Category Archives: Me

Seriously? Today Stunk.


I had a big blog post planned out in my head about my recent birthday. It was a good one- I promise. But then, today happened.

Freaking Mondays.

First, we had to take our car into the shop for the state inspection and an oil change. The mechanic’s have wi-fi so I figured I’d sit there for an hour, work and come out only about $50 poorer for my troubles.  Yeah- not quite. On the way to the mechanic’s I rolled down all 4 windows and when I tried to roll them back up, only three made it- the 4th was stuck.  So my quick and cheap visit to the mechanic ended up taking 2.5 hours and costing me almost $300.

But, you know what? Things happen- what can  you do? We didn’t have a choice but to fix the window and better it happen today when the garage had the parts. We were supposed to get rain tonight and I didn’t want to have to jury-rig some redneck window cover to tide us over, so fine- we can deal.

Sure enough, this afternoon it started to rain on my way to get the kids from school. Then, very quickly, the rain turned into a wicked storm with huge thunder boomers, lightening, winds and torrential rains. I had drugged our dog, Crazy, before I left (she’s storm-phobic) and let her out to pee. I was going to be gone 30 minutes tops, so I figured she couldn’t get into too much trouble.

I’m an idiot.

This is what we came home to (along with a lake of dog pee & a huge pile of vomit that went down our heating vent- didn’t take a picture of that. You’re welcome):

Those are scratch marks in my door jam and wall taken by light of the flashlight because we lost power.

Those are scratch marks in my door jam and wall taken by light of the flashlight because we lost power.

The poor dog had gotten herself stuck in the bathroom and completely lost her damn mind. It was something out of a horror flix.  I had to close the door of our bathroom and clean up the entire mess in the hot, damp room by the light of the flashlight.  Seriously people, I didn’t sign up for this when we got this mutt.

But damn it, I’m an optimist. It could have been worst- all the damage is repairable. The vent and floors can be easily cleaned and at least it was limited to this one area of the house. Yes, I wanted to vomit now myself (but couldn’t because no power = no running water, so I couldn’t flush the toilet).  Yes, I needed a full shower after stepping in unmentionable things (but couldn’t take one because of the no running water situation).  Yes, it was hotter then hell inside our tiny, windowless bathroom and I was sweating like a pig while breathing through my mouth.  But things could have been worse.

They got worse.

This is what I saw when I went to let the dog out after cleaning the mess from hell:

Yes, that is my patio table smashed to a million pieces.

Yes, that is my patio table smashed to a million pieces.


I freaking, fracking give up. I’m DONE with this day. D-O-N-E. Done.  The wind picked the table up, literally flipped it over and this is what’s on my back porch now. So after I got done cleaning up the dog pee and puke, I got to deal with this.  At this point at least the Hubs was home to help out.  I wish I could say that we handled all this with grace, as a unified couple- us against the world style. But, let’s be real here.  All we did was bitch at each other, biting each others head’s off, sniping over the whole freaking mess all the while yelling at the kids to STAY OFF THE DECK so they didn’t step on any glass. All of which caused Scorch to have a mini-panic attacked worried that he was either going to catch his sisters cold, get sick from the smell of the dog puke or end up with glass in his foot.  Which, at least that didn’t happen. No child, parent or dog ended up in the ER today, although one of us may have threatened to tie the dog deep in the woods tonight and leave her.**

So- how was your Monday?

**And no- we would never hurt our dog. We may fantasize about it on days like today, but if we haven’t sent her over the Rainbow Bridge yet, I think she’s safe from us.


End of Year Crazies


Is it wrong that the last things my kids hear before bed every night is “Good night, I love you & I don’t want to see you again until morning.”? Because 9 nights out of 10, that is what they hear.  Here’s hoping their health insurance as adults covers therapy.


I forgot about the particular brand of crazy the end of the school year brings for the kids. They have about 2 more weeks of school left (!?!?!?!) and it seems like there is some special event every other day gearing up to it- parades! concerts! art shows! field trips! and the list goes on and on. They are having a blast and we’re so very thankful for the  amazing year both kids had, but all this excitement makes for hyped up, slightly anxious, entirely exhausted kids at home.

All I have to say right now is thank God for sports that keep them busy, early bedtimes and lilacs (because I really love lilacs).


The Silver Lining


So all my praying in my post from Monday did the trick that night, but come Tuesday no prayer in the world was keeping The Bug from spreading to Scorch and me. I got a call at 2:50 saying Scorch had gotten sick at school right at the end of the day.  And that’s awful and part of me felt so badly for him, but the other part? Well that part was actually really, really happy.  The root of 99% of Scorch’s anxiety is getting sick- I mean he can’t imagine much worse than that. Except for getting sick at school. That’s like the fear-flavored cherry on his anxiety sundae (just go with that metaphor).  I’ve joked with his therapist for the past year that maybe he just needs to get sick at school and live through it to see that it’s not that bad.  And that’s what happened on Tuesday. He went to the nurse’s office, got sick and went home. The world didn’t end. His head didn’t explode. And when he went back to school today no one made fun of him or ostracized him- it was just life as usual.  I may have actually given his therapist a high five today and danced a little jig in her office this afternoon because I was so freaking proud of my kid!

