May21

How to Give Your Husband a Complex: Part I & II

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Part I

“Heather- come in here. Now, please.”

I’m a little annoyed at the Hub’s request this morning as I’m in the middle of a battle of wills with the Bean over what shirt she can wear to school. Normally I let her pick- but a fleece long sleeved shirt with a hood is a bit much on an 80 degree day.  So I’m a little huffy as I walk into our bedroom- until I get a look at the Hubs.

He’s standing there wearing his work pants and one of the brand new white t-shirts I bought him to wear under his polos.  I just bought the white shirts yesterday- they are freshly washed and ready to go for a new week.  These are the t-shirts I always gets him in the size he always wears- only this shirt is skin tight and about 2 inches to short.

I can’t help it, I started cracking up.  The Hubs is not amused as he asked me if it’s possible the t-shirts shrunk. Sure- they may have shrunk, but not that much. I suggested that perhaps he needs a bigger size and ran out of the room before I could bear the brunt of his string of curses. He texted me later in the day talking about the strict diet he’s going on and how he’s doubling up his workouts.

This afternoon as we’re getting the garbage ready for trash day, the Hubs found the package from the t-shirts I bought him. Turns out I bought him his size in a boys not in mens!  I have never seen him so relieved in my life.

~*~*~*~*~

Part II

Despite what my teasing may suggest, the Hubs is in great shape because he works out 5-6 days a week.  He came home after tonight’s workout telling me about this annoying kid who was cheering him on during his exercises.

Come on, buddy, you can do it! Way to go, man!

When I asked the Hubs how old the kid was, he told me he was 18.  Without thinking, I said “Oh, so he’s exactly half your age. He really is young!”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Hubs doesn’t speak to me the rest of the night.

 

May17

Home Again

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After a whirlwind trip down to VA, I’m home again! It’s always fun for me to travel for work, especially now that I’m working with folks that I haven’t met before.  I love seeing if my mental picture lines up with what people look like in person. On this particular case, I was only close with one out of the five people I met. Clearly I’m losing my edge.

From the plane on the way home…

I got home yesterday around 9:30, so it was perfect timing. The kids were sound asleep, but I still had enough time to before I had to hit the sack to catch up with the Hubs.  The Hubs did a wonderful job while I was gone, but I have to admit to being more then a little pleased when he copped to how frazzled he was yesterday morning.  It’s not easy trying to get yourself and two little people out the door in the morning between breakfast and getting dressed and teeth and vitamins and making lunches. Throw in a dog who needs two different kinds of medicine, to be fed and to be let out twice and it’s easy to go from frazzled to crazy in no time.  After he was done telling me about his morning, I told him how nice it was to sleep 9 hours straight and to shower in peace and quiet for as long as I wanted.  He didn’t find it as funny as I did.

Flying into some cloud cover over Philly.

But now that I’m back, the real craziness begins. On top of my page long to-do list from my meeting, we’re gearing up for a weekend full of birthday parties for Scorch.  Saturday we’re hosting 25 family members at our house and on Sunday we’re heading to a party location so Scorch can celebrate with 32 of his closest buddies. It’ll be a mad house- so say a prayer for us!

May15

On The Road

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When anyone in our family has a crazy schedule, 9 time out of 10, it’s the Hubs. Early mornings, late nights and the occasional business trips- that life is his domain. I’m the steady parent at home- always there to get the kids  to school, always there to pick them up.

But not today.

My view at 10 am this morning…

 

This morning I got up at my normal time, but instead of going for a run, I got suited up.  Dress pants, a blouse, heels and a full face of make up before I headed to the airport. 4 hours and 1 lay over later, I arrived at an the office. I got to spend the afternoon and evening with adults, talking about grown up things and feeling ridiculously productive.  Then I got to go out to dinner with my boss at a place with cloth napkins- and I didn’t need to wipe anyone’s face once.

After dinner my boss had to take off, so I spend a lovely evening walking around an outdoor shopping center going into places I never go with the kids. Then I got dessert and didn’t have to share a single bit. Best of all, I get to do it all over again tomorrow before heading home tomorrow night.

I love my family like crazy and I can’t wait to see them tomorrow- but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy every stinking minute of this time away!

May13

Happy Mother’s Day

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There is so much in my life to be thankful for- including all the incredible mother’s in my life.

I could not have hand picked a better Mom. As a kid she kept me on the straight and narrow, expected great things out of me and didn’t allow me to settle for less, and she loved me like crazy. As an adult, she’s the one I talk to daily, call for advice on everything from cooking to kids and is the one I can always count on.  There are not enough ways to say thank you for all the things she’s done for me and my family.

