Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Nov5

Good People

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I give a lot of thought into what kind of Mom I want to be. I like to think some of my parenting traits come naturally- my affection towards my kids, the fact that I strive to make them happy.  But some things I have to actively work at- like how to react when no one in my house is listening to a blessed thing I say or how to speak to one of the kids when they’ve done something especially wrong.

I also give a lot of thought as my kids are getting older and have their own opinions on everything on how I want to guide them. What I want to encourage, what I want them to steer away from, how I can help nurture whatever God given talents, interests and quirks they have.

~~~~~

A couple of days I ago I was directed to a post on a blog called My Son Is Gay. The gist of the post is how the author’s 5 year old son wanted to dress as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween- complete with the long red-haired wig, sparkly tights & skirt. When the mom and her son went to school that day, the other kid’s thought her son’s outfit was awesome. The other moms? Not so much.  At the end of her post, the author writes:

My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person.

~~~~~

I hate to steal directly from another writer but that right there sums up perfectly how I hope the Hubs & I raise not only Scorch, but Bean too.  I want nothing more for them then for them to grow up being a good people. Happy, generous, loving people. The kind of people who are comfortable in their own skin and who take the time to smile and hold the door for someone.  The kind of people who strive to do good in the world, to make their mark through their friendship & love.

A little goody-too-shoes, I admit.  But I think this world could use a few more good people.



Nov4

Stick a Fork in Me

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There are a lot of times when I feel like I have a handle on this whole motherhood gig. Things roll pretty smoothly- Scorch is on time for school, Bean’s hair doesn’t look like a rats nest and I’ve even put makeup on.

Then there are weeks like this one.  Scorch has been great all week. The boy has two modes- happy and crying. And when he’s crying he’s typically over what ever triggered him within 5 mins.  Wonderful.  The Bean? Well, I’ve just come to the conclusion that she’s crazy.  Certifiably batshit insane.

The mood swings. The screaming. The crying. It. Hasn’t. Stopped. All. Week.

Take this morning for example.  We were walking out the door to take Scorch to school and he asked for a quick snack for the car ride.  Sure, no problem.  Beaner had been great thus far until I offered her some of the snack. She didn’t want any.  Ok, no worries- I put it back.  She screams. I guess she does want some. So I offer her some again.  She tells me no and walks away.  So I put it back.  She screams blood murder and says she wants some.  I put some of the snack in the cup she’s carrying.  Bad idea, Mommy.  She picks up the offending snack and throws it at me.  So I throw it away and she loses her mind because now she wants some again.   At that point, I picked her up and bodily carried her to the car where she proceeded to scream the car down around her until we got to school.

I won’t even tell you about our trip to the store this evening.  Let’s just say, I was sweating bullets by the time we checked out.

Teething? Multiple personalities? Just simply being 2? Pissed off about the terrible weather? I haven’t a clue what’s going on with her.

But man, do I love that little monster. While her challenging moments are way out numbering the sweet, she’s really lucky the sweet still out weighs the sour.

Nov3

Finding Me in Mommy

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A few days ago I got an email from an old college friend. We had lost touch for a long while and were trading the typical what-are-you-up-to-now emails.  He asked me what else I was doing with myself besides chasing around kiddos.

Good question.

~~~~~

Before I had Scorch- a much wanted, long awaited baby- I had a minor freak out over becoming a Mom.  I wanted to be a Mom so so badly, but I didn’t want to only be a Mom.  I wanted to make sure I was still me, Heather- the individual who reads too much, loves chocolate too much, hates veggies too much and talks much, much too fast.

~~~~~

4+ years into this Mommy gig and I’ve come to realize that losing yourself to a degree is inevitable.  At first it’s due to necessity. I breastfed both my kids so, for the first few weeks at least, I couldn’t be away for long. Once they started taking breast milk in a bottle, the leash wasn’t so tight but the kids and their needs had to come first.  I was sleep deprived and exhausted and, within months after having both kids, working full time and staying up all night with my crappy sleepers.  Not exactly the makings of a real dynamo, right?

Now that the kiddos are getting older, I can branch out more. I work full time, so my evenings with the kids are precious. But I’m trying. I took a weekly photography class last spring.  I make sure I get to the gym 2-4 morning a week. Girls night with the various friends I’m blessed to have happens at least once a month. My parents are kind enough to keep the kids at least one night every month, so the Hubs and I get a regular date night (and the morning after to sleep in!).

There is more I’d love to do. I’d love to find a book club that meets in the evening hours (so much around here is structured for stay at home moms!). I want to learn how to knit. I’d love to take another photography class. I’ll get there eventually.

Being Scorch and Bean’s mom is the biggest, best part of me- that will never change. But I’m glad the book-and-chocolate-loving motor mouth in me still gets to come out and play!