And that? That just about makes up for the 12 hours I spent sleeping on the bathroom floor when The Bug finally took me down too.

Acknowledging the Mundane


I had this big long post written about Mother’s Day yesterday. Long paragraphs that I didn’t know how to wrap up, where to end. Mother’s Day has always been such a mixed bag for me- on one hand you have the Mother’s Day where I turned into a sobbing mess in the mall because we just had our 2nd miscarriage and I never, ever knew if I was going to be a mom.  Then you have the Mother’s Day 2 year later where Scorch was born.  Yes, on Mother’s Day. The irony wasn’t lost on me.  That Mother’s Day was simply the most amazing day ever- and it’s hard for any Mother’s Day after that to live up to that day.

I think we, as mothers, put this huge expectation on the day.  That we’ll sleep in, get breakfast in bed, that our kids will get along all day long and not a thing will ever go wrong as we spend a whole day focused on us.  But let’s face it, the reality never lives up. Babies need to be nursed, butts need to be wiped, food needs to get made, balls need to be caught, fights need to be broken up and nothing ever goes nearly as well as you hoped.

But you know that? That’s OK. That’s life- that is exactly the life I literally cried for in the food court that Mother’s Day 9 years go, warts and all.  Yup, the burgers were too well done and I did have to pull the Mother’s Day card on my kids yesterday as they fought in the car on the way to church (exact quote: “It is MOTHER’S DAY and you two will knock this off and not ruin the day for me, so help me God.” awesome.) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My family did a wonderful job making me feel special and even when things slid back towards the mundane- it was *my* mundane and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.





Dirty Girls Make for Filthy Women


This past weekend, I had the time of my life when 5 friends and I drove about 2 hours to take part in a Dirty Girl Mud Run.  I had heard about this run last summer when some friends did it and it looked like a blast. Add in the fact that part of the money raised goes to breast cancer and basically you had the perfect excuse for a girl’s weekend.

So after months of planning everything from when we were going, where we were staying and what we were going to wear, we were off- dressed in our finest ’80-inspired fashions!  Our wave was at 11:30 in the morning so when we arrived the fun was in full swing. 2 DJs, a band and 8,000 runners alone on Saturday- it was a mad house in the best possible way.  Women of every age and shape were walking around sporting some awesome team t-shirts- Save 2nd Base, The Dirty DD’s, Mud, Sweat & Cheers- tutus, crazy socks and wacky headbands.  It was really, really impressive.


I had no idea what to expect from the actual run- was it going to be too hard? Too easy? How dirty were we going to get? Turns out, I worried for nothing.  There wasn’t much running at all- you simply couldn’t run over the terrain with that many people on our course. We ran when we could, but we walked about 95% of the 5K.  The obstacles were absolutely do-able- although I though 2 of them were difficult. I was very, very glad I had on leggings as your legs take a beating between all the climbing and crawling.


But we did them all. Even the most girl-y of us crawled in the mud pit and “swam” through the mud bath.


As for getting dirty? Yeah- even if you skipped all the obstacles, you were still getting wet and muddy because our course had us walking thru a creek at least 4 times.  And if you chose to play, splash and throw the mud around? Well, you ended up looking like this:


When the fun was over, there were food and beer vendors, places to buy Dirty Girl merchandise and plenty of places to sit and relax. I seriously can’t recommend this enough- we’ve already signed up for 2014!


(that’s me- it took 3 showers to get all the dirt off!)

Which One?


The Bean picks out her PJs every night- which typically means she wears anything other than clothes that are meant to be slept in. Tonight she decided she wanted to wear yellow to bed, so she pulled out two yellow t-shirts- one with butterflies and one with flip flops on it.

Mom- which one should I wear to bed?

The one with the butterflies.

No, Mom- which one should I wear?

I said, I like the ones with the butterflies.

Mom, I said- which shirt should I wear?! (she’s clearly exasperated with me at this point judging by her “you’re such a dummy” attitude directed at me)

Umm, the one with the flip flops?

Great, I’ll wear that one!

Why did she even ask my opinion when clearly there was only one right answers?


I noted the other night how exhausted I was, thinking it was the early morning workouts taking their toll. Yeah, turned out I had strep throat. I didn’t even know adults could get that! Regardless, it completely kicked my butt and I have never been more thankful that my kids are older then I was yesterday as the Hubs was stuck at work and I couldn’t get out of bed.  My kids pulled together their own dinner, left me alone and even put themselves to bed when I told them to. It wasn’t pretty but we all managed and, thanks to the power of antibiotics, I woke up today feeling much, much better.

This Crazy, Boring Life


I keep waiting for something funny/ clever/ sweet to happen so I can share it here, but so far, I got nothing. Our days are a blur of work, school, swim lessons and karate- with the occasional snow day and sick day thrown in. We’re in the thick of signing up for summer camps and finalizing vacation plans- which is both wonderful and surreal considering the snow is still falling outside.

