Author Archives: Heather

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About Heather

I adore my family, writing, books, cats, lazy mornings in bed, and chocolate. I'll never say no to breakfast for dinner, long talks with friends and lazy summer days at the pool with family. My life is often crazy, always awesome and one I'm so happy to be living! My side hustle is editing and proofing work. Find out more at https://heathercaryn.com/
Oct23

Like a Rug…

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“Bean, did you go potty?”

Simple question, right? The Hubs asked the Bean that after she and I had gotten done brushing her teeth before bed.

“Yes, Daddy.”

(Me) “You did not, I was standing in the bathroom with you the whole time!”

“Oh”

We’re noticing more and more that the Bean is lying to us.  I know it’s completely developmentally normal- I even know that it’s a good milestone for her to hit. We want her to lie to us- it shows complex brain development and the ability to react on the fly.  But..it doesn’t make it any less crazy.

I want to sit down and tell the Bean, that yes, we’ll always know when you used the potty (not hard to check the bowl, sister) and we’ll know if you washed your hands (that soap has a strong smell).  We’ll know if you brushed your teeth with one sniff of your breath and we’ll know if you really cleaned up your room with a quick glance. Each time we catch her in a lie, she looks at us like we’re geniuses and all we can do is not laugh at her. I’m hoping if she thinks we’re all seeing and all knowing now, she’ll just give up.

A mother can dream…

Oct19

For Your Listening Pleasure…

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When the kids came home from school today we had our usual Kitchen Dance Party.  I threw on some  music (today it was “I Gotta Feeling” by Blacked Eyed Peas) and we shook our bodies until we’re all cracking up and out of breath.  All was going great until Scorch told us to look at him because he wanted to show us his Justin Bieber moves.

His WHAT?

I don’t have an issue with the Biebs himself- but he’s not my cup of tea, so we’ve never listened to him or even talked about him at our house before. So Scorch must have learned about His Hairness at school.  And frankly, I’m not ready for my kid to be influenced by his friends yet. Especially not influenced into listening to music like that when there is so much other great music out there.

So, I did what any other self-respecting parent would do. I got online and found good music for the kids to listen to.  Cream, Rolling Stones, Neil Diamond, Steve Miller Band, Barenaked Ladies, Billy Idol, U2, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, & Billy Joel.  Looking back, I realize my play list makes me seem old- but it was hard to come up with appropriate songs that my 5 & 3 year old would both like.   Thank goodness, they are fully aware of the musical genius that is Jimmy Buffett, so if nothing else, at least I did that right.

I may have gotten a little over zealous with my music sharing though considering Scorch told me he didn’t want to go to bed because he’d have nightmares about Michael Jackson’s Thriller video.

But tell me- what do you listen to with (or without) your kids?  I may not be able to control everything, but I’ll be damned if my kids are getting sucked into crappy music yet.  I was at least 10 before the cult of NKOTB drew me in!

Oct17

Redefining Success

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On Sunday Scorch got to go to a birthday party for one of his classmates.  The whole class was invited to this costume party so Scorch was beyond excited to go.  Every night during the week leading up to it, we had to count down how many more days until the Big Event. We had some major debates as to which accessories that went with his costume were appropriate for the party.  Fake grenade? Toy gun? Canteen? Just what does the well dressed fake solider need to be convincing?

The Hubs and I debated all week over which parent got to spend the time at the party versus which got to spend a few quality hours with the Bean.  Frankly, I could have used those hours at home to get a lot with only one child underfoot- Scorch’s book case needs to be weeded out, we still have some winter clothes that are MIA, the family room needed to be dusted.  We all know the to-do list never ends but I ultimately decided to go to the party.

And I’m so glad I did!  My kids go to a small school with one class per grade usually starting in Kindergarten. That means that Scorch will be in class with the same kids for the next 6 years- which also means we need to make friends with these parents.  These are the parents we’ll be chaperoning school trips with, organizing class parties next to and making small talk with at a lot of parties over the years.  While it would be nice to meet a new BFF among the parents, I’m happy enough if I don’t make a complete fool out of myself in front of them.  As far as I can tell, I managed the two hour party with my fly up, no food in my teeth and without falling over and/or using bad language in front of the kids.  If that’s not success, I don’t know what is.

Oct16

Books, books and more books.

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I feel like I have books coming out my ears and it’s awesome.  Every Thursday after school we have some time to kill before gymnastics, so we had to the library to hang out for an hour.  This allows all of us to pick up some books to bring home for the week.  We’re having a ball with some of the kids books we get.  Here are some that we’ve been loving lately:

> Anything by Mo Willems. It’s a toss up who loves Gerald and Piggie more, me or the kids! Add in the occasional Knuffle Bunny & Edwina and we could read Mo all day long.

