loads of laundry, get our taxes signed and get the snacks together for the kid’s Leader Day at school tomorrow.  In short, I’m fried.  But I have been working on mental list of all the things I learned after living through a 2400+ plus mile road trip with my kids and going to Disney World for 3 days.  It’s not exactly riveting reading material, but I hope it helps someone!

The Road Trip

1) I hear about a lot of families who leave for long road trips at the kids bedtime and drive through the night while their kids sleep. Sounds great in theory, but that would never work for us.  First, the Hubs and I need our sleep and we’re miserable people without it.  Second, the Bean doesn’t sleep in the car.  She never has even as an infant- so trying to force her to as someone (*cough*TheHubs*cough*) tried on that first day was an epic failure. In fact, the only meltdown we had on the trip was when the Hubs wanted to drive further an hour past the kids bedtime instead of settling in at a hotel.
The Lesson:
know your kids schedule/ability and stick to that. It’ll make life more pleasant for everyone.

2) I stocked our car with all sorts of fun things for when we traveled.  New coloring books, markers, games, etc. Sadly, what worked best were the DVD players.  Yes- plural.  We have one overhead DVD player in the car and that’s perfect for 99% of the trips we take.  But when you’re logging 12 hour days in the car, it was much nicer to be able to give them their own DVD player (that we borrowed!) and headphones and let them zone out that way. We avoided a lot of arguing and tears that way.
The Lesson: never underestimate the power of technology.

3) The Hubs is the type of guy who likes to drive until he is either on the very last fume in the gas tank or until his bladder is going to burst.  Frequent stops aren’t in his DNA.  But with the kids we found ourselves stopping every 2-3 hours for a bathroom break. During those breaks we raced around the rest areas, played tag or did a quick kiddy bootcamp to work some of the crazies out.  We also made sure to stop for at least 1 sit down meal a day. Even if it was Denny’s, it was a welcome break from the car and all the crappy food we were consuming on the go.
The Lesson: stop and stop often, especially if your kids don’t nap anymore but are still young enough to scream the car down.

Braving Disney World

1) We don’t own a stroller anymore- in fact, I can’t tell you the last time we used one. The Bean may have sat in one all of a dozen times her whole life.  But when you’re in Disney, that doesn’t matter. Either bring your own stroller or pony up the money ($31 for a double stroller for a day) for one- it’ll be the best money you spend.  Disney is crazy busy with literally tens of thousands of people walking everywhere.  Many attractions are far away from each other and you’re hiking all over trying to see them all.  Having the kids strapped in not only kept my  kids safe, but it also made sure they weren’t exhausted, overtired crankpots 3 hours into the day.
The Lesson: the stroller is God at Disney.

 

2) When we first planned this trip to FL, going to Disney wasn’t on my agenda.  I was worried that the Bean was too young to really enjoy it and I didn’t want to spend all that money (hint: Disney World is expensive) on something she wouldn’t really enjoy.  I was right. We obviously ended up at Disney anyhow (thru the generosity of some amazing family members) and had an absolutely wonderful time, but the Bean was too young for a lot of things so we spent a fair amount of time people watching, walking around and just taking in the sights as opposed to riding on rides.  And that was fine- we had an amazing time!  But I am glad I went into this trip with my expectation set lower for the Bean so I wasn’t freaking out over money wasted or experiences missed. I didn’t want to be that Mom standing in line with a sobbing kid threatening them to have fun or else. (All that said, at 5, Scorch *loved* almost everything geared for his age!)
The Lesson: your kid can only handle what they can handle. Trying to force them to have fun or try something that terrifies them will not end well.

Guess the ride?

3) When we were at the Magic Kingdom, we bought lunch on our first day.  We got 2 adult meals (burger & fries), 1 hamburger kids meal and 1 PB&J kids meal. It cost us $53.  Disney lets you bring in food to the park, but we thought bringing in a cooler or snacks would be too difficult, so we didn’t.  Honestly, the food would have been better if we did and we would have saved a bundle.
The Lesson: plan ahead and bring in what you can easily carry. Your kids will most likely enjoy that food more then the $12 burger anyhow. 😉

4) We were lucky enough to have my parents with us our whole time in FL and while we were in Disney, the Hubs uncle and cousin joined us for some of the time.  A 6 – 2 adults to kids ratio sounds like over kill, but it was perfect! There was always someone who could watch the kids while the adults did a scarier ride and it allowed the Hubs and I to be able to enjoy this vacation a lot more.
The Lesson: travel in packs.

5) When we first got to the Magic Kingdom, our tour guide (The Hub’s uncle) ushered us to the back of the park to hit the Peter Pan ride. Why? It’s the most popular one in the Magic Kingdom.  If I took nothing else away from this trip, it’s 1) hit the most popular rides first (our wait time was 10 minutes- within 1 hours of opening, it was a 50 minute wait) and 2) use your fast pass!  Fast pass allows you to reserve your spot in a ride- you check in and are told what time to come back.  When you do, you’re usually on the ride within 5 minutes, totally bypassing the line. So worth it.
The Lesson: hit up the popular rides first and don’t forget to use the Fast Pass.