> I have been reading a lot lately. All good books, although nothing has been spectacular. It’s been a while since I’ve read a book that complete captivated me and I’m also on the hunt. Any recommendations?

> Beaner is dressing herself daily now- and dictating how her hair is done. Half the time she looks like a hot mess and I love it. Good lord, I hope she never, ever loses her individuality and doesn’t become a sheep, trying to blend into the crowd. There is something absolutely delightful about seeing what she pulls together even if 75% of what she puts on doesn’t make it out out front door (a mismatched bathing suit, boots and gloves are not appropriate for school, sadly).

> I started playing Candy Crush. I have such a love / hate relationship with it.  Mostly hate.

> I’ve been working out 6 days a week and joined Weight Watchers about 7 weeks ago and I’ve lost 12 lbs. Best feeling ever was having to go shopping for smaller jeans. The only downside is that 5x a week I’m getting up at 5 am to work out. I’m freaking exhausted, y’all.

> I tried a new recipe last night for dinner and it was a huge a success! You can find the recipe here- we paired it with fried rice and it was delish. So delish in fact, that I think I deserve a metal for not killing the Hubs when I woke up this morning to find he forgot to put all the leftovers back in the fridge last night and I had to throw everything out. Grrr…

> Scorch has stated reading before bed- I give him 5-10 minutes before lights out. Every single night he fights me when it’s time to go to bed and I love it. I can’t tell him that, of course, but I’m doing everything I can to encourage him. Please, please, please let him always love reading.

Here’s hoping my kids do something awesome tomorrow so I have a coherent post up soon!


30 Days of Thanks: Good Tunes


I was struggling last summer to come up with birthday gift ideas for myself. I mean, I need new towels and would love a Dyson, but that’s not fun at all. So I told the Hubs that I wanted an experience- a trip, a concert, lessons, something like that. I didn’t need another piece of jewelry or a shirt- I wanted to do something.  And my husband, bless him, delivered in a big way.

Last night we saw the Zac Brown Band play- and it was amazing.

Cell phone pic from the concert.

Now, concerts aren’t the Hub’s thing at all. It’s crowed, parking is a bitch, there are loud people everywhere and half of them are drunk, the beers are at least $7 and when we leave, your ears ring for hours.  But I love concerts- the energy, the vibe, making friends with the people around you, the dancing and the really, really bad sing alongs. Love ’em- and I haven’t been going to nearly enough of them lately. Before the kids were born I hit a bunch of shows- Jimmy Buffett, Bruce Springsteen, Blues Travelers, Big & Rich, Garth Brooks, Billy Joel and on and on- but since we had the kids we’ve basically stopped going and last night’s show proved to me that we have to fix that, pronto.

ZBB puts on a hell of show- they play their best songs along with a bunch of cover songs (The Joker by Steve Miller Band was my favorite) and everyone just ate it up.  Zac himself was awesome both on vocals and on guitar, and he was backed by true musicians that were just as much fun to watch and listen to.  I could have watched his fiddle player play for 2 hours by himself he was that good.  Even the opening act was fantastic- I have absolutely no complaints about the show from beginning to end.

So tonight, I’m very thankful for great music that fills my soul and for a husband that sucks it up so I can enjoy an amazing night!




I think there is something wrong with me. Let’s look at the evidence:

1) Last weekend, I ordered our Christmas cards (they arrived today- they are gorgeous!).

2) Tonight instead of putting together a meaningful blog post and/or folding laundry, I’m creating Christmas lists for everyone (think “everything Star Wars from Target” is specific enough for what to get the kids?).

3) I’ve already purchased a few Christmas gifts- mainly for my niece because she’s 1 and clothes for little girls are my kryptonite, but still, I have gifts regardless of who they are for.

I don’t normally worry about any of this until after Thanksgiving. It’s not even Halloween yet. Am I maturing? Growing? Learning to be someone who plans ahead? I just don’t know who I am anymore- and it’s scaring me.


I Don’t Do Scary


We ordered the kid’s Halloween costumes a few weeks back and when they came, the kids wanted to wear them all the time. So much so that I finally hung them up in Bean’s closest so they would last until the end of the month. I figured it was a safe spot as we very rarely go in there and I knew the kids wouldn’t stumble on them by accident and dig them back out.

What I didn’t count on was me forgetting about the costumes, opening up the closet and almost peeing my pants in fright.


(Bonus points if you can tell what both kids are being from this pic.)


We were invited last weekend to go on a Haunted Hay Ride. I quickly declined because I don’t do scary at all- and, quite frankly, even a high school version of a haunted hay ride may be too much for me.  But just because I don’t like being scared doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing other people be scared.

Here are some pictures of people going through a Haunted House in LA (I think). #4 and #19 makes me giggle every time I see them.

And this is from a few years ago when Ellen had one of her writers go through a Haunted House. I laugh because I would have gone through the same exact way- talking to myself, psyching myself up, screaming at crazy times and and ultimately needed a new pair of pants when I was done. Love it!