Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
May3

5 More Minutes

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Sometimes I worry that when my kids look back on their lives, the only thing they are going to remember is me telling them to hurry up.  That’s partly the Hubs fault and partly their fault*.  I try to be punctual, but I’m married to a man who keeps his own internal clock and that clock? It’s always broken so we’re constantly late to things.  Add in the fact that 2 and 4 year olds aren’t the quickest of individuals (unless they are running away from you in the grocery store) and I’m constantly yelling things like “Get a move on!” or “The bus is leaving- get on or stay home!” or “Pay attention and keep up, please!”

For the most part, I have an internal time table in my head. We need to be out the door by 7:45 for school. We need to leave school by 8:10 to get home and get to work on time. Dinner is at 6.  The Bean’s bedtime starts at 7, Scorch’s at 7:30.  And when those time lines start slipping? That’s when my shoulders start getting more tense and I start in with the hurrying up.

I’m trying to break that habit now as I’m getting sick of hearing myself saying the same things over and over. Some timelines are non-negotiable.  We need to get to school on time so I can get to work on time- period.  But dinner time? Does anyone really care if dinner is on the table 10 minutes late so we can spend more time enjoying the nicer weather? Nope. And bedtime- does a 15 minute slip matter in the grand scheme of things if that slip allows me to get in extra hugs or share another Superhero story with the kids.  Those are the memories I want my kids to keep with them, not the nagging mom ones.

So tonight, I grabbed those extra hugs, I sang another song to Bean and I explained exactly how Anakin became Darth Vader to Scorch.  It was a great night.

*I, of course, am always on time. Except this morning when I decided that instead of setting the alarm, I’d rely on Scorch (my very early riser) to get me out bed. Fool proof- except he slept in and we didn’t get out of bed until 7:27 this morning. Whoops.

May2

That Mom

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Before we had kids, I was never going to be That Mom.  That mom who never wanted to leave her kids. That mom who got teary eyed before trips and spent all her free time either 1) talking about her kids or 2) checking in on her kids.

But…guess, what? I kinda am.

I’ll be leaving the kiddos for a week later this month for a combination persona and business trip.  Prior to this, the longest I’ve been away from the kids is 3 days.

I know they’ll be in great hands (the Hubs & my parents- hello!) and I know that both trips are going to be great- but man, I’m dreading being gone.  Growing up, my parents always took yearly trips away from us kids. Even if they went to the next town over and stayed in a nice hotel for a night or two, they always made their relationship a priority. And I agree with that completely but now that the time is getting closer I’m getting itchy.

Scorch will roll with this well, but Bean? Bean’s not even 3 year and she’s very attached to us.  Frankly, she’s going to be mad as hell that we left and I know we’re going to pay for this dearly.  But I’m going…I’m going to worry and fret until it’s time to go, then I’m going to enjoy every minute while I’m gone and, finally, I’m going to love up those kids like crazy when I get home.

Apr28

The Games We Play

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The Bean has a game she likes to play. The Stalling Game.  You know, the game where your kids do everything in their power to stall before bed.  I thought we were over this game, but evidently not as she’s back to insisting she needs to go potty 6 times before bed.  The minute you put her on the potty after she goes the first time, she just wants to play. Or read a magazine. Or simply goof off.  But heaven help you if you try to pry her little hiney off the potty before she’s “done” because she’ll scream the house down.

We’re on minute 8 of her yelling for me from her bed that she has to go potty.  And I feel like a jerk for not taking her. All sorts of thoughts run through my head- what if she really does need to go (again- she’s already been 4 times)? What if she has a UTI? What if, what if, what if?  So I sit here and stew and feel badly and worry even though I know darn well the minute I go in to get her, she’ll turn off the water works, grin from ear to ear and proceed to waste 2 minutes pretending to go potty.

Which makes me wonder, as I’m typing this out, if I’m picking my battles or just being as stubborn as she is.  If I go in and get the Bean right now, it’ll take 5 minutes tops to undress her, let her try and put her back to bed and walk away.  She may or may not stop crying and go to bed after that.   On the other hand, if I go in and get her right now knowing full well she doesn’t have to go, am I giving in and setting myself up for more trouble and stalling going forward?

Yes, I do realize these aren’t end of the world problems. But lordy, it’s bothering me.

Apr26

Crazy Thankful

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There are days- every day to be exact- that I’m so thankful for my kids.  But some days, the thankfulness is muted by exhaustion, frustration, or plain old boredom.  I mean- clearly I’m raising the smartest, funniest, most talented 4 year old and 2 year old in the world, but there are only so many times you can remind your kids to stop hitting/brush their teeth/sit still/stop talking before you start losing your mind.

