Category Archives: Scorch

Oct24

Dropping The F Bomb

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This past weekend we were at a birthday party for a kid in Scorch’s class.  As the kids were sitting around the kitchen table, they started talking about bad words they knew.  Most of them were pretty innocent- stupid, dumb, etc.  Then, looking at all the rest of the kids around the table expectantly,  one of the kids stated that his father says the “s” word all the time.

The rest of the kids looked at him blankly.

“You know, the s-word.”

More blank stares.

“S…..h…..i….”

Thankfully the kids are crappy spellers with a very limited vocabulary, so they still didn’t get it as the parents rushed in quickly to change the subject.

The kids are quiet for a  few minutes they finish off their cake when all of a sudden Scorch pipes up.

“I say the “f” word a lot at home.”

You could have heard a pin drop in the room as all the parents got really quiet and stared at me.  Once I got done laughing, I explained that in our house the only “f” word was fart and yes, Scorch does get in a trouble a lot for dropping that particular f bomb in more ways then one!

Oct4

In a Word: Hot

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When I take my kids to the park, I’m that mom.  The one who has no problem telling the teenagers to watch their mouths or asking the little kids to stop throwing rocks.  I try not to be a pain and I don’t insert myself if there is a parent dealing with their kid, but if your kid can harm my kids or teach them words they shouldn’t know, you can bet I’ll say something.  But today something happened at the park and I didn’t have a clue how to respond.

As Scorch was waiting for his turn on the monkey bars, a little girl around 10 years old came up to him and told him he was hot.

Are. You. Kidding. Me?

My jaw dropped and I had absolutely no clue how to respond.  Scorch  knows that “hot” is a not so nice way of telling someone they are pretty/handsome. He knows it’s slang and that it’s considered rude for kids to use.   I realize that not everyone subscribes to our thought process about that word, but that is the line in the sand we drew because in my opinion, hearing a kid younger then 16 say that word about someone else is just plain creepy.  Any how, Scorch asked her to repeat herself because he wasn’t paying attention. When he heard what he said, he just giggled a little, said “Oh” and proceeded to start on the monkey bars.

I had no idea if I should talk to this child (her parents were no where around). If I did talk to her, what do I say? Do I draw attention to this or will drawing attention make it a bigger deal then it was?  Do I call Scorch over to me and talk to him? Do we leave? Do I ignore it? I really had no idea.

I ended up calling Scorch over- but before I could, this same girl told Scorch her friend (also 10+) liked him and did he think the friend was pretty? By this time I’m steaming, so when Scorch came over I asked him if he was OK and if the girls were bothering him.  Then I proceeded to stick close by him the rest of the time we were there so the girls couldn’t say anything more to him.  Thankfully they minded their manners while I was there and nothing more was said- until it was time to leave. When Scorch yelled goodbye, the girl yelled- “Goodbye, lover.”

Lover?! LOVER?!?! (can you hear the screech in my voice?!?!?!??!)  Thankfully Scorch didn’t hear her, but again I was shocked. Scorch is 6 years old- 6! I’m not naive enough to think that he’ll never have to deal with the opposite sex- I read the news and the studies and I know that kids these days are growing up a lot faster. But 6 years old? I think not.

So tell me, what would you  have done? Would you have spoken up? Avoided it all together? Have a follow up discussion with your kids later? I’m totally at a loss here.

 

Sep23

Not a Good Sign

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After last school year, the one things I wished for this year more then anything was health. Last year, the Bean got her butt kicked by colds, strep throat, 3 stomach bugs and everything else in between. Thankfully nothing she had last year was serious- but it was constant from September though March.  I was hoping and praying this year would be different- that after one year of school under her belt she built up enough immunities to stay healthy.

Turns out I was concentrating on the wrong kid.

Scorch started coughing about 10 days ago and he complained a few times that his throat hurt. I didn’t think much of it- figured the hurt was from the cough- until I heard there were two kids in a his class with strep.  Friday I took him to the doctor to find out he doesn’t have strep (good!), but he does have pneumonia.

Excuse me?

Thankfully it’s a very mild case of it and presents itself now only as a cough. We have the poor kid on medicine and we’re forcing clear liquids on him like it’s our job- but this was not the start to the school year I was hoping for.   Fingers crossed that Scorch is better soon and that this is the worst of it for the rest of the year.