 

One of the best parts about my childhood was that all my extended family lived within an hour of us and we got together a lot. Vacations, parties, BBQs- not a month would go by without some family function or another.  And, thankfully, in my family it doesn’t matter whose kid you are, if you’re acting up, you’re going to be called out on it.  So I owe a huge thank you to my aunts, grandmother and great-grandmother for being the village that helped raise me. I’m the better person for it!

When I met the Hubs, I knew within a month that he was The One. What  I didn’t know what whether or not his family would like me or I them as it took a good 2 months of dating before I met them.  I still remember the nerves I felt on the drive over to his house.  Turns out I was worried for nothing. I married into a family of amazing mothers, step-mothers and grandmothers.  Marrying into a family can be a tricky thing, but they have never shown me anything but kindness, respect and love and I can’t imagine life without them.

I have never lacked for strong female role models in my life, and I’m so happy to see history repeating itself for my kids with my sister, in-laws, extended family and friends.  A very happy Mother’s Day to you all!!

May10

Miss. Attitude 2012

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Sometimes I wonder why we thought it was a good idea to teach our kids to talk. And by sometimes, I mean today.

The was the situation in my house after school today between Beaner and me:

Mo-om, I said I wanted hot chocolate. Get it for me now!

Excuse me? Want to try that again.

Get it for me now, puh-lease!

Umm..still not good enough. Let’s get rid of all that attitude.

I. Want. Hot. Chocolate. Please. Mom. (foot stomp)

Nope- still not feeling it.

Jeez- how many times do I have to ask?! Can’t you hear?

Cut to 15 minutes later, after a time out and some time to reflect.

Ok. I’m sorry. May I please have some hot chocolate?

Absolutely. Take a seat and I’ll make it.

The Bean walks over to the one chair of the 8 she could pick that has papers on it. She sweeps them all to the floor.

Nope- absolutely not. Please pick those papers up and set them down on the table nicely.

No.

Excuse me?

No. I will not pick them up. You do it.

I didn’t make the mess, missy. You best pick them up now or no hot chocolate for you.

Fine. I didn’t want hot chocolate anyhow. It’s stupid.

People, it’s a wonder that I don’t drink living with this child.

May8

Brain Dump

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I really hate those nights when I sit here and just stare at my blank screen, wondering what to write about. I know I had a million ideas pop into my head during the day today but by 8 pm, they are gone. So tonight, I’m taking the easy way out and scatter shooting my thoughts. Here I go…

Scorch’s has his very first loose tooth! The boy swears and declares he’s the last one in his class to have one and he can’t wait for it to fall out. I think he thought that we’d find a loose tooth one day and it would fall out the next. He wiggles it all the damn day trying so hard to hurry the process along. I try not to gag when he does.

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We’re almost two full weeks into Little League and it’s awesome. I had a lot of worries about this. While this league doesn’t follow strict baseball rules, it’s closer then Scorch has ever played before with outs and actual plays and a 3 strikes rule.  So far he, and the rest of his team of 6- 8 year olds, have handled the transition from t-ball beautifully! The games are fun, the parents are all supportive and the kids are having a blast. We were all actually disappointed when his game was rained out tonight.

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I started meeting a friend at 5 am to run. It only gets me up 15 minutes earlier then normal, but I’m exhausted. The good news is that knowing a coyote is in the area is damn good incentive to pick up my pace.

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I was just thinking the other day how nice it is that the Bean is watching such gentle shows like Blues Clues and Wonder Pets. Annoying, but sweet shows where there are no bad guys or fighting.  Then she discovered Power Rangers thanks to Daddy and now that’s all she wants to watch.  I don’t get it.

~~~~~~~~

We decided to do a Big Party for Scorch’s birthday.  I think there are something like 29 kids invited.  To keep it as stress free as possible, I’m doing everything at a play place for kids- so all I have to bring is the cake and decorations.  I also solved my gift / goodie bag worries by requesting in the invites that everyone bring a wrapped book suitable for kids ages 5 – 8 so we can do a book exchange. Every kid will go home with a new book, including the birthday boy, instead of a goodie bag.  Win/win (I hope).