But today? Today I’m feeling ferociously thankful for those two little buggers. There is no reason in particular- in all honesty today was a crazy, stressful day and tonight was a typical Tuesday with the swim lessons, dinner, bath time & bed nuttiness.  The kids spent the whole drive home fighting over what song to listen to on the radio, stealing each others toys and generally being crazy making.  Bedtime was a struggle as the Hubs had to go back to work and I was doing it all solo all the while juggling Crazy Dog because it was storming.

45 minutes after bedtime, the Bean woke up crying because the thunder was so loud it woke her up. I went in to calm her down and as we were sitting there, my overtired goof got a case of the giggles. I’m talking shoulder shaking, snorting you’re laughing so hard, giggles. As I’m watching her curls bounce up and down and listening to her laughter,  I thought to myself that there is no place else on this earth I’d rather be right now then where I was holding the Bean.*

*Note- should these storms wake her up after I go to bed for the night, I reserve the right to change my mind.

Apr25

They’re Worth It

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“MOMMY!”

“What Bean?”

“I haf cat hair in my mouth.”

“I’m sorry, sweets- that is what you get when you wrestle with Mooch.”

“Please get it out.”

“Excuse me? You want me to get that cat hair out of your mouth?”

“Yup.”

And that is how I found myself scraping my daughter’s tongue with my fingernails to get the cat hair out of her mouth.

I had no idea about all the ridiculous things I’d have to do as a parent.  I knew about the butt wiping, the vomit cleaning (*shudder*) and the drool drying- everyone loves to tell you about the gross things. But how come no one told me about the rest.  No one warned me about…

– the appropriate response when your kid tries to stick their finger up one of the pet’s bums (thankfully a phase both my kids have long out grown)

– how exactly to respond when your kid informs you quite adamantly that that long haired guy with 7 earring ringing you out at the grocery store is a girl.  Loudly. Over and over.

– the proper reaction when your newly potty trained child announces to everyone in the  public rest room what you’re doing in great detail.

– the fact that you will, on more then one occasion, fish something out of the toilet that your kids dropped in.  Even when the water isn’t exactly clean.

Why were these things not mentioned? Consider this fair warning- you will be embarrassed and grossed out by your kids regularly.  You’ll do things you’d never think you’d do all for the sake of saving your plumbing and making your kids happy- so make sure you have rubber gloves around and have a thick skin. The kids are worth it.

Apr21

Sing, Sing a Song…

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This has been one of those busy weeks where life just doesn’t stop.  Tuesday we dealt with a circuit problem in the house which left half my house without power.  Not the end of the world- just annoying and a little worrying when your handymen friends are say things like “I don’t think there is a fire in your walls…”.   Thankfully there were no fires, just a relatively small problem that took us 12 hours to locate.  Our friend who finally figured it out was rewarded with beer and a game (or 12) of Baseball on the Wii until late at night. I felt like I was in college again, only with a bigger TV, better beer and cooler gaming console.

Then last night I had a meeting after work.  I don’t get out often without kids, so I milked this meeting for all it’s worth.  I picked up take out, I went shopping. I stayed out late because I could and I enjoyed every minute of the silence.

My family is many wonderful things- but they aren’t quiet.  Ever. And if they are, I’m scared because that means they are doing something they shouldn’t and don’t want to draw attention.  Like the other night when the Bean went into my room because she wanted to “read” to Mooch, our cat.  After a few minutes when I stopped hearing her talking I went in to check and found her, and the cat’s paws, covered with Vaseline.  The cat was, as you can imagine, thrilled.

I have to admit, I’m just as guilty as the kids of being loud. I talk to myself, sing to myself, talk to the kids or Hubs or the animals all the time.  The only time I’m ever quiet really is when I’m reading- of which I’ve done a lot of this week.* Sometimes the loudness is a good thing.  Like tonight when the Bean was fake sobbing over some injustice before bed (aka: her stalling tactics didn’t work).  As soon as she started in, I started signing loudly to drown her out.  Scorch was with us, so he started singing backup for me as I made up crazier and crazier lyrics until we were all laughing and the Bean was finally ready for bed.