> Either Martha book by Samantha Berger. Martha reminds us of a certain little girl who shall remain nameless, so while we laugh at Martha, I’m also really hoping that little girl is learning a thing or two.

> The Magic Tree House series.  Now, these don’t hold the Bean’s attention, but most of them will hold Scorch’s, so we try to carve out some time for books just for him.

> Bad Kitty by Nick Bruel. Poor kitty- she’s not happy about having to eat healthy food so she goes on a rampage (and makes us laugh).

> The Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch. How can you not love a princess who tells a prince off when he proves to be a jerk?

Sadly, I’m not having as much luck in the book department. I’ve slogged through quite a few books that frankly have sucked.  The last book I read that I really enjoyed was Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.  Really beautifully written book about a time and I place I really didn’t know a lot about.  Anyone have any good book recs for me or the kids?

Oct13

Hyenas

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For homework over the long weekend, Scorch had to make a poster filled with pictures of his favorite animal.  Awesome! I was thinking cats or dogs or maybe even moose- they are a favorite ever since the Hubs went to Alaska a few years back.  Oh no- not my kid.  His pick?  Hyenas.

Seriously, kid? Hyenas?

No joke, he wants to makes a picture collage of hyenas.  Cute, cuddly hyenas.  When I asked him why, he told me how he liked them because they were both predators and scavengers. And that they lived in big family units and the mom’s take really good care of their babies.  Alright then- I decided I could get behind this idea.  But Scorch wasn’t done explaining yet.

“Plus- spotted hyena girls have something on them that looks like a pen.is and that is awesome! Because everyone should have a pen.is.”

Clearly, I need to start limiting the nature documentaries that boy watches.

Oct12

Perspective

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Today was not a stellar day.

The day after I have a hard night with the kids, I feel guilty. Guilty that I yelled. Guilty that I can’t figure out how to manage the Bean better. Guilty that I don’t keep as calm as I want to.  Guilty that the last thing my kids heard me say to them before bed was “Go to bed- I don’t want to hear an other peep from you!”  Guilty that the Bean is going to read this blog in a few years and just see the negativity and not see the joy she brings to our lives. Just plain old guilty.

Then I called the car dealership about this random blinking light in my van.  Turns out that random light means the air bag system in my car isn’t working.  The cost to fix it could run as much as $4000.  I almost cried. That’s a 4th of the total cost of the whole damn van!

Throw in lost car keys, running out of Hershey’s Syrup (a girl needs her chocolate milk!), a washer full of pieces of straw (don’t ask) and a few other minor insults and I decided today is simply not destined to be a good day.

Then reality slapped me in the face when I found out a friend of mine’s mother passed away. It wasn’t entirely unexpected, but still completely heartbreaking.

My worries? Sure- they are big in my world today, but in the grand scheme of things they are nothing.  Money comes and money goes. The Bean will eventually go to sleep again (please God, let that be true). The keys will show up and the grocery store will stock Hershey’s Syrup again.  My kids know I love them dearly and I really don’t think occasionally losing my cool is going to result in huge therapy bills for them.   And the end of the day, I have a healthy, happy family- the rest is just minor details.

Oct11

Go to Sleep (Part 234)

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Ah..the night before the return to school after a 4 day weekend. Oh, how I loathe thee.  The kids are all amped up and I’m feeling the pressure to make sure they are in bed on time so they get enough sleep.  Instead… we have a night like this one.

My kids should have been in bed asleep 45 minutes ago. Instead, Scorch is in his room telling stories to his 59 stuffed animals on his bed and the Bean is in bed sobbing for me.  Why? Because she doesn’t want the water I gave her earlier- she wants fresh water.  The problem is that it’s already fresh. First the Hubs filled it up for her.  Then 5 minutes later, she told me she wanted new water. I had no idea that the Hubs had just given her a fresh cup, so I dumped it out and filled her up again.  But now 10 minutes later, she wants even newer water.

My mama didn’t raise no fool- I know she’s stalling and trying to make me dance, so I told her no and kissed her good night. These are the nights I thank the Good Lord that we live in the country because if we didn’t, I think the cops would have been called due to that child’s screams. You’d think we were torturing her with a branding iron.

I knew the night wasn’t going to go well when the Hubs went to throw our steaks on the grill and realized we ran out of propane. That right there is a sign to just pack it in- things are not going to end well.  When he finally came home with a new propane tank, I went to start up the grill while he set the table. I can now confirm that yes, burned hair smells terrible and yes, you can absolutely can singe the hair off your arms. It’s a sexy look, let me tell you.

Tomorrow night has to go better, right? If nothing else, the kids will be so exhausted after a full day of school that I can at least put them to bed uber-early.

Oct10

Choices

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Now that the kiddos are a little bit older, they have a lot of options for fun things they can do.  Too bad the Hubs and I have no idea what to pick for them!

