Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Feb22

Not Our Best Day

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So…today? Not a great day.

The kids were good as gold this morning. I remember sitting there patting myself on the back because they were being such angels. Since school is on break this week, they got to spend the day at their BFFs house (thankfully their BFFs are siblings the same age as my kids).  I received frequent texts throughout the day telling me what great guests my kids were, how wonderfully the kids were playing, what good manner they hand and on and on.

I picked my kids up 15 minutes before the mom had a phone call she needed to take for work. Before dropping the kids off that morning, I prepped them for that- they knew when I showed up we had to hustle out of there. They agreed to it- but as most things with kids, the theory works out a lot better then the practice.

When I showed up Scorch flat out refused to leave. He sat on the playroom floor with his arms crossed and big tears rolling down his cheeks- he wanted to stay and that was that.   Well, so sad for him because that wasn’t that.  After coaxing him off the floor, out of the room and down the stairs we had to pause for the Bean to put on her shoes. That’s when Scorch made a break for it- he wanted to play some more. *sigh*  So I got the Bean situated and out the door and then went to get Scorch. I kid you not when I tell you I had to 1) carry him out the door and 2) pry his fingers off the door jam as his sobbed and screamed that he didn’t want to go.

Hi! Mortification? So nice to see you again.

I set him down on the porch and the wild animal who replaced my son screamed at me “I hate you!” loud enough for the whole entire neighborhood to hear.  So- I did what any rational parent would do. I sat my kid down in the drizzle in the muddy grass and made him sit there in time out on our friends wet lawn while I got the Bean in the car. I didn’t know if I was going to laugh or cry at that point, so I just ignored him while I collected myself.

Unfortunately after that fun, we didn’t have time to go home. We had a bunch of errands to run that included a stop at the library. Thankfully Scorch pulled himself together by the time we arrived there because the Bean decided to assert herself. Some how, over night, the Bean lost her ability to whisper. So everything- everything- in the library was said as loudly as possible. If I asked her to lower the volume, she cranked it up a notch.  Thank goodness we were in the Children’s room and her volume wasn’t out of place, but the defiance just about killed me.

Between the scene at our friends house, the errands in between and our 45 minute stop at the library, I had already sweated through my t-shirt. But we weren’t done- oh no. We still had to go to Ash Wednesday Mass at the local college.

Due to the Hub’s work schedule, I was flying solo at this mass, something I try to avoid like mad. But it was this mass or not being able to go at all, so I sucked it up. I figured since it was a college campus, mass wouldn’t be crowded. Yeah- wrong. There was no parking, so by the time we found a spot we were running late.  We hiked it in the pouring rain to the chapel and realized after we got there that I forgot the kid’s backpack with all their church toys (coloring books, crayons, snacks, etc). I had nothing in my purse besides my wallet, tissues and empty gum wrappers- and I had to make all that entertaining enough to last us an hour.

So that’s how I sweated through my sweater all while playing RockPaperSissors with Scorch and having thumb wars with the Bean for 60+ minutes. Thankfully most college kids think little kids are cute and don’t seem to mind having their pews kicked, hair accidentally pulled and potty words sung out loud during Communion.

Tomorrow has got to be easier, right?!

Feb20

Disney Bound- Calling All Experts!

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We’re heading to Disney World this spring and I cannot wait! We’ll only be there for 2 full days this year as, frankly, I think the Bean is a bit young to do a big trip yet.  So I want to make this visit as fun and stress free as possible in order to whet the kids appetites for when we’re lucky enough to come back and stay  longer.

That said- since we only have 2 days, what should we do and see? Our current game plan is to spend one full day at the Magic Kingdom.  Now I need to figure out what we should do while we’re there? What are the must-do rides/attractions for 5 and 3 year olds?  The Bean isn’t into princesses, so I’m not stressing about Cinderella’s castle.

If we can’t fit it all in on Day 1, we can absolutely go back  to the Magic Kingdom again on Day 2.  But if we’ve had our fill, I’m trying to figure out where to spend our 2nd day.  Do we try Animal Kingdom? One of the splash parks? MGM?

It’s been a good 10 years since I’ve last been there (and I was a newly wed with no kids!), so I’ll take any suggestions and advice!

Feb17

Delusions of Grandeur

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I’ve likened raising the Bean with trying to appease a drunk, mentally ill dictator who is off her meds.  Mind you, she’s not like this all the time, but when she is, she is flat out convinced she rules the world and that we, her family, are simply here to cater to her every whim. Tonight was one of those nights.

This was the conversation I heard between her and the Hubs as he tried to put her to bed.

“Daddy- sing me “You Are My Sunshine.”

“No- not like that. Plug your nose and sing.”

“No– not like that. Plug your nose and sing it loud.”