Sep18

Pod People

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A few weeks ago I got so disgusted at the state of our living room/dining room/kitchen (all essentially one big room) that I started a 5 minute clean up period before the kids went to sleep. I set the timer on the oven and we work our butts off to clean up what we can in 5 minutes. This means picking up all the toys, cleaning the table, and making sure backpacks are emptied every night before they go to sleep.  I expected a lot of resistance on this on when we started and really thought it would be like pulling teeth.

Nope. If anything, the kids love 5 Minute Clean Up too much.  We weren’t home last night and we weren’t home much of tonight either, so when it was time for bed there wasn’t a need to clean up- things were still tidy from Sunday.  Both kids cried. Flat out cried when I told them there was no need to pick up tonight.

I have no idea when my kids were taken over by Pod People, but I’m not complaining!

Sep12

Week 1

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We’re a week into school and (knock wood), so far, so good. I admit to being a little nervous at the start of the year. The jump from Kindergarten to 1st grade at the kid’s school is a big one for the little kids and I didn’t know how Scorch was going to react.  At the end of last year, he started exhibiting some anxious behaviors around school (and a few other things), so I was worried they were going to flare up again once we got started this fall. So far I’ve been worried for nothing- the kids slipped right back into school like it was no big thing, thanks goodness.

As for the Bean, she’s doing just fine! Not a single tear out of her yet! My biggest concern so far isn’t for her, it’s for another little girl in her class. This girl has decided that she and the Bean are going to be best friends and she wants to play with Beaner all the time. It’s adorable and the girl is a sweetheart, but Beaner in a tough nut to crack. She’s slow to warm up to people and so far all this little girl’s overtures aren’t being met with much enthusiasm. When we left today, the little girl stood there with her arms open for a hug while the Bean clung to my arm just staring at her.

*~*~*~*~

Completely random topic switch, but this is where the Bean has decided to sleep every night for the past week:

Despite having a very comfortable bed and pillow, the child insists on sleep half in her room and half out- laying on the wood floors using a very small decorative pillow. I don’t understand. But because she sleeps that way, I don’t fight her on it either. Odd, odd, odd.

Aug28

Armchair Parenting- From a 6 Year Old

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Growing up, my sister and I loved to joke that my brother turned out as great as he did because he had three mothers- my mom, Red and me.  My brother is 7 years younger then me and 5 years younger then my sister so we were always throwing in our two cents when it came to keeping my brother in line, what he should or shouldn’t be able to do and so on.  We thought we were being helpful.  We were wrong.

How do I know we were wrong? Because all of a sudden, I have a Monday morning quarter back analyzing all my parenting decisions and it’s flat out maddening.

Scorch is trying to add on additional punishments for the Bean, telling on her constantly, reminding me that “No, Mom- her time out should be 4 minutes, not 2 because she’s 4.”  It doesn’t stop. My favorite is when he tells me “last time Bean did that, you did X. This time you did Y. I think X worked better.”  Oh you do, do you?!  I swear the phrase, “I’m am the parent, not you.” has come out of my mouth at least a million times over the past few weeks.

I love that kid, but I told him he’s not allowed to give me parenting advice until he stops finding his ability to make farting noises with him arms so hilarious. Until then, he can stuff it.

Aug27

If Wishes Were Horses…

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In the car after camp today, the Bean lost her mind. We got back late last night from a long weekend in Boston (more on that soon- it was awesome) and the child was just done. Exhausted, cranky and flat out miserable- she was over it. And she let us know it repeatedly and at maximum volume. After I denied one of her crazy requests, she said to me ‘Fine- then I’m going to scream until I can’t scream any more and I lose my voice.”

Without missing a beat, Scorch said “We can only wish, Bean- we can only wish.”

Unfortunately our laughter only ticked her off more (and she never did lose her voice), but Scorch’s sarcasm made the rest of the ride home a lot more bearable!

Aug7

Peanut Butter (Or: How to Make Me Freeze)

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This morning as I was driving the kiddos to camp, I heard Scorch repeating the words “peanut butter” to himself and cracking up like it was the funniest thing ever.  But he wasn’t saying it normally- he was stretching the words out.  Pea-nut but-terrrr. Over and over, laughing so hard he got the hiccups.  I couldn’t take it anymore, so I asked him what in the world was so stinking funny.

“Mom- sound it out. Pea-nut but-terrrr Like pee comes out of your nuts and your butt makes the turds come out. Pea-nut but-terrrr”

I admit- this is the part of parenting I suck at.  Ask me about heaven. Or mental illness. Or presidential policy. But throw immature humor at me with a side of questionable language and I freeze.  My brain got stuck on three trains of thought at once.