Here is what we have been debating lately:

> Should Scorch play flag football or soccer?  Football is a new sport to Scorch, the season is shorter and it’s only offered once a year.  Soccer is the sport Scorch is familiar with, all his buddies are playing and the season spans 4 months.  Scorch isn’t much help- he doesn’t seem to care one way or the other.  The Hubs and I must have a dozen conversations about this before we finally decided to let Scorch try out football.  Scorch can play soccer 3 seasons out of the year, so it seemed to make the most sense to let him try football while it’s offered.  We’ll see how it goes!

> Scorch also came home with paperwork from school asking if he wanted to play violin.  The Hubs and I were (are) truly stumped about this one.  Scorch has never shown any interest in music before and when we ask him if he wants to learn, all he seems interested in is the fact that he can bring home an instrument every night. When we tell him he’ll have to practice and use the instrument every night, he doesn’t seem to grasp the concept nor does he seem interested.  So..do we shell out $34/month for something he may or may not care about or do we wait until he’s older and can make a more informed decision?

> Beaner, at age 3, is now old enough to sign up for dance. It’s a weekly commitment that lasts from Aug thru Dec (or Feb – May) that ends in a few recitals.  It’s not cheap and she doesn’t really show much interest one way or another. But…90% of the people I know with girls her age (or older) started their kids at age 3.   Again, right now we’re not signing her up until she’s older and can make a better decision her self- but I still worry that I’m screwing this up.

And this worry? It’s silly and neurotic and I know it.  If Scorch is meant to be a musician he will be whether he starts playing at age 5 or at age 7. Same for Bean and dance. But it knowing that it’s silly doesn’t stop me from wondering if we’re making the right choices.

Oct6

Love Thursday: The Neglected One

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Dear Bean-

It doesn’t seem fair that I wrote your brother a letter before he started Kindergarten but I never wrote you anything, does it? Then I come on here and complain about you and your crappy medicine taking skills for days. Being the second child stinks.

This morning I had to wake you up to get ready for school.  You are not a morning person (just like your Daddy) so I  honestly dread the days when you don’t get up on your own. Those are the days you typically refuse breakfast because I can’t read your mind to determine which plate you want to eat off of.  Heaven forbid you share that info with me to make life a little bit easier.

Anyhow- this morning after I work you up, you rolled over and asked if today was a school day. When I told you it was, you got a big grin and yelled “Awesome!”

And that, my dear, is how you’ve felt for the last two weeks of school. The first couple of weeks were rough, but now that you’ve got your friends (both boys, one of whom you’re married to) and you’re comfortable with the routine, you are just loving life.  And that makes my heart just about what to explode.

This year I wish so much for you, just like I wished so much for your brother. I wish you confidence. Realize that just because you’re one of the littlest people in a school that goes up to 6th grade, that doesn’t mean you should be over looked. I wish you the seeds of life long friendships. You’ll be going to school with some of the kids in your class until 12th grade.  I don’t expect you to find your BFF or true love in class, but I do hope when you’re my age you still have one friend who knew you in preschool like I do (hi Brian!).  I wish you the joy of learning.  I realize your day is 90% fun right now, and it should be- but your amazing teachers are sneaky and they work in quite a bit of education too. I hope you  latch right on to that and soak it all up.

But most of all, babes, I wish you happiness.  I hope you laugh every day and always wake up each day excited about what’s to come.

All my love,

Mom

Oct4

Admitting Defeat

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So..I’ve completely failed in my quest to get the Bean to take the medication for her ear infection.  The Hubs and I tried everything. We bribed, threatened and put her in time out.  We tried mixing it in every food possible and nothing. I couldn’t mask the taste enough and she flat out refused to take it.  Thankfully a re-check at the doctors again yesterday showed her ear was mending on its own, but I was reminded again how screwed we are.  I mean, if I can’t get my 3 year old to take her medicine now, how am I going to get my 16 year old to respect curfew?!

I mentioned this in my last post, but Beaner is 3 years old and I have still not found her kryptonite.  I haven’t found a single form of discipline that gets her attention.  Time outs? Meh.  Taking away toys? Who cares- she has 15 million others.  Losing privileges? Not a big deal- she can entertain herself just find with a stick and a piece of string. Who needs movies!

I also haven’t found anything that motivates her more then once.  She really doesn’t care about things, so the lure of a new toy doesn’t go far. She’s not food orientated, so M&M’s or other goodies not typically allowed in our home doesn’t get us anywhere.  I suppose I could ban her from hanging out with the cats or playing with her brother (her only loves), but that just seems crazy.

Thankfully in the cases of bad behavior, a combination of all of the above gets our point across 99% of the time. But when it comes to times when the Bean is flat out refusing to do something, like take her medicine, I honestly don’t have a clue. Do any of you?