“Louder.”

“I said,louder!”

“Now, rock me.”

“Faster.”

“Start over singing AND rock me at same time.”

“No, you can’t leave yet. I’m not tired.”

“Well, if you leave now, I’m going to wake Scorch”

“Oh yes I am- you can’t stop me.”

At this point, the Hubs firmly tells her to go to bed and leaves to the room because he doesn’t want her to see him laughing at her craziness.  I’m waiting in the hallway to see what she does next and sure enough, she comes out of her room.

Bean- bed. now.

“Fight me.”

What?

“Fight me! I know Kung Fu!”

And, I kid you not, she started doing her best Kung Fu Panda moves across the floor. That’s when I had to leave the room because I was laughing too hard to say a word. The good news is, she never went to wake up her (blissfully) sleeping brother. The bad news is, I think she’s plotting new forms of torture for tomorrow night.

Feb16

Funny Fairytale

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The kids and I go to the library once a week without fail. Some weeks the kids are fantastic- they leaf through their books, color all the print outs around and are the type of kids the librarians beam at. Then we have weeks like this one where they are more interested in playing hide & seek or spies to really care about the quieter joys the library has to offer.  I like to take my time finding just the right books for the kids, but on weeks like this one, I just shove whatever I can find that looks appealing in a pile while frantically trying to herd the kids to a quiet corner.

This week it worked to our favor because I managed to pick a little gem that has had the kids laughing for two nights now.  They have gotten the biggest kick out of An Undone Fairy Tale by Ian Lendler. It’s a story within a story- the first is about a damsel in distress locked away in a tower and the knight who tries to save her, the 2nd is about the illustrator of the book who can’t keep up with how fast we’re reading, so he has to substitute in whatever he has on hand for the horses, dragons and moat monsters.  It’s clever and silly and much loved in my house.

It also reminded me of two other of my favorites in the house- The Paperbag Princess and The Princess Knight.   If you have any good books to recommend, please let me know!

Feb15

Not Martha-Approved

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The kids each had to bring in Valentine’s Day cards to give out at school yesterday. I was so very proud of myself for remembering to buy cards last week before the stores ran outandfor having Scorch address and sign all his cards on Sunday. Clearly, I was way ahead of the game and I was feeling very smug about my preparedness.

That feeling went away very quickly yesterday when the kids showed me all the Valentine’s cards they received. Not even joking when I tell you that I think my kids were the only ones who gave out standard store-bought cards with no embellishments.  The kiddos showed me gorgeous hand made cards (one of which came in a hand-weaved paper heart), candy, stickers & pencils. And here I was proud of myself because I took the time to spell out the Bean’s full name instead of her nickname!

I’m sure the fact that it didn’t even dawn on me to do anything different (and next year, it most likely still won’t) is reason #3454 that my kids will end up in therapy wishing they had Martha Stewart as their mother.

 

Feb14

Umm…Wrong Body Part

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MOOOOOOM- oh my gosh! MOM- I have a nip.ple on my arm!  Come see!!!!

“You have a WHAT on your WHERE, Bean?”

A nip.ple. On my arm. It’s awe-some!

She rushes over to me, her sleeve pulled up so far her whole shirt is bunched under her armpit. Beaner is practically dancing with excitement while I wonder what in the world my child is talking about.

There- you see?! I have a nip.ple right there!!!

“Oh….you mean a mole. You have a mole on your arm, sweetie!”

Yeah- a mole. That’s what I said.

Clearly we need to work on our body part identifications!

~*~*~*~

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope your day was as filled with love and laughter as mine!

Feb13

You Say Jump…

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See that picture? That’s a picture of Scorch trying his darndest to help the Bean’s sled go further after her attempt down the hill didn’t take her as far as she wanted. The problem? He’s actually pushing her up a slight incline. Why is he doing this- slipping, sliding and sweating the whole time? Because she started to throw a fit when we both told her no two minute earlier.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is an issue.

If I haven’t made it clear here before, let me state again that the Bean is not just smart, but she’s clever. She knows how to get to someone and will press on that weakness until you’re ready to beg for mercy. And Scorch cannot stand to see her throwing a fit 90% of the time.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said no to the Bean over something-no, you can’t have another cookie. no, I’m taking the sword away because you’ve impaled your brother too many time.no, I’m not making a 3rd breakfast for you because you’ve decided that you no longer wants toast/eggs/waffles/whatever-and she’s dissolved into a shrieking, screaming, frothing-at-the-mouth hell hound demanding I give her whatever she wants. Now. Or Else.

I don’t negotiate with terrorists, so when I say no, I mean no.  But Scorch, being the sucker that he is, can’t stand seeing Bean so unhappy and hearing all her racket, so next thing I know I have the Bean screaming at me because she’s mad and Scorch screaming at me to give her what ever it is she wants just to quiet her down for Pete’s sake!