6) Out of all the things we did while at Disney World, the thing my kids liked the most was meeting the characters. We met Donald, Goofy, Pluto, Belle, Princess Aurora, Cinderella, Woody, Jessie, Micky, Minnie and a few others I can’t remember. Yes, it was a pain in the rear standing in line to meet them, but so so so worth it!  I bought the kids autograph books and special pens that they kept with them for just this purpose- those encounters were the highlight of the trips for my kids.  A little tip- when in the Magic Kingdom, go to the Town Square Theater- there you can stand in line to meet the princesses or to meet Micky & Minnie.  The meet and greet with Micky is called “Backstage at Mickey’s Magic Show”- so we didn’t have a clue we could actually meet The Mouse there.  Evidently no one else did either because we were in line less then 5 minute before the kids met him and Minnie- easily the shortest line of the day!
The Lesson: Get (or make) an autograph book and soak in the looks on your kids faces when they finally meet some of their favorites!

 

There endth the lessons. I think.  I may have more, but that’s all I can remember for now! After all that, the Hubs and I were talking how we can’t wait to do this again next year! 🙂

 

Home Again

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We’re back!  During the past 11 days we drove to FL and back, visited family along the way, spent some time at the beach, went to the Clearwater Aquarium and met Winter, spent a day at the Magic Kingdom, visited Disney Hollywood Studios, watched the kids dance in the Lion King production at Animal Kingdom and shopped at Downtown Disney.  We got sunburned, laughed a lot, ate way too much great food and made a whole lot of memories.

All in all, the trip was just about perfect!

Cinderella's Castle

If anyone cares to hear my thoughts about visiting Disney with a 3 year old and a 5 year old or how to survive a 1200 mile trip (one way!) in the car, let me know.

The Crying Game

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Scorch has been a little off this week- nothing major, but just not completely himself.  And when Scorch is off, whether he’s tired or sick or frustrated or mad, his default reaction is to cry. He keeps it together pretty well when we’re out in public, but when we’re home the tears fly.  Annoying as all get out, but it could be worse.

Unfortunately for Scorch, the Bean is his sister.

That means when he cries, she has two modes. She either gets all lovely and wants to make him feel better or she mocks him. Mercilessly.

Earlier today we’re in the car and my poor boy is tired and hungry and really disappointed because bad weather messed with our plans today.  On top of that, we have to run some errands instead of going home and that was simply too much for Scorch and the tears started to roll.  He pulled himself together pretty quickly for about 5 minutes until he realized that he wasn’t getting something that he wanted.  He started to lose it when the Bean pipped up, mimicking her brother’s tone/inability to talk clearly and cry at the same time perfectly.

It’s not fa-fa-fa-fair!  You’re so-so-so-so meee-aaaannn!!  I’m gonnnaaa cr-cr-cry!

Scorch was not amused. The Bean and I are still giggling over this 3 hours later.

 

That Stinks

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Unlike a lot of the girls we know, Bean has never gotten into the princess thing.  But she does love Tinkerbell.  The problem is she calls Tinkerbell, Stinkerbell- she just can’t wrap her tongue around the “T” yet.

Scorch has made it his mission in life to help her get it right. Refrains of  “say “t-t-t-t-tink” can be heard multiple times a day around the house.  When she breaks the word up and gets it right, he rejoices like she just found a cure for cancer.  It’s adorable!

As for me, I’m not encouraging her to get it right yet. I have one kid who is reading and getting ready to play Little League and who is frankly too darn heavy for me to carry around any more. My baby doesn’t want to be rocked before bed any more and thinks nothing of going over to a friend’s house without the Hubs or I (something Scorch wouldn’t do until last summer!), so I’m holding on to what ever I can!

 

Not So Common

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And just like that- after our less then stellar day on Wednesday, things got better.  They always do.  We had great day Thursday, Friday, Saturday and today.

Thankfully, with kids like mine, great days don’t equal boring days. I mean- how boring can you days actually be when when you have to tell one of your kids (repeatedly) not to smell their sibling’s back end?  Honestly, who needs to be told that once let alone multiple times?!

The stuff I have to tell my kids sometimes simply amazes me:

> No, you may not stand on the bed and try to see who can kick the other one off first.

> Nope, sorry, you’re not allowed to stand up in the bath and try to jump up and slam dunk the basketball.

> No, you can’t have chocolate chips, cinnamon rolls and a doughnut for breakfast!!!

> No, going up to your sibling and slapping them as hard as you can on the back isn’t an appropriate response to them telling you no.

> No, you can’t eat the snow off the bottom of your boot. Yes, even if it does taste good.

And on and on it goes.  One day, I sincerely hope my children gain some common sense because right now, bless their hearts, they don’t have a lick of it.