The moment was capped completely when we were done and Scorch looks at me says “Mom- you have a horrible voice.” And the Bean pipes up and says “yeah- you bad.”  They are right- I do and I am, but I’m still going to keep belting out the tunes anyhow.
******

This week I’ve managed to read 4 books:

– Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.  I wanted to like this story, I really did. But it was just blah. A long book about a whole lot of nothing.
– SpyGlass by Maria V. Snyder.  This is the 6th book I’ve read by her and I still don’t understand why I like them so much, but I do! Quick easy reads.
– Matched by Ally Condie. A dystopian YA novel about a world in the future where everything is perfect. All your choices are made for you, including what you eat, who you marry, what job you do, etc.  But what happens when you want to make your own choices?  A little slow, but quite good. I guess this is the first in a trilogy, so I’ll be interested to read the next two when they come out!
– Third Degree by Greg Iles- Eh. It kept my attention and I read it quickly (started it last night and finished it this evening), but there wasn’t a lot of meat to this novel.  Most of his other thrillers are more layered- but they are also part of a series. This was a one off and took place over about 12 hours, so you never really delved into the character deeply.

Apr18

Sugar & Spice

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When Scorch was born, I was more then a little surprised that he was a boy.  I don’t know why- I have two nephews, the Hubs is one of 3 boys and we never had an ultrasound telling us what we were having, other then a hopefully healthy baby.  It was just a feeling I had- I thought I was having a girl.  Then Scorch came out and promptly peed all over the nurse- obviously my mother’s intuition wasn’t off to a great start.

So when I was pregnant with the Bean, I was sure I having another boy. And I was thrilled about that- I had 2.5 years of parenting a boy under my belt, so another one would have fit right in.  Then the Bean arrived clearly lacking the bits and pieces Scorch had and we were all shocked.  Strike 2 for mother’s intuition.

Once I wrapped my head around raising a girl, I was thrilled. I’m not a girly-girl but I am very close with my own Mom, so I was happy that I had a girl to have that same type of closeness with.  I had visions of bows and Barbie’s and baby dolls.  And the Bean is all that. She wears pig tails and loves pink and will rock her baby and pat it’s back while lovingly crooning to it.

Then she’ll set her baby down and pick up her brother’s Iron Man book.  She can tell you who her favorite super hero is, help you figure out who various dinosaurs are and laugh herself silly over someone burping.  Even those things, I get- her brother’s influence is all over that.  But then she really does some things out of left field- wiping her boogers on someone, trying to use a pillow to climb up on a chair, to climb up on a counter to open the freezer, trying to ride the dog- that I just don’t get.  Where does she learn these things?  Because Scorch, even at his worst, never did any of that. He never deliberately tried to fart on someone and then laughed like a loon.  He never drew on tables or ran away from us at the park. Who’s kid is that?

She’s ours. I have no doubt she’ll give us every gray hair on our head as we get older. And, as I rocked her tiny 25 lb almost 3 year old body, I couldn’t have been more happy about that.  I want to freeze her right now when she’s still baby enough to want to rock and cuddle, but old enough to say things that are so smart and funny.  Raising a girl honestly scares me half to death- but I’m hoping she uses her sassy, stubborn, always mischievous powers for good.  Parenting her is going to be one heck of a ride!

Apr13

Just So

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There is a lot about raising kids that I love, and there is a lot about raising kids that mystifies me.  The things my kids choose to sleep with is one of those things that I just don’t understand and gave up trying to figure out a long time ago.

The Bean, bless her little soul, still sleeps in a crib.  As far as I’m concerned she can stay there until she’s 7 if she stays small enough.  It keeps her contained and I don’t have to worry about what she’s climbing on, getting into and/or eating for those 12 glorious hours a night she’s sleeping.  She typically goes down to bed very easily at night, but only if things in her crib are just so.

First, she needs to have water and a cup with at least 10 mini-Nilla waffers (don’t judge me people) in it.  Her stuffed animals- her mama polar bear, baby polar bear, kitty and brown bear must be down at the foot of her crib.  She needs to have 2 clean tissues to the right of her head- these tissues need to be straight out of the box. Unused tissues from the night before aren’t good enough because they are rumpled up- new tissues only.  She also needs to sleep with at least 2 pacifiers- one in her mouth and one next to the clean tissues.  And last, but not least, the Bean also needs to be holding on to the a 2nd baby polar bear stuffed animal and needs to be covered up with her special pink blanket. Heaven take pity on you if that blanket is dirty because the Bean sure won’t!

As for Scorch, well he needs to sleep with an assortment of at least 15 different stuffed animals in his twin sized bed with him.  He’s not too particular about their placement except for a few.  His cheetah and gray cat have to be at the foot of his bed to scare off any monsters and he needs to sleep with his lamb and his frog by his head.  He must also sleep with a bunch of other crap- Iron Man figurine, Hot Wheels, and occasionally a rock or three.  All that crap must go next to his head on top of his Pillow Pet covered up by his NY Giants pillow to keep them all warm.  I have no idea why he insists on having all that stuff in his bed- but usually by the time Scorch’s bed time comes around I’m too damn tired to fight him on any of it.  I figure I’ll let his wife deal with it when he gets married. Better her then me because he can be one stubborn little boy!