It’s fun, is what I’m telling you.

I find myself explaining to the Bean- again- why she’s not getting what she wants and then having to defend my actions to Scorch, rationalizing why I’m not attempting to tame my wild child and instead letting her scream so loudly that our ears ring. And while the Bean is screaming, she’s also playing close attention. This week alone she got the aforementioned push up the hill, Scorch’s site word ring from school, a beloved football and one of his prized stuff animals all thru the power of her scream.

If that boy doesn’t wise up soon, he’s screwed.

Feb8

Schooled

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“Hey Mom- that sentence? That sentence there? That’s called a rebus sentence!”

We were reading before bed tonight and our book (A Couple of Boys Have the Best Week Ever) starts out with a sentence with both words and a picture. When Scorch saw that he about lost his mind- tripping over himself to tell me what it’s called.

I had him repeat it a few times, not sure if I heard him correctly.  A ree-bus sentence? A what? I had never heard that a sentence like that has a name. So I smiled and nodded and congratulated him on his great memory.

Then the minute I got him in bed, I did what I always do when I need answers. I Googled- and damned if the kid isn’t right. A rebus is an allusional device that uses pictures to represent words or parts of words.   I had no idea!

Scorch knowing that totally makes up for last night when he seriously inquired what I was going to do to him if he didn’t pick up his toys like I asked so he could weigh the pros and cons of being punished vs cleaning up.

Feb7

Slice of Life: School Pickup

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There is really no point to this post- it’s just a slice of our life. I just needed to get words on paper again after a small break and this if the first thing that came out….

~*~*~*~

Like clockwork, I’m at the kid’s school at 3 pm every day to pick them up and bring them home.

The routine is always the same. I stop in the Bean’s classroom first as she’s the most likely to freak out if I’m late. I check in, say hello and see if she wants to come with me to get her big brother in his classroom. Some days she’s simply too busy to bother me with me and other days she clings to my like like a monkey who hasn’t seen her mommy in days.

Our walk to Scorch’s classroom can be fun- she can be skipping or hopping and chattering away about all the great things she did that day. Or she could wrap herself around my neck and not say a word as we walk the halls. Being a 3 year old in school full time is exhausting. If she’s quiet and tired I try to joke her out of it with tickles and funny stories. Some days it works and other days I just make her mad. We frequently run into some of the older kids in the school who seem to think the Bean is their personal baby doll come to life- they dote on her and love her up all while she ignores them and plays shy. I’m told she talks to these girls during the day, but when I’m around she’s mute regardless of her mood.

When we arrive to Scorch’s classroom, I say hello to his teacher and peek my head in his room to tell it’s time to go.  The boy is always talking when I see him- always animated and smiling and laughing. He won’t leave until his conversation is finished and he’s said all his goodbyes. It’s impossible to hurry him along, so most of the time I stand there and watch my little ray of joy dance around with his friends.

On our walk back through the school to our car, Scorch can’t bother to walk with us. He’s too busy high-fiving the 6th graders and saying hello to everyone he sees. I really don’t think the boy has ever met a stranger and the Bean’s teacher calls Scorch the Mayor of the school because he knows everyone.  I admit to getting frustrated with the dwaddling and talking when I’m trying to herd my kids out the door- I have to go to work, get a move on! Keep up!- but part of me is so happy to see Scorch blossom and love school so much.

Once we finally- slowly- get to our car, it’s another adventure as the Bean comes alive. Is she going to be bubbly and sweet and happy or is keeping it together all day in school finally going to prove to be too much? There have been time she’s screamed and cried so loud in the parking lot as I’m trying to buckle her in her seat, I’ve honestly thought other parent was going to send a teacher out to investigate.  If she’s raging, that may last the whole 9 minute car ride home. Or it can be over in the blink of an eye. You just never know- I guess that’s what makes every day an adventure.

 

 

Feb2

Nada

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I got nothing.

I’ve been sitting here looking at the blank screen for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what to write about. My mind is completely blank- I can’ t think of a cute thing my kids have done, a funny thing they’ve said, a book I’ve read- nada.

I’m not sure if this is because I’m on Day 5 of a 7 day fruit & veggie cleanse and that’s sucked the life out of me.  Or maybe I’m still recovering from our night 2 nights ago when Scorch was up from 1:45 – 4:15 am because of a nightmare.  Or maybe it’s because while I’m trying to write this all I can think about is the back log of work I have to do.

All I know is that I’m really, really glad that tomorrow is Friday.  We have a great weekend planned- a weekend that I’m really, really hoping will be capped off with the Giants winning the Super Bowl.

I’ll be back when I have my head screwed on tight again, promise.