Nov1

A Place to Call Home

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The Hubs and I grew up in the suburbs of the same small city living about 30 minutes apart. We went to two different colleges, each within an hour of home. A week after I graduated college, we moved down to the DC area for the Hub’s job. That move was hard- we left everyone we knew to start some place new together as a couple. We lived in Maryland for almost 3 years and really came to love a lot of things there- the wealth of things to do, the convenience of everything being nearby and the mild winters.  But it wasn’t home.

When the Hub’s job offered him a chance to transfer to a city 60 miles north of where we grew up, we jumped at the opportunity. We chose to live in a small town halfway between his job and our home city- so it was easy commuting either way we went. At first our social life was tied into where we grew up with our friends and family who still lived there.  When we talked about home, we were still talking about where we grew up 45 mins from where we were living.

But gradually our new town become home. Making friends when you’re an adult is hard- even for me and I’ll talk to anyone! People have lives and already established friendships and breaking in to those circles is tough. Over the past 8 years though, we’ve done it. Slowly we’ve built up a great group of friends- people I can call in the middle of the night to watch my kids if something happens.  People I’m lucky and blessed to know.

Last night we spent Halloween with some of them and all I could think about is that this- my family around me, good friends celebrating with us- is what makes a place a home.

Oct28

Love Thursday: Big Baby

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You know how sometimes you live with someone so long that you stop noticing things about them? The gray hairs on your spouses head? The dogs weight gain? I’m like that with my kids- only in reverse. I notice that they are getting bigger all the time. This morning, for instance, I realized that I couldn’t take Scorch’s shirt off of him while I’m sitting on the ground any more because the kid is too damn tall.  I marvel daily at how the Bean is putting together crazy complex sentences.

What I forget daily is that my kids are still babies in a lot of ways. Today they both reminded me of that-

> Scorch is having a Harvest Party at school tomorrow and he keeps calling it his Hummus Party.

> The Bean pronounced the word Ghost as “goat” and is convinced that ghosts say “moo,” not “boo.”

I do love those little buggers!  I hope you all have a very happy Halloween!

Oct27

Boys & Girls

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A friend of mine is pregnant with her second, and last, child. They recently found out they were having another daughter and they are thrilled that their eldest will have a same sex sibling. They envision the girls sharing clothes and secrets and being each others best friends. They figure that two girls have a better chance of being close their whole lives then a brother and sister do.

I was a little taken aback though because I never thought about things that way. I hope my kids are close for life and I know darn well they are broadening each others horizons:

> The Bean knows now that a hose nozzle/stick/funny shaped rock isn’t just a nozzle/stick/funny shaped rock, it’s also a fun pretend gun. She ever knows the proper sounds to make when trying to shoot you. (I’m so proud!)

> Scorch’s toe nails are currently painted a gorgeous shade of red (the Hubs is thrilled about that).

> The Bean could tell you if any one of dozens of dinosaurs are meat eaters or plant eaters. (Just don’t ask us to pronounce the dino’s names, k?)

> Scorch is just as likely to sleep with a pink blanket covering him as he is a blue one.

> The Bean will try to pee standing up upside just like her big brother if you let her (we don’t).

How boring life would be if it was only tea parties or mud pies exclusively? We’ve got the best of both worlds here!

 

Oct26

The Punisher

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The Bean is, if I do say so myself, an awesome little kid. She’s hysterically funny and will talk your ears off with a million questions and observations. She’s adorable with her curls and one dimple and she’s tiny enough still that you want to put her in your pocket and carry her around. She’s simply charming.

Except for when she’s mad. Then you best just duck and cover.

And nothing makes the Bean more mad then when I go away.

Whether I’m gone for a few hours for a date night with The Hubs or gone for a few days like this past weekend, I’m going to pay for it. Dearly. While I’m gone, I get reports of how great she was- she acts fine, sleeps great and eats wonderfully. Not a temper tantrum in sight.

Guess she’s saving them up for when I get home because the girl has been crazy the past couple of days. Whining, crying, hitting, sassing and not listening- but only to me.  Our bed time routine is very consistent every night- teeth brushed, PJs on, read 3 books, sing 2 song and then in the crib she goes.  I put her to bed wide awake, we trade “I Love You’s” and that’s that.

Tonight I felt like I was trying to put to sleep a very ticked off octopus/porcupine/Snot Monster- the thrashing, screaming, tears, and hysterics. She didn’t want to read a book. Oh wait, yes she did. But not that one. The other one. No, not that one either- the first one instead. She wants to sing “ABC”- wait no, 4 notes in she wants “Twinkle Twinkle.” No- back to “ABC” NOW!  She wants her diaper changed, but DO NOT unzip her PJs to do it. Damnit- get back to the books already!

