When Scorch gets in Big Trouble, it not usually over what he’s done.  It’s typically because after the fact he will not stop talking. Ever.

Take today for example.  The kids were watching a movie after school when halfway through, Beaner decides to annoy her brother by turning off the TV.  So Scorch shoved her, she fell over and chaos ensued.

When the dust settled, Bean was reprimanded for annoying her brother and Scorch was in trouble for pushing his sister.  It wasn’t a big deal nor did it merit a huge punishment for either kid, but Scorch was indignant that he got in any trouble at all. Clearly everything was the Bean’s fault- she was mean and rude and awful and he, Scorch, wanted an immediate apology (note: one was already given) and a full pardon.  Nothing else would do and Scorch kept going on and on and on about this grave injustice.

He got himself worked up even more by listing every single sin his sister (and I and the Hubs) had made against him during his entire life , crying and carrying on.  Finally I sent him to his room for 15 minutes just to give him time to calm down. He wasn’t in trouble, but he did need to shut his mouth, get control of himself and relax a bit.

Within a minute or two, there was silence coming from his room and I relaxed thinking that he finally got it together. Just as I was getting ready to go down the hall to talk to him, Scorch stepped out of his room and threw a wadded up piece of paper at me yelling at me to read it.  So I did.

Translation: "I don't like you. You're being mean."

Evidently having me laugh so hard I almost peed myself wasn’t the appropriate response to his missive, because Scorch sent another one almost immediately following.

Translation: "I hate you."

Obviously that note with that language wasn’t met with outward laughter and Scorch, the Bean and I had a long talk about how words can hurt and all that, but inside I really did pee my pants.  The fact that Scorch 1) can’t keep his mouth shut and 2) expresses himself by writing me notes where he sound out the words all by himself gives me endless hours of entertainment after the fact.  I do love that kid!

A few days ago I took the kids to see Mary, their amazing former nanny, and her 5 day old son.  The kids were virtually bouncing with excitement over seeing Mary, her husband and the new baby.  They were so excited, that I had to warn them that they had to be very careful around Mary since she had a c-section- that meant none of their normal jumping hugs, no tight squeezes, etc.

The kids were fascinated by this notion of a big cut on Mary’s belly and wanted to know if Aunt Red had a big cut on her belly when she had Baby Lala.  I told her that she did.  They mentioned a few other friends who also coincidentally had c-sections as well.  Then Scorch said that he didn’t remember me having a big boo-boo on my belly when the Bean was born.

I froze for a second because I didn’t have to have a c-section when I had my kids.  But I didn’t know if it was easier for them to just think I did or if I wanted to walk down the path that is natural childbirth with them.  Ultimately, I opted for a slightly modified version of the truth.

“Well, I didn’t have a boo-boo on my tummy when I had you guys. Ladies have a special hole down in their private area where babies can be born out of.”

I was very proud of myself for being honest without going into too much detail (something I’ve been guilty of in the past). The kids were quiet for a second, then Scorch spoke up again.

“So wait- ladies poop out babies?! That is so disgusting.  I am so glad I’m a boy.”

I was too busy laughing to correct him before we arrived at Mary’s house- here’s hoping he doesn’t start spreading that rumor around before we get a chance to have another discussion!

I’m not sure who’s 5 year old was living with us today, but I don’t think it was Scorch.

This little boy was rude, argumentative and defiant.  My Scorch isn’t a perfect child, but he’s always been a pleaser. When he acts out, my Scorch wants to make it better and really doesn’t want to be in trouble. This Scorch? He basically begged to be put in time out multiple times today.

It all started with a plethora of potty words this morning.  Every other word in the Christmas carols he was singing were replaced with “poop” and it was making me crazy. After the 3rd warning, I told him that each and every time I heard a potty word come out of his mouth, he’d sit in timeout.  He was walking down the stairs at the time and I swear to you, that child turned around, looked right at me and said “Poop” as distinctly as he could.

Well then.  Welcome to time out, Scorch.

Things improved moderately during the day but when it was time for bed, the other Scorch appeared again.  This child, when told he must go brush his teeth, looked right at his father and said “I don’t have to listen to you.”

The best (?) part was the minute he said this, Scorches eyes got huge because he knew he just crossed a major line and he had no idea what would come next.  But, very similar to his father, once he committed, he just went with it and dug himself in that hole that much further. “You are not the boss of me and I do not have to do what you tell me to.”  I give him credit for not giving into his common sense and self preservation and just running with his sassiness.

After a suitable punishment, some tears, and a 5 minute long teeth brushing session, Scorch finally went to bed. I’m really hoping this changling child who woke up in Scorch’s bed is gone tomorrow and my sweet boy is back. Other wise it’s going to be  a long, long day.