When Scorch was 2 years old I begged my mother-in-law to reassure me that kids got easier after the terrible two’s.

She laughed and I got scared.   Sadly, she was was right- the 2’s have nothing on the 4’s.

The testing and the daily battle of wills that happened when Scorch was 2 isn’t an issue with him any more.  Now the tantrums only happen once or twice a month at the most but when they do, they are epic.

Tonight Scorch wanted to play basketball in the house- something we allow.  But he wanted to play with a very specific basketball and the Hubs told him no. The ball was too big, too hard and not appropriate for inside play.  9 times out of 10, Scorch deals with this info and moves on without an issue.  But not tonight- for whatever reason, Scorch decided that that ball was the only one he could play with and he let us know it.

There was yelling. There were threats. There was foot stomping and tears and finger pointing.  There was absolutely no reasoning with the kid.  He was too far gone thanks to a combo of too much fun earlier in the day and too little sleep last night.

These tantrums are mortifying when we’re out in public, but when we’re home they are funny as hell.  But because we can’t let Scorch see how amused we are (like when he stomped his foot and yelled “Give me that ball right now, Mister!” with all the fury and indignation a 4 year old can muster), the Hubs and I have to take turns dealing with him while the other one leaves the room with their shoulders shaking (hopefully Scorch thinks it’s out of anger).

Scorch ran out of steam pretty quickly and apologies were made and feelings were soothed.  Then we put him to bed a full 45 minutes early so we could mock our son and laugh out loud freely.

Every night at dinner we play a game. Each person has to go around the table and say what the best and worst part of their day was.

Scorch loves this part of dinner and if one of us forgets, he’ll get the conversation rolling.  The Hubs & I love it because it gives us great insight into the daily life of a pre-schooler and all the drama it involves.

The best part of the day for Scorch is usually one of two things- recess time at school or our family dinner time.  I agree with both things- I mean, what’s better then getting to run around the school gym with all your friends or to eat a good dinner with your family? Now, if it were me, I’d add bedtime in there too but at 4 the lure of 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep just isn’t that great.

Talking about the worst part of his day is where things really get interesting.  Sometimes it’s mundane- Peter wanted to play fireman & Scorch wanted to play dinosaurs, but Peter got his way and that made Scorch so sad.  Sometimes it’s funny- like when Scorch is still ticked at us because we wouldn’t rush right out to the store to get him what ever toy he has his heart set on.  This is usual told with pouting, tears and pleading. Sometimes it’s scary- like when he told us how his friends (being 4 years old & not knowing any better) tried to tie a jump rope around his neck and drag him to jail while playing Cops & Robbers.  Regardless, the answer is always enlightening and we get so much more out of him that way as opposed to simply asking how school was.

The Bean is still too little to play along with us, but I hope we keep having these conversations forever.  They are typically the best part of my day!

The Hubs and I have been getting tired of spending our evening either working or watching TV after the kids go to bed, so the other day I bought us Monopoly. The Hubs had mentioned that he enjoyed it and I figured I’d give a shot.

Scorch’s eyes lit up when he saw me walk into the house with a New! Game!

“Can we play it now?”  “When can we play it?” “Why can’t we play it now?”

Last night, after dinner, I ran out of excuses so we broke out the game.  Have you ever played Monopoly with a 4 and a 2 year old?  If you haven’t, may I suggest you don’t.  Ever.

I had to pry the dice out of the Bean’s mouth.  We had to explain to Scorch about 5 times why just because you have the smallest number of bills, that doesn’t mean you have the least amount of money. We had to explain to him why I didn’t pay him money each time I landed on a square- any square.  And then there was his irrational fear of ending up in Jail.  He asked at one point if we would really put handcuffs on him if he had to there.

After about 7 minutes into the game, the Hubs and I were ready to poke our eyes out with forks (which, honestly, is how I always feel when playing Monopoly) so we tell the kids it’s time for bed.  But Scorch doesn’t want to go to bed without winning first.

While the Hubs & I tried to communicate in code with each other on how we can end this, Scorchedvthe dice one on top of the other.  When he called my attention to it, I gasped out loud and lied through my teeth saying “How did you know to do that? That means you WIN!!”  The boy was thrilled!

Yes, I’m a terrible parent. But I’m a terrible parent who got out of playing a torturous game and who’s kids got to bed on time. I win!

Yesterday was what we call a Rough Day.

Scorch woke up thinking he suddenly had the power to make us do exactly what he wanted us to do. And what he wanted us to do was to go to the store and buy him a huge Nerf gun. Immediately. At 7 am.  And when- surprise, surprise- this didn’t work. He threw a fit- he cried, he pleaded, he threatened, he yelled.  He sat in time out.

Lather, rinse and repeat 5 times yesterday.

The Hubs and I were at a loss. We may pick up something small for the kids when we’re at the store (like a gum ball) but we’re not prone to buying the kids big things when it’s not a holiday or their birthday.  This was completely out of left field and there was no reasoning with him. I wanted to cry by the time we put him to bed last night.

This morning when we all got up and moving around, Scorch says to me “Mom- you know I had a really rough day yesterday.”

I agreed.

“I don’t want to have another rough day today, okay, Mom?  So if you can just go to the store right now to get me the Nerf Gun, I’ll have a good day. You may want to do that now.”

After I picked my jaw off the floor and stifled my laughter, we had a long long talk about how this was NOT going to be a rough day even though he was not getting what he wanted. And we didn’t- over all it was a good day.

I was reminded of why I didn’t sell Scorch to the circus last night when right before dinner he gathered his Dad and little sister around him and whispers loud enough for the neighbors to hear “Let’s surprise Mom. Let’s do what she asks the first time she asks it. That’ll make her so happy!”

I guess I won’t sell him yet.