 

 

Apr12

Too Cool for School

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Last week, a friend asked if I would bring the Bean to a college class that her husband taught.  He wanted his students to get a chance to observe infants and toddlers- to see how they play, how they learn and how they react to things.  I agreed immediately with the big disclaimer that I had no idea- none what so ever- how the Bean would react in front of a class full of college kids.  Would she charm them? Cling to me?  Throw a fit? Ignore them all and play quietly?  With Bean you literally never know what you’re going to get one minute to the next.

So today was the day.  We had been talking for two days about going to Mr. Steve’s class and playing with the big kids. We practiced how we’d show them how the Bean hops, how she can find her body parts, and we talked about stories she could tell. I may or may not have also tempted her with the promise of M&M’s if she was good, so I was feeling good walking into the classroom.

At first, Bean was enthralled with the puzzles so I was able to sneak away and let her play with the students.  I was mentally high-fiving myself thinking I was now going to have an hour to talk to the other mom’s there- women who I don’t spend enough time with even though I wish I did- while the Bean was babysat by 30 college kids.   Yeah- I’m an idiot.  The Bean lasted all of 2 minutes before she noticed I was gone and she made a beeline right back to me.

That started the clingy phase of the class, where she would only do something if she was also hanging on to me.  She didn’t want to play, she didn’t want color, she didn’t want to read and she didn’t want to answer any of the questions asked to her.  She wanted to sit on my lap and watch the students watch her.  So…yeah, that’s fun for everyone.

At Mr. Steve’s suggestion, we implemented Plan B and took Bean out to the hallway to see if she’d loosen up by running around.  Nope- the only way she’d run was if she was chasing me half laughing and half crying the whole time.  Do you know how dumb 30-something me felt running around the hallway with my 2 year old chasing me in front of 8 teenagers just standing there watching us?  Thank God I have no pride or shame- parenthood is good getting rid of those.

After that fun we moved back into the classroom where, with a combination of great students, cookies and an fun coloring book, Bean finally, finally warmed up.  She turned on the charm and answered questions, played and was generally having a ball.  It only took 50 minutes of the 60 minute class.

At the end of the class, Bean was saying she wanted to go back every week and play with her new friends! As for me, I’m game as long as there are more muffins.

 

 

 

Apr11

Wishing & Hoping

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This weekend the Hubs had to work most of Saturday and he had a honey-do list a mile long on Sunday, so I decided to take the kids and head to my mother-in-law’s house for the weekend.  We’ve been wanting to visit for a while now and us getting out of town made the Hubs feel less guilty about working, so off we went.

The weekend wasn’t without it’s share of glitches, like the two new tires I had to purchase on our way out of town Friday night when I ran over something and sliced my tire right up, but we had a great time never the less!  We played hard at the Please Touch Museum in Philly on Saturday, then continued to play hard at my mother-in-law’s Saturday night and Sunday morning thanks to all the sports equipment she keeps stocked at her house!  Prior to the trip, Scorch didn’t sleep for 2 nights because he was so excited about seeing his Mimi & Grandpa.  He slept great while we were gone, but today the lack of sleep caught up with him.

Mother Nature heard my pleas and Spring seems to finally have arrived so we capitalized on it and hit the park the minute I got out of work. All was well until Scorch saw a group of older kids (10 and older) playing a fun kickball/dodge ball game and wanted to join in the fun. The kids were nice enough, but they basically told him that he couldn’t play- he was too little.  As I was trying to steer him away from the older kids, it started to rain.  The kids telling him no, plus my insistence that was time to go before the heavens really opened up was just too much for Scorch and he started sobbing. I understood his disappointment and sympathized with him a bit, but he was just primed and ready for a full meltdown, so that is what he did.

> First it was over the kids not letting him play and it was so NOT FAIR that he wasn’t older. Why didn’t I have him sooner?

> Then it was NOT FAIR that it was raining and why did it always rain?!

> It was NOT FAIR that I wouldn’t let him pet a strange dog at the park.

> It was really NOT FAIR that I wouldn’t let him have a puppy. Why wouldn’t I let him have a puppy? He really wants a pupppppppppppy!

All I could think about is a puppy?? Seriously- you want a puppy, kid?!  The dog we do have is home drugged to the gills because we have thunderstorms in the forecast and knowing my luck, I’ll be up with her all night to ensure she doesn’t eat her way through our door to get out and you want a PUPPY!?  I would honestly rather give myself a root canal at home then get another dog at this point.

Next time when he melts down, he might as well ask for a unicorn that vomits out rainbows because that is as likely to happen as a new puppy.