  • Train 1: Bwhahahahahhaha. I never thought of that before- and that shit is funny! Bravo kid!
  • Train 2: Correct him- pee doesn’t come out of a boy’s nuts. He shouldn’t be using that word anyhow- but if he is going to use it, he’s going to use it properly, damn it.
  • Train 3: Gasp like a Victorian spinster who has never heard such language and foulness before and then lay into him. Yes, it’s funny but also really inappropriate for a 6 year old. Especially in front of his 4 year old.

In the end, I did a combo of all three. First I snorted, then I spoke him in no uncertain terms was he to use the word “nuts” or talk potty talk like that, then I corrected him on his word usage.  The funniest / saddest thing that come from the whole discussion is that Scorch is convinced I’m wrong and that nuts = pen!s because that is what the big kids at camp told him and they are right and I’m wrong.

And so it begins. I really thought I had more time up on my pedestal as the beacon of all that was correct and true in this world for my kids. Guess not.

Aug6

Scorch’s New House

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If I had to pick out two personality traits of Scorch’s that make us crazy, it would be:

1) He gets attached to crazy things- rocks, a leaf, a piece of paper, a stuffed animal- and he can’t let go. He may be a hoarder in the making.
2). He talks.all.the.time.  Now, he comes by that honestly- he is my son, after all. But he doesn’t stop and there have been many a time that either the Hubs or I have nodded or mumbled “Ok” just to get him to be quiet, for the love of all that is holy.

The fact that we managed to ignore both flaws last month is currently biting us in the butt….

We are very casually looking for a new house. I say very casually because our requirements are pretty restricting and, frankly, there haven’t been that many homes that fit the bill that have been worth looking at.  So when a new house popped up on the market last month, we jumped at the chance to check it out.  The only issue was that we had to bring the kids- which is not my idea of fun. At all.

But we sucked it up and took them. The house had a showing prior to ours and that real estate agent locked the house up tight- locking us right out. So we had to kill 30 minutes while someone drove up with a key to let us and our agent in.  The only saving grace was this house sat on a beautiful piece of property that included a pond that was fully stocked with fish. It’s amazing how water, mud and fish can keep a kid occupied forever.

After 5 minutes, Scorch was in love with this house and we hadn’t even been inside. (see Flaw #1, above. This was our first mistake.)

The house was gorgeous- but it wasn’t for us. But it was clearly for Scorch.  The finished basement was done up in over-the-top NY Giant’s decorations, one bedroom was done up completely in a Syracuse theme and another one was done in a Yankees theme. And when I say done up, I mean painted in team colors, huge logos on the wall, lamps, bedspreads- the whole 9 yards.  In other words, every 6 year old boy’s dream come true.  Scorch couldn’t stop debating with himself over which room would be his.

When I tried to tell him that the house was awesome, but it wasn’t our house, he wasn’t having it. He kept telling me how Daddy promised him that he and the Bean could be the ones who picked out the house.  Say what?! Then I remembered that Scorch had spent a good chunk of our 30 minute wait with the Hubs and the real estate agent- presumably talking their ears off as they tried to discuss the particulars of the house.   Sure enough, when asked about his little promise to Scorch, the Hubs fessed up to agreeing with anything the kid said to get a moment of peace.

That is why I have a kid who is hell bent on moving us to a new house as soon as humanly possible and who cries each and every time I tell him that we’re not moving and that, no, he doesn’t get to pick out our new house all by himself. Which is at least once a day. It’s fun.

Or not.

Jun27

That Can’t Be Comfortable

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It’s been a week between posts and I still have no idea what to write about. Life has been moving at warp speed lately- outings every single night, a 3 day trip to Northern Virginia to love up on my niece (and to see my sister and brother in law too), thinking about various health issues effecting some family members, juggling two different summer camps this week for the kids, working full time, hosting 9 people over for dinner last night.  The list of our craziness could go on and on, but it finally caught up with us tonight when the Bean complained all day of a sore throat and Scorch fell asleep in the car at 3 pm after picking Beaner up from her camp.  We had plans (plans I was so excited for) to go to a BBQ with friends, but I had to simply say no and put my kids to bed early. Like 6:45 early.  They needed it desperately.

But regardless of how tired they are, the kids were not going down without a fight. After putting them to bed, I called one of my oldest friends to catch up. While I was on the phone, Bean came out of her room to tell me how she wasn’t tired. I was washing the dishes, so I told her to go back to bed and didn’t pay attention to what she was doing. About 2 minutes later, I finished up and turned around and found her sound asleep on the kitchen floor.  So much for not being tired.