It was exhausting for both of us. My next weekend away is going to have to involve a lot more chocolate to sustain me through this torture!

Oct25

Do It Like Daddy Does!

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This weekend, I went away. My mom and I drove down south to help my sister, Red, and her husband, TBO, get ready for their baby due in early 2011.  We had an awesome weekend- we picked out a crib and bedding, set up the baby registry, ate too much food and spent money on gifts and on ourselves.  I got to have a drink of wine with dinner and get up whenever I wanted instead of whenever the kids wanted. In short- it was perfect.

I left the kiddos in the more than capable hands of The Hubs and his mom.  Sounds like the kiddos had the perfect weekend too- they were spoiled rotten with attention and love and the whole weekend revolved around them instead of the things we need to get done (grocery shopping, cleaning) like life does every other weekend.

It was awesome to see the little buggers again this morning- hugs and kisses all around. But all day long, I’ve been hearing the refrain “Do it like Daddy does!”  As in:

> Daddy makes my chocolate milk way more chocolaty- do it like Daddy does!

or

> Daddy let up stay up late and watch one more TV show- do it like Daddy does!

Some things I’m OK with doing like The Hubs did. That is the joy in having  a parenting partner that isn’t your clone- realizing that your way isn’t the only way and sometimes shaking things up is a really good thing.  I learned that lesson on Day 1 of Scorch’s life when I realized we both had very different ways of diapering the kids. There wasn’t one right way (*cough*mine*cough*)- at the end of the day, the kid got diapered, so what did it matter how?

Same rules apply now. I’m not willing to let the kids stay up 25 mins later to watch one more TV show every night, but I am as a treat on weekends. I tend to be the stricter parent, the one very set in her routines. Going away for a weekend is a good reminder for all of us that the way Daddy does things can rock!

Oct21

Love Thursday: Simple Things

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It’s been a long week. A looooong week.

Big doings at work have left me drained. Lots of stress and anxiety and worry as good friends got some really crappy news.

There are also big changes on the home front brewing. Thankfully those changes are good ones- but change of any kind is stressful.

The kiddos are doing wonderfully, but have had their sets of challenges this week as well. Scorch is learning to navigate his way socially at school and while he’s rolling with it, Mama is struggling watching him figure things out.  And Bean? Oh, the Bean. Earlier this week she learned how to get OFF her diaper while still wearing a onsie when she should have been napping and she made a mess in her crib. Thankfully it’s been a one time only deal- but lord only knows when she’ll strike again!

My brain is too fried to do a huge well thought out post, so I’m just going to tell you the simple things in life I’ve been loving this week:

– Tonight it was putting everyone in their PJs by 5:30, eating breakfast for dinner and reading the new library books with the kiddos. Having both kids asleep by 7:45 doesn’t hurt either.

– Good books- since joining the library again, I never have a shortage of books at my finger tips and that makes me happier then I should admit in public. Good books are better then chocolate to me and that’s saying something.

– My fireplace. Snow is *gasp* in the forecast tonight and my fireplace is much appreciated tonight.

– My Mother-in-law who is giving up her weekend to help The Hubs with the kids so I can go to my sister’s house with my mom to start getting things in order for their up coming arrival!

– The fact that Hubs has to work late tonight so I can go to bed at 9 without any guilt.

Happy Love Thursday to you all. Let’s hope next week is a better one!

Oct20

Lazy

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That’s me. I’m lazy.

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not lazy about a lot of things. My job. Watching my kids. Running my errands.

But when it comes to working out, I’m lazy. It doesn’t help that the only time I can find to work out is the crack of dawn- specifically 5:15 am Spin classes. I adore Spinning- and “adore” isn’t a work I typically use when talking about exercise. The pulse pounding music. The yelling instructor. Pushing myself to go faster, further.  It’s really the only form of cardio exercise I enjoy. Frankly, I’m not coordinated enough to do anything else!

But lordy, 4:45 comes early when I have to get up and leave my warm bed. I do love my warm bed- even more then I adore Spin classes. Once I talk myself out of bed, I have 15 mins to brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed and get out the door- all while being as quiet as possible and not turning on any lights to make sure I don’t wake anyone.

It’s a lot of fun.

I keep reminding myself that I’m doing this for a reason. I have a few minor health issues that may balloon into bigger issues as I get older if I don’t take care of myself. I don’t want to deal with diabetes and heart disease when I get older- so I work out. I try to eat right. I not only want to set a good example for my kids, I want to live to see them dance at their kid’s wedding.

That said, it doesn’t mean I won’t be pissing and moaning each and every morning when the alarm goes off.