~~~~~~~~

The Hub’s grandfather’s health is very quickly declining.  He’s a wonderful, sweet, smart, funny, vibrant man who’s slowly been stripped of his health for the past 4 years and it’s been the saddest thing to see.  His health and the health of those taking care of him, including his wife and daughters (including my mother-in-law) weigh on the Hubs and I a lot.   I’m open to any suggestion you all my have on discussing death with kids.

~~~~~~~~~

We met with a financial adviser today for the first time! Over all it was a great experience until he told us we’d need to save almost $667,000 over the next 11 years to finance 4 years of a state college for both kids.  I sure hope they like Boot Camp when the time comes to ship them off!

And that’s what’s on my brain. Perhaps I’ll be more coherent tomorrow….

May6

Furry Visitors

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I often joke about living out in the sticks.  And while it’s true that seeing a tractor of some sort chug up our hill is a common sight and our next door neighbors have raised a cow on their 2 acres of land, we really don’t live that far out in the country. If you head one way down our road, you’ll hit a grocery store and Wal-Mart within 2 miles- how rural can that really be?!

Judging by the visitor sunning himself in our backyard this morning, we’re rural enough!

Why hello, Mr. Coyote!

We’ve lived here for almost a decade and we’ve heard the coyotes plenty of times, but I’ve never seen one up close.  We visited with a few of our neighbors today and it turns out, this guy has been making the rounds and we seem to be one of the last on our street to be honored with a visit.

See you- no need to hurry back!

While I don’t mind the occasional visits, I’m very, very thankful our cats stay in doors and our dog is too chicken to pick a fight.

May1

I’ll Never Be Well Rested…

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I had high hopes for last night. The Hubs told us at dinner that he had to be out of the house at 3:45 am for work. While I felt badly for him, I was thrilled for me. Since he had to go to bed uber-early, the TV would be all mine plus I could sleep in. Normally I’m up at 4:55 am during the week to work out, but if he wasn’t home, I could sleep in until 7 when we had to start getting ready for school.  Heaven.

The night started out promising- the kids went down to bed easily, the Hubs soon followed at 9 and I got to catch up on Nikita (don’t judge me). The show ended at 9:45, so I figured I’d read for 30 minutes and go to bed.  An hour later, I finally put the book down and crawled into bed at 10:45, giddy that I could get 8 hours and 15 minutes of sleep.

Not quite. This is how my night went:

12:36 am: I was being poked lightly on my cheek. When I woke up, the Bean was standing there. She wasn’t wearing the PJs I put her to bed in, she just had on thick white tights. I tried not to pee my pants in fear.  I get over it, get her back in bed and hop back into my bed- my spot was still warm. Annoying, but not the end of the world.

12:45: I put the Bean back to bed again, this time after singing her 4 songs, getting her clean tissues and turning on her bedside light. My spot in bed is no longer warm and I’m not feeling as charitable towards my child as I was the first time.

1:49: Crazy, our dog, is at the top of the stairs barking. I stumble out of bed as quick as I can so she doesn’t wake anyone else.  I take her back down stairs and see that our cable box is uploading new software. This happens a few times a month- the cable box shuts itself off and runs through a variety of programing, making little clicking noises each time it does.  Crazy hears these clicking noises and loses her mind. So I have to put her outside and wait for the damn thing to cycle through. 11 minutes later, it’s done and the freaking dog doesn’t want to come back in. So I’m standing on my back porch in my night gown reeling in my dumb dog by her run line muttering every name in the book towards this creature. Clearly, I’m not at all amused.

3:10: The alarm goes off. The Hubs has the courtesy to turn it off really quickly so I roll over and go back to bed without too much of a problem.

3:47: The Hubs wakes me up to kiss me goodbye. So sweet but that doesn’t stop me from imaging the ways I want to hurt him because he woke me up.

4:23: Scorch wake up with a bad dream. Something about the X-Men, a box and a bad guy. I frankly don’t care, so I mentally threaten him within an inch of his all the while soothing him to get him to go back to bed.  I grab his pillow pet and one of his blankets that is two inches too short and lay down on his floor because by that time I’m ready to fall asleep standing up. He blessedly falls back asleep just as I lose feeling in my arms from laying on the floor and I’m back in my bed by 4:35.

6:00: Scorch is up for the day! Which means I’m up for a few minutes while I get him settled in front of the TV. I’ve got 1 more hour before I have to get up- I’m not wasting a minute of it.

6:44: The Bean is up for the day.  Of course she is.

That is why I’m more exhausted on my day to sleep in than I have been in a long while. *yawn*

Apr30

Not For the Weak or Easily Confused

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I knew life wouldn’t be boring thanks to my kids, but lately they are making my brain hurt. In the past 24 hours, we’ve discussed:

> What an electric chair is and why it’s used (thanks, Billy Joel!)

> Why some pen!ses look different then others…

> Which lead us to a great discussion on circumcision, how it’s done and why some people do it.

> Why doing things like tooting, picking your nose and wiping your nose on your shirt isn’t acceptable (not that my kids do those things- obviously we were talking about other kids)

> And one more thing that I can’t remember because too much of my brains had already leaked onto the floor. I think it was about why Scorch needed to wear a cup for baseball, what a cup does, etc.   I had already blacked out by then.

Parenting is so kicking my butt today.